Trudee’s BodyBlog

Things seem to be going really good here on both the workout and eating front.  Everything else is life is pretty calm right now also but you it’s just the calm before the storm so to speak.  Hubby will start getting things ready for planting and dance activities will start picking up with competition, pictures, mom’s classes and recital.  Then in June I start my 1/2 training which I am VERY excited about.

Today was my "official" weigh in.  I’m still down a pound a skosh more.  I’m not too focused on that since it can vary by as much as 2 pounds.  That does put me at a 2 pound loss for the month.  My body fat dropped a little which I can visibly tell by the way I look and feel and the way my jeans are fitting…no deep knee squats LOL.  My waist went down about. 25 inches and isn’t all srunchy like it was before at this size.  I’m seriously considering getting my belly pierced??  I said I was going to get it done at 120 pounds and that was about 3.5 years ago LOL.  I bought a size 0 jeans since my 00 were a little too tight some days and now the 0’s are too big…UGH.  I had the 00 on yesterday and they were fine after about 1 minute of stretching out…I think they were stuck on my lotion

I’ve been feeling really good about my workouts. Tired but no completely lifeless although on some lift days I think my arms may fall off but the payoff is worth it.  Flexing in the mirror the other day I  look good HAHA.  My arms have a curve without flexing them which was my goal.  I look pretty buff if I do say so myself!  I’m going to be working on my March goals and thinking about my April workouts.  I will be racing in April so I’ll have to figure out my taper.  I’ve decided I will do 30 day shred every other rotation since it’s so high intensity.  It really does work but I think my body may need a break after an intense 6 weeks.  I am shredding down LOL

I’m getting a little anxious about the weekend.  I told the girls we could go to the pizza place they like after church and then Dh wants to go to a movie in the afternoon.  My mind is saying…you can’t sit on your ass for 2 hours after eating pizza…you need to stay home and workout while they are gone.  Damn voice.  I’m going to the movie because it’s one I want to see.  I’m  tired of skipping certain family activites because of food and working out.  I’m tired of missing out.  Don’t get me wrong sometimes I stay home because I have no interest in what they are doing…ie playing in the cold (freezing is NOT my idea of fun) or playing with the horse (reliving the whole kicked in the head scene isn’t my cup of tea either, I’m more afraid than my daughter so it’s better I just don’t go).  But I enjoy other things that I have skipped and I don’t want to do that anymore.  I’m REALLY struggling with the whole pizza thing so we’ll see how that plays out.

I’m off to watch Jami at Home on the Food Network…his voice is amazing LOL

Workout:

WATP 5 mile superfat blasting

5 miles on pedometer

Posted on my message board I co host:

"I’ve had a good…no let me rephrase that- a GREAT week.  My eating has been good meaning I’m eating when I’m hungry and not restricting any foods or calories (on purpose anyway).  I’m coming off a week of lower intensity and it has been great.  My workouts have been good and on target.  Today’s may do me in though so good thing I have 2 days of rest before my next strength session.  I had a good run yesterday and have a 5 mile plan for Sat. morning."

That pretty much sums up my week.  Things have been going well here.  A big downfall I had was seeing the anorexic at the gym and thinking how skinny she was and how skinny I USED to be.  At the same time I also thought…she looks good with clothes but I’m sure nasty without like I did.  I was skinny with clothes on and scrawny without.  I want to look good naked!  I know I’m developing more muscle especially in my abs because the skin isn’t all scrunchy there now even on my skinny days so I must be filling out nicely.

I had another kick ass workout this morning.  I was pretty much dead by the end.  Level 3 Shred has a lot of squats and body weight only exercises which I LOVE.  I didn’t do too bad with all the jumping around either which I usually do.  I pushed my way through with only 1 or 2 SMALL breaks.  Then I moved onto the strength routine I got from one of my bb.com friends and it ALWAYS kicks my butt but I feel great after.  I was supposed to do the eliptical today and I still might but my legs hurt from my sprints yesterday and a lot of lunges on Wed.  I may just walk on the treadmill or just relax (yikes did I say that).  I will prob do it because if I don’t I will be anxious all day and that sucks.

