Princess Ashley’s Blog…Welcome

Last week I didn’t miss one workout, I went to the gym, 6 days in a row. That is seriously a first for me, I’m pretty proud of myself. I did party a bit on Saturday, but going from 4 days a week of partying to one, is a pretty good accomplishment. I totally regretted it on Sunday though, whIch I beleive is a good thing.  I told myself I wont party this week…I feel pretty in control of all this, for the first time ever.

This morning I found myself trying to find an excuse to not pack a gym bag…like I need to go grocery shopping, or I went six days last week i deserve another day off, but I just started thinking of a conversation I had this last weekend with a lady and her saying that I am beautiful, but if I lost weight I would be drop dead gorgeous…I like people who are honest like that, I appreciate it. The last thing I need is for someone to lie and tell me how great I look, I’ve been lying to myself for far too long, and thats how I got to this point. Anyways, I packed my gym bag, I’ll workout, then go to the grocery store…Its not like I have anything better to do.

Well, I haven’t lost or gained in the last year…I’ve partied way too much, ate way too many things that I’d rather not mention…and worked out off and on. Right now I am fully commited and dedicated to this as I am extremly unhappy with myself & sick of being fat…so here I go…

Well, I haven’t lost or gained in the last year…I’ve partied way too much, ate way too many things that I’d rather not mention…and worked out off and on. Right now I am fully commited and dedicated to this as I am extremly unhappy with myself & sick of being fat…so here I go…

Well, I haven’t lost or gained in the last year…I’ve partied way too much, ate way too many things that I’d rather not mention…and worked out off and on. Right now I am fully commited and dedicated to this as I am extremly unhappy with myself & sick of being fat…so here I go…

Well, I haven’t lost or gained in the last year…I’ve partied way too much, ate way too many things that I’d rather not mention…and worked out off and on. Right now I am fully commited and dedicated to this as I am extremly unhappy with myself & sick of being fat…so here I go…

I don’t know what my deal is lately, I mean I do, but I don’t understand why I am in such a slump. I mean a major slump, like old Ashley is back and the new Ashley can’t be found anywhere…I think it all started when my trainer that I admired and was finally starting to feel progress with decides to not train me anymore, never called me back to reschedule an apointment…that really frustrated me, it was like he lost hope so why should I still have hope that I can do it. I have started with a new trainer and he is really good, and I really like him, but I have no motivation to workout on my own, or eat right…I know the eating is an emotional, I feel hopeless crap that I pull and I just need to snap out of it, but I can’t. Like today, I’m dreading the gym, I need to go, I know I love how it makes me feel, I love loosing weight and how I look, I just can’t seem to want to want it bad enough, I have so much to be motivated for, I just don’t get it. I really don’t understand it anymore. Plus Im dating a guy totally in shape and loves fitness and still nothing. I guess I just need to start forcing myself to go no matter what, and the new Ashley will come back…I also need to become a morning person so i can speed this crap up and get two workouts in. I’m tired of being fat.

So this week was pretty good, ate well, meals were pretty well timed, workouts were good and strong…I actually joined a bigger gym that seems to offer more for me and I’m rather excited to start. More cardio machines and more options with weights and even classes. I have a few more people that I know that go to that gym as well, which is a plus if someone is counting on me…I know for a fact I will be there. Plus there is a store in there and any excuse to shop really is fine with me

Anyways, other then that, if I could just learn to fall asleep at a decent time I would be great. I haven’t weighed or measured or taken pictures in a while and that is mostly due to the fact that I am scared, I know that this month has kinda thrown me off from the 5 day celebration of the Fourth of July, and just summer in general, seems that people are wanting to get together, bar b q’s, family visiting, no excuse, but hey, it is what it is. I finally feel like I am 100% back on track mentally and excited to push forward and put 110% focus on reaching my goals, which is a real big step for me. I don’t think that I have really done that latley, lack of motivation in some ways, and also just felt like a little fun was deserved…which is a quick way for me to spiral back into old habits, but I’m not, and I’m happy I have my motivation and drive back and realizing what I need to do to reach my goals, and realizing that I can have a little fun and have control and go back into serious workout/healthy mode…I still need to work on it, but its nothing like before…I don’t even know who I was 8 months ago…I like this me a lot better.

I think that’s all for now. Maybe I’ll be able to fall asleep now that I got everything off my mind.

I’ve been doing pretty good, haven’t given it my all, but I’ve been making SLOW progress. Anyways, I had a pretty rude awaking this weekend that made me realize that I really don’t have very much further to go, 6 more months of hard work and I definitely think I will be at my goal. This has brought on a whole new motivation, I’m almost 6 months away from turning 25 and my present to myself is going to be a new body. I mean how exciting is that…I couldn’t ask for anything more. So I am done with the partying and cheat meals…I’m over it, it’s gotten old, I hate feeling like shit, I hate feeling guilty, I hate being a dissapointment to myself. I love this new feeling, I feel like I’m just starting again, and it’s all or nothing. I just need to remind myself of how I feel right now, when i get frustrated or discouraged… "Today I am closer to the person I am meant to become"

Well this week felt like a total waste, all I did was upper body and cardio. Due to my lower back being a bitch right now =) My legs are going to hate me next week, oh well. I won’t get any exercise this weekend due to me going out of town, which I desperatly need. Headed to the lake, I made 125 Sugar free jello shooters tonight, I know that drinking is no bueno, but it’s memorial day weekend, and they are sugar free =). So I know next week is going to be really tough to get back into the game, but I’m going to do my best with my food this weekend and keep up with my water, and have some fun finally, but next week it’s back to serious mode. Happy Memorial Day everyone…Be safe!

I actually went jogging tonight, I started upper body, then stopped and went jogging and sprinted a little (actually a lot) then went back and finished upper body. It was a good workout…Im trying to find more things to do on upper body days to keep my heart rate up, rather then walking on the damn treadmill…legs are no problem, my heart rate is always up. Upper body though is a little tougher.