amysuds’s BodyBlog

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After I wrote my blog yesterday, for whatever reason…and thankyou God…..my pain reduced by about 50%. I am now able to walk normally, and sit for short spells. I am going to try to do this competition this Saturday. I NEED to finish climbing this mountain, or at least try with whatever strength I have.

 I have not been on precontest diet or workout plan due to my injury. Layne has been so supportive, I am very fortunate to have the BEST coach out there.With that being said, I am what I am when I step on stage. I really hope I make it. The 2 hour car ride to the comp will be a challenge.

I want to send my sincerest thankyou to everyone who has sent so many kind messages of support. I read them all…I am just trying not to sit here too long.

I think what is going on with my back in my opinion is this…I pulled some major muscle or muscles…which were so inflammed, possibly a nerve was pinched. The spasms of pain in my hip/glute have subsided (knock on wood) ,but I am still in pain.

Sorry for the lack of order to writing this blog, I am rambling kind of. I am extremely tired. I have slept 12 hours a night past 2 days and I look like hell. I am currently only taking Motrin and Tylenol for pain…that is, it as of yesterday. The other meds were not doing squat to help me, so I just assume not put the junk in my body.

I will keep the blog updated.

Thankyou my friends, I truly love each and every one of you. God Bless

I promise I will write back as soon as I am able.

Yup, it’s a figure competitior’s nightmare come true for me. Last week on Wednesday, I was cleaning up my gym in my basement…reached down to put away 2 dumbbells….and RIP! A ripping back pain took me right down to the ground. I went to the ER, the pain is now less in my back and very bad around my upper glute/hip, radiating right to the front hip flexor. So they give me the normal meds, I am no better today than I was last Thursday. I saw my primary doc yesterday, he thinks it is a severe muscle strain with my back. I have to go to physical therapy for a few visits before he will re evaluate me. I really want an MRI…but they won’t do it yet. So…I may have a muscle pull or a muscle tear or a bulging disc or who the heck knows what.

I am heartbroken that I am unable to compete this weekend. But it is not the end of the world…I need to focus all my strength on fixing this granny up. The next 2 comps in November are up in the air. I have no idea where I am headed.

All I can say is that when I am in a lifting session, I am 100% focused on form, to the best of my ability every rep. The bad part is that AMYSUDS rushes around way too much for the rest of the time…and I probably bent over at my waist to pick up those dumbbells when I was cleaning, like a dumb ass. I have to learn to slow down.

I can’t sit or lie down without alot of pain. I am hurting bad right now typing this.

Thank the man upstairs that my oldest daughter is here visiting right now. She was supposed to watch me compete….but instead, she is taking care of me.

I’ll get through this…one way or the other……………..

I decided to write this blog today from my experience today. I woke up and weighed myself…my scale kept reading error and giving me crazy numbers. I gave up trying, no biggie. I am 2.5 weeks away from competition and I really want to make sure I come in at a weight where I am not too striated in my efforts to lose the leg/butt fat while working closely with Layne. Anyways, I worked out and took my shower. I always do the old body check when I get out. I look in the mirror and over analyze myself of course. I have a bad habit of doing that with too many things. So I look at my legs, flex and see hardly any separation. Then I turn around and sigh because my butt looks like a*s. This is exactly what I don’t want to do to myself right now especially. I have always struggled with crappy self esteem going way back to high school. Being the chick with huge legs and butt doesn’t warrant to be in the  "in crowd", if you get my drift. Or having your friend ask a guy for you if he’s interested and she comes back saying…"he thinks you are pretty but you have big legs". True story. So that stuck with me for a long time and I tend to isolate myself when I am down. Having good self esteem is something that I believe helps keep motivation levels up as you journey through fitness. I also think not liking my reflection from being out of shape had something to do with my drinking problem later on. Yup, I drank alone , no bars. The good news is I am 2 months away from 2 years of sobriety.

This site has helped me in so many ways become healthier on the outside and more importantly on the inside. I finally feel like I belong and don’t need to compare myself to others (which is SO not good to do). My self esteem is finally up and stable. So when I started thinking after the mirror look, I immediately thought about where I started and where I am at. It doesn’t matter where I am at with being fit. What matters is that I try as hard as I can everyday. Yes, it sucks to bust your a*s and not go to lunch with the ladies. But it’s my choice for more reasons then looking good. It’s the challenge of finding balance within myself to love myself for who I am today and commend my own efforts. I never want to swing the other way either. There is nothing worse than getting so hung up on yourself ,that you think you are a legend in your own mind. That is when your eyes come off the ball and you may not even realize your efforts are not what they used to be. This is granny talking…I have seen it all.

When you look in the mirror, just know you are trying to better yourself! Keep going like me and take it one day at a time. There are good days and bad days of course. But I cannot let myself go backwards with my self progress. I truly love this place. So many people here have reached out to me. Thankyou from the bottom of my heart…you all know who you are. I think I have come a long way and I like me!

I will leave you with this thought…it is from the Alcoholics Anonymous twelve step book. I think I am finally in step twelve. It’s about having a "spiritual awakening" and the "joy of living"…meaning "giving that has no reward, love that has no price tag." The value of "personal importantance" is lifted.

I am one blessed person.

Let’s say you leave a comment for someone. A compliment kind of comment…like if you see they made a bit of progress, or maybe they motivate you. Why would they visit your page sometime after you left that and not even say thankyou?? I mean, they are already on your page. Is thankyou time consuming to type? BAD FORM!!!!