One thing I’m having a REALLY hard time with right now is all the people that have been saying to me "I Look up to you" or "You are an inspiration".  Don’t get me wrong those are GREAT things to hear and I’m extremely flattered but somedays it’s a trigger for me.  I want to be a rolemodel but I’m not a good one.  I think in my head "Oh honey if you only knew what kind of screwed up existance I live you would think twice".  My life is NOT what is seems on the outside.  I struggle almost EVERY day.  I can spit out advice like no other and help people left and right but I can’t help myself most of the time.  I also feel like if people are looking up to me then I have to be perfect and good.  These people DO NOT make me feel that way I make myself feel that way.  It does make me feel good when people say how good I look or how much I have helped or am helping them but I feel like a hypocrite 99% of the time.  I want to be the savior of others but struggle with not being able to save myself.  I’m still at that 2 steps forward, 1 step back stage which is good because it used to be 1 forward, 2 back.  I can do this.  I have a GREAT support system both online on off (more so online because I’m too ashamed to talk about it with most people in the "real" world because they don’t get it or understand or just want to sweep it under the rug).  That’s one of the main reasons I started this blog was to get my feelings out.  I think it has been a majorly contributor to my getting better and feeling better.  If you are reading this…Thank you and feel free to drop me a line

Workout:

Level 3 30 day shred

30 minutes free weights

30 minute BRISK walk (breathing heavy)

3-5 miles on pedometer

Thursday si one of my favorite days…it means my week is winding down.  I’m usually a home body on Thursdays but today I’m getting my hair cut and then possibly studying for awhile.

I’ve had a GREAT morning…yeah it’s only 7:15 but it’s a good start   I felt so much better when I got up this morning.  I got on the scale and it was down a pound.  Oddly that didn’t affect me the way I THOUGHT it would.  Instead of being ecstatic my thoughts were…."Oh that’s nice".  I was happy, don’t get me wrong, but with eating when I’m hungry and scaling back on overtraining my body is responding well and I’m sure the scale will continue to bounce depending on the day and the foods.  Then I came down and measured and everything was good there so yahoo.  Did my first part of my workout…good.  Had a yogurt before my run…um YUM…found a thicker yogurt that I like much better and added some ground flax seed.  I’m saving the Protein Powder for strength days.  So today was Interval training and that I did!  I kicked ass and I felt SO GOOD after it.  I was so proud of myself and more importantly my body.  I talked it through the hard parts and thanked it when it was over.  The good sweat did me good.  It brought back good feelings towards my running.  I was beginning to doubt what I was doing but after this morning I rediscovered I’m strong and fast and when I take care of my body it takes care of me : ) which is one of life’s biggest lessons.

I’m also feeling more confident about my 1/2 marathon.  I printed out a 12 week program and will start that in June.  A friend and I are doing the 1/2 the end of August.  I’m actually pretty excited.  I can do this!

Well I’m off to get my babies off to school and shower cause I STINK!

Workout:

2 mile WATP with bands

2 mile intervals 1-5 MPH, 2-6 MPH, 1-7 MPH, 1-8 MPH and repeat 4 times.  Finish the 3 miles at 5 MPH

5 miles on pedometer

Lots of STRETCHING

I am happy to report my jeans went right on today and are a little loose…no deep knee bends needed LMAO…and I think I may have to sport a belt before I leave.  Jillian must be shredding me cause I know she kicks my butt 3 mornings a week.

I did get on the scale and no change but I’m slowing starting to accept it.  I think I need to look at it as NO weight gain instead of no loss.  After a few days of my new workout routine I am feeling energized instead of lethargic which is always a good sign HAHA.  My clothes are loose again which proves the damn scale is EVIL.

I am eating better.  Eating when I’m hungry is working out better although it’s still a control issue when I TRY to push through it.  I don’t want to be hungry but I don’t want to be fat either.

The weather is warming up (for a few days anyway) so I think after lunch today hubby and the 5 year old and I will take a stroll.  We usually do that every day when it’s nice and then again after supper when I’m home so our oldest can go.  It’s a 1/2 mile loop and when the kids aren’t with me I go all the way which is 1.5 of HILLS!…I love hills…I’m so warped.  I can’t wait to start running the hilly loop so my double butt can say goodbye again before swim suit season.

I hae the grocery shopping task ahead of me.  I HATE going with my 5 year old.  Not because she’s bad but she’s SLOW and I can’t read as many labels as I want because she will only last so long. AND she wants EVERYTHING under the sun.  I usually let her help with the fruits and veggies …her favorite foods are fruits-LOVES apples. Oh well I’ll manage.  Fruits, veggies and fish here I come. 

Workout

30 day Shred Level 2 (thought death was looming I was breathing so hard)

2×15 compound movements (once again breathing HEAVY)

15 minutes on eliptical (actually sweating)

3-5 miles on pedometer

Haul clean clothes upstairs one person at a time!

