2008 Transformation Contest

There are seven days left in this competition.  Thats right.  Seven days to make it happen.  Seven days to make every meal, every thought, every workout count.  Well, it should be easy to do right.  Nope.  This week I am completely swamped at work and lots of activities at home.  i wont let it get in my way.  

I look at where I was and compare it to where I am and I am just amazed.  I havent lost a lot of weight.  I have dropped quite a few inches.  I think I have put on some muscle.  My strength has definitely increased.  

Here are this weeks pics:

This competiton maybe coming to a close but my journey isnt over.  I have tossed around several new plans to keep the momentum going.  I will be changing my workouts beginning Monday. I will start the P90X program.  I am very excited about it.  I also plan on entering the Muscletech challenge.  I have to give SCT some competition.  Seriously, I doubt I am what they are looking for but I will give it a 100% and it will help keep me motivated and making the changes I am wanting.  I am also going to start on my personal training certificate.  Thats right.  I have a passion for wellness. I know the struggles. I can relate.  Plus occasionaly I can be considered a people person. I should wrap up the training about the time I drop the rest of the weight so I should fit the part.  Plus helping people increase their intensity and make positive changes will only help me to move forward myself.  Its a win-win situation.

Anyway, have a great day.  

Pass the Kool-Aid.  Better yet.  Make that Crystal Light.

Well my camera is shot, so I will not be able to take pictures or video at least until I find someone I can borrow it from. But I can share some of my thoughts with everyone willing to read this journal.

I have intentionally placed everyone in the category because this post is about everyone in this competition. I would like to share my opinion about the competitors and how I have seen them in short time I spent in this competition, and also, I would like to encourage others to write the same in some of the next blogs as we near the end of this game we play.

As I said this blog post is about everyone taking part in this competition, not only the competitors but the people made all this possible. I would like to avoid sounding like a miss pageant so I will skip "thank yous" to the sponsors and yada yada yada…I believe they know we are grateful for the opportunity.

Anyways I would like to say special thanks to the man Richard, our admin. Without his efforts we would be lost half way. Thank you Richard.

What can I say about Isaac? Well I learned he’s got great taste in music and I always enjoyed his videos he posted, and I enjoyed some of the great stories he told us, some were true adventures. I must admit I am a bit jealous of him, after all he is a great photographer, something that impresses me a lot. What ever happened to your shaping goals man, we are still backing you up!

And there is Josh. I still hate my self for entering this competition through his misfortune. Life is one big, well I guess you know what. If I understood correctly, SCT is almost fully recovered from his injury and already planning a new challenge by Muscletech, and I want to wish him all the best with his future goals.

Jason is another mystery for me. I have a feeling he is such an emotional person, in a good way of course, and the fact he found his happiness with his wife and daughter just makes me warm in the heart. I know you can’t see much progress but there is a great achievement behind you already. OK, maybe you didn’t lost much weight, or achieved the look you desire, but you made a positive change in life. Sometimes, no matter how hard we fight, sometimes life gets the better of us. I just wanted you to know you have my full support, and when this thing ends in a couple days, don’t think I will forget about you, you can count on me any time.

Dave is a big man, in more than one way. I found we have much more in common than it could be seen in the beginning. This man has a great sense of humor but he can be serious when needed and place a right word where needed. He has a long fight before him and I just know it will not be an easy one. That just makes him a biggest fighter of us all, I mean we have to loose 20 - 30lbs and we are there, but he has to loose a whole Maddie to get where he wants to be. Dave my man mark my words: If you ever decide to quit and give up on the battle you started and start listening to that demon from Narnia, just remember there is one crazy Serb out there waiting to kick your a$$, and we all know demons can’t compare to Serbs

Maddie, well Maddie is Maddie, right I mean she is the reason we others loose motivation with every new progress pictures upload. Couple more weeks and she is ready for a fitness competition. You came a long way and you showed us all how the fine finish is done. You showed great progress both physically and psychologically, and through some of your posts you gave us insight to your librarian soul and I have seen it’s a wast and beautiful place. Which ever the path you decide to take after this competition I wish you all the best.

Finally there is Steph. I am not sure if I can write anything else about this woman I haven’t said before. I remember when she left the first post on my BodySpace page, I was thinking she was a random visitor but than she came again and again and than every week she gave me encouragement and she still remains one of rare cyber-friends I gained over the time. Determination, strength, especially strength intensity, I mean I could go on forever with these epithets that go with her and I would still not do her justice. When I take a step back and take look at this group from the day you told me there is a competition going on at bb.com to this very day, I just know you are the one who deserves the gold and highest pedestal to stand on.

~malibuilder

So getting near the end of this contest. My progress thus far has been purely in strength gains, my fat loss has been very minimal which I’m not super happy about, but progress has come.

Due to my lack of a good camera you’ll have to excuse the bad video quality, and lack of editing as my Movie Maker app wont edit .mov files which is what this camera puts them in.

Anyways, just a quick comparison of pushups from the start of the competition, until today…today I go lower, and to me seem a little faster….one day I’ll do them Malibuilder style.

Now…Please excuse the heavy breathing (still pushing allot of weight here ) and excuse the small excuse for a dog in the background.

Then…

The man that wrote the Narnia Chronicles was a great philosopher as well as a writer. In his Screwtape Letters he talks about time. Screwtape Letters is a series of letters written from Screwtape, a demon, to a demon in training. The gist of the letters is how to best temp a human to keep the human away from God and close to Satan.

The letter concerning time instructed the minor demon to tempt the human to focus on the past or the future and never the now. The now it was said is the only time in a human life that touches eternity. Eternity is where God wishes a human to be focused.

Now is the only thing that matters. I said it before. When I look to the future I get overwhelmed and when I look to the past I get angry or sad. Now is the only place that I can accomplish anything. Now is the only time I have control over. Now touches eternity.

My heroes are those men and women in the US armed forces, especially those who join during a shooting war.  Oh, I know that there are dirt-bags in the military, but the majority are great men and women.  There is a story that I just read written by John Renehan, a young butter-bar (2nd Lieutenant).  Prior to joining the US Army John was a 29 year old lawyer that was brought up in a privileged home.

John talked about his want to serve and fear that he would not ‘cut it".  He was a desk guy and soldiers were born the gung-ho types you see shooting pistols at a range and running Ironman races.  What he found relates to getting fit and reaching excellence.

Along this road I discovered something about myself, and about the military.

About myself, I discovered that there were within me — within everyone — latent abilities, tendencies, temperaments that only an environment such as this will bring out. And yes, I’m speaking to you bookish types now. However well you may think you know your own pacific constitution, be assured that there is someone more physical and forceful within you — someone you will meet, given the right circumstances.

About the Army, I learned that it can be a hard — and hardening — environment, but by and large the people in it are just people. They are not uniquely tough by nature, though they become so through training and preparation and habit. And their toughness is leavened with a deep sense of common humanity — a basic unquestioning take-them-as-they-are compassion rarely found in the “softer” cosmopolitan world of ambition and sophistication from which I hail.

You can read Lt. Renehan’s article here .

We are in the last leg of the race.  Throughout most of it I felt like I was able to keep up with my friends/competitors. Now that we are approaching the final turn, I feel myself slipping. I know its this plateau I hit that is wavering my thoughts. I am still determined and I have run enought races to know that I will cross the finish line.  Its almost time to begin the sprint.  That always was my favorite part of the race.  I was really good at pacing myself and then really hitting it hard in the end.  Yes I was a fierce track runner way back when.  I know my friends are waiting for me at the finishline. I can see them with their pompoms.  Lets finish this thing.  

Well the cat is out of the bag.  Read my latest blog about how my whole family has now found me on site, and seen me in my underwear.

I truly believe everything can be used for good purposes.  While honestly, I do regret losing a tremendous degree of privacy from all this, I am yet proud of my efforts.  

I have already received three letters from friends and family looking for advice.  I wanted to share this one with you.

Maddi,

You,  it is amazing about your determination.  You really are a body builder.  I have lost weight in the past but my muscles were not toned like yours.  I am trying again to lose weight but it has been hard with my diabetes .  If you know of any examples of a person in their 50s  send that to me.  I like you have dealt with alot of depression through the years.  My Mother role has been tops in my life.  I got an exercise ball and a rebounder to bounce on.  I am also trying to be an example for my Granddaughter Yvette.  I would like her to know that she can reach a goal of her own.  I will be having her see this wonderful testimony of your health.  I think on health issues first and it’s a plus to look Great.  I also believe this Maddi , it’s important to love someone just the way they are because so that they never feel like if I am not perfect I can’t fit in.  I think that your work proves a control on your body.  I want that also.  I sometimes feel like I am short circuiting and the battery is low.  I fight that depression daily but I know you have to get up again with hope in your heart.  
Again , I am so proud of you!
love forever and ever
Aunt Una

And my response:

Dear Aunt Una,

First off, I love you very much! 

Thanks so much for the nice letter!  I feel a link to all of my aunts and carry a part of all of you inside of me.  I think deep down I am most like you.     Uncle Gary was actually a big influence with me and the weights.  I was always intrigued by his rack, his weight sets,…that and the mysterious jugs of protein powders, etc, that he kept around the house.

There are ALOT of women who do this stuff well into their 50s, 60s, and BEYOND.  I will try to find some examples for you and send them to you.  Go to the bodybuilding.com transformation section.  There have been alot of very incredible transformations of people of every age.

