amyrose

So, to all of you that look at my pics, you may think I have nothing to be happy about, but let me tell you I am thrilled!!!  You may wonder . . . I have been doing this fiber cleanse and let me tell you by last night my belly was HUGE!  I laid on my back to show my husband and even lying down I looked 6 months pregnant.  I also had a friend stop over and I showed her, well after she was done laughing hysterically she said I looked like Alfred Hitchcock.  I just don’t think my body could handle the fiber and things were just backing/swelling up.  I talked to my chiropractor and he gave me some probiotics to take, which I started right away and I drank the herbal laxative tea last night that’s included with the cleanse. This morning I decided to stop the cleanse.  Not only was my body reacting in a negative way, it was really bad for me mentally to see the increase in size in my belly.  Not exactly defluffing. 

I was hesitant to post these pictures because it seems I may look a bit bigger but I don’t think I’ve gotten rid of the week’s fiber yet.  So, today I am happy that I don’t have the HUGE fiber belly anymore and at least I’m relatively close to where I started last Friday. I’m ready for a fresh start!

I will start by saying today I learned when I like to be my fluffiest.  As I was making dinner for my family, which I really try to keep healthy so I’m not tempted, I found myself pillaging thru my pantry to stuff anything I could in my mouth, almonds (ok, not so bad), flatbread with mozzarella, cashews, more almonds, almonds mixed with cashews.  So let me see if I can spell it S-A-B-O-T-A-G-E . . .

So what the f&$# was that!  I had a great workout, followed by a 30 minute cardio session, have been eating clean, had the mental attitude that I was really going to concentrate on eating clean, doing this cleanse, working out and increasing my cardio.  Today I have learned that between 5-6 is a terrible time for me, I just want to eat, have to figure out why.  I even ate an apple and a handful of almonds to get me thru the dinner making process, but it didn’t stop me from indulging even more.  I was craving carbs, maybe I just didn’t have the proper amounts thruout the day, who knows!?!?!?

Today I will learn from this, tomorrow I will chew gum!  Maybe that will help . . .

I will defluff, I will defluff, I will defluff . . .

Ok, for me I feel like I’m filling myself with fluff, actually kind of like those moisture retaining crystals that once you add water they swell up . . . let me explain.

I have been wanting to do a cleanse and decided on a fiber type cleanse "Colonix" to be exact.  I have never taken any kind of fiber supplement.  This is day 8 of the cleanse for me and the process is first thing in the morning you take vegetarian capsules, 15 min later you drink the fiber, water thruout the day and then an herbal tea at night.  They recommend 8 - 8 oz glasses of water daily.  So, here’s what’s happeneing to me . . . like I said to start I feel like I have ingested those moisture retaining crystals, my belly is so bloated I am beside myself.  Talk about muffin top!  I have the normal muffin top and an extra muffin top under my bra.  I feel like I’m becoming the whole muffin!!!  I have been eating clean, drinking way more water than the cleanse recommends, but feel gigantic in my midsection.  If this keeps up I think I may add the fluff that my fabulous fluffettes are defluffing!

Thoughts, comments, questions???  Anyone???

Ok, so I know it’s Saturday morning, Friday was a bunch of home stuff,drs appts and blah, blah, blah . . .

It’s been over a month since I have written anything, well life happens I guess.  Juls told me about this defluffing and it is certainly for me.  The part I’m struggling with most is the goals, certainly I want to "defluff", but specific numbers are hard for me.  When I first started training I was obsessed with the numbers, my weight, my measurements, my trainer told me to focus on how I felt and how my clothes felt on me.  As in a previous blog, he and Juls stole my scale. My trainer has worked hard to break me of that obsession.  I am back into my smaller jeans but I have actually gained some weight, is it muscle?  I always struggle with that statement.  I just don;t know what realistic number goals are, so I will give it my best shot . . .

My goals for defluffing

• Eat clean for 6 weeks, no excuses or justifying why it’s OK to eat something not on my plan
• Step up my cardio, at least stick to it 6 days/week 1x/day at the minimum and then increase it to 2x/day on non-weight training days
• Lose 5 pounds (this is were I struggle, is this realistic)
• Lose 1″ from my belly, hips, waist, butt, yes the whole FLUFF area (is 1″ from each area unrealistic?)
• Keep a positive attitude
• Be supportive to the other Fabulous Fluffers who have taken on this challenge

My current stats

• Weight
• Measurement at belly button

I will start with these two, I will update this blog with numbers shortly (I don’t have a scale,thanks Jul) and I will have my husband take the measurement for fear I will move the tape measurement each week in hopes of a change.