Well I guess the taking easy week is officially over.  WOW after a week of not running (oh and I guess being sick HAHA) I was wondering if the 3 miles on the treadmill would ever end.  It was so HARD.  I’m going to have to build back up it looks like.  I ran at 5.5 for 3 miles…I used to be able to do 5 at 6MPH…YIKES.  I plan to do 3 miles 2 times a week and one long run 5-6 on the weekends with sprint intervals.  I’m hoping this will rev up my fat burning.

Have to share this story…

There is another woman here in town that has been hospitialized twice (maybe more??) for anorexia.  Last time I saw her she had put on a little weight and was slowly filling in.  I started seeing her at the gym inbetween my classes again and I thought…oh no not good.  I saw her up close last night and she has def. relapsed.  I kid you not (yes I was staring) her waist was as big as my thigh and her legs were my arms.  She had baggy clothes on of course…but us experienced ones know what lies underneath   Ok so here’s the even sadder part…I actually started thinking how I would love to be that skinny again   So the war in my head has begun again…Skinny or Strong…Skinny or Strong.  I’m sure once I start training and HAVE to have the food for fuel or I will starr collapsing again it won’t be much of an issue.  UGH  will it ever go away…

On a better note I have been eating intuitively…meaning eating when I’m actually hungry…like stomach growling hungry and I have staved off some binges that way.  My stomach protests being empty VERY loud and I know if I try to wait it does nasty things…like make me gassy and VERY grouchy (translates into poor kiddos).  SO I grab a small snack to tide me over if it hasn’t been very long and then I make a note that I must’ve not ate enough at lunch….it’s usually afternoons that this happens.  I doubt I’m up to 1800 cals or even close but I will just keep plugging along!

Workouts:

2 mile WATP with belt (ouch that thing hurts)

3 miles on treadmill at 5.5

3-5 miles on pedometer

Finally some relief today.  I’m still stuffy and my chest hurts a little bit but nothing I can’t handle!

I will be working on my March goals this week.  I’m trying to decide if I should even set a weight loss goal or if that is just setting myself up for failure.  I’m thinking I might use a weight goal as in dummbell weights.  I start training too so maybe some running times would be good. My first race of the year in mid-April. I would also like to start taking some pictures because I feel like I see the SAME thing in the mirror day after day.  I’m sure after 3 years something has changed   I can see at the muscles in my arms but I don’t have a full length mirror low enough for my lower body and I see the same flab in my stomach all the time.

I have been advised to up my calories…sounds familiar HAHA.  My only other option was to cut back on exercise which would drive me insane.  I can justify hunger after a kickass workout but not from sitting on my butt a good part of the day.

Workout:

30 day Shred Level 1

3 Mile WATP with 5 lb weighted balls

3-5 miles on pedometer

You’ll have to check back in tomorrow.  I just keep getting sicker and I can barely keep my eyes open…God I hate going to the dr…gggrrr

This is going to be short and sweet and I hope I don’t fall over before I’m done.

I have a HUGE sinus infection/allergy flare up.  I felt "so-so" when I got up so did my workout just did lighter weights and felt ok but then my nose took off and I have been sneezing and blowing it like CRAZY.  My body is pretty sore after my visit to the chiropractor and I think that also may be why my allergies are flared up.  My face and eyes hurt so bad…I don’t have a fever, it’s all in my head so to speak LOL

Yesterday was a pretty good day.  I’m still seeing a lot of my ED behaviors reemerging and am trying to take note of them as they arise.  Making yummy meals and not eating them, drinking when I should be eating.  On the other hand I have cut back on exercising like I planned and that has made a huge difference in the way my body feels…minus today   I look slimmer but no weight loss so I’m thinking maybe it won’t come off.  I’ll just keep plugging along for now.

Well I’m off to creep to the couch and watch the Food Network.  I’m hoping hubby will make me some breakfast HAHA.  I’m also going to grab a cold washcloth and put it over my eyes.

I’m excited about my new workout schedule for the next month and then I think I will be upping the running and decreasing the amount of time lifting…probably still do 3 times a week just not for 60 minutes at a time.  Also looking for some new workout DVD’s to get my fat moving!

