2008 Transformation Contest

Daretosoar here! I am so excited to make 2008 Bodyspace Transformation Challenge part of my journey to a healthy lifestyle.  Before this journey begins I want you to know where I have been and where I am going.

CHAPTER 1:  The past

Let me give you a little daretosoar history.  Growing up I might as well have been an only child.  Single mother who worked long hours to pay for the bills racked up by an alcoholic father and to live from day to day.  Same story as a lot of folks. Because mom was out of the house most of the time, you know that there are a lot of things left untaught and major opportunities for mischief.  Now I was the shy child.  I still am until you reach that inner circle of friends.  I am the one that sits back and observes the room at parties.  Ok back to the point, despite my poor eating habits as a child, I grew up in pretty good shape.  I was athletic and on the go a lot.  I may not have eaten healthy but I ran enough and eat so little that the weight never had the opportunity to settle on the butt. Then a major event happened when I was in high school.  I am not going to be specific. I will tell you that it is something that no child should have to endure.  I blamed myself for a while.  All activity stopped.  I started eating more and putting on the weight.  It was about this time that I began being ashamed of my body.  Most people were not aware of this fact.  They seen what you guys are permitted to see. The positive side of me.  Anyway back to the story.   I graduate and went to college.    What little activity I was doing by this time, completely stopped.  Now I was sitting in class, sitting and studying, and I had a job that I sat at.  You know what happened.  The weight kept increasing.  The body image was declining rapidly.  I hated to see my self naked and I really hated to shop for clothes.  Maybe this is where my hatred for shopping comes from.

Now I had several boyfriends throughout this time.  The man I married was with me through most of this.  By the time I got married I weighed 225 pounds. The weight I am now.  Full clothed, I could conquer the world.  Skimpily clothes and I wouldnt leave the room.  No sleeveless shirts. No regular shorts.  Baggy oversized clothes were my norm.  If you thought I was going swimming you were nuts.

Within a year I was pregnant.   Well we all know what happens when your pregnant.  You gain weight.  I was so freakin big that the last month of my pregnancy, I could fit behind the wheel of our 1969 Chevy truck.  Talk about a major hit to the mental body image.  The good news is that I lost almost all the pregnancy weight before I left the hospital.  The bad news is a came home with lots of stretch marks.  Another strike for body image. Three months later I was pregnant again.   By this time the stress of having a little one, holding a full time job, and the thought of not fitting behind the wheel of the truck really took a toll on my self esteem.  I put on a lot of weight. I was freaking huge and miserable.  I felt awful in everything that I put on. I breast fed and my boobs were so freaking big, it was uncomfortable.  I was a major milk cow.  I probably produced enough milk to nurse several babies.  I constantly had to change clothes because of leakage.  

Self esteem was declining rapidly. After the baby was born, not a lot changed.  I was big and had plenty of pregnancy scars to reinforce my low body self esteem.  My eating habits were horrible.  I never really learned anything about nutrition growing up.  I cant say I really tried to watch my eating.  I thought as long as I was active that the weight would fall off just like it stay off  in high school.  I joined a gym but never went enough to really do me any good.  I felt so self conscience and didn’t really know what to do.  I was the very fat lady among the cardio bunnies.

Several years ago my husband thought he would offer me encouragement to lose weight by saying he wanted a divorce if I didn’t shrink.  Guess what.  That just pissed me off.  If you cant love me when I am fat, especially since I was fat when we got married, then you sure as hell wont love me when I thin. Now he says that he just thought saying that would give me a boost to get the gym and clean up my diet but all it really did was hurt and make me feel like no one would want me.  I know I don’t need to point this out but the thought of not having sex was very unappealing to me but I was not going to give in to an ultimatum.  I was stubborn so I didn’t exercise.  My thoughts were screw him.  He either loves me or he doesn’t.  That little statement still causes a lot of hurt and resentment even though he swears he never meant it.

Don’t get me wrong.  He tried to be encouraging but it came across more hurtful and I resented it.  He had cleaned up his diet and dropped some weight.  He was working out regularly.  He just wanted the same for me.  Eventually, we joined the Y.  I began going and not really seeing results.  I think the reason for that is that I never made the personal commitment to me. I never found that passion with in myself to be able to stick to the program.  I excelled in other areas of my life but when it came to my health and wellness, I did nothing.  Everything else was more important.  

I realized that I had to start taking time for me.  I had to decide what I wanted out of life.  I began making a list of things that I wanted to do.  Not what others wanted for me to do but what I truly wanted to do in all areas of my life.  I wrote down anything and everything that came to mind.  After review this list, I realized that there were a lot of things that I couldn’t do in the shape I was in.  I had to reclaim my body.  I had to take control of myself and my habits.  I had to have success in this area of my life too.  I had to be more selfish.

I began developing my own workouts.  I read everything that I could get my hands on.  I hit the free weights hard.  I was only seeing little results.  As soon as I would lose a couple of pounds, they came back again.  I need to work on improving my eating habits.  I began making small changes.  I started seeing a little results.  Nothing major.  I yo yo a lot.   I was having trouble putting it all together and staying on the fitness wagon.  

I made myself read my goals daily to keep me motivated.  I was motivated but my intensity in the gym lacked.  I went through the motions.  My husband tried to praise my efforts and offer encouragement but they were still met with resentment from his previous statement.

Eventually I switched gyms. I got away for the social environment.  I told myself that my time in the gym was my time and I am not going to waste it.  The intensity level increased.  I added in cardio in the am.  I was seeing consistent and constant results.

It was around this time that I found bodybuilding.com. I had never blogged before.   The day I started my profile was a major one.  I avoided pictures to this point.  I was so ashamed of myself the day I posted my first pics.  I told myself I was going to journal everyday.  I never thought I would receive comments or make the circle of friends that I have.  

Over time watching the charts make that down hill trend, receiving the encouragement, and stepping way out of my comfort zone has really paid off.  The day I posted the little racier than normal pics was very hard.  But the encouragement I got from them was beyond belief.  I think I became a c.w. that day.  LOL  

Chapter 2: The Challenge and closing the book on the past.

I signed up with hopes of being chosen as one of the participants in the challenge as soon as I seen it posted.  I knew it would be what I needed to keep me going on the right path.  This place has helped me maintain my drive.  It keeps me accountable and hardcore.  I need the support and the friends that I found here.   I knew being in this contest would keep those things constant.  It provides me with hope and motivation.

With the help of Team C.W and the team captain Ninjabill, I will lose a minimum of 24 pounds and ten inches overall.  Ninjabill has volunteered to take one for the team by eating all the goodies and thing thrown in my path along the way.  My competitors will do anything to change the view in front of them.  But Ninja and the other c.w. of bodybuilding.com have my back.  LOL

Seriously, the competitors here are fabulous and the transformations that you will see during this contest should provide hope and motivation for all that follow along.  My competition will be tough but with the help of my team, I got game baby.   I would like to thanks the sponsors of this contest and the folks at bb.com also.  Thanks for providing this site and the hope that we can overcome any challenges we come to with information, great tools, wonderful supplements, and fabulous friends.

Team CW is so ready for the games to begin!