My before pic

I have added this pic to my progress pics as well, it seems I see changes in my legs???  Maybe smoother looking???  Could the fat really be leaving my legs???  Maybe a little hamstring curve???  I have to put my last progress pic and this one side by side, I will work on that!

To all the fabulous fluffers that have taken on this challenge, best of luck with all your personal goals, eat clean, be well and most of all be kind to yourselves!

25 years . . . this Sunday I will be attending an Alumni Open House at my High School.  They have completed a major renovation to the entire school and this will be the first time I’ve gone back in 25 years.  That seems like such a long time!  I have also been trying to locate my entire class to start planning a 25 year reunion, this is so crazy to me!

I find myself having butterflies in my stomach about going back, I look at pictures of the school and it can transport me back to my teenage years.  I have been in touch with some people who I haven’t talked to since we left high school.  It is great to catch up on life with them, hear their stories and reminisce about old times.  I guess the funniest thing I’ve heard about myself is that I was caught smoking in the BOYS bathroom (yeah, I know it’s a song), didn’t remember this story until an old friend told me that we used to go in there to smoke.  I went to a technical highschool and there were more boys than girls, so most of my friends were guys, so it makes sense that in the boys room is where I would be.  I was a good student, but a bit of a wild child in my teenage years.  Talking to Juls about this and her comment was "Reunions have a way of making people really look at themselves, analyze their lives"  this is so true!  I am very happy with where I am in life, I have a wonderful husband and 3 beautiful children.  For me, I am analyzing my body, I have been trying my clothes on for 3 days now, what looks best?  I know this sounds shallow, I really don’t mean it to be, but at this point in my life my focus IS my body.  I’m a little disappointed that I’m not further along (Juls, isn’t this just what you wrote about?) but happy that I’m not where I started out, so I will focus on that.  This also gives me a goal to focus on, that I will be in even better shape if the reunion happens this summer . . .

On to my workouts . . . saw my trainer on Monday, first workout since the strep.  I was in bad shape, very light-headed, fingers kept cramping up, but I was determined.  My trainer said NO, so I had to keep things at a minimum.  I was sore on Tuesday, so I guess I did work hard enough.  Rested on Tuesday, but Wednasday was a different story.  I have a new program and he pushed me hard on Wednesday.  It felt so great!!!  Legs,tris and lowback and I feel every muscle.  Thursday I rested again.  My trainer hurt his knee, so he cancelled for today, but I will go downstairs and push myself the best I can!

I am feeling so much better than earlier this week, bad thing is everything tastes horrible to me.  I think it may be the antibiotics, but I’m having a really hard time eating.  This is not so bad right now since I’ve listened to the doctor and I haven’t worked out at all, but I’m very anxious to get to the gym on Monday.  Hopefully next week things will taste better b/c I know I will need the food to get me thru my workouts. 

Not much going on, alot of sleep for me, I’m really hoping my body will recover quick from the sickness, so far, so good . . .

Sunday - woke up in the middle of the night with a terrible sore throat, tried to get back to sleep the best I could.

Monday - woke up early, throat still sore, but on with my day, downstairs for 30min cardio. Got the kids off to school then went to the gym to see my boy.  I told him that I just wasn’t getting sore anymore and he said it was time to change things up.  So, my program today was only three body parts, legs, bis, and core, 3 exercises each, 3 reps/exercise. Legs were all weighted, bis with heavier weights and core stepped it up a bit.  I felt great afterwards, really strong.  He said I did great and also said he could see my arm muscles (yes, I’m still obsessing about those ), yay!  By the evening my throat was worse and I felt like I had been run over by a truck.

Tuesday - Throat feels like I am swallowing glass, on couch all day, TERRIBLE, I have never felt so much pain from a sore throat, ears and neck hurt as well.  Down and out!

Wednesday - Went to the doctor’s this morning, Yay for me, I have strep.  I’ve never had it before and let me tell you, I hope I never have it again.  Doctor tells me REST and I mean on the couch REST!  OK, don’t have to tell me twice, anyway, don’t feel like I can do much more than that anyway.  He said alot of times strep is worse in adults than kids.  I ask about working out, NO, not until Monday.  Alright, I’ll listen, it sucks though b/c I was really excited about my new program and sickness always seems like such a setback . 

