Big Is Inside

Have I ever mentioned to you that you are ready to begin prepping for a contest?

Seriously, you are ready.  In spite of what you may believe, you are ready.  If I have mentioned it to you, then TRUST MY JUDGEMENT; it’s time to step up.  

See, I have a "good eye" for recruitment.  I am a coach, so some of what I do is separating out the posers from the players.  If I couldn’t spot that early, then every team of bodybuilders I’ve coached would have floundered and gone belly up.  

(DISCLAIMER ON THE PICS IN THIS POST: These are all bodybuilding.com/bodyspace.com members whom i have had conversations with about this very topic.  Including them in this post is to signify they are among the MANY guys who I feel are ready . . . if anyone is uncomfortable being mentioned this way let me know and I’ll gladly pull you off.  Meanwhile, it is intended in the spirit of recognizing your efforts for the positive.)

Now, I can usually spot readiness when it comes to an athlete’s attitude, physique and methodology.  That’s why, if I mentioned it to you, I was serious.  It was not a compliment, but a fact; I “spotted” you.  You are ready; no matter what YOU think ready is, as the guy with the experience I can tell you that you are ready to begin NOW.

But “ready is willing” I always say.  Although I can spot readiness, willingness has to be told to me.  If an athlete is not willing to believe he has what it takes, then he is not ready.  Not by a long shot.

And then my suggestion to begin just seems like flattery.  If an athlete does not believe that he has it, and you won’t listen to the “old dog” who has spotted your talent, then you’re is not ready.  Ready is willing.  If you hear my suggestion as only a compliment, then you ain’t ready.

But that doesn’t change I have spotted you, and that you got what it takes RIGHT NOW.  I have found the qualities in hundreds of guys who at first didn’t think they were ready.  Most of them stayed stuck in their belief.  Eventually some stepped up to compete, long past the point  when it would have made sense to begin competing, and then had a crappy experience and became embittered.  Yet most just took the suggestion as an idle compliment, and never acted on their readiness at all . . .

The few who did step up went far, made huge gains, and were glad they listened to me.  Even if i did not directly coach them, they trusted that I was not flattering them.  They put faith in the fact that, as a coach (and thus as sort of a “recruiter), that I could spot the qualities better than they could.

Often, I can find these qualities fast, without even much interaction with an athlete.  That’s why I may have suggested it to you.  Usually, these qualities become evident in just a few, little, seemingly subtle details which I pick up on.  ]To list whatthese cues might be would take a long time; besides, much of it is just an intuition I have built up from years of coaching and recruiting.  I have seen the jokers, and learned what they look like.  And I have seen the true athletes, and know how they are spotted.  

And, like I said, I may have spotted YOU.  If I did, it wasn’t a compliment . . . .  It was a fact.

You are ready to become an athlete.

Take that not as a compliment. Take that as assessment.

As a coach, one of the greatest obstacles I have to push athletes past is their own perceptions.  In bodybuilding, 95-95% of the popular media and popular image is based around “body manipulation”, and not based around the competitive field. You see tons of anecdotal imagery and writing about this guy and that who got his weight up to so many pounds or got leaned down to such-and-such body fat percentage. But these are all manipulations of the body’s properties. They are not assessments of a guy’s competitive abilities.

So, what happens is decent athletes like you evaluate their competitive ability based on a comparison of their physique with their ideal. But this comparison — between what you got and what you “think is awesome” — is not anywhere near an assessment of how you would fare in competition. It is only an assessment of your “social cred.” Know what I mean?

Bodybuilding is not about “who has the best body.” Bodybuilding is about “who PRESENTS the best AESTHETIC.” And there are OCEANS of difference between those two concepts.

Popular media makes a LOT more money off the “get the best body” message. So, that is mostly what gets snagged in people’s consciousness. But this leaves the competitive arena out in the cold. usually guys have no idea how “close” they are to being competent in this sport. Instead, they just listen to the anecdotes out there, and compare themselves to these ideals.

Likewise, in bodybuilding all athletes make progression. Which means NO ONE in ANY SPORT starts out being Mr. Win-It-All. There is NO ATHLETE or team that started out winning. In fact, MOST start out losing. And for good benefit. How else could you improve if you do not first compare yourself to other athletes?

Most guys do not want to go near competition based on the foolish and lofty idea that “I am not ready until i can go in and WIN.” But think about that: go in and win at a sport you’ve never played, much less experienced in any other way than anecdotally? That would be like saying “I am going to copy what i see in EVERY FOOTBALL MOVIE EVER MADE, and then I’ll be ready to win a football game.” Sacked.

You have to remember that no amount of web-surfing will communicate the competitive arena to you. Now will it give you the perspective on your abilities.

This sport is about a set of skills rarely talked about in all these forums. The skills of presentation have, ironically, little to do with training and dieting. Training and dieting merely “get the equipment ready for the job.” But massive size and cuts are NOT a guarantee for success. They are merely “better equipment.” The worst athlete in the world can have the best equipment in the world, and still only play a mediocre game . . .

I face this SO OFTEN in my coaching. The kid with the killer body who is basically a competitive botard.

For what YOU would need in terms of equipment, you are ready. Remember, you would go in first to learn. Learn the sport, learn how to be competitive, learn ways to master your game, and learn ways to improve your equipment. The first three or four shows a “winning strategy” is to forego the idea of winning. That may SOUND counter-intuitive, but you need to learn how to play.

So, your EQUIPMENT is ready to begin to play. Ironically, most athletes find they make more mass gains and get leaner by regularly competing instead of by constantly training. Faster “personal improvements” get made when one approaches their physique work like “training for a sport” as opposed to just like “body manipulation tactics.”

So, in short, saying you’re ready for a contest is, in fact, NOT a compliment. It is an ASSESSMENT.

I am saying, in short, you are ready to begin playing, and to personally begin reaping the benefits of the pursuit — far more benefits, and far more PERSONAL GAINS benefits, than you may at first imagine.

Do not be flattered. Be informed.

Like I said before, I am always telling athletes the same thing: “Ready is Willing.”

To be “ready” merely means to be “willing” to take on the task. Do not assess “readiness” based on the equipment you DON’T yet have; base “readiness” on your willingness to USE the equipment that you DO have.

Your equipment is more than ready.  I spotted you.  I pulled you out – maybe even CALLED you out.  You’re ready to begin if you so choose.

So, all that’s left is: are you WILLING?

No compliment necessary!

How many pebbles would you need to throw to knock down the Great Wall?  Heck — how many pebbles would you need to throw to even make a dent?

I need to know.  Why?  Well, you see, that guy down there — the one chucking pebbles at the wall?  Yeah, that’s me.

I believe that the SPORT of bodybuilding is a powerful and brilliant endeavor.  Yet I am also convinced that the sport is lost and buried behind the Great Wall of the industry, the media, and the competitive “powers that be.”  In short, we have a sport with NO RULE BOOK being practiced by people who claim expertise.  If there are no rules, then how can one be an expert?  Fling — there goes one of those pebbles . . .

Now, there ARE base rules and practices to the sport.  They have just not yet been academically delineated and published under peer review and approval.  The only thing CLOSE to standards that we currently have are based on PRIVATELY OWNED regulations.  They are not impartial, and thus not fair.  Each league has it’s own “version” of the sport.  No one has the same rules.  How can this sport be regulated without a standard set of rules for practice?  

The answer: it can’t.  it would be like McDonald’s owning the police force.  If McDonald’s was the police, well, just imagine what would happen if a Burger King got held up . . .

Fling . . . another pebble.

Ironically, if you ask for rules and criteria for judging, you rarely get clear, academic standards.  Most often, all leagues will offer is some arbitrary verbal explanation that is not only convoluted, but often self-contradicting.  it’s like they’re making it up off the top of their head.  The few that can offer a written document (and VERY FEW CAN offer one), it is equally vague, and often uses terms that are not defined within the document itself, making it essentially ineffective as an explanation.

