Days 350-353

OK.. I went ahead and purchased new supplements to replace the stuff that is expired or is running out... I don't want to risk it and take stuff that is expired.. I also ordered 2 gallons of egg whites from egg whites international.. it seems like a great product...

I had to go to the hospital the other night... I had been stupid... I changed my diet too suddenly and too quickly and all I was eating was proteins and fats and I wasn't including greens or veggies or anything else in my diet that was essential...((DONT READ ITS PRETTY GROSS but this is my body blog for my records and experiences throughout my constant want to change myself and to document my failures and successes)) so what happened was I ended up making a turd that was like rocks, and what that did was rip open an internal hemorrhoid that I didn't know I had.. well that in turn was bleeding everywhere and I freaked the **** out and went to the hospital.. ((YOU CAN READ NOW)) they didn't give me anything because my blood work came back really good... and it would heal on its own... I just needed to add more vegetables to my diet... which is something ive been doing the past two days.. so far things are starting to be better during bathroom time and I've been feeling less and less freaked out about what happened...

so I downloaded Kris gethins meal and diet plan. all 12 weeks you eat pretty much the same thing, so I'm going to be going to the store tonight and pick up plenty of quick oats, brown rice, and  sweet potato and start doing a diet plan right early... then on the 1st I'll start adding workouts to the mix... but for now I need to fix the diet first and foremost that's important! I also decided that since I don't have a PCP It was time for me to get one, so I found one that is locally accepting new patients.. my hope is that by the time my first appointment is with her, i'll be healthier then I've been in the past few years!! onward and upwards!



Days 340-349

Just a quick update.. I took the past week to fix my diet, stopped consuming empty calorie beer, and generally start to feel better about myself... in doing so I've lost 6 lbs this past 9 days which is good... but mostly water weight... I am preparing for my training program that I'm starting on the 1st... I figure if I start to prepare myself now by eating better and feeling better then by the time the 1st gets here i'll be ready to go. i'll even have new supplements to replenish the old ones that are expired... so that'll be good too...

so far I've been drinking coffee from my new coffee machine that I got this weekend... I love it.. it actually helps me feel better! this is going to be a good year! so far so good! i'll check in periodically probably next week to update my weight.. hopefully I can get under 300 before I start my program next month!  

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Days 339 (2013)-339(2014)

Yep...a year... one whole year...I had one entry earlier in September but I deleted it... this year has been up and down for me... since the end of august it'd been completely down.. like almost rock bottom down... let's just say that when your in a relationship with someone that you love a lot, but they are an addict, the addiction always wins over love, and losing someone that you love is very hard to deal with when they choose drugs over you.. that's what happened at the end of august for me..

Back up to mid august... I was actually the lightest I've been in years! I got on the scale and I was 286... that was amazing to see.. I put in a lot of hard work.. I was just starting to get things together for myself.. and then the above mentioned problem happened, and I hit rock bottom for myself.. I was drinking beers left and right, not giving a **** about what I was eating... today I stepped on the scale and I weighed 314 lbs....  28 LBS gained since mid August... so tonight, not even knowing that it has been a year since I really made a last post... I logged in, and started reading my past posts, getting motivated again. getting myself thinking that I need to get this the **** done, each year I say "thisll be my year".. well 2015 has to be my year.. it has to be... 7 years now of bad luck and bull****... it's gotta get done!

So now here I go... I'm on vacation right now.. spending the whole week off.. I have no car cause it's in the shop. I get it back tomorrow... Monday I return to work... and the following Thursday I return to the second job, and then I can go to the gym after each day at the second job.. so next Thursday will be my go-to day for starting over again, I'll be going grocery shopping sat or Sunday... yesterday and the day before were the last days that I can drink beer.. I have to stop that ****, as it doesn't help me, and all it does is make me hungry and I eat ****ing everything! .. time to reboot, reset, and redo.... and do this **** the right way... i'll be trying kris gethins 12 week program when it starts to come out.. but i'll be doing that starting January 1st... until then i'll be going to the gym as much as possible starting next Thursday!... I can't wait to document it every day... and use this to keep myself accountable for my future actions.. I'm not letting anything get in my way and I'm done being sad about losing what I had that I was in love with.... it's time to move on and get my ass in gear because i'll never be a cop if I can't drop this damn weight...  

I'll type to this next Thursday night... I look forward to it.. 

