April’s BodyBlog

i haven’t posted in a while due to the fact that so much was going on. i can’t believe 2 months has flown by that quickly! geez. i can admittingly say that i kinda feel off the bandwagon for a bit, but only as far as my eating is concerned. i did, however, turn it up with the working out and have seen the results but i just have that one area that i can’t get rid off: my damn tummy. it’s not huge but i want it gone! i know this is due to my unhealthy eating habits but i also know i can CHANGE it!

so yeah, i’m seeing the results from working out a little harder. i’ve been working out 6-7 times a week, sometimes twice a day. i’ve made it a point to include weightlifting each week, and have added supersets which REALLY gave me results.  overall, my body is more defined. as far as cardio, it’s been crazy bc new choreography was being introduced at both gyms i work for  (we do this every 3 months) so i was teaching, team teaching and subbing Body Step and Body Attack  like crazy. since things are calming down in that area, i’ll be adding the treadmill back into my workouts during the evenings, doing interval training at an incline and the stairclimber, just to change things up. i’ve also been jogging in the mornings that my daughter is with her dad. i want to work on my distance. for not typically being a runner, i’ve been doing ok. i did 4 miles yesterday morning, but want to shoot for about 7-8 mi. if i start up early enough. i’ve never done it before and it’d be a nice change. on the weekends, i have been going home and biking and jogging outdoors. it’s a refreshing change from being in the gym all week. i’m going to try to add in some yoga and pilates for flexibility as well.

ok, the EATING! ugh! i’m an emotional eater and this summer was NOT EASY for me! in fact ever since my separation, life has been TOUGH! i posted a long entry about my ex boyfriend but had to delete most of the context for fear that he might find it. i also had to delete certain progress pics bc i was afraid he might thing i was flaunting myself for other reasons than showing my progress. i was in a controlling relationship on and off for about a year and i’m happy to say that i’m over and done with it for good this time. i have no feelings left  and finally WOKE UP! i feel much better now, more at ease,  more free. at first, i admit it wasn’t easy bc i was no longer used to the single life, but i’ve learned to accept it, embrace it and concentrate on my daughter, my future, myself.

during these hard times, though, i always turn to FOOD! this weekend was a little rough for me. financially, things have been very difficult and it just really brings me down. this weekend i must have eaten like 30 oreo cookies! i’m horrible! i also worked my butt off, but still. i have got to stop with the sweets! i know the less of them i eat, the less i’ll WANT them.

we just had a luncheon with the firm i work for and i brought my own lunch (yay me!). i usually avoid them all together due to the unhealthy food choices that are provided there, but a coworker was speaking and i wanted to at least be present for that. yes, they kind of gave me a hard time and sometimes i feel like a snob, but i know that making one mistake on my diet will just turn into a whirlwind of screwups and i want to avoid that. sometimes it’s hard to turn down food bc i don’t want to be rude. they think it’s out of vanity or they start feeling guilty for eating unhealthy, but we all know it’s bc of how it makes us FEEL. food personally affects my whole life! when i eat badly i feel gross, lethargic and helpless. if only others could understand!

though i have my struggles, i still pick myself up and try, try again. i still do my  best to keep going and motivate and inspire others. i believe that you should "be the change you want to see in the world" as Ghandi says.

i have helped me sister to be more determined and to make healthier food choices. she’s really worked hard with and without me, and made varsity on her high school cross country team and she says had it not been for me she would not even be athletic. i am so very proud of her

yesterday morning a woman i see at the gym told me that i am her inspiration

the other day after working out, i stopped by the grocery store to do my shopping. the woman in line in front of me kept staring at my groceries on the conveyer belt then looked up at me and said, "you eat so healthy! i feel so guilty for buying all this junk now ". i smiled at her and didn’t know what to say. i’m not sure she’ll go home and try to eat healthier, but she definitely thought about it, so maybe she will

well, that’s all for now. thanks for reading! i will try to keep up more now.

