2008 Transformation Contest

Wow, time sure flies, doesn’t it?  This contest ends on the 26th, so that leaves a whopping 11 days (or 10 if you live in Australia!)

The final sprint is on - each of the contestants will run just a little bit faster, a little bit farther, do a little bit more cardio each day, lift just that much more each workout…

We can’t wait to start the judging process, comparing the official before and after photos, combing through the blogs for more witty comments, LOL - expect an update to the Spectator’s Guide within the next 2 days, with another one within a week, followed up with some excellent post-contest commentary from some unexpected spectators…   Muahahahaha!

I beat my machine it’s a part of me it’s inside of me

Im stuck in this dream it’s changing me I am becoming

-NIN-

I am the same as last week.  yep I hit a plateau and I dont like it.  Well check out the pics this week.  Let me know your thoughts.

I have been on a day long FRUIT BINGE and quite resemble the little green tree frog who ate the jumbo cricket.  Pics come tomorrow.

Alright. So I have got to get my head back in the game.  I am setting all spiritual books aside for a moment until the contest is over.  These books act as though my mind and body are both things I should be breaking free of.  Sorry.  Not right now.  I’m kindof in a competition here, and I need these two things at the moment.

All this "egoless state" mumbo jumbo is starting to get on my nerves.

Guess what? I lived in an "egoless state" for all of my twenties and the first half of my thirties.  What did it get me?  

FAT & DEPRESSED.  OUT OF CONTROL WITH MY LIFE.  

It is one thing to know that THERE IS MORE TO LIFE than our bodies.  It is another thing to DENY our bodies’ value and existence altogether.  If they were unimportant, we would all be floating off somewhere up in the sky.

Alright.  So now you know where my head has been! lol  WHAT WE BELIEVE CONTROLS OUR ACTIONS.  If there is no other word of knowledge that I can pass but this one…please

LISTEN.  CONTROL YOUR MIND.  CONTROL YOUR LIFE.  THINK FOR YOURSELVES.

So back to self love.  It takes alot of it to screw up and get back up running.  Those with perseverance WILL finish the race.  All of our races ARE our own.  Where do you want yours to take you?

ME?  

I want to win this contest.  

Not because I want to be ABOVE the others.  No.  Absolutely not.  In fact, the thought of that has caused me to waste quite alot of precious time in my own efforts.

I want to win without taking away anything from anybody else.

DID I TELL YOU I AM NON-COMPETITIVE?

But I do love to CHALLENGE MYSELF.

Climbing those walls?

I love it!  I can do it on my own.  Noone fails.  If I fall down, I can get back up and try again.

Punching that bag?  

I love it!  I can do it on my own.  Anger dissipates.  Nobody gets hurt.

Running my ASS off?  

I…err…DO NOT love it.  But yet again, it is something I can challenge myself with.  I do it on my own.  And nobody’s ego or feelings are on the line.

POUNDING THE WEIGHTS?  

Well hell.  You know how I feel about that! 

My main mentor growing up was my Aunt Margie.  Still one of the greatest ladies I have ever known.  

My aunt Margie weighs over 380 lbs.

My Aunt Margie….stronger on the inside than most people on the outside.  
My Aunt Margie….cannot fit into most booths.
My Aunt Margie….gives to the homeless and the needy.
My Aunt Margie….takes 2 seats on the airplane.
My Aunt Margie….afraid of being carried away.
My Aunt Margie….picks up the down hearted.
My Aunt Margie….would rather see anyone else around her win, but herself.
My Aunt Margie….is a true champion.

So why does nobody know this but me?

See,,,…what I must do, is disconnect from my knowledge that worth does not come from body conditioning.  Worth comes from SOUL.  We all have worth.

I have to be able to know this,…and yet,,,still  love the sport of bodybuilding for being the sport that it is.

I LOVE strong, muscular, toned, and defined bodies.

To do so does not mean that I judge you if you do not have one.

When I am exercising I feel like I am constantly playing a game of RED LIGHT GREEN LIGHT with myself.  

If an old lady comes and gets on the elliptical next to me, it is "RED LIGHT!"  I instinctively want to SLOW DOWN so that she does not feel old.

If a young and glowing BEAUTY in the BOOTIE SHORTS comes in, my system yells "GREEN LIGHT!"  All systems go.  I must rock the house down.

I am caught somewhere in between youth and old age.

I am caught somewhere between basic good health and excellence.

I am caught.

Knowing that the mind comes before the body, that my thoughts decide my actions, I set myself free.

BUT THIS TAKES CONSTANT EFFORT FOR ME.

Meanwhile…

I still run.

Sorry for the fuzzy side picture, using a friends camera..not the best.

Ah yes lats are finally filling out, things are getting wider…maybe a v-tapper by summer…whoo hoo!

Week 1 Back….

Sorry for the fuzziness…dang camera.

I just did my count and here is the bottom line.

From the February 3rd I have lost 13.2 lbs of body weight, and lost no strength so my best guess is no or very small percent of muscles is lost.

