2008 Transformation Contest

Again, I just want to salute my fellow contestants.  Each is a terrific person.

My final pictures were a bit late.  Traveling was a bit tough on me and you can see it in my weight gain and bloating.  

I want to thank BB.com and the sponsors for this contest.  It showed me how far I must go and gave me the impetus to post pictures and journal my journey.  Without the contest you would never have seen my fat belly in print.  These pictures have done a great deal to motivate me and keep me going when I felt like eating everything in the house.  The pictures make it easier to get back on the wagon even during times of deep depression, like I am in today.  I know that it is tough to post pictures, but it is the best way to see progress and to keep your fat burning in the fire.

I also want to thank my fellow contestants.  I said it before and I say it now, I have no business being in the same contest with these guys.

Mali, you are a stud and I hope to see you on stage one day soon.  I hope all your hard work and dreams come through for you.  

Fusion, don’t quit man.  I know how debilitating network IT can be.  Strange hours all spent on your ass with tons of stress thrown on top of you.  You stuck it out and you are a champ.

Maddi, you were already sleek and beautiful but now you are rock hard.   It is obvious that you are so very close to the stage.  Great job.

Dare, you are my personal winner of this contest.  You have made such great changes and show yourself to be such a strong woman.

You have all been so supportive and caring.  

As for me, I have gone from 366 to 339 in this contest.  I wanted to lose 35 pounds but am happy with the 27 that are gone.  I am down about 40 pounds since last November.  This is just the beginning for me, as Mali pointed out.  My next 12 week stint starts Monday so keep following my personal bodyspace.  I will not join a contest again until I am closer to my goal weight.  It was very tough to stay motivated in competition as I saw Maddi and Mali looking so good so quickly.  For now I continue to try and focus on NOW.  

I will continue to use products from our sponsors.  They proved themselves to be quite helpful.  

I will be fit for him.

Well my camera is shot, so I will not be able to take pictures or video at least until I find someone I can borrow it from. But I can share some of my thoughts with everyone willing to read this journal.

I have intentionally placed everyone in the category because this post is about everyone in this competition. I would like to share my opinion about the competitors and how I have seen them in short time I spent in this competition, and also, I would like to encourage others to write the same in some of the next blogs as we near the end of this game we play.

As I said this blog post is about everyone taking part in this competition, not only the competitors but the people made all this possible. I would like to avoid sounding like a miss pageant so I will skip "thank yous" to the sponsors and yada yada yada…I believe they know we are grateful for the opportunity.

Anyways I would like to say special thanks to the man Richard, our admin. Without his efforts we would be lost half way. Thank you Richard.

What can I say about Isaac? Well I learned he’s got great taste in music and I always enjoyed his videos he posted, and I enjoyed some of the great stories he told us, some were true adventures. I must admit I am a bit jealous of him, after all he is a great photographer, something that impresses me a lot. What ever happened to your shaping goals man, we are still backing you up!

And there is Josh. I still hate my self for entering this competition through his misfortune. Life is one big, well I guess you know what. If I understood correctly, SCT is almost fully recovered from his injury and already planning a new challenge by Muscletech, and I want to wish him all the best with his future goals.

Jason is another mystery for me. I have a feeling he is such an emotional person, in a good way of course, and the fact he found his happiness with his wife and daughter just makes me warm in the heart. I know you can’t see much progress but there is a great achievement behind you already. OK, maybe you didn’t lost much weight, or achieved the look you desire, but you made a positive change in life. Sometimes, no matter how hard we fight, sometimes life gets the better of us. I just wanted you to know you have my full support, and when this thing ends in a couple days, don’t think I will forget about you, you can count on me any time.

Dave is a big man, in more than one way. I found we have much more in common than it could be seen in the beginning. This man has a great sense of humor but he can be serious when needed and place a right word where needed. He has a long fight before him and I just know it will not be an easy one. That just makes him a biggest fighter of us all, I mean we have to loose 20 - 30lbs and we are there, but he has to loose a whole Maddie to get where he wants to be. Dave my man mark my words: If you ever decide to quit and give up on the battle you started and start listening to that demon from Narnia, just remember there is one crazy Serb out there waiting to kick your a$$, and we all know demons can’t compare to Serbs

Maddie, well Maddie is Maddie, right I mean she is the reason we others loose motivation with every new progress pictures upload. Couple more weeks and she is ready for a fitness competition. You came a long way and you showed us all how the fine finish is done. You showed great progress both physically and psychologically, and through some of your posts you gave us insight to your librarian soul and I have seen it’s a wast and beautiful place. Which ever the path you decide to take after this competition I wish you all the best.