So, here I sit, on the OTHER side of that wall, flinging pebbles.  Given enough time, i’ll make SOME sort of dent.

In the meantime, I am trying to incorporate voices from the OTHER side of the wall in my radio show and podcast.  (If you’ve been asleep at the wheel, I have a podcast called The big Inside — listen to episodes art thebiginside.com, or subscribe for free on iTunes.)  I figure that relevant voices might add some power, and turn pebbles into rocks.

One of the first notable voices will be Eddie Robinson.  Eddie wiill be on The Big Inside on the Monday January 7th broadcast (the podcast version will be uploaded to the site a day or two after the airing).

Eddie is no stranger to the “game” of the bodybuilding world.  He has been awash in the arena for nearly two decades.  Sure, it’s obvious he was not among the most “integral” (a.k.a., “non-drug-using”) bodybuilders when he was at his height.  But much of his decision to pull back from the IFBB heights was based on the insanity of the demands.  

On the program, I do not intend to herald him as some sort of unsung hero of bodybuilding reform.  Yet I also do not intend to roast him alive, either.  Those who know my “style” know I am pretty sharp at “pulling responses” from people (which is a polite way of saying I am a brilliant conversational saboteur when I am getting fed a line of crap).  My pebbles may not harm the Great Wall of the IFBB, but once I separate a warrior, a single pebble can easily take down a mighty Goliath.

Yet that is not my aim.  My bag of pebbles are saved for that massive wall of bullsh1t, behind which is hidden the authentic sport of bodybuilding.  So, I have no intention of beaning Eddie square between the eyes.  

No no.  It is much more useful to hand him his OWN bag of pebbles . . .

I find that, when allowed to toss, most people also take aim at the Great Walls of nonsense in their lives.  Eddie and I may not share similar paths, or even similar goals.  But on The Big Inside, we’re all about the HUMAN journey.  And since the Great Wall of the IFBB is about anything EXCEPT for human compassion, well, Eddie need not even have a contrary opinion to be of use in the war to set bodybuilding upright.

In short, I am excited to talk to him.  Indeed, on a total side note, I remember Eddie from my teenage years from the old mags.  He was — among others — notorious for over-the-top, in-your-face photo shoots — the kind that romanticize bodybuilding as uber-heroic and where SOMEHOW guys who wore daisy-duke cut-offs, stripe spandex hot shorts and string Y-back tanktops all looked, well, TOUGH instead of cheesy.  

Eddie Robinson’s image was profoundly controlled.  He was always represented as both over-the-top as well as almost a goofball.  (But MOSTLY as over-the-top.)  He was part of a media generation that made bodybuilding a bigger-then-life series of mythological characters.  

In the media, Eddie’s generation (with Matarazzo, DeMay, Quinn, DeMayo, Baker, etc.) was about the imagery of the bodybuilding MYTH that got built up from the Schwarzenegger/Zane/Ferrigno/Columbo media that focused on the LEGENDS surrounding the sport.  

Legends (the attainable destination) became transformed into myths (the unattainable goal) during the era Robinson was big in the IFBB.  What is it like to be part of THAT media machine?  And wasn’t this same sort of media skewing a large part of the problem we now have today — that there is a lack off standard in the sport?  Did not the myth-touting larger-than-life boys of the late 80’s and early-to-mid 90’s set a stage for a sloppier competitive field?  Were they just obeying a mandate, or are they culpable for perhaps having laid some bricks into the Great Wall itself, thus helping hide away the "authentic version" of the sport for the next generations?

Fling.

You see, people like Eddie become important to interview because they will shed light on these questions, if not perhaps offer viable answers.

Although it may at first, on the surface, seem like I am "fraternizing with the enemy," when you take a closer look and understand the focus it is actually about building an ally.  Regardless of whether Eddie Robinson — or Lee priest or ANY of the upcoming "bodybuilding and training insiders" — agree with my standpoint, their willingness to share and speak and talk frankly is where their value comes in.

Each word from their lips becomes another pebble for my hands.

And lord knows it’s gonna take a lot more before that damn wall finally starts to crack.

REMEMBER: LISTEN TO XN’S INTERVIEW WITH IFBB PRO EDDIE ROBINSON ON THE BIG INSIDE PODCAST, FOUND AT THEBIGINSIDE.COM.  (Episode # TBI-009, available after 1/8/08.)

He’s 5′10".  Maybe 5′11".  Juiced to the gills, his traps start at his ears.  He’s got a skull cap pulled low, or maybe some buzzed spiky hair number going; $30 in product, easy.  Either way, those eyebrows are a little TOO waxed . . .

He’s got a tribal tattoo . . . that SAME tribal tattoo worn by every guy worried that people might mistake them for not being "one of the cool guys."  

He’s 242 pounds, all shoulders.  he claims to like MMA/ultimate fighting.  His stomach looks like a galapagos turtle.  No matter where he sits, he slouches.

And he leans into the mike and growls in a tone of voice which he practiced in his bathroom mirror for months . . .

"I’m gonna win.  I know it.  I’m confident.  I don’t compete to lose.  I don’t see how I am gonna lose.’"

Then there’s a pause.  A silence where no one QUITE knows what to say.  Should we agree?  Should we let him know that he is a little lost?  Or do we just praise him, pretending this personality-less ball of beef is supposedly a true bodybuilding hero . . . ?

Well it doesn’t matter how we regard him.  Lord knows another one will be in front of the microphone next week.  We can figure it out then.

Or the next week after that.

Or the next.

Ahh yes . . . the endless chain of videos, podcasts and "shows" that are supposedly catching the "essence" of physique sports.  We know them well . . boring, poorly edited, endlessly repetitive, and the same old schtick over and over.

Of course, in between these bipedal moose who interview like crap we also occasionally get the inane supplement review (N-O supplements have been around since 1982 . . . are they REALLY a "new" pump?!), or maybe a feature from an embittered, opinionated, science-horny hard-ass who can say without a doubt that "everyone else does it wrong."

Imagine if that know-it-all told the "I don’t see how I can lose" juicebag he was doing it wrong?!  THAT would be an interesting show!  That kind of mayhem would be a show FINALLY worth tuning in for!

And good news, kiddies!  THAT SHOW IS FINALLY HERE!

Bodybuilding podcasts are usually either absurdist, boring or dry — or worse: a comination of absurdist, boring AND dry!  

How the HECK are we supposed to sit through them?  THIS is meant to motivate?  

Wake me when they turn off.

Or better yet, tune into MY new podcast, THE BIG INSIDE!

What the . . . ?  “XN IS IT TRUE?!” you are asking.  “You took your sarcastic bodybuilding blog schtick and put it to the airwaves?”

Yes, my loyal readers (all three of you), it’s true.  Now, not only can you READ my mispelled ramblings, you can also LISTEN to my mispronounced ramblings!

It’s The Big Inside . . . and it is the biggest physique challenge you can experience while using ONLY your ears.  

AND I NEED YOUR SUPPORT!  PLEASE SUBSCRIBE TO THE CAST, OR CALL IN TO THE SHOW!  (I will explain how to do THAT a bit later . . . read on . . . )

Now, so you can rest assured, I WON’T EVER be having “that guy” on the program . . . you know, that dude I described earlier: the boring, steroid-busted bodybuilder who is deluded with his own Flex magazine fantasies . . . well, not unless we can poke fun at him.  Then he’s welcome.

Meanwhile, we WILL be having interviews with VERY cool people doing VERY cool things in the physique world.  People like you.  

And we won’t throw crazy science out there and expect you to follow along.  Who wants to have to take notes while listening?  No, we want to get you motivated and informed — but not try to cram a physiology degree into 12 minutes!  In other words, we’ll talk to you NORMAL.

You know, like you were not only an athlete, but like you were also A HUMAN BEING.

THIS IS YOUR SHOW MY FRIENDS!  And I want it guided by YOU!!!  (So email me SOON with ideas: info@thebiginside.com)

And we will laugh, my friends.  Oh yes.  And if there is nothing to laugh at, well, we’ll laugh at ourselves.  I find learning new stuff is SO much easier when you’re having a good time.  Tell THAT to dry Mr. Embittered “Pro Trainer” Smarty-Pants Man.

In short, The Big Inside will be turning the physique world inside out.  Sort of like what I do in this blog.  

So, if you are one of the nine human beings on the planet who actually LIKE what I do here on “Big is Inside”, you’ll LOVE when my weird insights and snide remarks come at you in REAL TIME!  (Ahh, yes . . let the law suits begin!)

The coolest part is that you can CALL IN AND GET INTO THE SHOW!  I’ll explain that later . . . but first you might need to how how to even listen to the darn thing.

There are lots of ways to listen . . .

Go to www.thebiginside.com.  There you can click “show notes’, and you’ll get a list of all the episodes.  Click on the episode you want to hear and — voila! — you are whisked away in a cloud of protein powder to the episode of your choice.  Free for the taking!

If you have actually made it into the new millenia with the rest of us, you have iTunes.  In the iTunes Store, you can do a search for “The Big inside” and the show is under podcasts.  Download away!  Or better yet, SUBSCRIBE TO IT!  Then you get each new episode as it airs . . . cool . . .  And be sure to LEAVE A REVIEW! (Meanwhile, if you don’t yet even HAVE iTunes, well, get with it — my show is reason enough to finally break down and download it for yourself.)

The show airs LIVE on 1510 The Zone, Boston’s Sports Station — the Boston area’s “alternative” sports radio (meaning they have cool shows).  Every Monday night at 5:00pm (eastern time).  So if you want the beauty of LIVE radio, you can just go to the website, www.1510thezone.com, and turn on the live feed.

IF YOU LISTEN LIVE ON MONDAYS, YOU CAN EVEN CALL IN!  Seriously.  ANYONE CAN CALL IN AT ANY TIME.  Questions, opinions, thoughts — or just to harass us live.  

Like I said before, THIS IS YOUR SHOW!!

So, if you have some VERY COOL or VERY UNIQUE spin on bodybuilding or competing or fitness, and think you have something TOTALLY UNIQUE or at least that others have GOT to hear about, well, WE WANT YOU ON OUR SHOW!  Even the most “average joe” people who do incredible things . . . that’s right, we want to INTERVIEW YOU!  Email us at info@thebiginside.com.

Or maybe you know Evan Centopani.  or maybe you ARE Evan Centopani.  By accident,the guy has become a bit of a running joke on the show, so therefore we WANT TO INTERVIEW HIM!  Evan, if you’re out there — GET IN TOUCH WITH US!  

In fact, we want ANY want TOPICS and IDEAS from you, whether you’re Evan Centopani or not!  Please email the show at info@thebiginside.com with any ideas, or if you have cool news bits or contests to report on.

And since we’re your show, we want to carry YOUR advertisements!  Sponsoring the show or a segment of the show is DIRT CHEAP!  If you want to get your business in front of a targeted market, you GOT to hit us up!  Trust us — we’re WAY CHEAP . . . and the whole “new year’s fitness” season is coming . . . don’t be without ads!!!

No matter how you listen, or why, or when, the most important thing is that THIS SHOW NEEDS SUPPORT!  We will go where YOU want us to go, but only if YOU SUPPORT OUR EFFORTS!

PLEASE tune in!  

PLEASE subscribe!

PLEASE email suggestions, opinions, responses and contest reports!

Really, without your support, we’ll have to go back to listening to big goons talk about how much cooler they are than the rest of us, how much smarter they are then the res of us, or how superior they are over us.

AND WE DON’T WANT ANY MORE OF THAT!!!

So tune in to The Big Inside.  Support YOUR show!

If you do, then “I really don’t see how we can lose . . . ”

(Thanks in advance!)

You FEEL small.  And you know how THAT goes.  That low feeling like you’ve shrunk, or like you’re suddenly not quite so jacked any more . . . or like you just aren’t gaining the BIG size you want . . .

You know how it is to "feel small" . . .

But there’s a funny thing to remember about feelings.  Feelings come to pass, they don’t come to stay.  (Even when how they “feel” is the ONLY thing a bodybuilder wants to talk about: http://blog.bodybuilding.com/The_Real_XN/2007/03/23/bodybuilders-are-the-most-sensitive-dudes-i-
know/)

So if you keep having a sense that you’re small, you have to remember that sense is NOT actually a feeling.  That sense of “small” is actually coming from your HEAD.  It is a THOUGHT that you are stuck in — THINKING you are small.  And those thoughts bring up feelings, sure.  And like I said, feelings pass — usually relatively quickly.  But thoughts?  Well, THOUGHTS are what stick around.

Keep nurturing a thought, and it gets stronger.  Starve it and neglect a thoght, and it eventually dies out.

You USED to feed thoughts of confidence.  You used to do things and dress in ways that fed your strongest, most heroic thoughts.  

But right now, you’re choosing to feed the thoughts of smallness.  You think those thoughts so intensely that you beging to BELIEVE your small — thoughts so strong you swear you can “feel” it.

Soon, you believe it: “CRAP!” you think.  “I AM SO SMALL THESE DAYS . . . !”

And then you start to compensate.

You start wearing baggy clothes.  You start debating heavy drugs.  You spend tons of money oon supplements — WAY past your budget.  You lift poundages that not only leave you open to get hurt, they aren’t putting you ahead . . .

But all through all these things you just KEEP FEELING SMALL.  All these compansations are just feeding those thoughts.  You think you are small, you choose loose clothes, and this REMINDS YOUR BRAIN ALL DAY that you think you are small . . . like, how can you abandon a thought if you are WEARING a constant reminder of it?

Changing thoughts SEEMS hard, but it is actually as easy as changing clothes . . . which in THIS case may be the start ot the process.

This is a thought plaguing you, though.  It is NOT a “feeling”.  

YOU CAN NOT CONTROL FEELINGS.  But you CAN CONTROL THOUGHTS.

You ave a choice where you put your energies . . . you have a choice what you focus on, and where you put your attention.

Put your attention on all the things that remind you of being small, and sure enough, you will think small thoughts most of your day.  

Put your attention on things that make you think BIG, and soon you will be back to believing you are of INCREDIBLE size and quality.

No one can TELL you you are big.  Big is INSIDE.  Big is not a set of feelings . . . it is a set of thoughts and beliefs.  Big is something bodybuilders DO, not necessarily always something we ARE.  It is something you think, not always something you see.  Big is something you BELIEVE.

And, via bodybuilding, your body is a way of EXPRESSING those big beliefs.  

What was it that made you think big in the past?  What brings your big OUT to the world to witness?

Was it the pump in your pecs after a heavy bench?

Was it when you wear that one killer tank that fits just oh-so-right?

Is it when you advance in strength at the gym, and write down a BIGGER number in your log?

Is it when you dream, about your big future?  Dreams are just big thoughts about the big stuff that hasn’t yet happened . . . do dreams of mass and powerful strength in the future bring your big out?

WHAT BRINGS YOUR BIG OUT?  What thoughts are big for you?

And then, once you recall those big thoughts, now go relocate the BEHAVIORS that encourage those thoughts.

Bodybuilding is not a sport of thinking.  Bodybuilding is also not a sport of “feeling”.  Bodybuilding is a sport of DOING.  it is not just enought o have big thoughts . . . you also have to ENCOURAGE those big thoughts in your behavior . . .

