Princess Ashley’s Blog…Welcome

I don’t know what my deal is lately, I mean I do, but I don’t understand why I am in such a slump. I mean a major slump, like old Ashley is back and the new Ashley can’t be found anywhere…I think it all started when my trainer that I admired and was finally starting to feel progress with decides to not train me anymore, never called me back to reschedule an apointment…that really frustrated me, it was like he lost hope so why should I still have hope that I can do it. I have started with a new trainer and he is really good, and I really like him, but I have no motivation to workout on my own, or eat right…I know the eating is an emotional, I feel hopeless crap that I pull and I just need to snap out of it, but I can’t. Like today, I’m dreading the gym, I need to go, I know I love how it makes me feel, I love loosing weight and how I look, I just can’t seem to want to want it bad enough, I have so much to be motivated for, I just don’t get it. I really don’t understand it anymore. Plus Im dating a guy totally in shape and loves fitness and still nothing. I guess I just need to start forcing myself to go no matter what, and the new Ashley will come back…I also need to become a morning person so i can speed this crap up and get two workouts in. I’m tired of being fat.

So this week was pretty good, ate well, meals were pretty well timed, workouts were good and strong…I actually joined a bigger gym that seems to offer more for me and I’m rather excited to start. More cardio machines and more options with weights and even classes. I have a few more people that I know that go to that gym as well, which is a plus if someone is counting on me…I know for a fact I will be there. Plus there is a store in there and any excuse to shop really is fine with me

Anyways, other then that, if I could just learn to fall asleep at a decent time I would be great. I haven’t weighed or measured or taken pictures in a while and that is mostly due to the fact that I am scared, I know that this month has kinda thrown me off from the 5 day celebration of the Fourth of July, and just summer in general, seems that people are wanting to get together, bar b q’s, family visiting, no excuse, but hey, it is what it is. I finally feel like I am 100% back on track mentally and excited to push forward and put 110% focus on reaching my goals, which is a real big step for me. I don’t think that I have really done that latley, lack of motivation in some ways, and also just felt like a little fun was deserved…which is a quick way for me to spiral back into old habits, but I’m not, and I’m happy I have my motivation and drive back and realizing what I need to do to reach my goals, and realizing that I can have a little fun and have control and go back into serious workout/healthy mode…I still need to work on it, but its nothing like before…I don’t even know who I was 8 months ago…I like this me a lot better.

I think that’s all for now. Maybe I’ll be able to fall asleep now that I got everything off my mind.

I’ve been doing pretty good, haven’t given it my all, but I’ve been making SLOW progress. Anyways, I had a pretty rude awaking this weekend that made me realize that I really don’t have very much further to go, 6 more months of hard work and I definitely think I will be at my goal. This has brought on a whole new motivation, I’m almost 6 months away from turning 25 and my present to myself is going to be a new body. I mean how exciting is that…I couldn’t ask for anything more. So I am done with the partying and cheat meals…I’m over it, it’s gotten old, I hate feeling like shit, I hate feeling guilty, I hate being a dissapointment to myself. I love this new feeling, I feel like I’m just starting again, and it’s all or nothing. I just need to remind myself of how I feel right now, when i get frustrated or discouraged… "Today I am closer to the person I am meant to become"

Well this week felt like a total waste, all I did was upper body and cardio. Due to my lower back being a bitch right now =) My legs are going to hate me next week, oh well. I won’t get any exercise this weekend due to me going out of town, which I desperatly need. Headed to the lake, I made 125 Sugar free jello shooters tonight, I know that drinking is no bueno, but it’s memorial day weekend, and they are sugar free =). So I know next week is going to be really tough to get back into the game, but I’m going to do my best with my food this weekend and keep up with my water, and have some fun finally, but next week it’s back to serious mode. Happy Memorial Day everyone…Be safe!

I actually went jogging tonight, I started upper body, then stopped and went jogging and sprinted a little (actually a lot) then went back and finished upper body. It was a good workout…Im trying to find more things to do on upper body days to keep my heart rate up, rather then walking on the damn treadmill…legs are no problem, my heart rate is always up. Upper body though is a little tougher.

…I worked them tonight and I feel pretty buff. I also have 147 lbs of lean body mass, I got dunked in January, and I know its the same, because one of my goals is to MAINTAIN lean body mass, anyways, I think I’m going to want to lower that once I lower my fat body mass, it will probably drop on its own,  but I am pretty buff "underneath it all" LOL…although I dont want to be 147 lbs of muscle…

If anyone can help me figure out why I cant sleep at night that would be great, also explain some crazy dreams I’ve been having…i dont know, I usually stop working out after 6 months so I’m experiencing things that I have never experienced…maybe due to the diet change, hell if I know, the body & brain will always be such a fascinating mystery to me…

and now I have the hicups, WTF!

So last night my trainer and I sat down and re-evaluated my food, which is awesome cause Im eating more calories now and just today alone feel a lot better after my workout, I wasn’t eating enough.  We went over some goals added more, looked to see if I met my prior ones…all that crap. Anyways needless to say I’m just pumped and excited and focused and I love this feeling. Pretty great week if you ask me…and there is still two more days left…how can I not be excited?

I just had the best workout with my trainer (each week keeps getting better)…I haven’t worked that hard in a very long time and even though I threw up a little in my mouth it felt great. Like they say, if you can’t talk, if you are fatigued and you feel like you are going to vomit you are on the right path.

I had a perfect food day, well week, I love that feeling. Also working out everyday, including my cardio.  By this Saturday I will have worked my whole body twice this week, which I think is pretty damn good. I’m also going mountain biking for the first time, in the actual mountains, which Im excited about, something totally different…I hope I don’t fall. I’m also getting back into yoga, class tomorrow night and I really cant wait! Anyways, i just wanted to pat myself on the back. I’m just glade Im on the right track and staying there. never felt better, physically and emotionally.

Welcome to the Bodybuilding.com BodyBlogs. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging!