Super Sonic Black Hole
This week you catch me in the midst of a big black hole. I am a swirling vortex of negative energy, sucking up anything that crosses my path. I have been binging for a week. Well, what started out as some sane and sensible eating out with the family, somehow turned into something else. Right now I am quite frankly, sick in the head. Don’t walk in front of me…or I might…eat…you.
This is frankly, NOT ABOUT FOOD. This is about winning…and what I am learning to be….my INTENSE FEAR of winning. There is something dreadfully amiss, and I am digging deep down to find the root cause of it. Whether I find and root it out in time to recover myself for the remainder of this contest, only time will tell.
Hang in there with me as I attempt to find myself, my inner motivations, and what it is that is holding me back.
I am up 6 pounds from a week ago. Why is there a part of myself that likes me better this way? That is a part of the puzzle I am working on. What is it exactly, that I am so very scared of?
I do know this. I am in the process of throwing all outdated modes of thinking BEHIND me. I no longer believe that my strength is found in weakness. I no longer believe that to love my life is to lose it. I no longer believe.
I believe in spirit. I believe in truth. I believe in love.
Pictures to come later tonight. Be prepared for some jelly belly.
Hold out good thoughts and positive energy in my name. Keep telling me I look good thinner…until I begin…to believe it.
Post by: Maddi
February 27, 2008 - 1:25 pm MST at 1:25 pm
Maddi I am sending you loads and loads of positive energy! We all love you! Feed off the love. You are an extremely beautiful sexy woman. Keep working you will win!
February 27, 2008 - 1:26 pm MST at 1:26 pm
You’re getting all of the positive energy I can throw your way Maddi!!! I believe we all make or break our own happiness……it’s where we want to be. When we want to be unhappy we will be no matter how good things may be going or how many people are nice to us. When we OPT to be happy……we will be, even in the worst circumstances we can take a deep breath, realize this too shall pass, and smile………oh yeah AND get that one last rep in that leads to the soreness everyone on this site just loves. Take care of yourself, Luke
February 27, 2008 - 7:14 pm MST at 7:14 pm
I have been following your progress daily. No way you gained six pounds in seven days. Water retention, hormones? Regardless don’t worry about the scale. If you can gain six pounds in a week you can also lose them. You look AMAZING in your latest photos Maddi. Get to your targer goal and if you decide you look better with more weight then adjust to that. This is a CONTEST… YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!
February 27, 2008 - 7:45 pm MST at 7:45 pm
Sending TONS of positive vibes your way so that you can "throw" this week away and move forward. As much as this is a contest of the outside, it definitely seems to be a running theme with all contestants that it’s a transformation of the inside, so allow yourself to be unsure and afraid and deal with past habits… but also learn to let it go and truly realize how badass to the bone you really are. It’s always easier from the outside looking in, but you have achieved SO much Maddi, and I know you will achieve exponentially more within the next few weeks!! You can overcome this, chick, I have faith!!