Wearing baggy clothes encourages SMALL thoughts.  Those thoughts bum you out.  That low feeling is a FEELING.  And it would go away . . . except you keep getting reminded of small thoughts because of what you’re wearing . . . . those reminders then keep you THINKING about small . . . and then you get that low feeling . . . and it would pass EXCEPT for the fact that you’re still in those clothes . . .

And on and on.

See the vicious cycle?

It is NOT your feelings that are the problem.  Those feelings would just as easily go away quickly.    VERY QUICKLY.  Then be gone . . .

The problem is your THOUGHTS.  You are NOT doing enough to REMIND YOURSELF TO THINK BIG.  And you are doing TOO MUCH THAT MAKES YOU THINK SMALL.  Your thoughts are trapping you the maze . . .

Start picking things to do that bring back those big thoughts.

But it is ABOUT THE DOING.  Like even now — DON’T JUST SIT HERE READING AND THINKIN!  Get your butt up!  GO DO THINGS THAT MAKE YOU THINK BIG!

Go lift something!

Go change clothes!

Go hit poses!

GO DO THE STUFF THAT REMINDS YOU OF THE BIG INSIDE!

And then that big on the inside will come outside . . .

And you’ll feel definitely feel that.

I intend to be 270 lbs at about, oh, 8% body fat in no time.  I figure my chest will measure around 62 inches, my arms clock in at 22, and my quads?  Well no less than 34 inches.  All the while, my waist will remain no more than 32 inches.  Maybe 33.

That’s the ultimate goal.

Seriously.

Now if you’ve read this blog’s past articles you’ll know that I have never used steroids, nor ever intend to.  I am what is called an "integral athlete", as opposed to the "ancillary athlete", which is a dude who uses drugs or other enhancements to reach their goal.  (Check out the Big Is Inside entry "Don’t call me natural any more" from May 2, 2007 at http://blog.bodybuilding.com/The_Real_XN/2007/05/02/do-not-call-me-natural-anymore/)

So, if I am not gonna use drugs, this goal is WAY out of my reach right?

Nope.

Gonna make it.

In fact, let’s up the ante to a weight of 285.  See, I forgot to mention my calves will be 21 inches and my neck will be EASILY 23.

THAT I think I can hit.

No problem.

Or at least THAT is what I HOLD IN MY HEAD.  That is an image I cling to as I progress.  FREAKISH size.  OUTRAGEOUS proportion.  INCREDIBLE shape!

It is all stored neatly in my head.  

Now, for people to get a glimpse inside my head can typically be, well, a little disturbing.  But once you move aside the stacks of newspaper get past the file ccabinets cluttering up my skull, on the back of my mind wall posted next to some artwork are the images of my dream body.  

Yes, hanging in snapshots inside my brain are pictures of my physique at 307 pounds.  My chest is a bulging 64 inches, and my arms are 24 inch vice grips.  And yes — that is MY face pasted on top of the neck.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I LOVE WHAT I ALREADY GOT!  And love what I am doing with it.  Wouldn’t trade it for the world.  So understand that these visions in my are FANTASY goals.  They are not being held because I am trying to get AWAY from what I have.  They are held so that I can to keep a DIRECTION to where I will go.

I recently got a provocative email EXACTLY on this topic from a user shose handle is “tryingto”.  He wrote:

“Christian,
I wanted to ask you a question between the difference a natural bodybuilder like yourself and the more “chemically enhanced” bodybuilders. It seems, from the profiles I’ve seen on here, that the natural bodybuilder isn’t so much concerned with size as they are with being ripped and cut. I’ve read some stats where some natural bodybuilders have 45 or even 46 inch chest and some biceps that measure under 18 inches. Is this typical? I’m sure bodybuilders like Ronnie Coleman and Lee Priest HAVE to be something un-natural to their bodies–I even wonder how safe it is for them!”

In other words, even observers know that I would need to hop on steroids in order to get the dimensions I dream about.  

But, yeah I understands that.  I get it.  I won’t reach my goal of 317 pounds at 7.2% bodyfat unless I use steroids.  

But bid deal?  So what?  Does it mean I shoudl therefore NOT keep my dream of 27 inch arms and 39 inch quads?  Of course not.

You must understand: THESE GOALS I HOLD ARE NOT BASED ON THE IMMEDIATE MOMENT.  They are not “MUST HAVE” goals.  To even call them “goals” is a little misleading . . . they are more like GUIDES.  And they are ONLY held inside my head.  These visions are there to shape the DIRECTION of my goals.  

And yes, they are based on my fantasies . . . they represent where I want to go if I HAD NO OBSTACLES.  And when I train and diet, I want to behave as if my power was UNLIMITED.  To go into bodybuilding assumine “I’ll never get 23 inch calves” or “my chest will NEVER measure 67 inches” would keep me too tame.  I want to REACH BIG!  So I hold onto these fantasies, and let them INFORM my goals.

This might be news to tryingto — that a guy who isn’t huge might cling to huge images.  But I think it does happen.  Even with us guys who never get freakish proportions and stay integral (aka “natural”); we too hold WILD proportions in our fantasies.

Yet I think what happens is a lot of guys HIDE their fantasies.  A lot of integrals take the moral label “integral,” and then maybe feel some sort of social pressure to polarize themself with a certain mindset.  A lot of integral athletes even hide the fact that they want the kind of muscle typically possessed by guys on steroids.  NOT ALL NATURALS DO THIS (so PLEASE spare me the argument emails!).  But I certainly see a LOT of guys cupboard away their visions of freakish proportions in the name of upholding some sort of pseudo-political “natural stance”.  I think THIS is what tryingto was noticing in his letter to me.

I think many bodybuilders often misuse their fantasies by IGNORING THEM.  That’s right.  They literally MISUSE their ability to fantasize, to imagine and to hope.  

Look, just because you are not going to go on steroids does NOT mean you are not allowed to fantasize about proportions that are usually the domain of steroids — or beyond for that matter!  

In fact, the dream of the 337 pound physique PRE DATES steroids.  For millenia (literally) men would dream of EXCESSIVE proportions as a representative of their prowess, power and drive.  Even sculpture in ancient Egypt that are over 4,000 years old often depict body proportions that are EXAGGERATED.  Dreaming of the freakish physique ain’t nothing new.  And it is fair-game for EVERY athlete.

A problem lies in how a lot of people silently think that in order to be a “true natural” (oh, how my stomach curdles at THAT political term) they must downplay their desire for these exagerated forms.  It seems a lot of bodybuilders imply (either accidentally or intentionally) that to try to be freakish in size you are “almost “betraying” the “natural cause”.  (Ewww . . . a “cause”?!  What a bunch of pseudo righteous GARBAGE, huh?)

So, I WONDER how many guys who are NOT on steroids are LIMITING THEIR PROGRESS by abandoning their WILD fantasies.  In the name of being a “good, sensible, natural athlete” are a lot of guys not letting their MINDS run wild?  

Big bodies, huge muscles and freakish proportions are NOT THE SOLE DOMAIN OF THOSE WHO USE STEROIDS!  Excitement for freakish proportions is NOT the same as steroid-friendly mentality.  And just because sometimes our fantasies might slightly resemble guys who use steroids does NOT mean we should abandon those fantasies.

Yet a lot of integral athletes do abandon their fantasies.  They start claiming they never dreamed big.  They often wiull even equate the desire for ultra big muscle with the “weak mindsets” of steroid users (an UNFAIR description to say the least).

And so, yes tryingto, we get a breed of natural bodybuilders who don’s always shoot for as far as they COULD.  

Instead of natural bodybuilders, many of these guys should be called “tame” bodybuilders.

Or “obedient” bodybuilders.