 *´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ *April*

(i couldn’t think of a good heading….)

so i’m starting to see the progress little by little. i feel it more than i can see it though. my clothes are fitting looser, which is a good thing - a really good thing.

just to settle my confusion, i think what i’m going to do is still hit both the cardio and weights hard and i’ll see what happens. at this point, i’d rather be lean than muscular. yeah, i won’t both, but i want to be lean more. i’m just tired of all the fat, the way it feels. my biggest problem areas? my tummy and i have a big a**. genetics, i guess, but it doesn’t go away!!!

as far as my diet is concerned, i think i have being doing well. i’d say 80% well. i cheated on sunday all day rather than an hr., but it wasn’t like i was eating that whole time. i was out of town this weekend visiting my family and went to a taqueria (mexican restaurant) with them sunday morning. yes, i was tempted by the breakfast tacos, my fave, but i didn’t indulge. i was waiting for what i really wanted. my cheat? well, a wonderful whataburger w/ cheese and jalapenos with fries. ahhh, i love whataburger (it’s a texas thing). later on, i got invited to eat at an asian restaurant and had sushi which isn’t the worst, but the bad part is that i had a little of the desserts. i didn’t go overboard though and i’m proud of myself for that. i used to binge every sunday. i’m trying to prevent myself from falling back into that habit bc it just isn’t healthy.

i work at a law firm and each month the secretaries meet for a luncheon. i have passed this up the past few months due to the food that is served there. it’s always some fattening entree with a dessert. the girls asked me today, "are you going to the luncheon?" i said "no" and was asked why and i’ve learned that in the past people just don’t understand why i avoid going to these functions just bc of the food. i always hear, "oh, you look fine. you don’t need to diet." and i’m thinking, "well, if i didn’t i wouldn’t look like this!" so now, i just use any other excuse i can come up with or just don’t say anything at all. i’m tired of the weird looks. eating badly just affects every aspect of my life and no one around me seems to understand. they all just think i’m "obsessed". whatev.

so as i said, i was out of town this weekend, in my home town and went out on sat. night with a couple of friends and saw some people from highschool. one girl came up to me and said hi and looked at me in awe. i was introduced to a guy i already knew and he doesn’t even remember me. this is bc i dated his close friend and used to go to his house! my point? i look THAT different. i didn’t think so, but i asked my friends and they agree. the taqueria we went to is where i worked for a year and even the employees there had to ask my mother if it was me. then she asked HOW i lost all the weight. ah, what exercise and diet can do! it’s a compliment. i have been working at this for years, but am just turning it up as of recently…

i do feel a little burnt out though. i’m so determined that i don’t want to take more than a day off. today i feel exhausted and could barely get through teaching last night’s attack class. i think this is a sign of overexercising, so i’ll try to back off a little this week. i don’t want to kill myself.

april

ok, i think it’s time for me to blog it again…

it’s been a rough week and a tiring one! i’m getting a little discouraged, confused and i don’t want to fail yet again… and i’m not! i refuse!

i still had problems with the bf. thanks for the advice ya’ll gave me last week. we broke up, but then got back together, broke up, and are together again. i feel like i’m in elementary school. this is the most immature relationship i have ever been in! my high school relationships weren’t even this way, but i just can’t let go bc i’m in love with the guy anyway…

despite all that drama, i haven’t given up and have been almost completely consistent with my diet and exercise. i haven’t seen much a weight loss, but my clothes is fitting looser and the tummy is slowly going down. i do need to work on getting more water still and getting more sleep! i am REALLY working on both and actually went to bed before 12:00 a.m. last night . yep, makes a difference. i feel like a different person when i get my sleep.

even though i’m seeing and feeling these small differences, i’m just getting so discouraged. i ate a little more than i should have the past two days because i was hungrier, and also because i was sooooo exhausted! it was healthy food, but still, not a good thing. i want to see myself thinner with more muscle definition, but i want it now! this is a sort of relapse to my eating disorder, i guess. in the past i was able to lose 10 lbs. in one week by starving myself and seeing a HUGE difference, especially in my tummy. i continuously tell myself i am doing this the RiGHT WAY this time and i know i need to learn to be patient because i will see long term results this way. as far as my workouts, i have a plan i’ve been following but i’m kind of confused as if i’m going about it the right way, and i’m getting frustrated with the lack of time that i have because i never seem to have enough of it when i have to work full time, take care of my daughter, and go to the gym when the daycare is open so that i can take my daughter with me. currently this is my workout schedule:

MONDAY: Bodystep (Teach) - i sometimes do upper body this day but can only do them AFTER cardio because of my schedule, and only when my daughter is with her dad, due to the time limit.