I have reduced my body fat percentage by 4.5% and thus lowering my waist circumference by 2 1/2 inches.

Not bad for a replacement LOL, anyways there are two more weeks to go and I think I can take down even more and I promise I will!

BTW tomorrow you will see me doing some boxing moves, and it will show you only the glimpse of the intensity I put in my workouts

Moving more is what my workouts are really about.  I have a routine with the bands, swimming, and walking, but every minute I am not sitting still is a minute burning calories.  Being out of shape to the tune of 140 pounds makes the small things in life tough.  When I was 178 pounds out of shape I would never have offered to help move someone.  Today it is a different story.

Each step is a step.

Last night was supposed to be legs and abs.  I had an attitude and didn’t feel like working them. I went with chest.  That’s right my own little world that consisted of me, the bench and the iron.  I lay on the bench and just pumped out the bar.  That’s right no weight just wanted to feel the bar in my hands.  Yeah I know 45 pounds isn’t going to do anything for me.  I was just getting the motion down.   That’s when I heard these two young kids next to me.  Hmmm.  That’s right they were talking shit.  Thought I wouldn’t bench more than 65 pounds.  

Well, since I already had an attitude.  I didn’t say a word.  I loaded the bar to 65.  Bench it 15 times.  Easy…  Then I heard the one adjust his statement.  I bet she doesn’t do more than 100.  I loaded the bar with 95.  Benched it 12 times.  Yeah I am starting to get warmed up now.  The boys were starting to get quite now.  They were only benching 135.

I loaded the bar with 115.  Benched it 10 times.  Add more weight, now I am at 135.  Benched it 3 times.  Didn’t have the right grip.  When I set the bar down, I heard the one kid exhale.  He thought I was done.  Nope, mess with me when I am in a pissy mood deal with the consequences.  LOL  I picked it back up and finished out my set.  

I loaded the bar with 185.  Pumped out 8 reps.  Added weight to hit 205, did three reps.  Thought to myself, screw it lets throw on another 20.  That’s right 225.  I was feeling much better by now.  When I laid under the bar, I told myself how nice and smooth this weight is going to go up and how light it was.  My spotter came over.  I unracked it.  Brought the weight down nice and slow.  Had to have a little love tap to get it out of the hole but damn if I didn’t shove the weight up and rack it. Spotter didn’t even have his hands on the bar.    That’s right a new best for me.  Maybe I should thank those young boys for providing the incentive.  Sure I wont count it as a complete success until I don’t need that little love tap at the bottom but what the hell.  All I could think about was I wish I caught it on video.  Oh and the boys disappeared after that.  I wonder if they will come back.  LOL

Since I didnt catch it on video and I still have people asking me how much I can bench.  I have attached my last two bench videos from several months back.  

185 pounds

200 pounds.  Note this was captured after the seventh lift.  

Hello all!   I want to offer bodybuilding.com, the sponsors, contestants, and readers an apology for my lack of posting, progress pictures, and videos these past weeks.  Joining this contest I promised that I would complete these activities on a timely basis and I have failed.  

What happened?

You may remember that I stated that I suffered from acute depression.  That depression has been under good control for quite some time but hits me hard during extreme climate shifts caused by pressure system changes.  At least this is what I have observed over the years.  I normally hit a depression when winter changes to spring and fall to winter.

Missouri is a strange place when it comes to weather.  We experienced 70 degree weather one day only to be hit with an ice and snow storm the next.  That abrupt system change sent me crashing down.

During this time my daughter went into the hospital due to complications in here pregnancy.  They decided that it was best for the baby and the mother to induce labor early.    David Daniel was born Saturday and both mother and son are doing well.   I am not certain if Dad and Grandpa are doing as well.

So you were depressed, big deal.  We all suffer from the blahs during winter.

Those of you that have suffered clinical depression or live with someone who does will understand that it is not your normal blahs situation.  When I suffer a bout of depression it brings me to a place so very dark and negative that it is hard to describe.  Life becomes unbearable and insurmountable.  While I never contemplated suicide, my thoughts would often contain elements of ‘quitting’.  There is a feeling of worthlessness that overwhelms me to a point where I am unable to function.  During these times it is a huge fight simply not to be self-destructive and hateful to all around me.

Everything around me suffers when I suffer depression.  My family lives in turmoil as they love someone who despises themselves.  There are sick days taken as I can’t face work.  All activities cease to be done.  This is what happened to my pictures and my posts.

It often takes weeks to pull myself out of a bout of depression.  Once I have gotten myself to a point where I can function at a basic living level I am faced with digging out of the hole I have created.  Deadlines missed and promises not kept.  It is hard to face these facts of failure without falling back into the depression.  One of the promises not kept was to this contest.  

I am still not out of my depression.  Small things can send me into a dizzying spiral of negativity and I am easily flustered/angered.  But I am doing better and facing the damage that has been done.

Great, but what about the contest?  Did you falter and get fat?

My diet and exercise routine fell apart.  Unlike the past, I only binged once and that was a limited outing.  I did eat pizza one night and Chinese another.   My biggest problem was not eating and not taking my supplements. I have not exercised in several weeks and have been a slug in the house.