Or “bland” bodybuilders.  Or how about just “bodyblanders” — guys whose bodeis are always just shy of exciting and inspiring, but instead remain BLAND and without signs of ever having contained an imagination.

Meanwhile, I occasionally see bodybuilderswho built VERY impressive mass BECAUSE they follow the lead of their fantasies.  You see this a lot in younger bodybuiders, whose heads have not yet been pumped full of doubt.  Young guys have not yet been exposed to the false belief: “Sorry kid, freakish fantasies are ONLY for dudes who are using steroids.  Keep SENSIBLE.  Do NOT try for anything outlandish.  A TRUE natural bodybuilder ignores wild proportions . . . ”

And slowly, the young natural athletes fantasies get dampened, diminished, and even sometimes snuffed.  SOME fellow competitors whom I have asked if they want to be freakish look at me like I just asked them if they had ever held a desire to murder their own mother!  They are nearly OFFENDED by the idea of holding such fantasies.

Meanwhile, our fantasies are are actually very useful tools.  ESPECIALLY if for those of us who wish to remain natural/integral in our methods.  

Our fantasies create direction.

Our fantasies provide motivation.

Our fantasies help us understand our desires.

Our fantasies keep us excited.

And, very importnatly, our fantasies KEEP US CONNECTED TO OTHERS.

Not every one shares the same goals.  Yet many people’s fantasies are very similar.  This helps us bond as bodybuilders — or in ANY community.  Why would I hide that I dream of 28 inch arms, and a 69 inch chest?  Why would I ever hide that I want to be 364 pounds at 6.4% body fat with a 33 inch waist?  If I did not put THIS out there — right along side all my NATURAL WORK — how else would I find fellow athletes who SHARE my passion?

These visions are not in my mind because I think i can get them.  No — they are there because they keep me excited, and dreaming BIG!  

It’s kind of like Superman, or the Incredible Hulk, or Hercules, or Mighty Mouse (hey — to each their own, right?)  A lot of us cling to fantasies of being LIKE these characters — either in strength, size or ability or all of their characteristics.

Yet at the same time that we idolize these figures, we KNOW that we will never TRULY be as strong as superman, or as massive as the Hulk, or, um, a . . . um . . . rodent . . . like Mighty Mouse . . . okay, but you GET what I am saying here.

These visions are both informed by mythology, as well as are the basis of new mythology.  (And YES — bodybuilding DOES have it’s own spin on mythology.)  We hold these impossible-to-achieve fantasies and myths as a way of keeping our bearings.  These fantasies help us always point in a specific direction.  They keep us on track should wefalter.  And they make us get excited for our work. Even thought hey are impossible to achieve, they are CRUCIAL for progress.

Bears repeating:

FANTASIES IN BODYBUILDING ARE CRUCIAL FOR PROGRESS, ESSENTIAL FOR SETTING GOALS, AND VITAL FOR KEEPING US ON TRACK WITH OUR GOALS.  

We must not try to BECOME our fantasy any more than we should put on a cape an leap off a skyscraper, turn green and lose our temper, or, um, be a mouse.

So, you can understand why I am aiming for 389 pounds at 5.8% body fat.  And you can see why when I train I try to get 29 inch arms or a 72 inch chest.  

I do NOT hold these fantasies because I am trying to make them REALITY.  I do not hold these fantasies because I want to BECOME them.  I do not hold these fantasies because I think they will all become true.

I hold these fantasies because they help me set lofty goals.

I hold these wild fantasies because they make me excited for the process.

I hold these crazy fantasies because they help maintain fun and play in my bodybuilding — keeping it fresh and even silly.

I hold these intense fantasies because they contain a BIG vision of just how powerful I am capable of FEELING.

Regardless of whether I will ever actually BE them.

These fantasies are PART of the Big that is INSIDE of me.  

And if I want to bring that big to the OUTSIDE, well, I better not abandon any big that is INSIDE.  

Otherwise, how else will I ever achieve my 32 inch guns?

Want to be a leader in the sport of bodybuilding?  Here’s the secret.

My last post prior to this one was about the new guys (and gals — remember, I’m from Boston where both men AND women are called "you guys").  So I guess this one is about the old guys.  Well, not OLD, but the ones who are in the game.  

And also the ones who want to get into the game . . . which might be you . . .

This is about all you BIG dreamers.  All you guys (there it is again) who want to be the next BIG bodybuilding and physique AUTHORITY.  You just KNOW in your BONES you got what it takes to ROCK the #1 game . . . And now you think you’re ready (and willing).  You want to ascend to becoming the next #1, video-having, article-spouting, fan-base-building, benchmark-creating, hero-worshiped ultra authority.  You might even think you deserve such authority.  And, in fact, you might even be correct.

So how do I GET THERE?

Well, let’s face it: there are LOTS of those who claim authority in bodybuilding.  Authorities in physiology.  Authorities on diet.  Authorities on training.  Authorities on competing . . .

And the Authorities will ALL tell you — the way authorities ALWAYS do — that THEIR way is THE way to get the authority.  Any authority in  bodybuilding will claim that THEIR OWN method of practice, their education, and their experience is THE BEST way to go . . . otherwise, they wouldn’t even BE the authority.  

Right?

And if you were an authority in the sport, that would imply that you are ALSO a leader in the sport.

Right . . . ?  

Well, maybe not . . .

See, authority relies on being #1 in some way.  And there is only so many #1’s.  (In fact, pulling out my calculator here, there is only one #1 in each category, last I did the math.)  So there’s only a FINITE amount of authority.  Not everyone gets some.  If YOU have authority, the other guy doesn’t.

When it comes to authority, some will end up having too much, others just enough, and still others won’t be given quite enough.  There will be inevitable scarsity.  We will run out of authority before we make more to accomodate those who deserve or take it.  There’s only a limited amount of “authority” to go around.  Only so many “#1 bodybuilding So-And-So’s”  

To focus on becoming an authority, you also have to compete and compete and compete with those trying to get some of that limited amount.  SO MUCH energy is spent trying to get a name for yourself.  

Meanwhile, leadership is limitless. Leadership is infinite.  There is no scarcity.  LOTS to go around with leadership.  If you want to be a leader, you can just dig right in, and get more than your fair share.  No need to compete — only the desire to lead.

Authority requires you play THEIR game.  LOTS of learning and work involved.  

Leadership only requires an understanding of your own game, and how it relates to the games of those you lead.  You already HAVE all your learning there.

Leadership is intimate.  It is personal.  It is based on what you already know and do.  

Yet, authority remains distant, avoiding intimacy.  Authority is removed.  Authority is foreign to those it commands.

Leadership does not require approval, only agreement.  Authority does not require agreement, only approval.  

Authority tells.  Leaders teach.

Authority most defend itself, closing off.  Leadership must open itself, defending others.

Authorities are focused on their own power.  Leaders are focused on the power of others.

Authority is claimed by placing demand.  Leadership is claimed by offering example.

Authorities defend their thoughts.  Leaders explain their ideas.

Authority seeks to limit the boundaries of other’s power.  Leadership requires the expansion of other’s power.

Authority has built into it a sense of scarcity.  Yet Leadership has built into it a sense of abundance.

More is found for you if you focus on being a great leader, than if you focus on being a #1 authority.  

The two need not be seperate.  Authorities can be great leaders.  And many great leaders end up having much authority.  

The balance between the two — and how that balance is achieved — is the JOB of every bodybuilder or physique competitor shooting for the top.  

You WANT the authority of the #1 slot.  But are you also a LEADER?

If you want MORE from your work, look into how your example, your ideas, and your strengths might lead others.  Continue to lead, and you will get more and more.  Authority might come — or it might not.

But you will never be without abundance.  And then you guys (there it is AGAIN!) will ALWAYS be in the game . . .

Writing this blog feels like trying to poop out an entire library.

But I love it.

The problem is, sometimes I get a little constipated.  There are SEVERAL subjects that folks have asked me to hit on in Big Is Inside — AND I REALLY WANT TO HIT THEM!  But I just don;t have the time.  Now they are stuck in the — ahem — tube awaiting, um, er . . . "release" . . .

(Yeah — my stomach is a little turned by his whole analogy, too.)

Anyway I wanted to try something new.  I will be jamming my head into a toy winnebago and wearing a cape . . . oh wait . . . wrong to do list.

Sorry, let’s try that again.

I want to try something new.  I want to provide a quick list of the topics upcoming for Big is Inside, in hopes that you’ll check back from time to time.  

Some of these are already being drafted.  Some have even written, just haven’t been posted.  But most are inspired by — as always — you guys.  

So, check back often if any of these topics hits you:

• Another from the “Joining In The Chorus” series

• My first post about “diet” (don’t worry — almost NO SCIENCE, hydrogenated oils or added sugar — yet twice the crunh of normal diet blogs!)

• Editorial on “friends who don’t come to contests.”

• My spin on Steroid euphemisms.

• Editorial on what it “means” to be a “pro” — versus what it COULD mean

• More Physique Culture History

• Sexual sublimation in bodybuilding — basically, some chit chat on the whole sex thing.

• spell checking.  (that isn’t a topic, just something I will eventually TRY to do.)

• Some sage suggestions on “setting up contest plans”; basically an overview.

• How to GET STARTED in competing.

• Picking a contest

• Understanding leagues and their quirks

• Explanation of what bodybuilding coaching is (or at least OUGHT to be)

• Write up of the whole Team Bodybuilding project of my organization.

• how to “spot grow” (teardrop of the quad, forarms, calf, upper mid pec, left buttock, jaw muscles, etc.)

• Pleasure versus Joy.

• Ready for a contest versus willing/wanting to compete.

• review of the last contest I went to.

• punditry on independent leagues and promoters

Plus, the usual busting on pros, leagues, muscle goons, power bosses and other folks who probably don’t read Big Is Inside anyway.

Not to mention poking fun at you.

And of course, putting myself down at EVERY possible turn.  Man I am a dick.  (See?  Like THAT!)

Hopefully some of these topics ineterst you or might be useful.

Incidentally, if you have a topic, a bit of humor, a video or website, or some personage who you want me to put my spin on, just let me know.  If I got the time, and get my head out from being wedged in that Winnebago, then I might hit on your suggestion.

Thanks AS ALWAYS for stopping by.  You guys rock.  In fact, I feel relieved!  You guys are like a big bunch of diuretics!  

So, for now (and you just HAD to see THIS portion of the poo poo analogy coming) that’s enough of my B.S. . . .

Ever get the SAME answers to questions?  

Ever try to HELP people, but get half-ass input?  

The SAME responses.  Over and over.  Like people have been working together to put these together or something.  Like I am talking the SAME WORDS sometimes.

People ask me over and over for diet advice.  And I HATE offering to people advice arbitrartily.  It;s unfair, and usually makes a mess of things.  Hey if we’re gonna work on diet, well then let’s REALLY WORK, right?  None of this 8-second sound-bite crap, which watses MY time — and sets YOU up for failure.

What is one of the main reasons people are compelled to ask for advice?  They want their body to look AWESOME.  Just like you.  You hold in your mind even now a VERY SPECIFIC picture of what you want your physique to become.

A VERY SPECIFIC PICTURE.  

You know details and measurements and everything.  Heck — you prbably even know the shade of TAN you want!  You can practically TOUCH it the picture is so clear and PRECISE in your head.

And of course you want to GET THERE.  DEPERATELY.  So you begin asking people who have done solid work.  Or people like me — jokers with big mouths.  I’m usually towards the bottom of the list, sure, but eventually you come to me and ask for diet advice.  

And asking advice is a VERY IMPORTANT TOOL.  But a tool is only useful if it is used correctly.  I mean, you can use a hammer to build a house, or crack open a skull.

And all too often people use the tool of advice asking to absolutely pommel my poor cranium until it practically splits like a cantaloupe.

I mean, it is sensible to ask "What can I do?"   I actually LOVE that . . .

But it’s the WAY people ask . . . that’s where the trouble and skull bashing often begins . . .

So, let me try to help you USE the tool of requesting advice a LITTLE better.  

In order for me or anyone like me (god FORBID anyone is actually LIKE me, right?) to give you USEFUL advice, I (or we) need to first know WHERE YOU ARE AT in the grand scheme of things.  

You want output?

Well, I need input to give output.  

So, when stopped and asked for advice I will typically, logically ask you somethign like: "So what is your eating like right now?"

Then, BOOM — the trigger is pulled.  The switch is flipped.  The machine begins.  My poor melon gets whacked.

Yes, at the dropping of my innocent question, make way, ladies and gents — here comes the PARADE OF GENERIC ANSWERS!

I swear I get these generic answers ninety-nine out of one-hundred times.  Answers phrased as descriptions but are not really all that descriptive.  Answers to my question that leave me MORE in the dark than if the conversation never occurred at all.

That is what this blog is about.  Those infamous, pre-canned responses.

I ask, in plain english: "So tell me what your diet is like."

And what I MOST often get is:

> "It’s pretty clean right now."
Like with soap?  You disinfect your chicken?  What the?

> "I don’t eat bread or pasta."
Oh THAT’S useful.  Now that we have cleared TWO items from the OTHER list of 137,256,004 food options, this should move along MUCH quicker.

> "My breakfast consists of…"
Wait a second — how did you know I had a voice recorder on, and was therefore capable of MEMORIZING YOUR DIET AS YOU VERBALLY DICTATE IT TO ME.

> "It’s pretty good."
Do you mean morally?

> "It’s all wrong."
Really.  So you’re eating tar and iron shavings?  I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T KNOW WHAT WAS RIGHT?  If you don’t know what’s correct how can you know that your diet is INCORRECT?!  And if you DO already know what’s correct, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU INTERRUPTING MY DELT WORKOUT?

> "I eat a lot of chicken."
In one sitting?  And to what are you comparing "a lot"?  The national average?  A wolf?  The size of an "average" chicken?  

> "I drink a lot of water."
Ah yes — the elixer of ALL LIFE.  Funny, I presumed you were the one human being you didn’t drink ANY water.  Thanks for clearing THAT one up.

> "Sweet potatoes, brown rice, oatmeal, chicken, and tuna."
So, then, safe to say everything in the "shades of brown" category?

> "I am pretty strict."
So what does TAHT mean?!  You makes sure your salad is home by 10:30, and can’t date strange boys?

> "Not good."
Again with the morals.  What is this — the evangelical diet program?

> "Well I am more curious to have you tell me yours."
Oh right, no problem.  Putting together that little compendium would only be, what, maybe three, four hundred pages, and were it all ready made to go I could publish it and become very wealthy.  But naw — forget all that.  Let me instead just spew it out to you while standing here next to the cable crossover.  

> "I’m not very happy with it."
Did you want nutrition, or therapy?

> "What do you mean?"
Umm, I got to go now, and find a board to repetitively whack myself in the skull.

And there’s that skull crushing again.  Funny how a simple tool for gaining knowledge can be SO dangerous!

Now, please keep in mind that in spite of the repetitive head trauma I receive, I DO still offer LOTS of suggestions to people who ask — and yes for free.  I DO try my HARDEST to be supportive and encouraging — and of course PATIENT.  

But when I’m hurled against such a solid wall of vaguery, I really need a helmet.  My regular readers know my head ain’t all that stable as it is!

So, people, in the name of all that’s sensible and good, PLEASE help me — help US — help you!

