V’s Journey

What keeps me out of trouble and occupied…?  My training programme.  So here it is in all its glory.

 It takes about 2 hours to work through, Mondays a little longer.  It still surprises me that the women at my gym think I’m on some magic pill or have some supernatural ability that has given me the results I have.  Nope, it comes down to this… I work damn hard. 

This programme also gets adjusted regularly depending on the gains I make.  I have not included the weights I use because these are getting heavier with almost every workout.

It’s Winter here.  I literally don’t have anything warm to wear.  None of my old clothes fit me.  So I made it my mission to find some office wear this weekend (the thrill of being casual every day is wearing off). 

The malls were crazy, lots of sales on.  Lots of husbands/boyfriends enduring the fitting room dramas of their partners. 

I was in a cubicle at one store where I could hear the man/husband being completely uncomfortable about standing in a women’s fitting room.  He was trying to calm down a screaming child and he mentioned to his wife/girlfriend that he would take their son out to distract him.  She screeched back, "Who is going to approve my outfits??!!"

At which point I’m thinking lady/woman/female I don’t know you but I want to slap you!  What do you mean "approve my outfit?" are you like 10 years old?? I hear the exasperated sigh from the husband/boyfriend/male.  He was trying to be helpful and remove himself from an uncomfortable situation and all he got was screeching. 

Ladies/women/females/sisters… you of my same gender… I beg you… please stop dragging your husbands/boyfriends/partners and children with you when you’re shopping for clothes for you.  It is torturous to them.  It is torturous to me.  Please be merciful and let them go to the hardware store!

I must also mention that I hate trying things on in store. 

In general I have very little fondness for crowds, the craziness, was making me umm well crazy.

But what REALLY added to my anxiety is what seems to be the major fashion trend for the season… PLAID!!

When I think of women who wear plaid, the following people come to mind… Samantha Ronson, Rosie O’Donnell, Melissa Etheridge… It has not been confirmed to me that these people have ACTUALLY worn plaid… but I have a nasty suspicion. 

Also, when I see plaid, I can’t help but think of the song "I’m a lumberjack…"   Do you know that song?  All I remember is the first two lines, the guys used to burst out singing that any time they thought someone was being a twat (especially if they were wearing plaid), so I have this association.  Plaid = lumberjack = twat.

If you’re a plaid lover, please forgive me for my forthright distate for the stuff.  I really don’t think it’s feminine at all.  It is suitable for horse blankets and lumberjacks.

It occurred to me that with this abundance of plaid in all the shops that I was not going to find ANYTHING to wear.  My anxiety levels went through the roof.  Oi vey!

(Such is my anxiety that I am enjoying a Domino’s Crispy Crust pizza as I write this.)

Remember the focus was to find clothes for WORK… I was beginning to think that I was going to look terrible and get cold this winter. And then! I found a beautiful pair of boots! Yay! Except for my jeans I have nothing that goes with the boots.  I’m thinking, who cares? I need to come away from this expedition with at least one item that would make the suffering tolerable. 

I now own a pair of lovely, chocolate colored cowboy boots.  And still not a thing for work.   

I guess we repeat the expedition next weekend. Just remember "Say NO to plaid!!"

Onto my theme song for the week… Bruce Springsteen wrote a song about me.  Didn’t know that?

Well, not really.  This is one of my favorite songs of all time, feels like The Boss DID write it for me.  This week I’m tending to my garden.

It’s Christmas time.  The tree is up.  The lights are on.  There are beautifully wrapped gifts under the boughs of the tree.  There is one particular gift, it has your name on it.  The box is beautiful.  It is gold with a red satin bow (traditional Christmas colors).  This box is the prettiest of all the gifts under the tree.  It has your name on it.

Every time you walk into the room, you look at that gift.  You don’t touch it, no, that would ruin the anticipation.  But you look every time.  It seems to you the gift is getting prettier every time you look at it.  It’s a big box and you imagine the exciting thing that it could contain.   Oooh… the anticipation!!

Christmas morning, the moment has come! Finally you will be able to to open your gift…

As you lift the box, it feels oddly light.  No matter you say to yourself, diamonds don’t weigh that much.

You pull the bow, lift the lid and push aside the tissue paper to find…

Nothing!

Huh? Maybe the diamond has slipped into one of the corners of the box (it is a big box after all?).  You stick your hand in the box, and feel around.  No, nothing. 

 How would you feel in that situation?  Cheated?  Angry? Hurt?

All that promise (it was a big, beautiful box) and then no delivery. 

I have been thinking about the concept of beauty and our perception of beauty in others for a bit… bear with me as I realise that this may be a strange topic for a bodybuilding site. 

I have encountered many people who have the most beautiful external packaging and yet when you lift the lid, when you push aside the tissue and even after you’ve searched out the corners, there is nothing. 

That is thoroughly disappointing. 

Why? Because here is the mean awful trick that external beauty plays on us… we get used to it, we become immune to it.  We do.  

  If you left your Christmas decorations out all year, would they lose their meaning?  Would they become "every day"?  Of course they would.  We need seasons to keep things refreshed.