TUESDAY: Body Attack (Teach) - i do not lift on this day due to the high intensity of the class.

WEDNESDAY: Lower Body, 15 min. cardio

THURSDAY: Upper Body, 30 min. cardio, or Body Attack

FRiDAY: Rest, or Upper Body if i did Body Attack Thursday

SATURDAY: Lower Body, 15 min. cardio

SUNDAY: Upper Body, 30 min. cardio

My workout schedule varies, but you get the idea. i’ll do ABS for 10-15 min. on whichever day i have time (the daycare at the gym has a time limit), but it’s generally every other day.

i am still pretty much following the diet i listed in one of my previous posts, though i eat the occaisonal sandwich for lunch. if i really want bread, i will have it at lunch, not at dinner. i haven’t cut out the carbs completely at dinner though. i’m still eating brown rice or a sweet potato.

OK, my question…. am i doing enough cardio? i’ve been doing some reading on BB.com - on the forums. can i burn fat and build muscle simultaneously? or must i lose the weight first, then build? there seems to be a lot of contradicting views on this and i am getting super confused. i have been at this for a while and you’d think i know by now!

actually, a in 2006, i saw the biggest difference in my body. i was lean, but had a little muscle. i’d like to be that lean, but with more muscle. what was i doing differently? first of all, i didn’t have a desk job like i do now. sometimes i wonder if this is why i’m seeing less results. i am confined to my desk for 8 hours a day! it totally sucks but i have no choice right now. also, at that time, i was a college student and had a sitter to watch my daughter hours at a time and didn’t have to worry about rushing my workouts in the gym. my workouts consisted of very intense cardio AND weightlifting - 2 hrs. a day minimum. i wasn’t eating as clean though. i’m eating much cleaner now. i ate 6 small meals still, though they consisted of lean cuisine meals and protein bars. i kept my calories quite low.

i think i may be consuming too many calories now (1,600 - 2,000), but i am really focusing on getting 1g protein per lb. of bodyweight and that can be very difficult to do when limiting calorie intake.

am i going all about this the wrong way? i’m soooo frustrated right now! any advice from you guys would be appreciated.

my goals:

- consume more water. (i am now keeping track of every cup)

- do more cardio (??)(i’ll see what you all have to say about this)

- get more sleep.

- log onto bodyspace.com everyday. (ya’ll totally inspire me!)

*oh, i do have to say i am VERY proud of myself. today the kitchen here at work was filled with pies, brownies and gooey cinnamon rolls, my absolute favorites(!), but i only had a TiNY square of the brownie and by that i mean the size of my thumbnail. (i had to just TASTE it. i LOVE brownies!)

Just a quick entry to vent. I’m at work at still have things to do.

I’m feeling like crap this morning. Despite how much I want to go to bed earlier, it hasn’t happened. Last night I was on the phone til’ 3:00 a.m. arguing with my boyfriend. We’re going through problems as always. He has trust issues.GRRR I’m so frustrated.

So why am I posting this here? Well, I’m hungrier than usual. I usually eat more under stress and when I’m exhausted and I’m craving the carbs! Bad! I drove past like 3 McDonald’s this morning and just wanted a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit with a hashbrown. I want to make my way down to the vending machine and grab a bag of cookies, or a cinnamon roll. Bad, I know. I won’t do it. I’m fighting it. I’m still determined. I’m seeing the results and I love the way my body is feeling. My tummy is flatter, I’m a bit lighter, I even see a difference in my face, just within a little over a week. I wake up feeling better than I used to - not guilty for binging the night before like I used to.

I have had a pretty good week as far as my diet and exercise is concerned. Tuesday night’s Attack class was awesome. I felt like I taught better just because my diet has changed. I felt like I had a lot more energy and the class was energized too. Yesterday, I did my lower body workout and felt good about it. I’m taking the weight higher because I want to see some gain in muscle mass. I see chicks at the gym who are so toned and I’m jealous! Sometimes I just want to go up and ask if one of them is willing to lift with me and help me, but I don’t want to feel like a dumbass LOL.