A) DO NOT PRESUME IT WILL BE A SHORT CONVERSATION.  In other words, ask us FIRST if we have any time available, then SECOND ask your diet question.

B) HAVE YOUR DATA PREPARED!  Be able to offer SPECIFIC data about YOUR OWN diet — times, numbers, quantities, EVERYTHING.  Don’t make US go digging for YOUR data!  If you’ve been putting it into your own mouth you must know SOMETHING about it . . .

C) ACCEPT THAT IT WILL BE MORE COMPLICATED THAN YOU AT FIRST IMAGINED.  Help us clear away the clutter from early on by NOT presuming it will be quick, it can be done "on the fly", or that a two minute tidbit of advice will make it all work out.

Now, I only offer these suggestions to help you.  

Actually, I also offer this to help prevent any further skull bashing.  But MAINLY to help you.

And I am sure it must be a little useful for you.  Right?  Doesn’t it?  I mean, let me ask you:

"Is this a useful tip for getting diet advice?"

No wait — on second thought, DON’T answer that . . . I want to keep my skull in tact . . .

I have never been the type to get all impressed with celebrities.  I am not taken to bursts of "fandom" when a big name enters the room.  When a famous so-and-so appears on the scene I never understood why people get all goo-goo-ga-ga, tongue-tied, two-left-feet, and other hyphenated-nervous-behaviors.  It’s just not me.  

I guess it’s because I don’t pick my heroes from the "pre-fabricated herd."  I don’t automatically look for the most VISIBLE example of accomplishment as my personal role model for success.  Visibility can mean great success, sure.  But more often than not it just means that the visible person is made into a celebrity merely because they are, well, the LOUDEST about their accomplishments.  Not always that they are the best — nor worth "following" in their footsteps.

So I don’t get the mooney-faced awe i see among my fellow bodybuilders when it comes to big names.  Many of these big names are rightfully accredited.  But until I know a person personally, I find it a little porecarious to just PRESUME they are "hero worthy."

For example, I have had the fortune to play host to several bodybuilding IFBB pros over the years.  Nothing glamorous — usually just helping coordinate an event or entertaining during "the gaps" between celebrity obligations.  Some i get along with, others I find atrocious.  After one such afternoon, I must have had a look of utter disgust on my face.  Several people were confused.  

"That dude just spent the afternoon with Mr. Big Huge Supersrtar Body builder Dude!  He should be ECSTATIC."

In response, a close friend of mine quipped:

"Yeah, that’s probably ture for most of us.  But XN doesn’t have much patience for the royalty."  

Which is true.  Human beings are human beings in my eyes.  I do not assess a person’s quality based on their popular accomplishments.  I certainly don’t value a person based on their popular reputations.  No, for me I take each person as they come.  When I meet any sort of celebrity, I keep in mind that there is a person BEYOND the reputation . . . and THAT is the person whom I am curious to meet.  Not the "public face".  Heck — I can READ about the public face.

So then, who are my heroes in bodybuilding?  Who do I look to for my example of what a consumate "bodybuilding athlete" is all about?  

Good question.

I mean, I myeslf have accomplished a few things here and there (of course I have a LOT more to go).  So it’s a pretty fair assumption that i have had SOME role models over the years, right?  

Well, it ain’t the superstars.  I can’t think of too many big names who I would model my bodybuilding journey after.  

Now, that’s not to say I don’t appreciate SOME big names for SOME things.  Sure I do.  For example, I always got a kick out of how Mike Matarrazzo has a sense of humor about his image — he doesn’t take his image TOO seriously.  This one aspect I respect, and give him credit for.  Likewise, I always appreciated the grinning, goofy, self-effacing humility of Franco Columbo.  it was refreshing to see a humble man who has accomplished similar goals as his much more self-masturbatory peers.  I can even give a nod to Frank McGrath — NOT for his bodybuilding (I know NOTHING about who he REALLY is as a person).  But I do appreciate how he is dedicated to the MYTHOLOGY of our sport, literally putting hsi own personality on a second tier in the media, and instead portraying a idealized "character" of bodybuilding’s mythology.  Although much of his public work has it’s roots in consumerist, mass-marketing slant (which I typically find ugly), I can appreciate his willingness to portray an ideal over his need to self-promote.

But these are just ELEMENTS.  I am not taken to swooning and fawining over these — or other — bodybuilding personalities, even if i can find appreciation in elements of their work.

So, then, who is left for heroes?

Who can I say I look to in modeling my OWN work?

Well, here is a PARTIAL list of SOME of those bodybuilders who have made "XN’S PERSONAL PANTHEON".

• JOHN McCARTHY

• DAROLD HUBBARD

• NATE FILIPIAK

• JAMIE BARRETT

• MIKE DiSANO

Good luck in FINDING anything about these guys.

Yes, they are down here.  With us.  In the trenches.  But each of these men has shown me example of what bodybuilding greatness can be about.  I would NOT say I would model MY LIFE after any of them.  We’re ALL flawed, and i wouldn’t swap my flaws for anyone else’s.  But as far as their “take” on the sport, what i have watched it “do” in their lives, how they “represent” the sport, and their personal PASSION, well, they all blow me away.

There are others.  (I am sure I will get to them in future blogs).  But these are a few that start the list.  (I KNOW I will get some half-joking emails from buddies and contemporaries who feel snubbed that they’re not on the list.  DON’T WORRY GUYS!  I WILL GET AROUND TO YOU!)

These guys were (are) just “normal folks” who engaged with the sport in a BIG way.  TThe sport motivated great movement and pwoer in their personal lives — helping them overcome obstacles, motivating them to keep going, and even teaching them invaluable wisdom about their world.  

Bodybuilding changed thge very FIBER of their personalities, yet THEY NEVER GOT LOST IN THE SPORT.  This is, without question, of the key criteria for my personal pantheon of bodybuilding heroes.  A hero in bodybuilding (among MANY other things) is someone who can ALWAYS RELOCATE HIMSELF  and RECONNECT WITH THOSE WHOM HE LOVES at ANY POINT in their process — not merely “after the contest.”  Putting aside the normal personal errors people make in judgement (I know ALL of them to have occasionally had some pretty big “woops moments”), they all nonetheless always had the uncanny knack for keeping their life and their sport well integrated.  

That is probably another aspect of what makes someone heroic in my eyes: how we’ll they INTEGRATE the sport.  All these men put bodybuilding as a CLEAR SECOND in their list of priorities.  Yet, at the same time, they all manage to utilize bodybuilding to help maintain their #1 priorities.  In other words, without bodybuilding, they would not be as good, as passionate or even as attentive to that which they loved.  They can’t live on bodybuilding alone, but they can definitely not go as far without it.  This CAREFUL, METICULOUS balance — to stay DEEPLY INTIMATE without getting OVER-IMMERSED — is truly heroic.

And they all keep going.  Regardless of how they are buffeted, they all JUST KEEP GOING FORWARD.  They do not get daunted — they merely CHANGE.  And here is another remarkably heroic quality: their ability to ADAPT.  None of them gets hung up on finding “one best method.”  None of them is blind-sided by “competitive politics.”  “Not a one of them worries too profoundly on “the absolute science.”  Instead, as adversity appears THEY ADAPT; without suffering, without whining, and with FULL INTENTION.  They are all of them VERY DIFFERENT now than when they first came into the sport.  NONE of them have just repeated the same trick over and over.  What they do NOW in (and WITH) the sport is very different than when they set out.  And this amazing, almost casual ability to adapt and grow is HUGE in my eyes.

John McCarthy first taught me the importance of loyalty and that you need a team in the sport — but moreso, you need a FAMILY if you expect to excel.  And he was just a BIG, shredded freak.

Darold Hubbard showed an example of how bodybuilding should always and ONLY ever be a joy.  If EVER it is work, then you are in too close.  He also showed me that it’s okay to “play the star” from time to time, so long as you keep your dignity and do not confuse “beefcake” with “cheesecake.”

