Amybeansy’s Conscience Online

WOW.  wow.  I feel like my whole session was a movie in fast forward.  I felt like a star in a new shoe commercial - RUN faster, JUMP higher!  wow.  So, it definitely gives you a MAD boost of energy.  And I noticed somewhere in the blur that my vascularity was pumped up for sure.  When I do my sessions, I always sweat like a beast, so that was nothing new.  It was really cool though.  I think since you’re so pumped, you don’t have time to wuss out or second guess yourself.  It’s just like - I got this, I got this…  I liked that for sure!  And my heart didn’t freak out or anything how some energy-type drinks will do to me.  It just made me…  excited to work out.  LOL!

I got the fruit punch flavor.  I thought I was going to barf my friggin brains out when I drank it.  They really went strong on the flavor.  I had to use a straw to get through it.  Then I just hung out for 30 minutes or so waiting for the surge to hit.  AND HIT IT DID.  After that…  you’d better be at the gym or you might wreck trying to get there as fast as you can.  So, that’s all.  Feeling fat and bloated, but I have PMS right now.  So bitchy.  No progress pics if I’m still porked out like this later this week.  Deal with it!

I did my first total body workout yesterday.  Formerly referred to (mentally) as the wussy workout.  Um.  Not.  I was like F THIS by the time that I was done.  It’s fast.  About 30-40 minutes.  I feel like it worked my muscles pretty good.  My calves are sore as hell, but not so much of the other stuff.  Maybe a little bit in the triceps.  I was pouting a little bit because I wanted to go play with my weights.  I think you get accustomed to circuits for arms/back or your legs and you just LIKE it.  I’m trying to figure out if I can combine training plans.  I mean, this one says one workout every OTHER day.  WTF!?  I am a gym addict now.  Every OTHER day is like a torture session to me.  LET ME IN!!!  We’ll see.  I’m supposed to meet a trainer guy up there today.  He was cringing when I was doing my squats, so I confronted him about it.  He said I looked like I was going to blow a knee out.  LMAO!  Okay - not with the bad ass 30 lbs that I had on the bar, but eventually.  So, he said if I meet him there today, he’ll show me how it’s done.  YAY FORM!  I told him that I wanted to get competition ready.  Then I mentioned that I wanted to go to a fitness competition in a month.  He looked shocked.  I started laughing and clarfied that I meant to ATTEND one, not compete.  He was relieved.  He told me about "the girl who came to him and wanted to be in one in 8 weeks and got laughed off stage".  Um.  No.  That’s not my style.  Mine is more of the "wait too long for perfection that doesn’t happen before I compete".  I told him I figured I was about a year out from getting my ass on stage.  He told me that I needed to eat right.  DAMMIT.  I am kinda tired of people telling me that.  I ****ing AM eating right.  I’m just FAT and it’s going to take a little time for all this goddamn protein to start showing up and all of the goddamn breadsticks and pasta to hit the road.  Breathe.  Well, it pisses me off!  I am so tired of it though.  Just saying.  I don’t find it hard to eat right.  I have a goal, I stick with the plan, I achieve goal.  If I had NO goal, I wouldn’t give a shit.  Good hard bodies are always in style.  It’s less about the competition with other people, and more a competition within myself.  I’m the only on that can make or break me.  My biggest fear is ****ing up because I don’t do the right workouts.  I get the diet shit already.  Okay.  On that note, I’m waiting on my Gaspari SuperPump 250 in Fruit Punch and my Dessert protein powder in Double Fudge aka You Wish This Was Actually Chocolate to come in today.  YAY BABEDOM!!!

Read a book last night:  The New Rules of Lifting for Women - aka Lift Like a Man, Look Like a Goddess.  Well, I don’t know about looking like a goddess.  I’m not really a toga and gold sandals kind of chic.  But I’ll try out the workouts and the recipes.  The workouts are strength-training based.  Sweet.  And the concept is total body workouts 3X per week.  Okay…  Less time than what I’m doing in the gym.  Which actually kind of bums me out.  But they demand that you allow for the 1 day of rest because of the recovery time.  Makes sense…  And they say you can do pilates or yoga on those days.  So cool…  I can handle that.  The book was really well written - funny and informative.  I mean, the exercises will kind of bum me out because I’m not going to be using a lot of the weights or machines anymore.  Mostly dumb bells (not the Barbie weights) and a few of the cable machines.  So…  I’m going to try it.  If I don’t see ANY results in 4 weeks, I’m out.  I mean, the process is set up to run much longer than that, but I think that if I’ve made gain in 4 weeks, this program should show me results in 4 weeks too.  It won’t be from a lack of effort on MY part!

