So It’s HER fault?
Yesterday I was listening to this radio show and the hosts were discussing Rihanna’s interview with Diane Sawyer about her abuse from Chris Brown. What happened next was astounding to me. They allowed opinions from callers and a lot of these callers were women. This is where it really got disturbing to me. Most of the women said that Rihanna needs to just let it go and everyone should get off of Chris Brown’s back and give him a second chance for his mistake. My mouth dropped. I could not believe the backlash that these women were giving Rihanna. Have we gotten so insensitive and uncaring as a country that we don’t even know how traumatic physical abuse is? No wonder so many men get away with doing this and their wives go back to them, because we have no one willing to defend these women against these a $ $ clowns!! I mean Chris Brown was given oppurtunity after oppurtunity to tell his side while Rihanna said nothing for the last 9 months since this happened, yet society is willing to blame this on her. I’m gonna tell you this. I dare ANY man to put his hands on any woman that I am closely related to, friend, family or otherwise. If you put your hands on a woman, YOU ARE NOT A MAN, YOU ARE A COWARD and you aren’t bold enough to fight another man. And I have NO problem saying that I will go to jail if I have to to make sure you don’t put your hands on another woman. And for you women that are dogging this young lady or any young lady that goes through this….SHAME ON YOU!! Ok now i’m off my soapbox. I may post something about training later on but I was so pissed listening to some of these opinions yesterday that i had to go somewhere to get this off my chest.
November 10, 2009 at 7:49 am
Thanks for posting this Wayne…well said.
November 10, 2009 at 7:53 am
Being a woman I can say that it disturbs me that Rihanna is being blamed. I am sure, if it wasnt chris brown, she wouldnt be getting the backlash. I am just wondering what happen to the strong woman, who would not take the abuse and walk away. you are right when you say, any man that hits a woman is a coward. and they would never stand up to another man. I was raised by a strong southern mother, and my father tried it one time, and after that he was so afraid, he wouldnt think twice about it. Again, I just want to know what is going on in this country, why are abusers being idolized, and the victims being ridiculed.
Wayne thank you for speaking your mind on this.
November 10, 2009 at 8:01 am
I as well was appalled @ the fact that most wanted her to sit down & shut up. I could not believe my ears!!!! I am glad she finally said something b/c God knows Chris has been running his mouth all over town and no one has told him 2 sit down & shut up. He did wrong and now she is getting the hate 4 it. It is so sad that we give the man a pass and the victim gets the static. So backwards. I can’t understand it. Have we become that insensitive?
November 10, 2009 at 8:07 am
Maunaloa….. no problem
newlifenewbody….I wish women would organize this thing where they all go out and by a gun and declare that domestic violence would no longer make its way into their life or their families’ lives
Divajane…I really believe some women or so afraid to be alone that they just accept it and sadly they pass it down to the next generation
November 10, 2009 at 8:25 am
Yeah I’d like to see what any of those clowns who think it’s Rihanna’s fault do if their boyfriend/husband beats them to a pulp.
I’ve got a phrase for the Chris Brown’s of the world "Talented Thugs". I don’t care what they’re known for they don’t deserve respect or admiration.
I agree, shame on those JA’s who want to let him off the hook. They’re just as selfish.
November 10, 2009 at 8:27 am
I see you were very emotional about it. I guess I am slower to chose sides. Doing the work that I do. I know there are always two sides. No one can make you do anything- Chris was wrong for his behavior. The only person you can control is yourself- Rhianna has to chose her role and how she will conduct herself in the future.
November 10, 2009 at 8:40 am
I still can’t believe Chris said "what happened was a private matter between us" but he was out on every show talking about it for the last 9 months. If it was private then it should have stayed private. I think he was more concerned with his own reputation then what she must have been feeling. I think she was very brave to sit and talk about it in detail with the world. However I don’t think she owed us that. I think celebrity is a disease now. A disease that everyone seems to want to catch.
November 10, 2009 at 8:44 am
Damien…my point exactly, i think these guys have gotten to the point to where they glorify this stuff in pop culture so people are just willing to accept this in life as well
Tina…I realize that it is on you to take control but so many women have been told that they have to accept it since birth that their minds have been programmed to go back to this life.
I’m really dissapointed that more men haven’t been coming in to speak on this
November 10, 2009 at 8:52 am
Wayne,
You words were right on key! Ya there always two sides to a story but I beleive that no side still permits a man to hit a woman. It doesn’t matter if she was wrong, he still shouldn’t have laid his hands on her! That sad that people would take his side on the matter.
If you experienced abuse you know first hand that the person abuse always beleives it there fault. Even sometimes there family members do also! But I sorry, I just feel that there is no way in he.. that a person should hit another woman. I come from a long line of strong woman, my great, great grandmother was alive a few years back and she taught me that no matter how angry you get you never, and I mean never hit a woman! You take your leave if you have to, but hitting and abusing a woman was out of the question. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENED!! And I am so with you on the matter, if any one EVERY DEARED TO him my mother, grandmother or sister they would be cowards. Because a real man can walk away, but a child and a kid hits! That all I have to say on this subject, it pissed me off to.
J
November 10, 2009 at 9:02 am
I’m just glad she chose to finally get away from him. So often, victims of domestic violence return to their abusers, only to be abused again and again. It takes a really strong woman with lots of support to leave the situation like she did. I’m glad she is finally telling he side of the story.
November 10, 2009 at 9:06 am
Jsump….. The best thing about guys like you and I is that we come from a long line of strong women who didn’t take that crap and taught us not to treat women like that. Hell my mom would flip if she saw me going on a date and not opening the door for a lady.
KC… because she had a strong backing from people in Hollywood and the music industry, she was able to get away, but not every woman has that kind of support system which is why we need to know the signs and be bold enough to stand up to the pricks out there that do this
November 10, 2009 at 9:34 am
Control???? The key element to domestic abuse/violence is control whereby the abuser dominates and or controls the victim such to the degree that even the one lease likely to be entangled in an unhealthy relationship is caught unaware. The cycle of abuse does not start with hitting it is first initiated by mentally striping the victim therefore taking “control” over the victim thoughts, ability to think clearly and to act swiftly even if their own safety has been greatly compromised. Compound by the consuming thoughts of what OTHERS will think, say or do especially if the victim is a professional/educated/by all appearance grounded; strong and stable such will further strip the victim of “control”. Far too often it is the physical abuse/violence that society responds to because it is tangible but the greater damage has already taken place well before the physical. Through no fault of one looking from the outside in you would think “he hit her she should leave” yet when one has no mental capacity to seeing themselves on the other side of the abuse/violence their will to live is quickly dashed. Believe me when I tell you this, for those of us who survive the battle endured at the hand of the abuser nothing compares to the war we now face to reclaim “control” that was forcefully taken.
November 10, 2009 at 10:02 am
You hit or abuse a woman or a child and your a$$ is ragged in my eyes. Few things piss me off like the abuse heaped on those two groups of people.
I don’t care what happend, what she said or did. If the woman in your life is not someone you want to be with, makes you miserable and makes you want to hit her, leave. Life’s too short to put up with that kind of crap and any man that doesn’t have the stones to just walk away isn’t really a man.
November 10, 2009 at 10:07 am
If Rihanna was my daugter, Chris Brown would be missing. That can happen you know.
November 10, 2009 at 10:10 am
I just watched the interview over the weekend and some of the comments on the youtube video echoed the same sentiments.
Diane Sawyer had asked her at one point if she had ever hit him and she said no, Even if she did I don’t think that gives him the right to go balistic on her and beat the living hell out of her like that. I mean that look she was describing in the interview that Chris Brown had in his eyes that is Charlie Manson/Ted Bundy type expressions. That kid needs some mental help.
November 10, 2009 at 10:11 am
Renew…great point and that is why i can’t say enough that tehre needs to be a support system for these women. Rihanna would not have even thought of coming forward if not for the support she had.
Crab….the problem is that these pricks don’t want to walk away. this may be the only time in their lives that they have control over anything or anybody. So they keep them from leaving also by threatening their lives
November 10, 2009 at 10:32 am
Steve….My sentiments exactly.
Kero…that is the thing tha really gets me. Somehow it was put out that she hit him first. That really doesn’t matter. chris Brown admitted right after it happened that he used to see his mom abused. That should sound something off right there that you should not want to do that to your girlfriend
November 10, 2009 at 10:33 am
Support does exist and I was strongly encouraged to seek it but the perceived ridicule which is exactly what those callers were doing about Rhinna thinking that she either did something to prompt his actions or took a swing at him will cause you to remain silent. Even now if I tell of my story, there will be one who would ask…did you come from that type of environment i.e. was your father an abuser or question what my participation was in the situation. It’s been 8 yrs and “is it my fault” still creeps in from time to time.
Crab, my brother-in-law offered to do a hit no lie. Had a “friend” who worked for beer and smoke. I passed LOL
November 10, 2009 at 10:51 am
Renew, depending on the circumstances, I work for free and this is one of those circumstances.
November 10, 2009 at 11:00 am
LOL Crab….You and me both. I shoot first and ask God’s forgiveness later
November 10, 2009 at 11:03 am
I had this thought about the interview she did Friday. There are a lot of haters in this world and In my thoughts I think that people were turned off by her strength. She came off as a very strong and confident iyoung lady in her session and haters will look @ that as almost to say well no better for her.Because she was strong months later that she could have stopped it or done something different.Or she could have done something about it with all that she has and who she is. I think that if she came off weak and mild the thoughts might have been different. I was abused a long time ago maybe 2 times(and that was 2 too many) but I am too strong to have let myself continue in that relationship.U somehow think that they love u so much that they will change and never do it again but there is something inside of them that they can not control that makes them act out. I don’t understand when did strength,courage and wisdom turn to "she deserves it"?!. That is almost like blaming the wife for contracting HIV from her downlow husband. U can not control others behavior. All u can do is Be strong, buck up and get the heck outta there. B/c love is a lot of things but it does not hurt!!
November 10, 2009 at 11:13 am
Sharlott….sorry I missed your comment. If chris wants all of this to be private, why did he beat her and humiliate her in a public matter and of all places to do it, in the huge backdrop of the music industy’s biggest night.
Hey Divajane…There was this song that Karyn White had out about 10 years or so ago about abuse where she basically said she would rather be alone than be unhappy. I just wish some of these women could develop this kind of inner strength.But so many of them fight this battle alone
November 10, 2009 at 11:37 am
We need to extend our outrage to all forms of abuse: physical, mental and sexual. In the end, it’s all about people who are more powerful taking advantage of people who are less so. And anyone who exerts that kind of force should be dealt with in the same manner - if you get my meaning.
November 10, 2009 at 11:42 am
c16alberts….That is basically my point…ALL abuse is wrong and should be dealt with the same way it was dealt out
November 10, 2009 at 6:12 pm
You hit me like a man, I am going to hit you like a man. My momma told me that.
She is only talking now because her new CD is about to drop.
November 11, 2009 at 4:00 am
My views are somewhat different. I try not to judge others, but most of all I don’t want to put the men in my life in a position where they would have to go get a gun and ask God for forgiveness later. I look at the root of the issue that is even deeper than the symptoms of the abuse- on a man’s or woman’s part, something happened (done or said) that was not wise prior to that first lick that went out of control and we don’t have the details. In the interview she said things ‘escalated’ out of control for the both of them; Wisdom here, somebody, wisdom- do you want right or do you want peace? Wisdom (on his part or her part) would have backed down and not let things ‘escalate’ out of control. Let’s hope and pray they both get some good therapy and learn a better way of communications and expressing their frustrations in a relationship to a point where situations don’t have to escalate out of control in the next relationship.
November 12, 2009 at 7:07 am
Ant…that is about the dumbest thing I ever heard. I can understand defending yourself to the point that the situation is under control but this man nearly had this girl unconscious, there is never ANY reason for this to go this far. And whether whe has a record about to drop or not, she has the right to talk about her situation. Because of her, women of lesser known status can come out to talk about their situations
Mytam….I hope both of their lives improve but my problem is with the defense of the man and the condemnation of the victim.
November 15, 2009 at 2:22 pm
WAYNE: I’m going to hire you as my personal bodyguard! I missed the interview, but am not surprised by the lack of insensitivity. I’ve got A TON I could say on this…but I’ll keep it to myself. I speak from both perspectives. "Abuse" in any form is wrong and it speaks volumes for both parties involved. We can’t judge their situations b/c we are all outsiders…..all we can do is hope that at least one person will leanr fron this unfortunate situation.
(Way to vent Wayne!!")
November 16, 2009 at 9:42 am
I will be your bodyguard for life Laura, i’m just waiting on you to say YES and tell me to move to Cali.