2008 Transformation Contest

As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.
                  Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

   BODY TRANSFORMATION, END OF WEEK 8.

I took a planned cheat night out with my husband this week.  On it’s own I do not believe this would have been a problem.  

I joke about “refeeds”, but I do believe in the principle behind them. 

The problem for me, being carb sensitive,(ADDICTED!  ADDICTED!), means that once I let some carbs slip in, my body does not want to give them up again.  

This leaves me vulnerable to strong cravings until I get a grasp on myself.

I could waste time in regret over 7 BELGIAN chocolates I utterly lost control and binged upon yesterday.  

Or I could look to the experience as one to learn from.  

The fact of the matter is, no matter how strong our resolve, how great our intentions, we WILL EVENTUALLY crumble to temptation, UNLESS temptation is removed from us.  

Especially when under going periods of stress, whether mental or physical.

I am still enjoying the competition.  But as I have never done this before, I am learning how to pace myself.  

I have no nutritionist or trainer.  I am attempting to make a dramatic change with nothing but intuition, guts, and instinct.  

Sometimes I second guess myself.  Sometimes I lose my vision.  

I am fighting a battle in my mind over the loss of muscle tissue.  In my pictures, I can see a decrease in size, and it frightens me.  I have had no decrease in strength.  This is a good sign!

At a family birthday party this weekend, I began getting the “you are getting too thin” comments.  I never wanted to be “the thin girl”.  I wanted to be “the buff girl”.  

I have to have courage.  I know I have to strip away the fat in order to go farther.  

My inner ectomorph is being revealed.  As much as I like heft and bulk, I am finding that genetically, I have a body that is built to be long and lean.

I measured in last week at somewhere between 18.6-19.1% bodyfat.  

How do women mentally get past the barrier of going lower than this?

Women compete at 10% bodyfat or less.  How do they manage to hold onto precious muscle as they cut their bodyfat to such extreme lows?

I am sucking up my fears of loose skin (which is becoming more evident daily, especially on my backside).  

I am learning.  I am embracing the challenge.

I am walking through my fears of catabolism.

I will not let my fears hold me back any longer.

All I can do…is work the best to my knowledge and abilities.  Relying on my body to give me the answers.

I envision a stronger, leaner me.  I envision my muscles growing bigger, stronger, better defined, as my body grows evermore leaner.

My meal timing is off.  I must admit, I do not time my meals.  I eat when I am hungry.  

This means today I ate 4 meals instead of 6.

Breakfast:  4 scoops strawberry Intra-Pro  (I know…a HUGE SHAKE…a whole blenderful actually…but I was STARVED.  This is what my body wanted.)

Lunch: Large Pack Albacore Tuna, 1/2 bag salad, 1 green pepper sliced, 3 vinegars, spices and seasonings,

Pre-Workout:  1 apple

Workout: Super Pump 250, BCAA’s

Post-Workout/Supper: 1 Scoop Vanilla Intra-Pro, 1/2 Scoop Caramel Protein, 1/2 apple, 1 large spoon honey, glutamine, cinnamon,

Misc: lots of Crystal Light with apple cider vinegar, 1 Diet Rockstar, 1 pack berry gum.

TOTAL CALORIES:  1800      TOTAL PROTEIN:  164

I believe taking it easy on myself was good for me this last week.  It was good for me mentally, as well as hopefully rebooting my metabolism in the process.  

My weight;  137.

No losses, no gains.

However, it is time to see what I can now pull out of me.  This week, I will be staying 110% on task.  

We are pulling around the corner bend.  It is these last few weeks that count… the most.

I will give it my all.  I will give it my utmost.  I will keep my head in the game until the game is done.

HAVE A GREAT WEEK EVERYONE!  WHAT YOU BELIEVE, YOU WILL ACHIEVE!

Here is a quick update.  I am down a total of 14 pounds and 7.5% body fat.  I will let you know the inches tomorrow.  I couldnt get my measurements done today.  

Here are this weeks pics.

Well.  Let me know what you think.

Well ladies and gentlemen,

A few things to say today.  Pictures and video may be missed this week because I can not find the camera battery charger.  This is why I argued for a camera that took AA batteries but hey.   I know it is in the house somewhere and that I was the last person to handle it.  It will be in the last place I look, always is.