Back to people…  I know we get bored with the packaging, it’s one of the reasons we update our avi’s.  I’m admitting to my vanity here.

Some people take it further than changing avi’s.  It’s the reason why people can get addicted to plastic surgery.

Sshhhh! Let me share a secret with you…

What if there was another gift under the tree.  It didn’t have the shiny packaging, it didn’t have a satin bow.  It was kinda small and it almost got totally missed.  It also, has your name on it, but in very small writing.  You open it up and it contains…. everything you’ve ever hoped for. 

It’s funny and smart.  It listens to your heart.  It tells you when you’ve screwed up.  It’s on your side unwaiveringly.  It’s kind and fair.  It is a flawless, beautiful diamond.  (Yes, I’ve totally mixed my metaphors here… lol)

Some people are happy with having a beautiful, but empty box.  They can show it off to boost their own ego’s but heaven help us if you try to have a conversation with the beautiful packaging.  But we know, even the thrill of showing off a beautiful package wears off.

I know what it feels like to be overlooked because you don’t have the flashy wrapping. That taught me humility.  I am grateful for that.  It also taught me to look for the real value of people, the inside stuff. 

I admit, I do enjoy beautifully wrapped gifts.  However, I always want to know… what’s inside?  

Gift wrapping gets discarded, only the gift is kept.

During the initial stages of my transformation I playfully posted some photos of me at gym on my Facebook profile, with a fun caption that read "Yes, I really look this good when I’m working out".  One of my "friends" posted a comment that "obviously someone had some humble pie… NOT!" 

I responded swiftly and angrily with this comment:

“Someone once told me that true humility is having a true assessment of yourself.  I stand by my first comment!”

One of my real friends then responded “You own it V!”

That was near the beginning of this transformation.  Now, I can truly own it.  I do look this great!  Woohoo! 

I had my monthly assessment this morning and had a complete moment of this is real, I’ve really done this.  I am still losing fat and gaining muscle appropriately.  I’m a spit’s distance away from normal BFI and BMI. 

Amazing because I started out in August with a BFI of 48%.  For real! 48%!  I’m now down to 32%. 

I have lost 59lbs (27kg)! A 61% change according to the helpful progress chart on my profile.  My body has changed completely.

It really hit home when on the elliptical stepper this morning I caught a glimpse of a really beautiful woman and then realised I was looking at ME! 

I know this post is a total "Me Fest" but it became real to me today.  I’ve been working and working and seeing little changes.  Today for the first time I saw the BIG change. And because I’m a total girl I’m so happy that I’m crying.

I Am So Proud of Me!

Now peeps, I’ve told you all that my theme song for the week is not about "work out music". 

It’s about setting the tone for the rest of my week.  This week I’ve decided that the theme song is all about you, my dear friends (you know who you are) who support and encourage me and listen to my stories. 

If you feel all warm and fuzzy inside at the thought of being one of those "you know who you are" friends then it’s for you (aww aren’t I just the nicest, humblest person on the planet? ).  Enjoy!  Have a fantastic week!

Someone I know on Facebook who is (I think) a 50 year bachelor posted the following rather sad thing to his wall:

"’One of the terrible injustices of life that as a man grows older he still experiences the same sort of desire for attractive young women that he’s always had, and yet age makes him become steadily less attractive to them’ quote from A Good Day to Die by Simon Kernick"

It got me thinking.  Yup, there I go with all that thinking stuff. 

Actually I laughed first (definitely, you’ll get lots of dates through FB when you post this type of stuff to your wall… sure), then it made me think.

 I’m not being callous (although someone said I should toughen up and develop some callousness).

The reason I laughed, is because I know its not age that makes a man less attractive to younger women. 

It is how the man has aged.  This is applicable to women too.  How have you aged?

For me age is not the number of years you have lived.  That is just a number.  Age is determined by how sharp you’ve kept youself mentally and physically.  I admire many people on this site who have defied the trend that says you have to look a certain way because you’ve lived a certain number of years.  In other words there are many hot people out there who have lived a couple of years.

Resistance training keeps you young.  (Google it if you don’t believe me).  You do not have to be old and decrepit.  Yes, certainly none of us will live forever, but our training will ensure a much better quality of life now and later.

You could have lived for 25 years and be old.  My Facebook acquaintance unfortunately falls into this category. Once again it comes down to the choices you make. 

Old (before your time)? Or damn fine? It’s up to you. 

I was doing cardio this morning when this video came on the music channel.  I laughed so loud I almost fell off the eliptical stepper, I could not breathe.  Just savor the irony of having this play in a gym:

I have had to admit defeat.  Okay, not quite defeat but I have to adjust my training.

I had asked my trainer to really challenge me the last time we adjusted my programme.  She took me seriously and designed a programme that is kicking my butt.  Lower body programme, no problem there.  My legs are eating it up (apparently just melting away, lol). 

Upper body, is the problem.  We were hitting too many major groups with each workout which meant I was failing far too soon.  Failing on the 3rd rep of a 1st set is very disheartening.  Back to the drawing board. 

