Trudee’s BodyBlog

Yesterday I encountered a HUGE misunderstanding with a friend and it caused both of us some stress for the day   Through several PM’s we were able to work it out through honesty and caring.  That’s the one thing I HATE about the internet…one person may write something in a positive way and the other reads it as a not so nice thing LOL .  Part of my recovery has involved being honest with myself and other people.  I let too many people walk all over me in the past.  I held it in until I almost wasted away.  I vowed not to do that anymore.  I decided I would be honest with the people I cared about when they hurt my feelings or I disagreed (in a nice way) and I would say SO LONG to the emotional suckers that pulled me down.  I’ve also learned to suck it up and apologize when I’m wrong.  Whether it’s a student at school or my husband (but I’m always right with that one so I hardly ever have to apologize LOL)  if I am wrong I will say I am sorry.  I know what it feels like to be hurt and have people walk away and act like it was fine and I don’t want anyone else to feel that hurt.  I always try to say things in a nice way but I still hate if people are upset with me but honesty to me has become more important.  I think I have more respect for myself and others have more for me when I don’t hover in the corner.  I also feel better all around when I let someone know how I feel.  I also think that if someone wants to be in my life then we have to be able to be honest and open.  Needless to say my friend and I aired our feelings are on the same page now.  I’m looking forward to our journey together …bumps and all

Today was a speed endurance day and I have to say DAMN I’m getting good.  The intervals aren’t seeming as hard.  I’m going to stick with this until Jan and redo my whole workout for a fresh start.  My speed intervals were between 5.5 and 6.4  I did my hill climbing at the 5.5 intervals.  I logged 4 miles of running and cooled down with 1 mile walking.

My neck is a little better today.  I can look to my right without swiveling my WHOLE body LOL.  After I get off the computer I will be icing it.  It’s giving me a headache too so I’m sure some Tylenol is in my future!

I have one major goal in life as far as my body goes and it’s this:

I want to be fit, healthy, and not so obsessive about food and exercise. 

Feeling comfortable with my workouts and my body is more important to me than lifting 200 pounds.  My goal is not to be ripped (I don’t have the stmaina to maintain a ripped body 365 days a year nor do I have the time) but to look fit and healthy and be active until the day I die.  The  less obsessive I have become about food I’m actually looking BETTER.  I want a lean runner’s body. I was actually FASTER when I was smaller.  I could run a 26 min 5K and now it about kills me!  I still want sculpted muscle, I just don’t want/need big muscles.  I think the women on this site look AMAZING and I am in awe of them and their hard work but for most that’s their lifestyle/job because they are competitors.  I’m a competitior too…I’m a runner.  My needs are slightly different then most people on this site.  Don’t get me wrong I bust my ASS everytime I work out and work hard every run I do but by taking away some of the outside interference I’m less stressed and more able to cope with my exercise rather than dread it.  I also feel that I work harder when I’m not dreading it or feeling like I’m going to pass out.  I do think you can get a good workout without lifting heavy weights.  Heavy weights aren’t for everyone.  I like a middle ground…let’s say medium weights LOL.  I don’t think I’m spinning my wheels because I don’t lift heavy.  If my running is improving and I can see my muscles in the mirror when I lift how can I not be getting somewhere???  I am starting to see the cut in my arms and my shoulders look bigger…something is working.  I’m not an idiot because I ask questions.  To me knowledge is power and I LOVE to pick people’s brains and get their ideas and perspectives on things.  That’s why I ask questions…not because I have no clue but because I want to see what works for other people and get new IDEAS.  I LOVE and appreciate all the advice and kind words I receive through my blog and PM. 

What I do for a workout DOES not reflect on anyone else nor does it make me less of a person (my own words and feelings…no one said this to me).  I am getting stronger and faster and I’m HAPPY and excited about working out again and THAT is what matters.  I’m slowly starting to like what I’m seeing in the mirror and that is a big step for me.  I need to accept for my body and LOVE it for what it does for me…even if I don’t like my weight   or my extra flab  LOL

Onto my workout LOL.  Today was back and bi’s.  I loved it but my arms are still on fire.  I did 15 reps on most exercises unless I used 15 pound DB’s then I could only do 8 reps.  I woke up with a stiff neck so I wasn’t sure how it would go today…seemed fine though.  It took a full 45 minutes to get through.  I did supersets of 3 sets per rotation.  I feel good!

I think my positive workout yesterday had a big impact on my run today.  I felt good the whole time and my body didn’t feel like 105 pounds of pure lead.  I did a 5 mile endurance run.  I’m still doing the program I got from Runner’s World and I really like it so I think I will stick with it.  Thursday is speed day and every other Thursday afternoon I run with a friend for 5-6 miles.