Finally there is Steph. I am not sure if I can write anything else about this woman I haven’t said before. I remember when she left the first post on my BodySpace page, I was thinking she was a random visitor but than she came again and again and than every week she gave me encouragement and she still remains one of rare cyber-friends I gained over the time. Determination, strength, especially strength intensity, I mean I could go on forever with these epithets that go with her and I would still not do her justice. When I take a step back and take look at this group from the day you told me there is a competition going on at bb.com to this very day, I just know you are the one who deserves the gold and highest pedestal to stand on.

~malibuilder

The man that wrote the Narnia Chronicles was a great philosopher as well as a writer. In his Screwtape Letters he talks about time. Screwtape Letters is a series of letters written from Screwtape, a demon, to a demon in training. The gist of the letters is how to best temp a human to keep the human away from God and close to Satan.

The letter concerning time instructed the minor demon to tempt the human to focus on the past or the future and never the now. The now it was said is the only time in a human life that touches eternity. Eternity is where God wishes a human to be focused.

Now is the only thing that matters. I said it before. When I look to the future I get overwhelmed and when I look to the past I get angry or sad. Now is the only place that I can accomplish anything. Now is the only time I have control over. Now touches eternity.

My heroes are those men and women in the US armed forces, especially those who join during a shooting war.  Oh, I know that there are dirt-bags in the military, but the majority are great men and women.  There is a story that I just read written by John Renehan, a young butter-bar (2nd Lieutenant).  Prior to joining the US Army John was a 29 year old lawyer that was brought up in a privileged home.

John talked about his want to serve and fear that he would not ‘cut it".  He was a desk guy and soldiers were born the gung-ho types you see shooting pistols at a range and running Ironman races.  What he found relates to getting fit and reaching excellence.

Along this road I discovered something about myself, and about the military.

About myself, I discovered that there were within me — within everyone — latent abilities, tendencies, temperaments that only an environment such as this will bring out. And yes, I’m speaking to you bookish types now. However well you may think you know your own pacific constitution, be assured that there is someone more physical and forceful within you — someone you will meet, given the right circumstances.

About the Army, I learned that it can be a hard — and hardening — environment, but by and large the people in it are just people. They are not uniquely tough by nature, though they become so through training and preparation and habit. And their toughness is leavened with a deep sense of common humanity — a basic unquestioning take-them-as-they-are compassion rarely found in the “softer” cosmopolitan world of ambition and sophistication from which I hail.

You can read Lt. Renehan’s article here .

Moving more is what my workouts are really about.  I have a routine with the bands, swimming, and walking, but every minute I am not sitting still is a minute burning calories.  Being out of shape to the tune of 140 pounds makes the small things in life tough.  When I was 178 pounds out of shape I would never have offered to help move someone.  Today it is a different story.

Each step is a step.

Hello all!   I want to offer bodybuilding.com, the sponsors, contestants, and readers an apology for my lack of posting, progress pictures, and videos these past weeks.  Joining this contest I promised that I would complete these activities on a timely basis and I have failed.  

What happened?

You may remember that I stated that I suffered from acute depression.  That depression has been under good control for quite some time but hits me hard during extreme climate shifts caused by pressure system changes.  At least this is what I have observed over the years.  I normally hit a depression when winter changes to spring and fall to winter.

Missouri is a strange place when it comes to weather.  We experienced 70 degree weather one day only to be hit with an ice and snow storm the next.  That abrupt system change sent me crashing down.

During this time my daughter went into the hospital due to complications in here pregnancy.  They decided that it was best for the baby and the mother to induce labor early.    David Daniel was born Saturday and both mother and son are doing well.   I am not certain if Dad and Grandpa are doing as well.

So you were depressed, big deal.  We all suffer from the blahs during winter.

Those of you that have suffered clinical depression or live with someone who does will understand that it is not your normal blahs situation.  When I suffer a bout of depression it brings me to a place so very dark and negative that it is hard to describe.  Life becomes unbearable and insurmountable.  While I never contemplated suicide, my thoughts would often contain elements of ‘quitting’.  There is a feeling of worthlessness that overwhelms me to a point where I am unable to function.  During these times it is a huge fight simply not to be self-destructive and hateful to all around me.

Everything around me suffers when I suffer depression.  My family lives in turmoil as they love someone who despises themselves.  There are sick days taken as I can’t face work.  All activities cease to be done.  This is what happened to my pictures and my posts.