I’m monitoring my protein more closely and getting in over 150 g per day and cutting the carbs out more and more, but not completely, just cutting down, but I did mess up a little bit yesterday by eating one of my daughter’s toddler banana cookies (30 cal) and 2 corn cakes (45 cal each). Still, it’s better than what I was doing before.

I’ve got time on my hands so I’m gonna post. I don’t feel too great about yesterday’s workout. I was so pressed for time. I had to teach Step and by the time I knew it, it was time for me to pick up my daughter from the Kids Club. I was able to do a couple of exercises on each upper body part, but still, I don’t feel good about it. I really wish I’d had more time.

Today’s been a bad day here at work. I got into it with my boss and he pissed me off so much that I didn’t really want to eat much, but I know I have to eat to gain muscle, so I’m trying. So far this is what I’ve eaten:

Oatmeal w/blueberries
(I wanted to make some egg whites but woke up late)

Protein Shake with 1/2 cup milk (29g protein)
5 strawberries

1 can albacore tuna (40g protein)
Light Mayo
Relish (hardly any)
Whole Grain Sugar-Free Bread
A few carrots
Banana

1 Small Apple
1 Tbsp. PB

I have to teach Body Attack tonight and because it’s so intense it’s very difficult for me to eat very much before, but I’m thinking I’ll eat egg whites. I ate some chicken yesterday and it didn’t taste too great and it grossed me out so I’m steering away from it today. I’m trying to get in the protein but I’m not a big meat eater and protein shakes get old so fast! After Attack tonight, I’ll make myself another protein shake and that should be ok, I think. No weightlifting today. I’m on a time limit today so I’ll head over to the gym earlier, do abs, then teach Attack right after. I’m trying not to pay too much attention to the scale, but I did weigh myself this morning and was at 145 lbs. I see a difference in my tummy as it’s flatter than usual and I’m not nearly as bloated as I used to be. I feel better all around, but I think I need to change up a couple of things: I need to drink more water. I’m NEVER thirsty! I could probably drink one bottle of water and FEEL hydrated, but I did get a UTI (urinary tract infection) last week and I think it’s because I don’t drink enough. Also, I need to get in more sleep. I hate to sleep. I bet you’ll never hear that one! People think I’m crazy when I say that, bUt if I could live with no sleep I’d love it. I’d get more done. Time just goes by too quickly. I go to bed at 2:00 a.m. and that’s just way too late, but also, it’s the only time I get to talk to my boyfriend on the phone (he lives in San Antonio) because I’m much too busy to talk to him during the day. I’ll try to drink more water and get to bed a little earlier tonight.

Thanks for all the compliments guys! I’ve been getting many of them and I appreciate the support. This site is awesome . I’ll continue posting pics as I progress.

So it’s my second week doing what I’ve been doing. I feel WAY better than usual just by cleaning up my diet for ONE week. Yesterday I woke up and was 143 lbs. when I started out at 150 lbs. a week ago,  but today I was 145 lbs. I’m not going to fully rely on the scale though. I do see a difference in my tummy, which is the first place I lose and gain weight. My diet was better than usual, but I can’t say I was right on 100% because I could have been better. I think I should add in more protein, and I will, but as of now my diet is usually like this:

Breakfast:
1/2 c. oatmeal w/cinnamon and sweetener
3 egg whites
1 piece of whole grain toast

or
1/2 c. oatmeal w/blueberries
3 egg whites

SNACK:
Yogurt and Banana
or
Protein Shake

LUNCH:
Grilled Chicken Salad with Strawberries and
Spritzer Dressing

SNACK:
Apple and 1 tbsp. Peanut Butter
or
Supreme Protein Bar/Oh Yeah Protein Bar

DINNER:
Tuna Steak
Broccoli
Sweet Potato

or

Grilled Chicken
Green Salad very light dressing
Brown Rice

To make this a little better I think I need to cut out the carbs at dinner. Also, during the week if I was really hungry I’d snack on sugar-free pudding or strawberries at night which I know needs to stop. I HAVE been doing better though overall. I used to pick at my daughter’s food constantly, which I stopped doing. I used to allow myself to eat fast food a few times a week, and I would even allow sweets several times a week. Saturday, I did allow myself to have a Lean Cuisine Pizza and I ate one yesterday too, as well as some Sushi.I also drank a cup of 1% milk which I would not normally do, and ate strawberries late at night (I’m an emotional eater and things have not been going well with the boyfriend). I consider those my cheats. This week I plan to do better. I went to a party on Saturday night where there was fried food and cake. I didn’t eat any despite the many times I was offered. I did, however, drink a few rum and diet cokes as well as a glass of white zinfandel.

This whole week, I went to the gym more prepared than usual. I’ve always been an active "gym-goer" but this time I just had more of a plan. I’m turning up the weightlifting and doing upper body and lower body twice a week. I still do cardio everyday, but am more focused on the weightlifting than the cardio. I feel sore as hell! My booty and legs are killing me! I need to work the abs more but time is not exactly on my side with a 3 yr. old and a full-time job. I have a time limit at the Kids Club there at the gym and when I’m home I have to tend to her, but I’m going to do the best I can to fit EVERYTHING in and not let anything get in my way. I am determined! I had a UTI this past week and had to go the emergency room. I was given some meds and a shot, but I didn’t let it stop me. I was still at the gym the next day. I am supposed to teach Step today and I was going to try to fit in the weightlifting too, but my daughter is coughing and I’m  not sure that she’ll be allowed into the Kids Club that way. She’s feeling fine, she just has a dry cough. I’ll have to see what’s going to happen. I may have to skip the gym altogether today (NOOOOO!). Oh, well, it comes with being a single mom. I have no help here.

So, it’s my first blog on here and I have been a member for I think over a year now. How pathetic is that? I love BB.com, but only visit it from time to time and I am just so sick of feeling like crap that I am READY to change. No, I mean it this time! What brought it on? Well, I was going through BB.com and saw TIFFANY FORNI. Wow, that girl is inspiring because she was once a heavy chick too. She has the body I’d LOVE to achieve - not too thin, not too thick. I am not exactly petite in nature, so I think that’s where I’d be if I were fitter.

So the pic that is up on my profile right now - well, that was me in Jan. of ‘07 and so much has changed since then that I don’t look like that anymore. I’m about 10 lbs. heavier and it’s not all muscle. Yeah, it’s been over a course of 2 years, but I want to be back there, but with more muscle tone. Why? Well, because I believe how I look and especially how I feel affects every, single aspect of my life. I’m proud to say, though, that I have consistently kept up with working out and have gotten certified to teach 2 aerobic classes, so I teach Les Mills Body Step and Les Mills Body Attack. It’s just my diet that needs a huge makeover and for some reason, it’s taken me sooooo long to gain the motivation! I mean, I obviously had so much when I lost the 80lbs. from my pregnancy, but I’m an emotional eater and with the stresses of life, I kept rewarding myself with food. Some time last year, for some stupid reason, I started telling myself that it was okay to start eating fast food again more consistently. Big mistake! That stuff is addicting. I mean, I’ll do it as a cheat but everyday? I have to admit that from the end of last year to the beginning of this year, I had it on the weekends, during the week. Grrr, I don’t know why, but I am going to change! My worst habit? Picking at my daughter’s food. Seriously, if I was not a mommy I’d be much more fit, but that’s not to say that I don’t enjoy being a mother or my daughter.  I love her sooo much and I do give her healthy foods. I do not allow sugary cereals in my home, as well as fattening meats, white bread or cakes, cookies, etc. We are both only allowed to eat whole grains, lean meats and fruit as a dessert and she’s fine with that. It’s when I’m too tired to cook and drive right through Micky D’s to order her a Happy Meal that I pick at her food (she doesn’t even like to eat) and get tempted! That’s going to change too. I am making a FULL, yes FULL commitment. I am super interested in competing but I have stretch marks on my tummy from my pregnancy. Is that ok? I just read some postings in a forum talking about that issue and that many women have them but they can’t be seen from afar, especially with the tan. If anybody has advice, please give! I am fascinated with figure competitions.

So, since this is my first posting, I’m going to give a little info about myself (for those of you who are actually reading) and this is more thorough than I have ever been on any blog I have had.

