Diary of a Mad Fat Woman

Okay so my last blog was a little overboard.  I wasn’t actually going to commit clean eating suicide I justed needed to vent.  I’m so thankful for the bodybloggers who took the time to remind me of some very important things such as:

• Stop obsessing over the scale and rely on my bodyfat percentage and measurements as a more accurate indicator
• Review my progress pics and look at how far I have already come.
• Think about what I’d feel like after eating a bunch of garbage. (and we all know the answer to that)
• Kick up the cardio
• And my favorite…..decide if I want to be writing a I’m starting over blog or a I look great in a bikini blog this summer

Of course my choice is the bikini blog, so I hide the scale and checked my bodyfat.  I was happy to see that it was 4% lower than the last time I checked.  That gave me the boost I needed to kick it back into high gear.  Thanks guys!  I need to hear ALL of that.                   Â
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I need some advice, encouragement, or anything anyone can offer.  I am seriously frustrated and ready to call it quits.  I know that sounds dramatic but this plateau with up and down elevations is really kicking my butt and killing my motiviation.  I have been battling with the scale for over 2 months now.  I can’t seem to break out of the 160s.  

In June I weighed 164.  On August 23 I saw some hope when I weighed in at 157.  Then on September 29 I was a little disappointed to still see 157, but happy not to be look at 160 something.  Well, I just got on the scale and I felt like throwing it out the window when I saw 168.  What the……..?

I have been eating clean and working out but the numbers are going up not down.  Ever since I moved I have had a difficult time maintaining a consistent workout schedule but I do try to get in 2-3 days a week (sometimes all cardio, sometimes all strength).  I use to workout at least 5 days.  I eat 5-6 small meals (complex carb/protein) a day and I allow myself 1 or 2 cheat meals on the weekend (which is nothing new).  I drink water like a elephant throughout the day.   

Can anyone tell me what the problem is?  Today I sat at the table with my co-workers and watched them gobble down barbeque pork, chicken tenders, Texas toast, potato salad, cole slaw, chocolate brownies, and sodas.  I choose to eat my salmon, whole wheat pasta, and Koshi granola bar.  I was proud of myself then , but right now I am feeling like I may as well indulge since all my hard work has stopped paying off.  I mean I see a little more definition when I look in the mirror but these numbers are driving me nuts. 

Being 225 pounds again really scares me and I cannot let that happen, but I am feeling very defeated.  What am I doing wrong?  What is my next step?  Can someone give me some advice?