This is a very important point for all people with a great deal of weight to take home with them.  You must accept yourself as who you are to do the things necessary to get fit.  I could continue to beat myself up for falling down these past weeks.  I could hide from the contest and the site.  I could say ‘to hell with this’ and go back to my old ways.   But I won’t.   I am who I am.  If I am going to become fit I must right the course and do what needs to be done no matter how far the storm of depression pushed me off course.  

I am weighing in at 341.  This is down a pound or so from my last weigh-in but I also feel doughier than I did before.  My energy is down and I am struggling to focus.

If you have any specific questions feel free to ask.

Well I have to say I’m happy that I’ve made it this far, admist all my troubling times, getting sick, my wife having surgery, my car leaving me stranded, moving, etc.etc…
I’ve actually toughed it out and kept going, for almost 2 weeks though I havent made it to the gym. I have however kept as active as possible, grabbing my dumbell set at home in between chaning diapers, and getting my wife what she needs since she still cant move around much right now.
I havent hit my goals, and I’ve learned that internally I let myself slide. It seems that when I have no one else to report to expect for myself, I slide…then get mad two weeks later when the progress has halted. If only I could muster the same determination within myself, that others have. I honestly think my many years of careless ways, and easy going personality, and the procrastination bug have me always saying…….it will come it will come. Versus it actually coming.

I’m dissapointed with my results overall. But always happy that I did have some results to date, I can tell a huge difference in just everyday activities, the other day I was crawling around an attic with no floor straddling from truss to truss wihout even noticing. Take that same scenrio back to when I was 30lbs heavier and this would have been a much more daunting task.

Looking forward to the months to come, and the results. I’m getting in the groove finally.

And here we are, not two small weeks out from the final destination of this contest. The day we all started was the day of happiness and enthusiasm for all. We were just beaming with positive energy radiating it in all directions, and look at us now…

There are few things I learned in my life, and I tend to apply this experience in all the aspects of my life. Hard work pays out in the long run, positive attitude will always get you to the right place, keeping the fun in all the stuff that you do will make even the worst job look like a game. And than I look at my friends from the BodySpace challenge 2008 and I can only see serious people. Serious is what gets you heart attack and nervous break downs , stop being so damn serious. There is one thing for sure, if you can not keep the fun in your workouts and your fitness life style for only three months, how can you expect to do it your entire life?

I can feel you enthusiasm falling down, why? This is supposed to be the happiest time of your life, you are finally changing something for the better and than you loose enthusiasm, LOL.

I just wish I can be there with you all and push you through the hard moments. Instead I can YELL ONLINE: GET OF YOU A$$ AND KEEP ON PUSHING FORWARD

I have learned something important about myself.

It is the combination of hunger WITH restriction that causes binge behavior.

I can live with dietary restrictions.  There are a few times, (lol), I can even go hungry.

However…

I can not do these two things simultaneously.

There are times when one is dieting and feeling on top of the world.  Foods that would ordinarily knock you off that cloud do not even tempt you, because your hunger for success is greater.

Then there are times when one feels low and vulnerable.  Like a hungry little wounded woodland animal.  ANYTHING that crosses the path is liable to become dinner.

DEPRIVATION + HUNGER = RECIPE FOR DIETING DISASTER

Know your vulnerable moments.  When you are vulnerable, DO NOT allow yourself to become hungry.

It is a pacing.  

It is a self knowledge.

Tonight, I know I will be dealing with temptation of both pizza and cake.  Having been restricted from such things for 11 weeks now, I know I am vulnerable.  This means, I know that I cannot walk into the situation hungry.  

I will face this by eating a protein meal before I go, so that my belly is nice and full.  I will order a salad to eat while I am there and drink a large iced tea.  I will stop on my way there to buy a nice large protein bar to eat instead of cake.  I will not feel deprived when cake is being served.

I will leave feeling full and satiated.  

I will leave with the fullness and satisfaction that comes from the INCREDIBLY good feelings of goals accomplished.

Yeah I finally started to loose weight, this morning I am down to 237.6 lbs, down 3.3lbs from the last week. I had to cut calories additionally, but I am adopting fast.

It is interesting how a human organism reacts in situation where it is forced out of balance and make changes. It will do anything to get you back in a comfort zone. Remember that little guy inside of our head, Jumbo talked about a few posts earlier? Well my little man is no jelling at me, he is not screaming and kicking, telling me to stop this nonsense. No, he is a smooth talker, he knows me better than anyone else and he knows I will not react to force. Instead, he uses a more subtle method to make me bend and brake. Sometimes I even don’t notice him dragging me down. LOL am I making any sense LOL

Anyways here are the progress pictures for this week:

OK I just wanted to show some side by side pictures from the day my transformation started back in November 2007 till this day:

This week that is how I feel. I am actually up two pounds and I am hoping that is just water.  Although I did have a couple of drinks when I went out last weekend and we all know how many useless calories are in those.  Well, here the pics.  Hope I didnt let you down.  Next week will be better.