amyrose

Day 2 was great!  A little challenging, but whose days aren’t.  Woke up this morning to the start of a head cold that I have been fighting off for about a week now.  With 3 kids I know it’s inevitable, so I thought great, it’s a new day, going to work out with my trainer and I feel like crap.  I met him, had a talk with him about what I’ve learned about myself currently, told him about my goals and then focused on my workout.  My month has been crazy busy with my kids and today was no exception.  Picked my daughter up from preschool, came home, attached patches to my boys cub scout shirts. So tonight is their cub scouts dinner and guess what I have to bring, "DESSERT"! So, my challenge on day 2, make brownies, and go to a dinner where I know there will be nothing for me to eat.

Now for my victories ~ I worked out, I managed to not lick the brownie spoon or better yet put mouthfuls of batter into my mouth.  I ate before I went to the dinner and then when I was there I only had salad.

Day 3 will also have some challenges, but mentally I’m prepared! 

I started to title this Day 1 of 85, to be honest that scared me a little.  I am not sure yet if the 85 would mentally (there’s that game again) set me up for success or failure.

Day 1 - I have eaten clean, completely clean, all day.  I have one more meal to go and that will be greek yogurt w/protein powder.  Came home after getting my boys their cub scout shirts and prepared some meals for myself to freeze.  "Fail to plan, plan to fail"  I have read this comment so many times on this site, but it is so me.  If I don’t plan, I completely fall off the wagon and get dragged thru the junk food.  I am also proud to say that I brought almonds and an apple to snack on for the ride to the cub scouts store as it was getting close to a meal for me and I would have been very hungry when I returned home and didn’t want to set myself up to stuff something bad in my face.  Again, there are those moment to moment victories.  Need to go watch Survivor and fold laundry.  Day 2 WILL be great! 

I’ve learned something about myself recently, maybe I’ve known this all along but just not wanted to accept it.  As far as this new lifestyle goes I think I like to be a victim.  Excuses about why I didn’t do cardio today or why I didn’t do weights at home or why it’s OK to eat what I’m not supposed to.  My reality is that when I see my trainer I work harder than I ever thought possible, but when he’s not around all bets are off.  So things really hit me on Monday when I saw him after not meeting with him Wed & Fri of last week because of kids sickness & MB20 again, but this time in Toronto.  My workout sucked!  I was so weak and tired I felt like it was my first day.  The reality is that I did nothing the previous week except on Monday when I saw him.  Another thing that hit me hard is the fact that I had prepaid him for 52 sessions, which are coming to an end in about 4 more sessions and my body is not where I want it to be, but not because of him!  So, the sight of myself in the mirror and the financial commitment has not been enough to kick my a$$ into gear.

 Another great excuse of mine, life is so busy with 3 young children, OK, so who’s life isn’t busy.  I just have to make my workouts a priority.  Now, on to the GOAL.  I am NOT a competitive person in the least bit, but for me maybe that’s a good thing.  I realize that at times I cling to reasons to make this lifestyle change, not all bad, but things like, "I’m going to make my trainer proud", "I want to be able to keep up with my kids" (this is not a bad thing), "I will show others what I can accomplish" . . . the fact of the matter is that it truly has never been for ME!  This needs to be about me!  At 42 years old it’s time to put on my big girl panties and use the strength and good health that GOD has given me to live a healthy lifestyle and commit to doing something good for ME.  I have to stop looking at this as a DIET, the funny thing is, is that I am eating clean, healthy foods that I love, so what’s the issue.  It is such a mental game for me.

I know that I have made changes from when I started with my trainer in December 2006.  I now know the proper way to workout, the proper about of cardio and much more about nutrition.  Talking with my best girl, julofthenile, she pointed out that I have never put it all together.  First, weights and cardio were OK, but my eating was terrible.  Now I have a handle on the eating, my weight training is OK, not great, but OK, but cardio, well, let’s just say cardio, what’s cardio?  I have alot of body fat to lose and what I hate the most is what I NEED to do the most of.  My strength is there with the weights and as my trainer says I have no problem building muscle, but it’s that layer of fat.  If I had just stuck to it, I could be at a maintenance level with cardio and not a struggling level.  No would of, could of, should of.  It is a new day and I need to make changes from what I have learned.

My GOAL, for ME about ME, is for the next 12 weeks I WILL eat clean without cheating, except for the allowable cheat meal, which won’t be horrible in itself.  I WILL do cardio & weights on those days when I don’t see my trainer.  I WILL drink the amount of water I should.  I WILL keep an accountable journal here on bb to help with this journey.  So, being that this is the positive paragraph of this blog, I’m happy to say that when I thought of this 12 week goal, I said to myself, March 1st is just a couple of days away, what a great time to start.  But wait, that’s the old me, putting ofF today what I can do tomorrow.  No, not this time!  Again, thanks to juls and a conversation her and my trainer had, I changed my clothes went downstairs, did my weights and then cardio, YAY, the dreaded cardio and it wasn’t bad, actually felt good.  (Had to write those words to remind myself).  Cardio at intervals of 1min walking/2 min running, I surprised myself.

One more thing, I’m afraid to say this because this reason is not about me, but I have been getting contacts from highschool friends about a 25 year reunion.  I was not class president or anything but it seems noone is commiting to plan anything, so I thought I might.  That would probably mean I would have to get up in front of my former classmates and speak (which is definitly out of my comfort zone) so to have the confidence that my body was awesome may help to overcome that fear of public speaking.  But, again I really don’t want to make this about others, it needs to be about me and my goals for myself.  There’s that mental game again.

Enough rambling, for those of you that read this and take an interest in my journey, thank you!  If you are one who has read my previous blogs, I hope I can stop the whining and just accomplish my goal, wait let me rephrase that "I WILL STOP THE WHINING AND ACCOMPLISH MY GOAL!"  On a silly note, another accomplishment for today . . . made my daughter a peanut butter and fluff sandwich and I did NOT lick the knife or my fingers.

I guess it’s all those moment to moment victories that I must focus on, but then again isn’t that what life’s all about.

Yes, this blog will be very silly, but I just have to write it.  Went to see Matchbox Twenty tuesday night, and those of you that know me, it was what dreams are made of!!!!!  2nd row center floor, Rob Thomas was spectacular as always.  I was on my feet, singing and dancing the entire time and thanks to cardio and the endurance I have built up, I could endure this without falling over!!!  What a workout, and certainly loved every second of it.

Workouts have been great! I need to post some new pics as people have noticed changes in me, as always I think it is hard to see changes in ourselves.  Hope all are well.