My legs are sore today but it’s a different soreness.  It’s not the lead feeling but the worked feeling.  I really do enjoy the 10-15 rep range and plan on going back to that.  When I say I lift heavy I could only do 5-6 reps…sometimes 8 at the most.  I probably would’ve seriously hurt myself at 10.  My bones don’t ache today just my muscles.  I still use 15 lb DB’s so it’s not all that light but to some I’m sure it seems like tossing a ball LOL.  Oh well it seems to work for me.  I have also deflated my belly with lack of stress about the workouts so that’s a HUGE bonus!

I have an Amazon.com addiction that goes along with my workout DVD addiction.  I found 3 new ones I really want.  I keep reminding myself Christmas is coming up.  I love the Biggest Loser workouts and there are 2 new ones and a new Jackie Warner one.  I’m also looking at the New York City Ballet one and a few geared towards runners.  I need to get rid of some of the really easy ones I have to make room for the more advanced ones!

I changed my workout up a bit today and the effects were totally unexpected.  I did my normal leg workout BUT I decided to forgo the heavy weights for this week to see how it goes and see how my body responds.  I only used DB’s on a few exercises (still the heavy weighted ones) but I used my own body weight/my stability ball (hamstring curls) or my reisistance band.  I upped the reps to 15 which was hard on some of them LOL.  I supersetted the exercises for even more burn.  OMG my butt and thighs were on FIRE!  Usually they just feel fatigued but they were sore,sore,sore.  I was sweating within the second set and I’m still feeling a burn in my glutes!  The biggest kicker is I always walk for 15 minutes on the TM after my weights.  Normally I get right on and go.  When I started it today my legs were like lead and I could barely do it! LOL  Now I’m not an expert but I’m guessing I got a better leg workout today than I have it the past and I didn’t use heavy weights.  Sometimes I think heavy weights stresses my body out quite a bit…like it’s too much for it to handle.  I’m not looking to be super huge and ripped.  I like the muscles I have now but wouldn’t mind having them grow a little but I’m not obsessed about it.  I came away with a postive attitude today from my workout not a defeated one and than equals success to me.

I started reading Jillian Michael’s book Master Your Metabolism last night and it is VERY interesting.  My hormones are obviously out of whack due to no period and acne (proactiv has come to the rescue LOL).  I really like what I have read so far and it makes perfect sense.  I also have a lot of the issues she lists in her book to identify if you have a hormonal issue.  Maybe the book might actually get me to go to the dr….MAYBE!

I had a good weekend.  12 mile run on Saturday and lunch out with my daughters.  Sunday my oldest and I had a date.  We went to see the This is It, The Michael Jackson story.  She LOVED it.  I thought it was pretty good too but I LOVE his music and dancing.  2 hours flew by!  Yes we had popcorn but didn’t add butter. 

I did my first P90X DVD today just to get a feel for things.  It was Cardio X and it was supposed to be the low impact one.  Low impact my ass…I’m gonna get my butt kicked come January.  I’m thinking of maybe waiting a little bit longer LOL.  I also attempted the ab ripper dvd-OUCH  I couldn’t breath after about 5 minutes.  I guess these are for beginners LOL.

I’m heading out for a 10-12 mile run in a bit with a friend.  It will be nice and slow to start out with and then I will prob do some intervals to try to burn some fat.  I weighed myself today for the final time this month.  My weight was just a few tenths above normal and my BF dropped a little.  My waist stayed about the same though it looks more toned.  I really wish I wasn’t such a slave to the scale

I did my Dec. workout and I am going to be doing the Jillian Michael’s DVD’s…The Front/Back Series.  I have never done them before so we’ll see how it goes.  I kept my leg day for this time around and we’ll see how it plays out.  My legs look chubbier than before I started a leg day so I’m not sure I like that???  I’ve gained a lot of fat in my lower body in the thigh and upper butt area.  I’ll see how the next 6 weeks go and judge it then.

My motivation that is???  I’m not sure what happened but I dread weight days now   In the back of my mind I think it’s my body’s way of trying to cope with the stress of the heavy workouts.  I’ve been doing the split routine now for 6 weeks and I have decided I don’t like it.  I feel stressed out by the end because it’s so hard.  I’ve added a lot of belly flab in the last few weeks and am wondering if it’s cortisol overdrive.  I did a front/back workout over the summer and I LOVED it.  It was during that time that I noticed the most change in my body comp.  I’m battling on whether to ride out the split for 2 more weeks or switch to a front/back or do some DVD’s to give my body a little rest???  I’m not sure if I will keep leg day…I prob will for now and see how it goes.  I’m supposed to start P90X in Jan but I know if I stay in the fatigued condition and mindset I’m in now  I’ll never make it.  I really think these strressful workouts are messing with my mind.  I’m an all or nothing person so I don’t give up

Today was Chest/Shoulders/Tris and I worked them to failure and then some.  I tri-setted exercises and did it for 3 sets of 5 different sets of 3’s…does that make sense LOL.  My upper body is on fire.  I finished with 15 mins of brisk walking.