Workout:

30 minute full body

2 mile WATP

5 miles on pedometer

Believe it or not Friday is actually my least favorite day of the week.  It means the weekend is here and total chaois for 2 days at my house.  I actually prefer Mondays and schedules LOL

My workouts have been going good.  I’ve actually seen some health related improvements this week since backing off.  It had become a struggle to get out of bed at 4 am to workout…I actually started dreading it.  I had started to sleep through my alarm which never happens.  Now I’m back to waking up on my own about 15-20 minutes BEFORE my alarm.  My knees and legs don’t feel so heavy and weak towards the end of the day.  Walking up and down the stairs doesn’t feel like I’m lifting 30 pounds per leg extra off the ground. I had been working out about 2 hours or more a day-1 hour intense and at least 1 hour of walking but usually more plus all my dance classes so probably another 1-2 hours a day on those days.  Doing it seemed "normal" but typing it seems outrageous.  I asked a fellow member to help me out with something and the message I got back from her I think finally hit the spot.  I have been eating 1400-1500 cals a day with NO CHANGE (read-VERY frustrating) but still doing all my exercises.  I was getting mad that I was working out but not going anywhere.  I see/hear from people who work out 30-45 minutes a day MAX and they are losing weight and eating.  So I must be overdoing it…now to cut back is way easier said than done.  When I was losing weight I was only doing 45 minutes MAX a day and maybe 30-60 minutes of extra walking.  Now I’m like a crazy person and no longer losing weight.  I KNOW I have gained muscle and a good amount.  I starved my muscles for several years and BAM when I started eating better within oh say 3-4 months I had muscles everywhere.  I know people say women don’t gain muscle all that fast but I’m "pretty" sure I’ve gained at least 5 pounds of muscle in the last year from feeding it better…not properly but better.  I’ve also gained some fat which is common with anorexics since your body isn’t used to food.  Some days I’m ok with my weight and others I’m ready to strangle the first person that says "You don’t look like you’ve gained any weight" or "You needed to gain some weight".  Not really the things I want to hear but I’m sure I needed to hear-KWIM.

I really want to eat like a normal person.  I’m thinking about consulting a dietician but then again I’m not really looking to gain weight and I know that will be their first mission.  I’m not underweight but underfat…though that is changing   I hadn’t had a period in 3 years and on Tuesday I had something like one…for about 45 minutes LOL.  That of course sent a message to my brain saying…you’re getting fat again because you are getting your period back.  I’m beginning to think I’m a hopeless cause.  It always seems like it’s 1 step forward 2 steps back for me.  I want to enjoy the meals I prepare instead of watching other people eat them.  I want to enjoy meals with family and friends instead of stressing over what I’m going to eat.  The email I got said I really should be eating 1800 calories which scares the hell out of me but is probably the truth.  I’ve also decided that week 2 off isn’t going to happen because of the negative effects.  Less exercise means less eating for me.  I redid my workout for March and will try my hardest to STICK to it and not add more which I have a tendency to do.

Well I’m off to have breakfast.  I need to get moving so I can head to the chiropracter…my neck, shoulders and hips are out…see more pains when I’m not working so hard LOL…no in reality I’m just feeling them now because I’ve slowed down enough to notice.  See I’m not as stupid as I act sometimes

Workout:

5 mile WATP Super Fat burning

5 miles on pedometer

Wednesday cals= 1400-1450.  I think Monday’s are just lower because I teach until 9 and I can’t really eat much during my classes.

I’m not so sure about this whole take it easy weeks.  I’m stiffer than normal!  I thought I was supposed to feel better???  Maybe my body actually likes torture   I made a decision yesterday that took a huge weight off my shoulders.  After running the 1/2 in October, which I plan to make a yearly thing, I will be taking the winter OFF from training.  Not from running but from running 20 miles a week on the DAMN treadmill.  Too boring and too unmotivational.  I plan to keep my miles around 10-15 a week but shorter runs at a time (like 3-4 miles).  I like running but outside…this inside crap has really tanked my morale.

My workout was pretty good today.  I opted to do it at home instead of hauling my butt out into the windy cold weather.  This brought on a new revelation for me…I do better at the gym because I’ve had breakfast first!  I usually eat BK around 6:30 and head to the gym around 8.  I could barely make it through the workout I busted through last week.  I’m sure people watching me was a huge motivation. Not sure how to structure my workouts around that at home but that’s on my "to-do" list today!  I’m trying to brace myself for going back to work sometime which would mean doing it and showering BEFORE the girl’s get up.  Did I mention I HATE changes LOL! 

I’m starting to get a little anxious about not running this week so I’m probably going have to add a little in next week.  I have to give myself credit…I’ve made it one week so far!

Workout:

1 mile WATP

30 minutes of compound movements with 10 pound dumbbells

1.25 miles on the eliptical

4 miles on Pedometer