Big Is Inside

He’s 5′10".  Maybe 5′11".  Juiced to the gills, his traps start at his ears.  He’s got a skull cap pulled low, or maybe some buzzed spiky hair number going; $30 in product, easy.  Either way, those eyebrows are a little TOO waxed . . .

He’s got a tribal tattoo . . . that SAME tribal tattoo worn by every guy worried that people might mistake them for not being "one of the cool guys."  

He’s 242 pounds, all shoulders.  he claims to like MMA/ultimate fighting.  His stomach looks like a galapagos turtle.  No matter where he sits, he slouches.

And he leans into the mike and growls in a tone of voice which he practiced in his bathroom mirror for months . . .

"I’m gonna win.  I know it.  I’m confident.  I don’t compete to lose.  I don’t see how I am gonna lose.’"

Then there’s a pause.  A silence where no one QUITE knows what to say.  Should we agree?  Should we let him know that he is a little lost?  Or do we just praise him, pretending this personality-less ball of beef is supposedly a true bodybuilding hero . . . ?

Well it doesn’t matter how we regard him.  Lord knows another one will be in front of the microphone next week.  We can figure it out then.

Or the next week after that.

Or the next.

Ahh yes . . . the endless chain of videos, podcasts and "shows" that are supposedly catching the "essence" of physique sports.  We know them well . . boring, poorly edited, endlessly repetitive, and the same old schtick over and over.

Of course, in between these bipedal moose who interview like crap we also occasionally get the inane supplement review (N-O supplements have been around since 1982 . . . are they REALLY a "new" pump?!), or maybe a feature from an embittered, opinionated, science-horny hard-ass who can say without a doubt that "everyone else does it wrong."

Imagine if that know-it-all told the "I don’t see how I can lose" juicebag he was doing it wrong?!  THAT would be an interesting show!  That kind of mayhem would be a show FINALLY worth tuning in for!

And good news, kiddies!  THAT SHOW IS FINALLY HERE!

Bodybuilding podcasts are usually either absurdist, boring or dry — or worse: a comination of absurdist, boring AND dry!  

How the HECK are we supposed to sit through them?  THIS is meant to motivate?  

Wake me when they turn off.

Or better yet, tune into MY new podcast, THE BIG INSIDE!

What the . . . ?  “XN IS IT TRUE?!” you are asking.  “You took your sarcastic bodybuilding blog schtick and put it to the airwaves?”

Yes, my loyal readers (all three of you), it’s true.  Now, not only can you READ my mispelled ramblings, you can also LISTEN to my mispronounced ramblings!

It’s The Big Inside . . . and it is the biggest physique challenge you can experience while using ONLY your ears.  

AND I NEED YOUR SUPPORT!  PLEASE SUBSCRIBE TO THE CAST, OR CALL IN TO THE SHOW!  (I will explain how to do THAT a bit later . . . read on . . . )

Now, so you can rest assured, I WON’T EVER be having “that guy” on the program . . . you know, that dude I described earlier: the boring, steroid-busted bodybuilder who is deluded with his own Flex magazine fantasies . . . well, not unless we can poke fun at him.  Then he’s welcome.

Meanwhile, we WILL be having interviews with VERY cool people doing VERY cool things in the physique world.  People like you.  

And we won’t throw crazy science out there and expect you to follow along.  Who wants to have to take notes while listening?  No, we want to get you motivated and informed — but not try to cram a physiology degree into 12 minutes!  In other words, we’ll talk to you NORMAL.

You know, like you were not only an athlete, but like you were also A HUMAN BEING.

THIS IS YOUR SHOW MY FRIENDS!  And I want it guided by YOU!!!  (So email me SOON with ideas: info@thebiginside.com)

And we will laugh, my friends.  Oh yes.  And if there is nothing to laugh at, well, we’ll laugh at ourselves.  I find learning new stuff is SO much easier when you’re having a good time.  Tell THAT to dry Mr. Embittered “Pro Trainer” Smarty-Pants Man.

In short, The Big Inside will be turning the physique world inside out.  Sort of like what I do in this blog.  

So, if you are one of the nine human beings on the planet who actually LIKE what I do here on “Big is Inside”, you’ll LOVE when my weird insights and snide remarks come at you in REAL TIME!  (Ahh, yes . . let the law suits begin!)

The coolest part is that you can CALL IN AND GET INTO THE SHOW!  I’ll explain that later . . . but first you might need to how how to even listen to the darn thing.

There are lots of ways to listen . . .

Go to www.thebiginside.com.  There you can click “show notes’, and you’ll get a list of all the episodes.  Click on the episode you want to hear and — voila! — you are whisked away in a cloud of protein powder to the episode of your choice.  Free for the taking!

If you have actually made it into the new millenia with the rest of us, you have iTunes.  In the iTunes Store, you can do a search for “The Big inside” and the show is under podcasts.  Download away!  Or better yet, SUBSCRIBE TO IT!  Then you get each new episode as it airs . . . cool . . .  And be sure to LEAVE A REVIEW! (Meanwhile, if you don’t yet even HAVE iTunes, well, get with it — my show is reason enough to finally break down and download it for yourself.)

The show airs LIVE on 1510 The Zone, Boston’s Sports Station — the Boston area’s “alternative” sports radio (meaning they have cool shows).  Every Monday night at 5:00pm (eastern time).  So if you want the beauty of LIVE radio, you can just go to the website, www.1510thezone.com, and turn on the live feed.

IF YOU LISTEN LIVE ON MONDAYS, YOU CAN EVEN CALL IN!  Seriously.  ANYONE CAN CALL IN AT ANY TIME.  Questions, opinions, thoughts — or just to harass us live.  

Like I said before, THIS IS YOUR SHOW!!

So, if you have some VERY COOL or VERY UNIQUE spin on bodybuilding or competing or fitness, and think you have something TOTALLY UNIQUE or at least that others have GOT to hear about, well, WE WANT YOU ON OUR SHOW!  Even the most “average joe” people who do incredible things . . . that’s right, we want to INTERVIEW YOU!  Email us at info@thebiginside.com.

Or maybe you know Evan Centopani.  or maybe you ARE Evan Centopani.  By accident,the guy has become a bit of a running joke on the show, so therefore we WANT TO INTERVIEW HIM!  Evan, if you’re out there — GET IN TOUCH WITH US!  

In fact, we want ANY want TOPICS and IDEAS from you, whether you’re Evan Centopani or not!  Please email the show at info@thebiginside.com with any ideas, or if you have cool news bits or contests to report on.

And since we’re your show, we want to carry YOUR advertisements!  Sponsoring the show or a segment of the show is DIRT CHEAP!  If you want to get your business in front of a targeted market, you GOT to hit us up!  Trust us — we’re WAY CHEAP . . . and the whole “new year’s fitness” season is coming . . . don’t be without ads!!!

No matter how you listen, or why, or when, the most important thing is that THIS SHOW NEEDS SUPPORT!  We will go where YOU want us to go, but only if YOU SUPPORT OUR EFFORTS!

PLEASE tune in!  

PLEASE subscribe!

PLEASE email suggestions, opinions, responses and contest reports!

Really, without your support, we’ll have to go back to listening to big goons talk about how much cooler they are than the rest of us, how much smarter they are then the res of us, or how superior they are over us.

AND WE DON’T WANT ANY MORE OF THAT!!!

So tune in to The Big Inside.  Support YOUR show!

If you do, then “I really don’t see how we can lose . . . ”

(Thanks in advance!)