There is no school today which means no work and us girls are home alone AGAIN.  DH has been in the field for 2.5 months straight now and I’m going crazy.  The girls really miss him too and are starting to act up some.  On Sunday my oldest DD and I are going to see a movie together and have some one on one time.  This will be VERY hard for me because she tends to drive me a little crazy LOL.  She is very excited so I’m going to take a step back and have a good time.  Not sure yet what we are seeing.  She is 8 and wants to see the new A Christmas Carol which I think would scare the crap out of my 6 year old so it may be a good choice to go together.

In honor of my good friend AL I have a youtube song for everyone but I don’t know how to add them in so go to youtube.com and type in Reflection by Christina Aquliera

My computer is not working this morning so I’m typing this on my blackberry so it will be short and sweet.
Today was speed day. I went 3 miles of speed and hill intervals and then finished the last 2 at 5.5 and 5 mph.
I had a really bad day yesterday. I felt on the verge of tears most of the day and of course didn’t want to eat.

Up yet ANOTHER pound.  It’s starting to get REALLY frustrating.  It’s making me not want to work out as hard since I’ve been gaining weight.  I could go on and on but I’ll stop at that

Today was back and biceps day and my arms are on fire.  I need to find some more back exercises because I have plenty of bicep ones to rotate but not back ones.  I’m starting to be hesistant about my workouts which seems to me might be my bodies way of trying to get me to cut back.  I’m overly tired lately and lack motivation to do anything extra.  I have 2 more weeks of intensity and then I’m going to take a slow week and let my body rest some…I’m sure it needs it.  I’ve been going strong for 6 years without much of a break more than a day or 2 here and there.  What once made me feel good now makes me anxious and frustrated.  I’ve never NOT gotten results when I wanted them and now nothing is coming to me and I’m working HARDER than I ever have.

Workout:

Back/Biceps

15 min walk

Today was a cardio morning.  I ran a 5 mile endurance routine that alternated between 5.5 and 5.8 MPH.  It was challenging but not as much as before.  My body adapts to running routines very easily…maybe that means I’m good LOL.  I felt good after my run today.

I made a big mistake and stepped on the scale today and YIKES I’m up a pound.  Granted my legs are pretty sore from yesterday so MAYBE they are holding water??  My body fat stayed the same (I don’t use the ACTUAL number just the up and down movement).  I want to make something clear…I’m not really looking to lose much weight, if any, I just want to QUIT gaining.  My fears of eating are returning with each pound as I see myself getting further and further away from where I want to be

Workout:

5 mile run

My Why question today is…Why do people who work out 3 maybe 4 days a week lose weight and I can’t get mine to budge and I work out intensely 6 days a week??  Kinda looks like a hopeless situation to me.  Don’t worry I’m not going to stop working out but it is EXTREMELY frustrating to see others lose weight as they are eating whatever and working out here and there!  It makes me want to SCREAM.  I often wonder why I work out so hard when my body seems to hate me.  My running friend has lost weight and kept it off and is thin but eats like a normal person (meaning normal portions but not always the healthiest foods) yet is STILL thin.  I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle ALL the time   I’m afraid to even get on the scale on the 15th!!  I made a vow to do better with my eating so I’m sure I’ve gained yet even MORE weight.  Yep, I’m pretty much driving myself crazy.  I’m super exhausted and out in space most days but yet I feel like I’m eating the fridge bare.   AAAAAAAAHHHHHH

Ok enough griping…on a good note and a FUNNY one, My underwear is hilariously too big!  I was checking my self out today and I pulled my pants down to look at my legs and I almost laughed at how loose my underwear was in the front!  This makes the whole weight thing hard to understand.  I KNOW I’ve gained weight but I’m smaller now and most of my pants require a belt and the sleeves in a lot of my shirts are getting a little too snug for comfort.

Today was leg day.  I switched some of the exercises.  So far every routine I wrote for this month is a lot harder than it looks on paper LOL.  I guess it’s a good push for me but sometimes if things are too hard I lose some motivation.  I like to work out and lift but feeling too worn out to function the rest of the day is not a good thing for me.  I was ready for bed last night at 6!!!  I’m going to have to possibly rethink my routine schedule.  I hit it pretty hard on the weekends because I have the time but it seems to drain me for the week.  I eat more during the weekends since I’m home and we usually go out at least once.  When I weighed 90 pounds I would go to my favorite buffet and eat at least 2000 cals in one setting…yet my weight stayed down…another frustrating thought

Workout:

Legs/abs 45 minutes

15 mi brisk walk