It often takes weeks to pull myself out of a bout of depression.  Once I have gotten myself to a point where I can function at a basic living level I am faced with digging out of the hole I have created.  Deadlines missed and promises not kept.  It is hard to face these facts of failure without falling back into the depression.  One of the promises not kept was to this contest.  

I am still not out of my depression.  Small things can send me into a dizzying spiral of negativity and I am easily flustered/angered.  But I am doing better and facing the damage that has been done.

Great, but what about the contest?  Did you falter and get fat?

My diet and exercise routine fell apart.  Unlike the past, I only binged once and that was a limited outing.  I did eat pizza one night and Chinese another.   My biggest problem was not eating and not taking my supplements. I have not exercised in several weeks and have been a slug in the house.

This is a very important point for all people with a great deal of weight to take home with them.  You must accept yourself as who you are to do the things necessary to get fit.  I could continue to beat myself up for falling down these past weeks.  I could hide from the contest and the site.  I could say ‘to hell with this’ and go back to my old ways.   But I won’t.   I am who I am.  If I am going to become fit I must right the course and do what needs to be done no matter how far the storm of depression pushed me off course.  

I am weighing in at 341.  This is down a pound or so from my last weigh-in but I also feel doughier than I did before.  My energy is down and I am struggling to focus.

If you have any specific questions feel free to ask.

There are some things that I know are true about us as people.  It does not matter if you live in China, Yemen, or the US, these things apply.  These truths may show themselves with different attributes, but the fact remains that the basic truth exist.

Women and men want to be thought of as good.
No one sets out to be the villain or the bad guy.  Sure, some might want to be seen as dangerous, daring, or not goody-goody, but in the end everyone of us seeks to be righteous.  If you remember this when you talk to someone with conflicting values it is easier to see both sides of an issue.  Now, the bottom line is that people are not good all of the time or even most of the time.  When there is a failure to do what is good remember that the person that did wrong wants to be thought of as good even when you are correcting them.

This does not mean that you let people walk on you and do anything they want.  There are things worth taking a stand against and stating that what others are doing is wrong.  Just remember that the person that is doing what we consider to be wrong does not usually see that they are wrong.  Even if a person knows they are wrong they will twist and spin to find justification for what they have done. When you are wrong try to remember that previous sentence and simply correct your actions.

Men and women want to be pretty.
Ok, Ok, men don’t normally want to be pretty, but we all want to be attractive.  Attractiveness is defined differently by different people and different cultures so we all aspire to different looks, but in the end we all want to look good.  Do you want to know the kicker?  We are all attractive in some way.

Take the time to see the beauty in the other person.  It does not matter if the other person is fat, fit, or disfigured.   The elephant man claiming that he was not an animal was screaming out to the world that he was a human and for the rest of us to see the beauty of his humanity.  This need is so incredibly strong that you will be amazed what a difference it can make in people’s lives.

Once you find the beauty in another person you will find that you will respect that person far more than before.  It is almost impossible to hate someone that you find beauty.  Let me be clear, I am talking about physical beauty here, but that beauty transcends the physical to the spiritual  in both  the person seeing the beauty and the person that is being seen as beautiful.  I am also not talking about faking it.  Saying someone is beautiful when you do not see the beauty will not have a positive affect.

If you do not readily see the beauty in others you should work to improve that part of yourself.  You will find that your relationships in your life, personal and business, will improve greatly once you can truly see the beauty in the other person.  Again, no one wants to be ugly and because every human is worthwhile there is beauty to be found.  Once you see the beauty in others let them know.  People so desire to be seen as beautiful that you may actually draw a tear of appreciation.

Now, you need to see yourself as beautiful.  We tend to be so very critical of our own looks as we always wish to improve or change something.  Find that beauty in yourself.  By doing this you will be able to work on the parts of yourself that you would like to improve.  As you start to see other’s beauty you will be able to see your own despite your flaws.

Thoughts Matter
We make fun of the positive thinkers all of the time.  Frankly, the ‘happy talk’ can be complete BS because artificial talk on top of fundamental thought will change nothing.  But if you can change your fundamental thoughts you can achieve anything.  If there is nothing about yourself other than the dimple on you knee that you find pretty by golly you better remind yourself about that dimple 5 times for every time you think something negative about yourself.  No, looking into a mirror and telling yourself that you are worthwhile over and over again will not help you, but if you look into that mirror and recognize the positive and feed the positive more than you feed the negative you will grow.