My little sister came to town to visit.  Got a solid workout in on Wednesday, followed by a night of drunken debauchery and a food festival.  Margaritas followed by some beer, then Subway and other miscellaneous stuff from a fridge raid.  Woke up Thursday knowing that I would NOT go to the gym.  Or anywhere else productive.  Started the morning right with assistance from a friend begging me (still drunk, of course) to go out to breakfast with her.  Okay…  so French Toast, bacon, and coffee to start my day right.  My day involved me attempting to sleep through the drunk and the hangover.  I succeeded fairly well, excepting the drunken breakfast.  The night was much like the one before, but only 2 margaritas, then IHOP.  WAR! was in concert at the local hangout.  It was fun, but ugh with the margaritas already! IHOP food was an omelette and pancakes.  >Whew<  So, that’s all over.  My sister is leaving this morning.  I don’t regret any of it.  Okay, maybe a little due to the obscene drunken behavior which shall remain unnamed.    I had my fun, ate and drank approximately 57,238 calories per day, and it’s over.  Thankfully!  So, back on the fitness wagon today.  And I’m up for measurements and progress pics today.  Happy 4 weeks to me!!!

I had a fantastic Mother’s Day.  Gracie got me flowers and a card that sings.  AND she (helped) make me a reduced fat cheesecake.  She was quite proud that it was reduced fat.  I took her to the beach and was horrified to look down and see my chub gut smooshing around down there.  All I could think was - this is progress?!  WTF.  Oh well.  Then I had to go to work last night.  Money was decent.

Today I went to the gym and did my 30 minutes with my trainer (I have 2 more sessions paid).  It was a leg day, but my knees were beat up from working last night, so no lunges or plies.  Screw that stuff.  So she put me on the machines.  Then abs.  Oh well.  Kinda sucks, but I will only push as far as I feel is safe.  Hurting my knees is no bueno.  After the workout, I put in 20 minutes on the elliptical.  Then I left and saw the shuttle lift off.  I’m south of Cape Canaveral, so it’s something cool to see.  Sad it’s all stopping.

Then I went to work.  Then just now (after work) I went back again and did 20 on the elliptical and 10 on the lean back bike thing.  Then I did some more abs.  I just feel like some days, I make no progress.  I know that I did what I needed to do today, but I just felt so BLAH about it.  I guess it doesn’t matter if I loved it or not, I did it.  So :p

I usually can’t work out on Saturdays - the whole single mom thing kinda cock-blocks me from throwing down on the weekends.  Well…  today, she had a birthday party to attend.  YAY ME!  I got to go and run run run and then threw in a bike ride for some extra oomph.  I don’t care for the bike especially.  If I want a sore hoo-hah, I’ll go for a rough romp in the sack over pedalling my p**** to death.  Yeah, you ladies know what I’m talking about…  Holy crotch crusher.  My legs are sore, but I only could take 10 minutes of that bike crap.  I have no idea how people can ride that thing for so long.  Next time I’ll try that leaned back bike thing when I’m bored with the elliptical.  It looks like less of a crotch crusher.

Also.  I’ve been SO TIRED lately.  I’ve added vitamins and I’m eating well and drinking water, but damn!!!  It’s kind of like the tiredness you feel when you’re first preggo.  Just bone ass tired.  NO - bite your tongue.  I’m not preggers.  That would be the kind of miracle that Mary had, and I haven’t had any angels fly to my window with any tidings of joy.  Thank God!  I’d probably lose it on the poor fella.  LOL!