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Days 311-339

I have not been keeping up on this... shame on me... a lot has happened since I last wrote... first of all.. I've been training harder then ever, but not losing weight.. that's ****ing frustrating but I'm fighting through it.. I think my body is fighting me over it too..... I'm hoping after this month I can break the threshold and start actually making some more progress...

secondly... and ****ing sadly... the girl who I was absolutely interested in...who I actually thought I had a chance in hell with...  that I also had an amazing first few dates with... who told me that she "wasn't sure if she was ready to love again" after her last relationship.. who told me that I was so patient with her, and so kind... who told me that I was fun to be around.... a few weeks after that date last month... she changes her status to "in a relationship" with some ****ing douche **** piece of **** leading singer of some pile of trash garage band that plays in ****ing bars... some douche nozzle that she probably met while she was at one... well.. that guy wins... and as always... I lose.... I WAS SO ****ING PISSED OFF I couldn't see straight.... I have not been able to vent to anyone about this ****, and it's been really eating at me... so here I am.. venting on my blog that I get to vent about because It's pretty much been where I have gotten to write down my struggles over the past 4 years and it's also where i'll be able to write about my TRIUMPHS during the next 4!!!! I will get in the shape I've always wanted to be in... and i'll do better for myself.... now that I have that **** off of my shoulders.. time to press on!!! to more important matters... I have been working out about 4x a week... doing really good cardio now... (I've only really started doing cardio for the past month) ... im feeling differences in my arms, legs and back.. and hopefully if I keep on going at the rate I am i'll start to see some amazing results... I just ****ing hate my scale right now... and I'm actually planning on staying off of it until the end of the month because I don't want to put the damn thing through a window... at any rate... i'll be keeping up with this now on a daily basis... because I forgot about the venting properties it has on me.. it's actually calming... I think finally for the first time since I saw that ****ing "in a relationship" status.. i'll actually get some sleep tonight... I know people will say "bro it's not worth getting mad over" ... **** it's not.... I was being lead to believe I actually had a chance to be with someone beautiful, only to get **** on by the jerk ******* band singer who puts his hair in buns like miley cyrus and looks like a ****ing fruit cake........ I was absolutely really hurt by it.. but feel so much better now! thank you bodyblog for being my vent!!

PEACE!!! for tomorrow GOOD things will be written instead of bull**** bad crap!! ... it can only get better from here!  

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Days 292-310

I know I haven't updated this in awhile so here it goes.... I have been doing great... the past few weeks I have not had a beer night... and I have focused on going to the gym on the days I work at the delivery place.. On my days off, instead of sitting at home feeling sorry that the girl that I want to date is too busy to see me I drive myself to the gym and just work out and push myself... so far I've been seeing lots of strength gains, I can push more weight and I feel a lot better.. today is an off day and I'm using it to change the oil in my car .. I weighed in at 294 today, which is another week on a loss! ... that's different for me, I haven't seen this much progress in years... it's because I'm sticking to it... and it's making me feel confident that I can finally get this damn weight off and get in shape... now if only the girl I'm after could get a few more days off this month to see me, that would just really make my month :) she messaged me this morning! she doesn't know it but that made my night.... :)

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Days 286-291

had a weird week last week... finally got on track to get in the gym though, then last night I go and drink a bunch of beer and freaking ruin it all.... so tonight I hit the gym hard... did back and biceps then hit the treadmill for 55 minutes and a 2.50 min cool down... it was actually pretty good and I feel like I got a good session in... looking forward to doing it again tomorrow.. I have been lacking updating my blog and adding my exercises but I'll get better at that for the coming days.... no more beer for me until I get to my goal weight in may... and then if I hit it, I'll have a celebratory beer :P then after that it's a new goal to get to by the end of NEXT year!

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Days 261-285

just a quick note and update.. sorry I haven't been adding stuff to this lately.. I really should be.... just noting that I have gone to the gym each night I've gotten off of work in the past few weeks.. I have not done cardio just weight stuff... trying to just get into the habit of GETTING THERE... next week I'll start cardio.. for now im happy that im just getting there! ... on other notes... had an amazing first date last Wednesday with an amazing girl who I hope one day will decide that she wants to date me / see me exclusively (be my girlfriend) it's been so long.. 5 years since I've had a relationship... but I enjoy her company very much and she is one of the sweetest persons I've met in a long time... I guess moving to the east coast was well worth it so far.. she wants to see me again next week! so that's always a good sign! :) it's just more motivation for me to get this show on the road and get myself into the shape I've always wanted to be in..

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Days 258-260

been a busy weekend! I have been eating somewhat right :P not having accessibility to the fresh veggies and meats I do at my second job makes it a bit difficult for my other days off.. but I'm learning to manage!... on Wednesday I'm going to finally register my car and all that happy stuff, then on my way back I'll stop by my gym for a good work out :) I haven't decided if it's going to be a shoulder/leg day or not... but honestly, it probably should be... we'll have to find out Wednesday!

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Day 257

Today seemed more stressful for some reason... lots of idiocy at work... a co-worker slapped me on the shoulders after sneaking up with me.. my reaction was instantaneously In fight and survival mode.... you NEVER do that to someone and expect a calm response.... that's NOT cool to do at all to anyone... after I scared the **** out of him he apologized but I was still angry about it for awhile... busted it out at the gym and got it out of my system tonight.. it was a good workout! .... for some reason when I set the treadmill to 30 minutes I must have goofed though cause it suddenly stopped 20 minutes in and I didn't pay attention to it... these machines at this gym are a little weird but I'm getting use to them... I just wish they had a better abdominal machine.... over-all a good day and a good second day start to my go-at-it-again fitness goals!