Let’s be frank here for a minute or two.  I am outclassed in this competition.  Maddi is looking cut.  Dare is a picture of proper form and steely resolved.  Mali is an animal that replaced an animal.  Those push-ups he did were strong and straight.  Fusion is young and has found his stride as he resets his motivational focus.  My competitors are all top notch and really class people.

I am another story.  There are some tremendous changes going on in me.  Some of the changes you can see in the pictures and some you can’t.  My journey was in full swing prior to the competition.  Starting in November I had 178 pounds to lose, give or take 10 pounds depending on what I look like near the end.  Today I have 143 pounds to drop.  That is terrific and I am very happy with that progress.  This progress is due in large part to bb.com and the members here.

What you may not see is the health improvement and strength gain I have undergone.  There are a few readers here that understand what it is like to be almost 200 pounds heavy.  Just living was an effort.  Now I am feeling strong and firm. My pants are far too large. My wife remembers what muscles feel like on her man’s arms, chest, and quads. I am moving better.  I care so much more about this than a scale number.  While the scale reads 1/2 a pound up I know that I am actually much better physically today than I was last Wed.  

So back to the competition.  Because I have so much to lose I will still be the fattest person in the group at the end even if I would lose 70 pounds.  Because I was the most out of shape I will still be the weakest in the group at the end.   This bugged me a bit a few weeks back.    Here I was in a competition that I feel I have almost no chance of winning.  I was wondering why I was even selected to be in the contest.   Yes, when I feel sorry for myself I go all out.

But that wasn’t the point of the competition and winning was never about who was chosen the transformer in the end.  The competition was setup by Bodybuilding.com and our sponsors to encourage others to join the journey to health and fitness.  This is why I was chosen and why Maddi was chosen.  We have competitors from the most out of shape to the close to very in shape and everything in between.   The thing the competitors have in common is that we are all using Bodybuilding.com to accomplish our goals and hopefully showing others how to best use the site.  I think it is in this sense that we are all winners here and owe a great deal of thanks to Bodybuilding.com and the sponsors for the opportunity.  

This is also not to take anything away from my fellow competitors.  Without their motivation and dedication they would not have improved the way they have since 12/26/07.  Just take a look at their progress pictures and you know that you are seeing people that know how to get after it.  Whichever competitor wins you can be assured that they fully deserved that win.

We see the end of the contest ahead of us and yet that ending is artificial for all of us.  The competition end is not the ‘end’ for any of the competitors.  You see, we will not fail at our goals.  I am certain that Maddi and Mali will end up on the stage.  SCT will be a great trainer.  Fusion, Dare, and myself will get our weight down and harden up to a point where we will not be embarrassed to wear a swimsuit.  

You know what?  It is good to be alive!

So this week we started a new contest at work. Golds Gym is running it this time. I took my personal fitness test with a certified trainer last week. Its a 12 week program, which overlaps this one. It will help to keep me motivated for many more weeks to come. Here were my results.

Pushups in 1 Minute- 29 ( Want to hit an even 60 by contest end)
Distance In 10 Minutes on treadmill- .75 Miles ( Want to hit 1.25 Miles in ten minutes)
Situp in 1 minute -14 (Want to hit 30 by contest end)
Stretch- 42" inches ( want to hit 48-50")

We have three months and the contest is based on your improvements over your baseline, number of workouts at the gym, weight loss, and fat loss.

In addition I feel the need to set some last short term goals for this contest.

1. Lose 10lbs over the next 5 weeks
2. Lose 2" off my Mid Section
3. Lose 1" off waist line

My body is responding slow to change, just one of those things. I’ve heard that the mind can heal people, I’ve seen stories of people using positive thoughts to heal cancer. Regardless I think my laid back/ easy going personality in life is holding me back. While I might push it in the gym, I always think mentally that my results will come in time. Maybe if I mentally think about things changing more rapidly they will.

Scale today shows 240.9 lbs, my last measure showed 244.2 and that was Saturday LOL.

Any way here is my workout video for this week. After I finished my morning cardio I did some push-ups, here is how it looks

BTW. I was a bit sore from Monday chest workout I was pushing 350 pounds!!! Loosing fat, and my strength remains, it is a sure sign I am not loosing any muscles

Sometimes when I linger at the gym, I get embarrassed.  I watch people come, I watch people go. "Why must I take so long?" I wonder.

I develop a sense of shame, of guilt, for taking my time, for commiting myself to 2+ hours of hard work daily.