 I’m a 27 yr. old single (well I have a boyfriend) mommy of a 3 yr. old little girl. She is absolutely gorgeous and I have never loved anyone more. I was married, I’m now separated. We separated in April of ‘08. There’s one big reason my diet changed. 2008 was a really tough year for me. Okay, I’m getting off the subject. Well, I’ve always been a heavy girl (150 - 170 in high school), yet still active. Baseball/Softball was my fave sport so I played until my senior year of high school. Then it was off to college where I was less active (I was a piano major) where I gained my fresman 60+. Screw the Freshman 15, I gained what? 4 times the amount of a typical college student? Yeah, I was eating left and right. I was in my first relationship and I got comfortable. He LOVED to eat. It happens to the best of us. Well, I moved off with him and that didn’t work out, so there I was left single and FAT (210 lbs.) and back to square one - living with my parents yet again. I could not BEAR to live this way any longer and I decided that I needed to do SOMETHING with myself. I’d dropped out of college because of him. I couldn’t just SIT around and do nothing. That’s just not me. I’m a person who ALWAYS has some sort of goal that I’m trying to reach for and I knew I wanted to get out of my rut. People were starting to make fun of my weight, too. Well, my friend motivated me at the time to stay consistent with my workouts. She would drag my butt over to the track to jog and to the weight room to lift. She taught me a lot. And, she introduced me to new, healthier foods. There was so much I didn’t know! It was no body building diet and it’s not the best, but still better than cheeseburgers, fries, mexican food, my FAMILY’s food, etc. I thank her for that. She is really the one who started me and got me where I am. Well, anyway, I eventually lost 60 lbs. and more, but toward the end, I was going through so much that I developed an eating disorder: bulimia AND anorexia. I would overexercise and not eat, or eat a whole lot and get rid of it anyway you can think possible. Yeah, it was gross. I lost more weight that way, but it was the wrong way and I knew I could not live that way. I asked to be hospitalized for my own sake so that my meals could be regulated. I didn’t know what it was like to have a meal. I either binged or didn’t eat at all and could not do it any other way without being monitored. Did it help? Well, a little, but not really. I still got home with the same probs, but no one knew. I just had to live with it. Well, I met my ex husband (who is great, btw, we split due to having nothing in common) who totally took me into his arms and tried to help me. He did, a little. I ate more, but too much that I starting gaining more and more weight til’ I got pregnant. My daughter is the one who ultimately snapped me out of my ugly eating disorder. I refused to starve myself while I was pregnant and it helped me. I ate whatever I want and I didn’t exercise so I gained about 60 lbs. but it still helped me because 6 wks. after I had her, I was the most motivated I have ever been that I lost 80 lbs. in less than a year (which is the pic I have up). Yeah, it was fast. I started college again, which I was fine with, but then we weren’t making it financially so I was stressed and had to take on 2 jobs. So there I was with 2 jobs, going to school full time and being a Mom. My hubby wasn’t always home either. Then I gave up college all together becuase I could not make it and took on a full time job, which is where I am now (a legal assistant). My husband and I separated and when that happened, I totally hit the hardest place in my life. I have never struggled this much. I have to work 8-5 everyday, tend to my daughter, and still fit in my workouts.

So yeah, life is HARD right now. Kudos to single moms who have MORE thank one kid. I hardly get any sleep. I work and I am an aerobic instructor 2 evenings a week. Other than that, I work out on my own and I refuse to give it up. It’s like an addicting drug to me. Now, I just have to change my diet to SHOW how hard I work, because I do workout! I know the whole "diet is 80% of how your body looks" but I use, and have always used food as a coping mechanism through times of stress, sadness, or just to chill. I gotta stop though because it is affecting every aspect of my life. I feel horrible after I’ve eaten something bad and it brings me down so far that I don’t want to leave my home and it’s important because sometimes I don’t even want to take my daughter out to the park or library or wherever she wants to go. As of now, I feel disgusting in my clothes because I know I used to be thinner and I dread wearing it. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I’m dead tired of it!

MY GOALS:

- To lose 20 lbs. while gaining muscle.

- To get my bodyfat % down to at least 15%. I think I’m within the 25 - 30% range.

- To eat healthy consistently and not give into my sweet cravings. I’m going to do what Tiffany Forni does and have a cheat HOUR.

- To drink MORE water.

- To get more serious about my workouts.

I’d hire a coach, but I’m not very financially stable right now. Maybe one day I will.

So yeah, that’s me and I’m going to try to update as much as possible. If you have any words of support, by all means, comment or message. I need all the support I can get!

♥ April ♥

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