Big Is Inside

I intend to be 270 lbs at about, oh, 8% body fat in no time.  I figure my chest will measure around 62 inches, my arms clock in at 22, and my quads?  Well no less than 34 inches.  All the while, my waist will remain no more than 32 inches.  Maybe 33.

That’s the ultimate goal.

Seriously.

Now if you’ve read this blog’s past articles you’ll know that I have never used steroids, nor ever intend to.  I am what is called an "integral athlete", as opposed to the "ancillary athlete", which is a dude who uses drugs or other enhancements to reach their goal.  (Check out the Big Is Inside entry "Don’t call me natural any more" from May 2, 2007 at http://blog.bodybuilding.com/The_Real_XN/2007/05/02/do-not-call-me-natural-anymore/)

So, if I am not gonna use drugs, this goal is WAY out of my reach right?

Nope.

Gonna make it.

In fact, let’s up the ante to a weight of 285.  See, I forgot to mention my calves will be 21 inches and my neck will be EASILY 23.

THAT I think I can hit.

No problem.

Or at least THAT is what I HOLD IN MY HEAD.  That is an image I cling to as I progress.  FREAKISH size.  OUTRAGEOUS proportion.  INCREDIBLE shape!

It is all stored neatly in my head.  

Now, for people to get a glimpse inside my head can typically be, well, a little disturbing.  But once you move aside the stacks of newspaper get past the file ccabinets cluttering up my skull, on the back of my mind wall posted next to some artwork are the images of my dream body.  

Yes, hanging in snapshots inside my brain are pictures of my physique at 307 pounds.  My chest is a bulging 64 inches, and my arms are 24 inch vice grips.  And yes — that is MY face pasted on top of the neck.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I LOVE WHAT I ALREADY GOT!  And love what I am doing with it.  Wouldn’t trade it for the world.  So understand that these visions in my are FANTASY goals.  They are not being held because I am trying to get AWAY from what I have.  They are held so that I can to keep a DIRECTION to where I will go.

I recently got a provocative email EXACTLY on this topic from a user shose handle is “tryingto”.  He wrote:

“Christian,
I wanted to ask you a question between the difference a natural bodybuilder like yourself and the more “chemically enhanced” bodybuilders. It seems, from the profiles I’ve seen on here, that the natural bodybuilder isn’t so much concerned with size as they are with being ripped and cut. I’ve read some stats where some natural bodybuilders have 45 or even 46 inch chest and some biceps that measure under 18 inches. Is this typical? I’m sure bodybuilders like Ronnie Coleman and Lee Priest HAVE to be something un-natural to their bodies–I even wonder how safe it is for them!”

In other words, even observers know that I would need to hop on steroids in order to get the dimensions I dream about.  

But, yeah I understands that.  I get it.  I won’t reach my goal of 317 pounds at 7.2% bodyfat unless I use steroids.  

But bid deal?  So what?  Does it mean I shoudl therefore NOT keep my dream of 27 inch arms and 39 inch quads?  Of course not.

You must understand: THESE GOALS I HOLD ARE NOT BASED ON THE IMMEDIATE MOMENT.  They are not “MUST HAVE” goals.  To even call them “goals” is a little misleading . . . they are more like GUIDES.  And they are ONLY held inside my head.  These visions are there to shape the DIRECTION of my goals.  

And yes, they are based on my fantasies . . . they represent where I want to go if I HAD NO OBSTACLES.  And when I train and diet, I want to behave as if my power was UNLIMITED.  To go into bodybuilding assumine “I’ll never get 23 inch calves” or “my chest will NEVER measure 67 inches” would keep me too tame.  I want to REACH BIG!  So I hold onto these fantasies, and let them INFORM my goals.

This might be news to tryingto — that a guy who isn’t huge might cling to huge images.  But I think it does happen.  Even with us guys who never get freakish proportions and stay integral (aka “natural”); we too hold WILD proportions in our fantasies.

Yet I think what happens is a lot of guys HIDE their fantasies.  A lot of integrals take the moral label “integral,” and then maybe feel some sort of social pressure to polarize themself with a certain mindset.  A lot of integral athletes even hide the fact that they want the kind of muscle typically possessed by guys on steroids.  NOT ALL NATURALS DO THIS (so PLEASE spare me the argument emails!).  But I certainly see a LOT of guys cupboard away their visions of freakish proportions in the name of upholding some sort of pseudo-political “natural stance”.  I think THIS is what tryingto was noticing in his letter to me.

I think many bodybuilders often misuse their fantasies by IGNORING THEM.  That’s right.  They literally MISUSE their ability to fantasize, to imagine and to hope.  

Look, just because you are not going to go on steroids does NOT mean you are not allowed to fantasize about proportions that are usually the domain of steroids — or beyond for that matter!  

In fact, the dream of the 337 pound physique PRE DATES steroids.  For millenia (literally) men would dream of EXCESSIVE proportions as a representative of their prowess, power and drive.  Even sculpture in ancient Egypt that are over 4,000 years old often depict body proportions that are EXAGGERATED.  Dreaming of the freakish physique ain’t nothing new.  And it is fair-game for EVERY athlete.