My boss the other day told me, "You are obsessed".  "Yes I am" I said.  

Yet this is an obsession that will bring me closer to my goals.  I choose to call it "single mindedness of purpose".

Bodybuilding gives me positive direction.  

It is something uplifting and positive to focus my energies upon.

Everyone has holes.  Everyone has unmet needs that demand filling.  

We can fill these needs with many things.  

We can fill these needs with things which are destructive and demeaning.  Things which will destroy us.  (drugs, food, sex, gambling addictions)

We can fill these needs with things which are neutral.  Things which simply take up space, time, and energy, until our lives run out.  (gossip, entertainment, television)

Or, we can fill our holes, these unmet needs, with things benefitting and positive.  

We can fill ourselves with that which adds worth, value, and meaning to our lives. Things which serve a purpose.  (education, community service, spirituality, bodybuilding, friendship, family, self-improvement)

The next time somebody tells you that you are working out "too much", or says that you are "obsessed",or "addicted" with exercise, ask yourself this simple and honest question.

"Is this lifestyle lifting me up or tearing me down?"

If you are being built up, feel no need to give explanations, or make excuses to any-one.  

Hold your head high!  Be free of the expectations to do things as are socially accepted at this time.  You are not a slave to this culture and day and age.  You are a free person choosing wisely for the sake of your own health.  Serve your own best interests.

Look around you.  Everywhere around you people are unhealthy. People are sad and depressed.  People are stressed and taking it out in unhealthy ways.  

Become stronger than your culture.  Become the example for exemplary health and living.  Become the source of pressure.  Be the ball.

In the video below Will Smith gives the audience the secret to life, running and reading.  When you watch the video you will find out that he doesn’t really mean running but anything that tests you to a certain point.

I have heard that little voice so very many times in the past.  Many times I gave into it.  Recently I have named that voice Fred the Bastard.  Fred never accomplished anything in his life and wants to make sure that I don’t either.  He pops up all of the time when the going gets tough.

Lately I have been able to tell Fred to go to Hell.  It is funny because Fred, while persistent, is a coward. just like most do-nothing people are.  It doesn’t take much to make Fred run and hide.  Simply another step, another rep, another set and he flees.   Oh, he always comes back and you might be tempted to listen, but simply take that next step and again he runs.

One day I will be like the greats.  I will have complete mastery of Fred.  The greats are great because they keep going when others stop, when they listen to their Freds.

"I am not the smartest or most talented person in the world, but I succeed because I keep going and going and going."  Sylvester Stalone

"The hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer." Ralph Waldo Emerson

I was once a highly conflicted individual.  

That which I wanted to do…I did not do.  And that which I did not want to do…I did do.  

This was not because of sin, but because of many taught spiritual and societal beliefs which did not line up with my honest and true life experiences.  

Idealism breeds mental illness. 

My large degree of naive idealism and fanatical innocence nearly killed me.

There was a 550 pound waiter serving me and my husband Saturday night.  I watched other patrons, laughing, sneering, joking about a man…who was slowly, but capably doing his job.  He probably had more strength in his left pinkie, in his heart, than these jokesters did in their entire bodies.

I believe that morbid, gross, obesity, is caused by inner soul confliction.  The likes of which many of you will fortunately never know.  

I overcame my confliction, my outdated, idealistic, taught modes of thinking.  I learned to take life for what it IS rather than what I was taught it SHOULD be.

Many people are never able to do this.

Take it easy on them.

Take it easy on yourselves.

Thats right.  I am back at bat.  Ready to swing and smash one out of the park.  Feeling great again.  Workouts are back and intense.  My muscles are complaining a little since they took almost a week off.  They will shape up in no time.  

This week I thought I would bring you a sample of some of my back exercises.  If there is an area that I slack on,this would be it.  I know its part of the major core and that I should work it as diligently as I do other body parts.  I seem to dislike back exercises the most with the exception of the smith machine pull-ups.  I must say that I liked them…a lot.  I am looking forward to adding them to my routine.  

any way, here is the video…

Hey people,

Another week is over and I feel a little bit tired. I was working on my car for the last two days and it just so happened those last two days weather is sub zero LOL

Anyways I am progressing towards my personal goals and I am taking giant steps. Since last week I’ve lost 6.6 lbs and 1.8% body fat. I figure this is decent progress for an ex bodybuilder Anyway there is a catch to it, and I am rather proud of it. I did it all without any supplements at all. Somewhere mid last week I ran out of my amino and now I run free

Last night I did my kick box workout. It lasted about 80min and it was considered a light workout. Tonight I go for more intensity I hope I will survive

That’s it for today kid, keep your head up high and if you need motivation check my progress page

Week 1 Pics

In my first Body Transformation 08 Post, I spoke of my challenges, personified as demons.  This is what demons truly are.  Faulty or challenging perceptions of oneself, one’s capabilities, and the world around you.  They all come from within, which is why they need to be expelled.