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Days 20-256

WELLLL!!!!!!! it took several months... but I'm back at the gym.... to sum up what has happened during the last 9 months... I pretty much came to the east coast.. got two awesome jobs... and finally got my car fixed up to working order again and out of debt a little bit, and now im at a place where I can go to the gym and start working on myself! it's been a tough 9 months but I'm here... I fought through it and im ready to go... I set a new goal for 240 lbs. by next June... I think that is a safe thing to try for.. then we'll work from there! ... any way... today was my first workout since my previous work out entry! . I did back and biceps and did 32 minutes of cardio (including cool down) ... felt really good when I got done! looking forward to the future!

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Days 7-19

Well things went to **** for me up here real fast.... I couldn't get a job up here... apparently i failed the old school "it" test from staples, when all i've been doing the past year is computer repair and support. makes no goddamn sense... so me not being able to get a job is putting stress on my brother who in turn has a bitch girlfriend who is anti-social and needy and whiney and gets what she wants by telling him she's leaving him then comes back an hour later... im sick of it... ****ing sick of it so i've decided that im going to head to the east coast and reboot my life... my mom who was never there for me while i was growing up has decided that she would like to offer me help and a place to stay and an opportunity to get a job there and save and just be better... which would in turn be drama free and no bull**** that i would have to deal with... which is going to be good for me.... so i had to cancel my gym membership here... and now the first or second week in february ill be heading to massachussets... so until i get there, and i get a gym membership you wont be hearing from me... hopefully things will get better.. they've already gotten to be the worse they can be,....

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Days 5-6

Took a few days off.. my body has been sore as hell... I didn't cheat too bad on the diet... kinda lounged today for the football games though.. went to the gym and did a little bit of cardio then went to walmart and took back a water filtration system... got a different one instead... hopefully tomorrow night i'll get back in the swing of things... tomorrow afternoon i have a job interview, so that'll be good.. can't wait for that... i'm hoping I ace it so i can start having income and a better workout and sleep schedule..

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Day 4

Today sucked at the gym! not because the workouts were hard, but because there were a ton of old people there that wanted to banter and bull**** about random crap then work out and they hogged up the weight stacks and the machines and just sat there and babbled about nothingness.. on top of that, the cardio room was full to the brim... so just did what i could do that day, and after i was done with doing triceps and back because those were literally the only things that were open... i just gave up on cardio cause there was no room in there... seriously.. it was like it was a geriatric ward from a hospital ... all of these people musta been retired... or something... i am going to try to get there tomorrow AM at 6am.. but if i don't make it there at that time im just gonna wait until about 9pm to go instead... screw that noise.. that was pretty frustrating especially cause i wanted to get a good workout in today since my tattoo session is on wendesday! ... oh and i guess good news... i got offered an interview for a pc repair technician job at a local office store... so that'll be a good thing.. i do that monday...

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Day 3

Went to bed last night at about 10pm with the intention of sleeping till 1am then going to the gym, ended up sleeping till 6am! and got up and went to the gym right after eating some oatmeal and taking my vitamins... I got a **** ton of stuff done AFTER the gym this morning! It actually was pretty cool to go to the gym and just bust it out in the morning... i'm not going to do it tonight but if i can maintain going right when I wake up i'd like to schedule it so that I get there and get some cardio in 3 hours at the end of the night before i go to bed! that way i can get some double stuff in! .. come wendesday i'm getting some tattoo work done on my upper right arm.... so i'm not sure how long ill not be able to do any lifting but im sure my tattoo artist will know what/how/when...

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Days 1 and 2 RESET! NEW YEAR!

New year! resetting the days to 1 and 2! the 1st was spent being lazy and relaxing... and this morning I went back to the gym and did some light training to get myself back in my groove... it felt good tonight, real good... i can't wait to get back in there later tonight/tomorrow morning to get back on track and get busting some more... I can only go UP! the ****ty thing is my dog got bit by the goddamn pit bull that my brothers girlfriend has AGAIN... this time in her upper arm... so far it doesnt look too bad but ive been monitoring it for redness and tendersness i just really cant afford to go to the vet... but i wont hesitate if i think she needs to go... so far ive been using neosporin so we'll see how that goes and if the punctures start to close up and heal the next few days... its goddamn pathetic how she's pretty much been injured the entire first month of me being here, all because when we were drinking she wanted to try to "introduce them" again.. for ****s sake her goddamn foot finally healed enough to where i dont have to keep a sock on it... and now this.... its so frustrating..

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