A problem lies in how a lot of people silently think that in order to be a “true natural” (oh, how my stomach curdles at THAT political term) they must downplay their desire for these exagerated forms.  It seems a lot of bodybuilders imply (either accidentally or intentionally) that to try to be freakish in size you are “almost “betraying” the “natural cause”.  (Ewww . . . a “cause”?!  What a bunch of pseudo righteous GARBAGE, huh?)

So, I WONDER how many guys who are NOT on steroids are LIMITING THEIR PROGRESS by abandoning their WILD fantasies.  In the name of being a “good, sensible, natural athlete” are a lot of guys not letting their MINDS run wild?  

Big bodies, huge muscles and freakish proportions are NOT THE SOLE DOMAIN OF THOSE WHO USE STEROIDS!  Excitement for freakish proportions is NOT the same as steroid-friendly mentality.  And just because sometimes our fantasies might slightly resemble guys who use steroids does NOT mean we should abandon those fantasies.

Yet a lot of integral athletes do abandon their fantasies.  They start claiming they never dreamed big.  They often wiull even equate the desire for ultra big muscle with the “weak mindsets” of steroid users (an UNFAIR description to say the least).

And so, yes tryingto, we get a breed of natural bodybuilders who don’s always shoot for as far as they COULD.  

Instead of natural bodybuilders, many of these guys should be called “tame” bodybuilders.

Or “obedient” bodybuilders.

Or “bland” bodybuilders.  Or how about just “bodyblanders” — guys whose bodeis are always just shy of exciting and inspiring, but instead remain BLAND and without signs of ever having contained an imagination.

Meanwhile, I occasionally see bodybuilderswho built VERY impressive mass BECAUSE they follow the lead of their fantasies.  You see this a lot in younger bodybuiders, whose heads have not yet been pumped full of doubt.  Young guys have not yet been exposed to the false belief: “Sorry kid, freakish fantasies are ONLY for dudes who are using steroids.  Keep SENSIBLE.  Do NOT try for anything outlandish.  A TRUE natural bodybuilder ignores wild proportions . . . ”

And slowly, the young natural athletes fantasies get dampened, diminished, and even sometimes snuffed.  SOME fellow competitors whom I have asked if they want to be freakish look at me like I just asked them if they had ever held a desire to murder their own mother!  They are nearly OFFENDED by the idea of holding such fantasies.

Meanwhile, our fantasies are are actually very useful tools.  ESPECIALLY if for those of us who wish to remain natural/integral in our methods.  

Our fantasies create direction.

Our fantasies provide motivation.

Our fantasies help us understand our desires.

Our fantasies keep us excited.

And, very importnatly, our fantasies KEEP US CONNECTED TO OTHERS.

Not every one shares the same goals.  Yet many people’s fantasies are very similar.  This helps us bond as bodybuilders — or in ANY community.  Why would I hide that I dream of 28 inch arms, and a 69 inch chest?  Why would I ever hide that I want to be 364 pounds at 6.4% body fat with a 33 inch waist?  If I did not put THIS out there — right along side all my NATURAL WORK — how else would I find fellow athletes who SHARE my passion?

These visions are not in my mind because I think i can get them.  No — they are there because they keep me excited, and dreaming BIG!  

It’s kind of like Superman, or the Incredible Hulk, or Hercules, or Mighty Mouse (hey — to each their own, right?)  A lot of us cling to fantasies of being LIKE these characters — either in strength, size or ability or all of their characteristics.

Yet at the same time that we idolize these figures, we KNOW that we will never TRULY be as strong as superman, or as massive as the Hulk, or, um, a . . . um . . . rodent . . . like Mighty Mouse . . . okay, but you GET what I am saying here.

These visions are both informed by mythology, as well as are the basis of new mythology.  (And YES — bodybuilding DOES have it’s own spin on mythology.)  We hold these impossible-to-achieve fantasies and myths as a way of keeping our bearings.  These fantasies help us always point in a specific direction.  They keep us on track should wefalter.  And they make us get excited for our work. Even thought hey are impossible to achieve, they are CRUCIAL for progress.

Bears repeating:

FANTASIES IN BODYBUILDING ARE CRUCIAL FOR PROGRESS, ESSENTIAL FOR SETTING GOALS, AND VITAL FOR KEEPING US ON TRACK WITH OUR GOALS.  

We must not try to BECOME our fantasy any more than we should put on a cape an leap off a skyscraper, turn green and lose our temper, or, um, be a mouse.

So, you can understand why I am aiming for 389 pounds at 5.8% body fat.  And you can see why when I train I try to get 29 inch arms or a 72 inch chest.  

I do NOT hold these fantasies because I am trying to make them REALITY.  I do not hold these fantasies because I want to BECOME them.  I do not hold these fantasies because I think they will all become true.

I hold these fantasies because they help me set lofty goals.

I hold these wild fantasies because they make me excited for the process.

I hold these crazy fantasies because they help maintain fun and play in my bodybuilding — keeping it fresh and even silly.

I hold these intense fantasies because they contain a BIG vision of just how powerful I am capable of FEELING.

Regardless of whether I will ever actually BE them.

These fantasies are PART of the Big that is INSIDE of me.  

And if I want to bring that big to the OUTSIDE, well, I better not abandon any big that is INSIDE.  

Otherwise, how else will I ever achieve my 32 inch guns?

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 4th, 2007 at 9:30 am and is filed under The XN Files, Physique Aesthetics, Physique Culture. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.