I have been spending the past 3 and a half years coming to know my demons, and in the last 7 weeks, I have been facing them head on.

Revisited and categorized into 4 distinct groups,  I have put my foes into headers for clarity.

FEAR: fear of failure, success and envy, discomfort and hunger
LACK OF SELF CONTROL:  food addiction, gluttony
MENTAL WEAKNESS: insecurity, weak mindedness
SHORT SIGHTEDNESS: lack of vision, failure to plan

In the past 7 weeks, I have learned…

FEAR OF SUCCESS AND ENVY. You are my largest and most forbidable foe.  No matter how often I cast you out, you come back to me.  This means I am not replacing you with something more befitting to that spot in my soul.  
This means there is more mental and spiritual work to be done here.  YOU are my focus.  YOU WILL GO.

On the opposing side, I have also learned, I AM NOT AFRAID OF FAILURE.  Quite comfortable with it really.  Time for that to all change.  I now EMBRACE my failures and turn them into successes.

FEAR OF DISCOMFORT AND HUNGER.  This could actually fit into all four categories.  Fear, Self Control,  Mental Weakness, & Short Sightedness.  I feel in my heart I have overcome much with food issues.  At one point it became my primary source of pleasure and pain relief, leading me into a 250 lb prison.  

What I have found works best for me so far is…trickery.  

I satisfy sweet cravings with gum and Crystal Light or Diet Energy Drinks.  I use plenty of spices to keep my intense palette satisfied.  And protein keeps me full longer.  
I put myself into as few tempting or compromising positions as possible, and I keep my eye on the prize.  

If I ever had to TRULY go HUNGRY….perhaps I couldn’t make it.

I believe in a healthy, sane, benefitting diet.  There are reasonable efforts one can take to keep discomfort and ill satisfaction to a minimum.

FOOD ADDICTION & GLUTTONY.  This falls into the previous category.  With gluttony being the opposite of hunger.  I think I have reached a happy medium with food.  I am still able to LOVE and ADORE it…but I eat so much of the HEALTHY stuff, it is hard for it to do damage to me.  I am listening to my body about it.  As long as I allow myself OTHER PLEASURES…I do not need to obsess about food.

MENTAL WEAKNESS, INCLUDING INSECURITY, FEELING OF INFERIORITY, AND WEAK MINDEDNESS (SELF CONTROL).    You know what???  This ALL goes back to NUMBER ONE.  THE FEAR OF SUCCESS AND ENVY. Which, when it all comes down to it, points to a natural, inborn, need and longing for the SAFETY of ACCEPTANCE.  I would be lying outright if I said I did not need these things like anybody else in the world.

WE ALL NEED TO BE ACCEPTED AND LOVED.  Oh, and how we YEARN for it.  Most everything we do in this lifetime is to fill that need for acceptance and validation. It is our safety net.  It is our ego booster.  

While I can NOT make my ego go away, I can tame that bugger.  I can satisfy him (her) by meeting those primal needs in a way that does not disrespect myself or others around me.  
I will NOT push my lifestyle upon others, and I will NOT allow others to push their lifestyle UPON me.  This is where Bodybuilding.com becomes a TREMENDOUS BLESSING.  Like minds, seeking similar lifestyles…allowing me to go farther than I have ever gone before.  I will SEE my strengths as STRENGTHS.  I will NOT allow others to make my STRENGTHS into WEAKNESSES.

(By the way….THE EMPEROR IS WEARING NO CLOTHES!!!)  

I will find the affirmation I need.  I will look to those who inspire as the source.

SHORT SIGHTEDNESS, FAILURE TO PLAN.    You know?  I have not found this to be as big of a problem as I had supposed.  I am very good at "flying by the seat of my pants".  Improvisation is an important aspect to survival.  But I guess the problem is, when you come down to it, "I DON’T WANT TO JUST SURVIVE…I WANT TO THRIVE."  

