I saw my primary MD today. I was a new patient back on 02/28/2008. On that day he told me "Join a gym." I said I would love to but couldn’t afford it. He said, "Take it out of your food budget." He wasn’t being mean; he was just being matter of fact. I was sharing that I had put on some weight during the whole cancer episode. He said some of that were the steroids, some of that is the medications I regularly take, and the rest is eating and lack of exercise. When he said to find the money in my food budget, there was no arguing with that. I thought of all the junk food grabbed, the easy meals out, and realized I really could do this if I wanted to. So on the way home from his office I joined a small gym.
I found I liked working out there much better than the big-name gym I had previously gone to. This was low pressure, low intimidation. Fit people, fat people, young people, old people, and no waiting for equipment.
It took a while to start going, but I did get in the swing of things eventually, doing mostly cardio.
Then a few months later I decided to become a pescetarian. There were a number of reasons I wrote out because I wanted to be able to look back later and see why I made the change. Well, I had tried both vegetarianism and pescetarianism in the past with pretty miserable results: I loaded up on carbs and gained weight. This time I was going to do it right. I researched what kinds of fish are low mercury. I bought fish and lots of fake meat products. At first I was eating fish. Then I braved the fake meat. What I found is that if you’re not expecting it to taste like real meat, you can come to like it as its own thing. Now, writing this in late July, I can say that I’ve forgotten enough what the real stuff tastes like that I don’t even wince when I bite into a fake chicken patty or a fake corn dog.
So I went about pescetarianism with the idea that I’d also reduce my carbs from my omnivore diet. Because I was focusing on eating more protein, I actually ate MORE protein than I was eating as an omnivore. As an omnivore, I would buy only kosher or "organic" meat at the grocery store, which was expensive. I also had a myriad of choices of places to go out to eat, and usually those chicken or beef dishes were accompanied by more calories than my body needed. Suddenly my restaurant meals are more limited, so I tend to eat out less. A wonderful benefit is that my food spending has improved as well.
After a while of exercising regularly and cutting back the carbs, I lost most of my cravings for carbs. No more late night trips to the drug store for gum, Hostess cupcakes, or Coke.
However, in these last few weeks, I’ve basically lost my appetite in general. I’ve always read to eat when you’re hungry, so I’ve been doing just that. Well, for once, it’s not working for me. Instead of working out several times a week, I’m now feeling like I could sleep away my evenings. I’m falling asleep at work. A couple of days ago I actually forgot to eat lunch–something that would have been unheard of in January! So logging my calories, I found I was eating a net of only about 800-850 calories a day. My metabolism was shot. I was tired and needed to make some changes.
So back to the doc. I saw him today. He asked if there’s anything new he should know about since last visit in February. I said, "Yes, look at my weight then." It was 179. Expecting it to be just a few pounds lost, he said, "Did you weigh on the same scale?" And I said, "I don’t know, but we can try it on different scales." And then he switched to today’s weight and saw that I had lost 21 pounds since February. He exclaimed all sorts of things, said how wonderful that was, that some people say they’ve lost weight and it’s trivial, but this was great! It made me feel wonderful. I told him how I’d been waiting for that appointment to tell him, and that if he didn’t notice it, I was going to point it out to him! I told him how I thought he’d like to know a patient actually took his advice and did what he said. He was really happy for me.
As far as the fatigue goes, he said it’s time to cut back on the cardio, and do 50/50 cardio and weights. I figured as much. He said the weight lifting will probably make me hungrier and take care of the calorie deficit. He also said absolutely I must not nap during the day. I’m in a cycle of having to nap, and then I have to take meds to sleep at night. I’ve got to break that now.
He was also going to run some blood work, but I asked him to weight til August when I see my oncologist and get a regular blood draw. That will save me money.
So I didn’t nap today. I actually drank a rare diet Coke in the early afternoon to help get me through the day. It’s almost 10 p.m., and I’m still wide awake, which has me a bit concerned. Hope it’s not going to be another sleepness night.
I did go to the gym tonight and did 15 minutes on the Arc Trainer and then did about 15-20 minutes with free weights on my upper body. My gosh I am weak. I worked my deltoids, biceps, triceps, and chest with 5-pound weights, 3 sets of 12 reps, and I’m sore! My delts especially are weak. I was doing what I guess is called an overhead press, and I could barely get to 12 on the third set! Well, that will improve. I guess everyone has to start someplace, right?
Wild note: A major health magazine (competitor of Shape) contacted me a couple months ago. They had seen some pictures I had online about my breast cancer journey. I had given a little narrative with each picture. Well, it seems they’re running a feature in their October issue (October is breast cancer awareness month), and they wanted me to be part of the project. I won’t be in their paper issue (I’m sure they don’t want my present body in there!), but will be on the online component. The pictures and a narrative will tell the story, and then there will be a live voice conference in which I’ll talk about how I coped with cancer. What an incredible opportunity this is! It’s got me all the more determined to keep working out. I’d love to have a more fit looking picture to put up as where I am now. The issue will go to print in early September. That’s not much time to work out, but if I could really work hard in the next few weeks and tone up, I could probably look decent for the "current" photo as well as give some encouraging news to those facing cancer–that you can get your energy back, that you can lose the weight and rebuild some muscle tone lost from downtime, that you can change your diet and lifestyle.
So that’s my goal. Keep working hard, keep setting these mini goals. My next is to weigh 155 by August 1. I think I’ll make it!
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