Well ladies and gentlemen,

A few things to say today.  Pictures and video may be missed this week because I can not find the camera battery charger.  This is why I argued for a camera that took AA batteries but hey.   I know it is in the house somewhere and that I was the last person to handle it.  It will be in the last place I look, always is.

Let’s be frank here for a minute or two.  I am outclassed in this competition.  Maddi is looking cut.  Dare is a picture of proper form and steely resolved.  Mali is an animal that replaced an animal.  Those push-ups he did were strong and straight.  Fusion is young and has found his stride as he resets his motivational focus.  My competitors are all top notch and really class people.

I am another story.  There are some tremendous changes going on in me.  Some of the changes you can see in the pictures and some you can’t.  My journey was in full swing prior to the competition.  Starting in November I had 178 pounds to lose, give or take 10 pounds depending on what I look like near the end.  Today I have 143 pounds to drop.  That is terrific and I am very happy with that progress.  This progress is due in large part to bb.com and the members here.

What you may not see is the health improvement and strength gain I have undergone.  There are a few readers here that understand what it is like to be almost 200 pounds heavy.  Just living was an effort.  Now I am feeling strong and firm. My pants are far too large. My wife remembers what muscles feel like on her man’s arms, chest, and quads. I am moving better.  I care so much more about this than a scale number.  While the scale reads 1/2 a pound up I know that I am actually much better physically today than I was last Wed.  

So back to the competition.  Because I have so much to lose I will still be the fattest person in the group at the end even if I would lose 70 pounds.  Because I was the most out of shape I will still be the weakest in the group at the end.   This bugged me a bit a few weeks back.    Here I was in a competition that I feel I have almost no chance of winning.  I was wondering why I was even selected to be in the contest.   Yes, when I feel sorry for myself I go all out.

But that wasn’t the point of the competition and winning was never about who was chosen the transformer in the end.  The competition was setup by Bodybuilding.com and our sponsors to encourage others to join the journey to health and fitness.  This is why I was chosen and why Maddi was chosen.  We have competitors from the most out of shape to the close to very in shape and everything in between.   The thing the competitors have in common is that we are all using Bodybuilding.com to accomplish our goals and hopefully showing others how to best use the site.  I think it is in this sense that we are all winners here and owe a great deal of thanks to Bodybuilding.com and the sponsors for the opportunity.  

This is also not to take anything away from my fellow competitors.  Without their motivation and dedication they would not have improved the way they have since 12/26/07.  Just take a look at their progress pictures and you know that you are seeing people that know how to get after it.  Whichever competitor wins you can be assured that they fully deserved that win.

We see the end of the contest ahead of us and yet that ending is artificial for all of us.  The competition end is not the ‘end’ for any of the competitors.  You see, we will not fail at our goals.  I am certain that Maddi and Mali will end up on the stage.  SCT will be a great trainer.  Fusion, Dare, and myself will get our weight down and harden up to a point where we will not be embarrassed to wear a swimsuit.  

You know what?  It is good to be alive!

In the video below Will Smith gives the audience the secret to life, running and reading.  When you watch the video you will find out that he doesn’t really mean running but anything that tests you to a certain point.

I have heard that little voice so very many times in the past.  Many times I gave into it.  Recently I have named that voice Fred the Bastard.  Fred never accomplished anything in his life and wants to make sure that I don’t either.  He pops up all of the time when the going gets tough.

Lately I have been able to tell Fred to go to Hell.  It is funny because Fred, while persistent, is a coward. just like most do-nothing people are.  It doesn’t take much to make Fred run and hide.  Simply another step, another rep, another set and he flees.   Oh, he always comes back and you might be tempted to listen, but simply take that next step and again he runs.

One day I will be like the greats.  I will have complete mastery of Fred.  The greats are great because they keep going when others stop, when they listen to their Freds.

"I am not the smartest or most talented person in the world, but I succeed because I keep going and going and going."  Sylvester Stalone

"The hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer." Ralph Waldo Emerson

So you say you don’t feel like working out?  It is just too hard to get in shape?

Let’s talk about scale numbers and why they really don’t matter much to me.  A quick warning to all, I will get a bit crass below this line.  (more…)

The blog sits quietly waiting to be fed
Nothing new or insightful to write or be read
It is not exciting
This weight-loss fight
A simple process
Steady state progress
We see 1 or 2 pounds melt from the hulk
Not much with 145 pounds to shed of the bulk
Time and will are all it takes
Even if excitement it does not make
The blog though hungry might be
Will need to wait just like we
For weight-loss is what this is about
No need for frustration or  need shout
In the end
The 5 here will achieve results they seek
Even if it takes time to complete.