So, while there is definite room for improvement, I GIVE MYSELF PROPS for the striving and success I have made in this process.  After all, getting out the door with a fully loaded protein shake, 3 forms of supplements, a charged, working,  mp-3 player, clean shirt, pants, socks, shoes, headphones, hair brushed, teeth cleaned, makeup on (somewhat), kids ready, to school on time (usually..lol), and out the door by 7:20 AM…IS NO EASY TASK.

And this is when the real work begins.

So yes. I am proud of me.  I am working, being a mom, working out, DAILY, striving, growing, changing.  Growing discouraged, falling, and then….GETTING MY ASS BACK UP AND DOING IT ALL OVER AGAIN.

DEMONS BE DAMNED! 

PLEASE don’t leave heart shaped boxes of gourmet belgian chocolates in an empty  house with a carb deprived, dieting for 7 weeks, feeling sorry for herself female.

Just don’t.

This is what my family did to me today.

My husband also left me the traditional flowers, and Sugar-Free Russell Stover Dark Chocolate Raspberry Truffles.  (I’m still holding out for the BUFFALO dinner!)

Though sugar-free, the truffles were NOT part of my diet plan.

But I’m depressed…and HEY…it’s VALENTINE’S DAY.

I put the whole bag in 3 scoops of chocolate protein and whirled it together for breakfast.  They were gone before the sun had risen on Schafer Farm.

TO be fair, I DID tell the kids to hide their chocolates before I took them to school.  

They were fully warned.  

I said, "HIDE YOUR CHOCOLATES OR MOMMY WILL EAT THEM."

The two oldest have plenty of life experience.

They hid their boxes well.

The 8 year old taped her box  shut with scotch tape and left it on the kitchen counter.

That is why 3 are now missing.

I got in a wonderful workout last night.  Really tore up the lower body.  It felt great since I really haven’t had a good workout in several days.  I felt like I was back into the groove of things.  

Tonight I am hoping to find a new love.  I am going to try a exercise that I found in this months Muscle and Fitness.   I was very excited when I seen it.  I have hopes it will move me towards being able to actually do a complete pull up. Its called a weighted smith machine pull-up.  Here is how it works:  You set the smith machine stops at waist height and set a bench a few feet away from the bar, parallel to it.  Take a wide overhand grip on the bar and squat down to hang under it.  Place your feet on the bench in front of you so your body forms an “L”.  At this point, a partner can add weights to you lap if you choose.  Obviously, I wont be doing that part yet.  From the hanging position, pull your chest to the bar, squeezing your lats hard, and the return to the starting position.   For those of you more experienced, you can switch hand positions to the close grip to hit the lower back. Or better yet alternate them.  

Here is my progress for the last week:

Weight: up one pound (215.0)
Body fat%: the same

No I am not disappointed.  I expected it since I had been sick and everything has been off.  I don’t want my competitors getting to cocky though.  I am back and feeling great.  Hardcore workouts continue.  Restocked the groceries…clean eating is on.  Water intake has been increased.  Got myself a little valentines gift too….a new mp3.  I am so ready to bring it…again.  

Here are this weeks pics:

Top of the World - That’s show I feel today! I still have a little bit of last week’s nastiness hanging around with a stuffed up nose and a cough when I laugh. This song is a Christian song and while I’m not big on preaching here I like the vibe of this song and it’s fitting for how I felt when I stepped on the scale today. BOOM BOOM 202 down from 219.5. That’s SEVENTEEN and A HALF POUNDS. I’ve got about 12 more pounds to go to be content with my physique. The abs are starting to show and life is good. I take off for Los Angeles tomorrow and will be covering the IRONMAN PRO for Bodybuilding.com. Fans can catch the live webcast here on bodybuilding.com and we’ll be posting videos and photos throughout the weekend. This is the first IFBB show of the year and I’m stoked to be heading to LA. I was wearing shorts today and it was fantastic Denver weather near record highs. A storm is rolling in tonight and when I leave in the morning it will be in the 20s and snowing. WTF? Great time to get to Cali.

BOOM BOOM BABY I AM DROPPIN DA FAT!

I’m on top of the world
Seeing for the first time
How beautiful You are
Here on top of the world