You know, when I look at Yvette, I see alot of AMAZING possibilities.  This is a very strong young woman who has always had a very intense will of her own.  A strong will will get you VERY FAR with your body if you learn how to harness it.  A strong will can lead to creative or destructive avenues, depending on your amount of self love, and your belief that it is OK to love yourself.  I would LOVE to see Yvette get involved with the weights.  She will not bulk up.  You seriously have to dabble in steroids as a woman to get any real size at all.  

What she WILL do, is develop her strength.  And learn to take very real anger and put it into constructive avenues that builds her up rather than tear her down.  Many of us eat to stifle our feelings for things that we do not know what to do with.  We eat rather than speak our truth, and how we really feel about many situations in our lives.  Food is a great substitute for feeling.  It is an excellent substitute for facing personal truth.

In Yvette I see future excellence.  I see her making a fabulous mind and body connection and going all of the way with it.  In Yvette, I see, a FUTURE GLADIATOR. 

About the depression you face Aunt Una.  This I know that you know, is part and parcel of being human, and a very sincere part of being woman.  Strenuous exercise will do SO MUCH to take the bad feelings away.  All those endorphins are just incredible.  I advise you to JOIN A GYM.  Fall in love with it.  Lie to yourself.  lol  FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT.

Cut out ALL sugars, and ALL processed carbs.  When you are eating, ask yourself, “is the food I am putting into me BENEFITING ME?  Is it an act of self love?”

We live in a day and age where there are far too many fabulous tasting and healthy junk food substitutes, to have any real reason to eat badly.

You have always been an inspiration to me!  I look forward to seeing you make yet another incredible transformation with your body and your life.

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE,

Maddi

I beat my machine it’s a part of me it’s inside of me

Im stuck in this dream it’s changing me I am becoming

-NIN-

I am the same as last week.  yep I hit a plateau and I dont like it.  Well check out the pics this week.  Let me know your thoughts.

I have been on a day long FRUIT BINGE and quite resemble the little green tree frog who ate the jumbo cricket.  Pics come tomorrow.

Alright. So I have got to get my head back in the game.  I am setting all spiritual books aside for a moment until the contest is over.  These books act as though my mind and body are both things I should be breaking free of.  Sorry.  Not right now.  I’m kindof in a competition here, and I need these two things at the moment.

All this "egoless state" mumbo jumbo is starting to get on my nerves.

Guess what? I lived in an "egoless state" for all of my twenties and the first half of my thirties.  What did it get me?  

FAT & DEPRESSED.  OUT OF CONTROL WITH MY LIFE.  

It is one thing to know that THERE IS MORE TO LIFE than our bodies.  It is another thing to DENY our bodies’ value and existence altogether.  If they were unimportant, we would all be floating off somewhere up in the sky.

Alright.  So now you know where my head has been! lol  WHAT WE BELIEVE CONTROLS OUR ACTIONS.  If there is no other word of knowledge that I can pass but this one…please

LISTEN.  CONTROL YOUR MIND.  CONTROL YOUR LIFE.  THINK FOR YOURSELVES.

So back to self love.  It takes alot of it to screw up and get back up running.  Those with perseverance WILL finish the race.  All of our races ARE our own.  Where do you want yours to take you?

ME?  

I want to win this contest.  

Not because I want to be ABOVE the others.  No.  Absolutely not.  In fact, the thought of that has caused me to waste quite alot of precious time in my own efforts.

I want to win without taking away anything from anybody else.

DID I TELL YOU I AM NON-COMPETITIVE?

But I do love to CHALLENGE MYSELF.

Climbing those walls?

I love it!  I can do it on my own.  Noone fails.  If I fall down, I can get back up and try again.

Punching that bag?  

I love it!  I can do it on my own.  Anger dissipates.  Nobody gets hurt.

Running my ASS off?  

I…err…DO NOT love it.  But yet again, it is something I can challenge myself with.  I do it on my own.  And nobody’s ego or feelings are on the line.

POUNDING THE WEIGHTS?  

Well hell.  You know how I feel about that! 

My main mentor growing up was my Aunt Margie.  Still one of the greatest ladies I have ever known.  

My aunt Margie weighs over 380 lbs.

My Aunt Margie….stronger on the inside than most people on the outside.  
My Aunt Margie….cannot fit into most booths.
My Aunt Margie….gives to the homeless and the needy.
My Aunt Margie….takes 2 seats on the airplane.
My Aunt Margie….afraid of being carried away.
My Aunt Margie….picks up the down hearted.
My Aunt Margie….would rather see anyone else around her win, but herself.
My Aunt Margie….is a true champion.

So why does nobody know this but me?