Okay then.  I’m back to bed.  I crashed with my daughter at 10PM on accident.  The good old "just lay with me for a minute Mommy" crash.  <Yawn>  Back to my own real king-sized bed for some much-needed snoozing.  Happy Mothers’ Day to all the mommies (and the single dads - Lord knows I celebrate Fathers Day too!) 

I had a leg day today and increased the weights on a few of my exercises.  I was so proud!  The definition in my calves seems to increase almost daily.  I know that they probably aren’t! - but it seems like it.  A sports medicine and rehab guy came into the bar tonight and was chatting with me.  He said if I want to lose the fat faster, I need to do cardio for about 40 minutes before my workout.  Then he told me "light weights, lots of reps".  Uhhh.  Okay, you had me at the first part, but the second part…  No, not so much.  So, I think that I need to up the cardio for sure - help burn the fat off.  But I’m sticking with the big weights.  I know that I’m not going to get huge, so back the F up off me.  Everytime I say that I love to lift heavy weights, people get such a stupid look on their face.  Hate that!!!  Like - ew.  Asses.  I know that I’ll look fab in a tiny dress and some heels.  And I’m totally looking forward to rocking the bathing suit on the 4th of July.  Keepin’ my head up and my weights up!!!

I’m definitely feeling the changes in my body.  I’m surprised when I pass a mirror and think - for a split second - that I’m holding my gut in because it’s so much smaller than it was.  My rump is also rounding out nicely since the old love handles are receding, letting my true ass pop out in all it’s glory.  LOL!  It’s so exciting to see all of the changes and to know in my heart that the results are only going to get better and more exciting!  I saw back muscles in the mirror today.  Little matching dents and then another ripple part.  LOL!  Funny to know that I’ll eventually figure out the names for it all, but right now, just opening the present is exciting.    My shoulders are getting definition.  My ass "fold" where is meets my legs is lifting and turning back into just my ass.  Not an assleg.  My calves have 3 shelves of muscles in them.  Very cool!  I’m most excited, overall, about the stomache and hip area tightening up.  I know that I have the potential to have a killer ass and legs, so that part doesn’t phase me.  And my arms will get huge if I’m not careful there - trust me, I’ve got guns in there.  I can sense it.  LOL!  But my sad puffy gut and love handles.  Those bitches need to take a short walk off a long pier.  I think I’m going to up my cardio time.  Maybe squeeze in 30-45 minutes in the AM, and go back for my "normal" warm up cardio and full workout later on in the day.  Anything to make this shit go FASTER.  Now that I see the results, I’m so hooked.  It’s a struggle to GO some days, but I’m always glad that I did.

On a side note - 100% clean eating all day today.  Not even ONE little chocolate!!!  YAY ME!

I need to find a fat burning supplement.  I’m doing fine as far as adding muscles and watching changes happen.  People are noticing, I’m noticing.  But I think a fat burning energy-adding supplement would really add a missing factor.  I was looking at the Hydroxycut supplements, but they’re in the midst of that whole recall thing.  I figure as long as I’m taking in plenty of water, I’ll be good.  Advice?  Suggestions?!??  I really want something good that doesn’t tweak me out too much.  I used to LOVE LOVE LOVE the ephedra, but, of course, that got pulled.  Oh well.  Need some advice.

BTW - haven’t worked out today yet.  Thinking maybe a big cardio push and some abs.  UPDATE:  Went to the gym at 11PM.  Busted out 10 mins of cardio, then full legs workout and abs.  I was so pumped after that, that I went and did my grocery shopping that I was going to do tomorrow.  HAHA!  I love working out.  PS - I’m doing something right, because the guys at the gym are starting to watch me.  I think it’s because I keep adding weights and trying harder.  No wussy girl here, sir!

So - broke up with my trainer today.  She was nice, but I need MORE pushing.  It’s damn expensive to pay someone that doesn’t beat your ass as much as you do.  I’m all about the fitness thing, but i want pain all the time.  At least until I hit my high point.  I still have 3 sessions paid through with her.  Let’s see where it goes.

Still eating clean.  Avoided the tequila today - Happy Cinco De Mayo.  That was so good of me that I had a piece of chocolate instead.  Yeah, yeah, I know.  But it was better than the alternative.  Trust me - tequila leads to beer.  I know me and my favorites!