We are now incorporating a 3 way split. Hopefully I get the new upper body programme tonight.  Mentally, it’s tough to face a workout that you know has the better of you before you begin. 

I’ve got to keep it real.  Push hard but push smart.  And then push harder!

I cannot believe that I am confessing to this… but here goes…

I believe this week’s theme song will inspire much dancing (Herm’s friend Ian comes to mind).  This song was HUGE some time in the 90’s. 

The "you" in the song is my training.  LOL.  If the song doesn’t inspire at least it will have you laughing.  The fantastic choreography in the video well… it speaks for itself.

It’s the title of an album by one of my favorite bands - Seether (www.seether.com). 

It is also an approach to life. 

It is unrealistic to expect things to always go to plan. It is immature to expect life to be exuberantly happy all the time.  It is childish to expect to be friends with everyone.  The truth is there is Negative Space.

And sometimes you are front and centre in the Negative Space.

Kim wrote an excellent piece on choices - read it http://blog.bodybuilding.com/fitclubmom/2009/04/09/the-choices-we-make/

And then read Shan’s post on owning what you do http://blog.bodybuilding.com/ShanBL/2009/04/09/i-own-what-i-do

What to do if you’ve made the right choices and you’ve owned it BUT you still find yourself in a Negative Space? 

I do this one small thing.  I look for beauty in Negative Spaces.  I say small thing because we’re often looking for the full fire-works display and missing the fireflies while they put on their best show for us. 

Yes, it is the small things that will see you through the Negative Space. 

Many years ago I worked in the ugliest, most dangerous part of Johannesburg.  At 7.30 am the hookers would already be lined up for business.  It was cold, ugly and dirty.  It was during a time of interracial tension.  The daily drive into the ugliness was really starting to get to me.  One morning I stopped at lights and noticed this little scene:

Three children about 6 years old, a white one, a brown one and a dark brown one were skipping down the street on their way to school.  Swinging their lunch bags.  Holding each other’s hands.  And smiling.  The clouds open up and a beam of light shines down on the three of them.

They looked truly happy. The ugliness of their surroundings did not seem to affect their happiness.  They were unaware of the racial tension in the country.  It was a completely beautiful moment.  It flashed by in about 5 seconds.  The scene changed that quickly back to the dark, ugliness of the city.  It was all I needed.  Beauty in a Negative Space.  That scene helped me over the next couple of months as I repeated the daily commute. 

It is difficult to find beauty if you’ve only trained your (mind’s) eye to see only the ugliness or failure.  I think we’ve all encountered the person that only spouts negativity.  They’re a good example of not seeing beauty in negative spaces.  They have chosen to focus on that which is negative.  Are you that person?  Go read Kim’s post again.  And then choose to retrain your focus.

Find something good to appreciate.  It doesn’t have to be huge.  Meditate/focus/think on this good thing.  What you are doing is gifting to yourself your own Beauty in Negative Space.

I had a link to a Seether song (Broken featuring Amy Lee) here but on further contemplation I thought it would be more appropriate to have a season/holiday specific song.  Still stuck on Matisyahu.  Remember to contemplate/meditate/think on the beautiful things - they’re there just look!

To my complete horror I found out that my gym will be closed for THREE days over Easter weekend.  New Zealand is basically a secular society but they do love Easter.  Easter = Retail splurge.  Lots of chocolate and hot cross buns.  And my gym closing for three freaking days!

Yes, damn the Heathens that celebrate my holidays!

So I’ve found a high performance sport centre close-by that will be my temporary gym home while the mommies that patronize my gym get fat on easter eggs and not going to gym for three days!

Friday night we had a prizegiving for the run we did last month.  I won a prize. Yay! For best running buddy.  Got a great, technical training t-shirt.  

The prizegiving also gave me an opportunity to socialise with my fellow gym attendees. 

I don’t chat when I workout.  I’m in gym to make friends with MY body and NObody else.

I’m glad I made the effort to socialise because it turns out that most of the women who were irritating me are actually trying to emulate me.  Wow!

I made use of the opportunity to lecture one of the women on how irritating it is when people leave their crap (iPods, water bottles, etc) on the work benches.  Since then she has not been engaging in this behaviour.  

I missed out though.  I should also have lectured her about jumping rope in the free weight area… go find a freaking studio, I don’t want to get whacked in the face with a rope! 

Happy training everyone!

I choose what my outlook is going to be for the week and then I pick the soundtrack to it. 

I do have an internal MP3 player.  If I’m playing Air Supply (thanks French_pedi) then I tend to feel sorry for myself (and weirdly it takes me back to every break up I’ve ever had).  So no Air Supply at the moment.

I am not a genre specific person - if I like a song, then I like it so that does mean I tend to like everything from ABBA to ZZ Top and a lot of obscure music in between.

This first time I watched/heard this week’s theme song, it blew me away.  Because it blew away some stereotypes I had, I like when that happens.  

Some of the lyrics:

You’re a slave to yourself and you don’t even know
You want to live the fast life but your brain moves slow
 

Hope you all had an awesome weekend!