Nate Filipiak showed (and continues to show) how FUN IS VITAL FOR SUCCESS.  Bigness comes from goofing around in the gym.  Cuts come from camping it up in the kitchen.  Trophies come from horsing around on stage.  PLAY PLAY PLAY.  NEVER let it become work.  If it ain’t play, go home.

Jamie Barrett showed me that dreaming is perhaps the most important thing.  If you fail, make mistakes, and royally blow it on occasion, let the reason be big dreams, not big fears.  Believe your own way, even if it seems like a complete disaster in the eyes of those around you.  So long as you are led by your dreams, you will perservere your own blunders.

Mike DiSano shows me how to keep it my own game.  Bodybuilding is here FOR HIM.  It’s here FOR YOU, FOR ME, for EACH OF US.  It is OUR GAME — play NO ONE ELSE’S.  It moves at OUR PACE, not vice versa.  An easy, relaxed regard is what builds freakish proportion, and an acceptance — without prejudice — of our own flaws is what will make us excel.  To try to conquer flaws is pointless.  We MUST embrace them, and use them to build NEW SUCCESSES.  We must NEVER mark our success by how far we are from our flaws, but rather by how much we knew our flaws as we achived more, and how much we did not let our flaws slow us.

So, yes, my heroes are down here in the mud and muck with me.  They are not the shiney, glamorous icons spewed forth across glossy pages and countless web forums.  I DON’T KNOW THOSE GUYS!

Why would I admire and model myself after COMPLETE STRANGERS?  I can appreciate little aspects of their work — but that’s because I ONLY KNOW LITTLE ASPECTS OF THEIR WORK.  Nothing more.  I do not take strangers as my heroes.

The "big names" do not make the cut into my personal pantheon.

Celebrity doesn’t, by itself, impress me.

Like my buddy said about me: I have little patience with "the royalty."

I am turning my back on "natural bodybuilding."  Once and for all.

Yes, it is official.  I will no longer ever be a "natural bodybuilder."

Now, before you dealer-boys get all amped up to make another sale, let me also make another press-release style steatement:

I am likewise turning my back on steroid enhanced bodybuilding.  

That too is official.

[Let’s now pause to let the meatheads do the math.]

"Huh?"

How can I NEITHER be natural NOR be going on the sauce?  How is this possible?

Let me back up a little.  I have recently gone to coach at a few contests up here in the northeast.  The leagues were the OCB, the MuscleMania and the BLNPA.  

Now, what i saw was, as usual, some astounding physiques.  And these guys all used the term "natural" to describe what they were doing.

Maybe they all were.  Maybe some weren’t.  The only thing I know for certain is that they all passed whatever screening was being doled out by each individual league.  I could write essays and rants on flaws in the screening processes of BOTH urinalysis AND polygraph screening.  But I won’t.  Thank god.  How much MORE boring would this blog THEN be, right?

Meanwhile, to my regular readers (what is it – up to 3.7 of you now?) I will most certainly one day blog on some ideas for the solution to the screening process . . . but that is certainly for another time.

But now, back to what I saw (and always see) at the contests:

Instead, what I noticed was how the competitors reacted . . . in the pumproom, at the backdoor, in corners and nooks and back rows . . . there was a LOT of suspicion.

A LOT.

Anyone who has engaged with the natural sport knows that at ervery natural contest mini ethical debates pop up on the sidelines.  All day folks are muttering about who "has got to be on this" or who "has totally used that."  The athletes get caught up in the skepticism, and go at the issue of "natural versus steroids" like it was the national debate on the U.S. entry into Darfur.  

I ultimately love these conversations happening in the aisles and back walls of the contests.  I think discussion and debate is HUGELY healthy.  Especially among competitors.  But there is another element to it all . . .

The athletes are derisive, suspicious and paranoid.  Everyone is leery of one another.  The folks deemed "suspect" are TOO suspicious to embrace, and yet the folks doing the "suspecting" are too righteous to console.  It becomes a simmering hate-fest.

And in the process, a LOT of athletes get turned off.

A LOT.

And it’s ugly.

Now, look, I am personally not against steroids.  I am against stupidity.  That has ALWAYS been my stance: I am NOT anti-steroid, I am anti-stupidity.  

And for the sake of this position I personally define stupidity "under-thinking."  Or at least as the refusal to use one’s full capacity of thought and reason.  Stupidity – as I see it - is simply  the refusal, denial or unwillingness to incorporate the widest possible range of thought, idea and fact into the production of a conclusion – even if the stuff you include is unpleasant to look at.

In this respect, there are a LOT (perhaps the majority?) of guys who use gear whom I think just aren’t looking deeply enough at things.  My opinion.  But to not look DEEPLY at an issue is, in a word, stupid.  Hey, if they are intelligent to be able to manage complex chemical administrations, they are certainly smart enough to weather a little bit psychological insight . . . to not "go there" ALL THE WAY is not only a half-ass approach, it’s acting a little more stupid than they actually are.

But that is not to say that those who do NOT use the juice are any smarter.  In the case of the so-called "naturals", they are typically ethical morons.  If the guys on steroids have muddied the ethical waters with clever rationalizations, well, the naturals have certainly screwed up the bigger issue by WAY too much moralizing.

Does morality come into play with the choice to use or not use?  In my opinion, most certainly.  However, is it ETHICALLY SMART to attempt to uphold a morality by telling someone whose morals are different than your own that they are WRONG?  I think not.  How stupid of naturals to morally ostracize those who hop on the gear.  To push them out and cast them aside not only strengthens the conviction to use more, but also makes naturals look, well, in a word: stupid.

So, I am anti-stupidity in ALL cases.  The guys on the juice are very often not thinking things through on ALL levels.  And the guys NOT on the juice are very often thinking only with the intent to be in the right.

And I want nothing to do with either of them.

So, I use different terms.

I am not a "natural athlete."  I am an "INTEGRAL" athlete.

And guys who use steroids (or andro, or folks with cosmetic implants for that matter), I term as "ANCILLARY" athletes.

Integral and Ancillary.

Boy that sounds cold.  Those terms seem stoic, sterile and without much heart or passion, don’t they?

Yes.  And I am PROUD OF IT.

These terms HAVE NO MORALITY SLANT ATTACHED TO THEM.  You can not say one is "right" and one is "wrong."  You can not claim one is "better" and one is "worse" as far as the human experience goes.

THESE WORDS PRODUCE NO ENEMIES.

In other words, these words unite us.  Or at least ATTEMPT to unite us.

These words only describe our PROCESSES.  They do not attempt to describe our MORALITY or ETHICAL NATURE.

My definition of an "integral" approach to bodybuilding is simple: anything that is INTEGRAL to my most common human abilities.  In other words, any food I can ingest, any exercise I could conduct, and any state of being I could induce via MY OWN PERSONAL ABILITIES, and WITHOUT THE HELP OF AN OUTSIDE (ANCILLARY) PARTY.

As an example, imagine I was marooned on the perfect "island of survival."  (Now, I know a LOT of you really are hoping I WOULD be marooned, but this is ONLY an example.)  Now this imaginary island has on it EVERY possible food source – fruits, vegetables, cattle, fowl, fish, grain – all growing all over it.  It’s a miracle island.  And I am all alone on it.  No gym, no people, just me, and EVERY POSSIBLE RAW FOOD I CAN IMAGINE.  

Now here I am, basking on the beach, waiting to be rescued, and realize that it might be a LONG TIME.  And, in my boredom, i decide to start bodybuilding.

The question is this:

COULD I BUILD A BODYBUILDER PHYSIQUE ALL BY MYSELF ON THIS ISLAND?  Given that I have all the food available to me, and all the