Good news is, I weighed myself at the docs and I’m down 2lbs.  Couldn’t be happier about that!!!  Will have my trainer do measurements on Monday, hopefully those are down also.  Meds seem to be working already, my throat is not as bad.

Today - throat is feeling better, not 100%, but better.  I will focus on eating clean, since doc says I have to rest.  I need to get better as quickly as possible, really looking forward to my new program, my trainer really did kick my butt on Monday, my legs are still sore!  Sorry this was all about sickness, it’s my life right now. 

The weather here in WNY seems to finally be breaking, sunshine has a wonderful way of brightening the day in so many ways . . .  

I’m going to start out by saying this blog is NOT meant to be a pity party for me, just simple documentation of what I have learned about myself lately and how it effects me.  I am certainly not trying to make excuses for myself, this change of lifestyle is just that, a change, and there are many different ones that come along with changing your eating and exercise habits.  This is simply one story about mine, please bare with me as a assume it will just be a bunch of random thoughts.

The week started out OK, feeling great, a new plan to incorporate more cardio, you know what, beyond that who knows…..

My random thoughts ~

I’m tired and feel overwhelmed, it seems when I put myself first, my housework suffers, then the chaos at home makes me feel overwhelmed, so I stay up late to get things in order, then I’m tired in the morning and don’t want to exercise or prepare the right foods, so I eat bad and then my way of dealing with it all after awhile is to just sleep.  Some people get insomnia, not me, I just check out.  Actually this is something I’ve known about myself for quite a long time, but now it is affecting my fitness goals and I can’t have that.  Luckily for me I realized this sooner rather than later and this cycle only lasted a couple of days this time, usually it can go on for quite some time. (I guess I really am starting to change my thinking as well)  So, I have decided that it truly is time to rally the troops in my home and enforce the fact that everyone has to pitch in.  My kids ages 8, 7 and 4 certainly need to learn how to help out more.  They are great kids, and with the proper guidance I think it will help me (and of course them in the long run).  Bottom line, I’m tired, I don’t work well in chaos, when my house is trashed, my mind lives in chaos and I can’t focus on anything else.

Funny thing is, this morning when I woke up after days of eating bad, not exercising, basically feeling like $hit, complete with feeling like I was about 500 lbs., my belly felt strong, lean and you all know that’s my trouble spot.  I am choosing to believe it was my body’s way of saying "Please don’t give up on me!" (typing these words just brought tears to my eyes).  It is so true, I have to believe in myself, I have to believe that I am worth it, that I deserve this.  9 years of staying home, leaving the corporate world, redefining who I am over and over thruout these years and trying to settle into the the fact that it is OK to put myself first has been a challenge.  I am still redefining. . . . . 

The last couple days motto for me . . .

"FAIL TO PLAN, PLAN TO FAIL"

So, this blog is no whining or excuses because there aren’t any except per laziness.  I’m disappointed in myself and that’s all I’ve got! (Except for a bunch of swear words that I won’t write on here).

These are the words my husband had to endure for today.  He took the day off after returning from his business trip, little did he know that he would be bombarded with this question about a million times.  So my trainer bailed on me this morning, sick from his cheat/earn day yesterday.  So, I wrapped my mind around working out at home and went downstairs to do my weights then cardio.  Today was legs,abs,shoulders and bis.  After bis I tried to flex my arm to see if I could see anything (the key word here is tried), what I saw is the pic I just posted.  I call my husband into the room and say "Do ya see muscle there?  Is it muscle or is it just fat? What is it, I think I see muscle lurking somewhere under that fat, Do you?  Huh, do ya?"  Then after the pics, "do ya see it?"  Again, "what is it, muscle, what do you think?"  Yet again, after posting on bb, "do ya see it?  What does it look like to you?  Muscle?  Fat?  Combination of both?"  Ok, I know the answer, it is a combination.  My husband says "Yes, I see muscle", my response "really, do ya? or are you just being nice?"  Poor man, I must have drove him crazy! It’s just unbelievable to me, is there really definition in my arm or just an optical illusion?  I am high on the fact that I may actually be seeing muscle, payment for this hard work!  Crazy!

OK, but I must ask this community, what do you guys think?  Is it truly muscle definition I’m seeing, do you see what I’m seeing?

Well, Do ya? . . . . .