See,,,…what I must do, is disconnect from my knowledge that worth does not come from body conditioning.  Worth comes from SOUL.  We all have worth.

I have to be able to know this,…and yet,,,still  love the sport of bodybuilding for being the sport that it is.

I LOVE strong, muscular, toned, and defined bodies.

To do so does not mean that I judge you if you do not have one.

When I am exercising I feel like I am constantly playing a game of RED LIGHT GREEN LIGHT with myself.  

If an old lady comes and gets on the elliptical next to me, it is "RED LIGHT!"  I instinctively want to SLOW DOWN so that she does not feel old.

If a young and glowing BEAUTY in the BOOTIE SHORTS comes in, my system yells "GREEN LIGHT!"  All systems go.  I must rock the house down.

I am caught somewhere in between youth and old age.

I am caught somewhere between basic good health and excellence.

I am caught.

Knowing that the mind comes before the body, that my thoughts decide my actions, I set myself free.

BUT THIS TAKES CONSTANT EFFORT FOR ME.

Meanwhile…

I still run.

I just did my count and here is the bottom line.

From the February 3rd I have lost 13.2 lbs of body weight, and lost no strength so my best guess is no or very small percent of muscles is lost.

I have reduced my body fat percentage by 4.5% and thus lowering my waist circumference by 2 1/2 inches.

Not bad for a replacement LOL, anyways there are two more weeks to go and I think I can take down even more and I promise I will!

BTW tomorrow you will see me doing some boxing moves, and it will show you only the glimpse of the intensity I put in my workouts

Moving more is what my workouts are really about.  I have a routine with the bands, swimming, and walking, but every minute I am not sitting still is a minute burning calories.  Being out of shape to the tune of 140 pounds makes the small things in life tough.  When I was 178 pounds out of shape I would never have offered to help move someone.  Today it is a different story.

Each step is a step.

Hello all!   I want to offer bodybuilding.com, the sponsors, contestants, and readers an apology for my lack of posting, progress pictures, and videos these past weeks.  Joining this contest I promised that I would complete these activities on a timely basis and I have failed.  

What happened?

You may remember that I stated that I suffered from acute depression.  That depression has been under good control for quite some time but hits me hard during extreme climate shifts caused by pressure system changes.  At least this is what I have observed over the years.  I normally hit a depression when winter changes to spring and fall to winter.

Missouri is a strange place when it comes to weather.  We experienced 70 degree weather one day only to be hit with an ice and snow storm the next.  That abrupt system change sent me crashing down.

During this time my daughter went into the hospital due to complications in here pregnancy.  They decided that it was best for the baby and the mother to induce labor early.    David Daniel was born Saturday and both mother and son are doing well.   I am not certain if Dad and Grandpa are doing as well.

So you were depressed, big deal.  We all suffer from the blahs during winter.

Those of you that have suffered clinical depression or live with someone who does will understand that it is not your normal blahs situation.  When I suffer a bout of depression it brings me to a place so very dark and negative that it is hard to describe.  Life becomes unbearable and insurmountable.  While I never contemplated suicide, my thoughts would often contain elements of ‘quitting’.  There is a feeling of worthlessness that overwhelms me to a point where I am unable to function.  During these times it is a huge fight simply not to be self-destructive and hateful to all around me.

Everything around me suffers when I suffer depression.  My family lives in turmoil as they love someone who despises themselves.  There are sick days taken as I can’t face work.  All activities cease to be done.  This is what happened to my pictures and my posts.

It often takes weeks to pull myself out of a bout of depression.  Once I have gotten myself to a point where I can function at a basic living level I am faced with digging out of the hole I have created.  Deadlines missed and promises not kept.  It is hard to face these facts of failure without falling back into the depression.  One of the promises not kept was to this contest.  

I am still not out of my depression.  Small things can send me into a dizzying spiral of negativity and I am easily flustered/angered.  But I am doing better and facing the damage that has been done.

Great, but what about the contest?  Did you falter and get fat?

My diet and exercise routine fell apart.  Unlike the past, I only binged once and that was a limited outing.  I did eat pizza one night and Chinese another.   My biggest problem was not eating and not taking my supplements. I have not exercised in several weeks and have been a slug in the house.

This is a very important point for all people with a great deal of weight to take home with them.  You must accept yourself as who you are to do the things necessary to get fit.  I could continue to beat myself up for falling down these past weeks.  I could hide from the contest and the site.  I could say ‘to hell with this’ and go back to my old ways.   But I won’t.   I am who I am.  If I am going to become fit I must right the course and do what needs to be done no matter how far the storm of depression pushed me off course.  

I am weighing in at 341.  This is down a pound or so from my last weigh-in but I also feel doughier than I did before.  My energy is down and I am struggling to focus.

If you have any specific questions feel free to ask.