ashbash107’s BodyBlog

So I’ve been trying to stick to my goal of not relying on alcohol as much to get me through the week. So far, I drank twice last week and haven’t had a drink this week (yet). I haven’t been going out as much, and it’s saving me money and brain cells. School starts back up in less than a month and I’m already a year behind, so I need to focus on graduating.

As for my uncle’s case, just the other day the police caught a man involved in his murder. These detectives are really working their asses off. Life is slowly but surely getting back on track. I’m starting to drink less, I’m getting along with my parents a little better, and I’m focusing more on my future. I still think about my uncle everyday and miss him dearly. When something funny happens or I think of a random memory from the past, I wish I could call him up and talk about it.  I know that he wouldn’t want me to sit around and be sad, while crying and drinking all the time. That is why I’m really trying to focus on getting through school and make changes in life.

Right after my uncle was murdered, I drank alcohol 6-7 days a week. I ate anything I could find. I was so depressed that I stopped going to school for a little while (also I was so hungover from the night before that I could hardly function).  Alcohol and crap food provided some comfort because I couldn’t depend on my friends at the time to help me get through anything. They didn’t understand what I was going through. They came to the funeral with me, and that was that. I felt like they assumed my sadness would just disappear after the funeral. But it worsened. I became dependent on alcohol and couldn’t function without having some sort of drink in my hand. Well, I recently got back in touch with my trainer (I stopped seeing her after my uncle passed). I realized that I’ve definitely gained weight in certain places and I’m just not happy with the way I look. I went to the beach for the 4th of July and was not pleased with my body on the beach. I was embarrassed by the way I look. I hate the fact that I’m short because I feel like it’s easy for me to gain weight in my thighs and ass. My trainer and I meet every Tuesday and Thursday for 40 min. Lately, I have been going swimming or playing tennis after our workouts. On our days off, I usually do cardio, abs, and a few leg exercises.  Lately though, I have started drinking again (not as often as I used to), and I could hardly work out today. I thought I was either going to pass out or vomit from the excessive drinking last night/this morning. Drinking alcohol is not helping me at all with trying to get back in shape. I feel so gross at "intimate times" and when I’m at the beach in my swimsuit.  My plan is to cut drinking down to one night a week, and then eventually maybe twice a month, and then…I’m hoping I’ll just drink on occasion and not feel dependent on it to have a good time when I go out with my friends.