Venting
I haven’t written a post in a while, I like to think that I have it together and all though I do in many ways, I know there is so much more I can do to improve. Despite the fact that I am a late starter and a slow gainer, it’s the desire to push through and watch as things unfold and my body develop that draws me into the gym every single day. For the longest time since I started 11 years ago, all I did was hit the gym every other day like clock work, I’d take sups on those days but never really follow through on any other aspect of training other then the lifting. In the 10 months, I have really buckled down and put all the pieces together, it seems that after finally just leaving my job 17 months ago, my life is finally starting to come together. Most people think I am crazy to have resign from a position in this community such as mine especially with no options to replace it’s status or income. As I look back at it, it was the best thing I could have done, I was losing my dignity and self respect. It isn’t my profession it’s the companies outright disregard of it’s own mission statement, how my peers and superiors took no pride in themselves or their work; I will not conform to this manner of living, yet in many ways I was, it was trickling in eating at any progress I made peers asking me all the time to have cake, have some drinks I literally after pleasantly declining over and over again at the end send yes took the piece of cake and threw it in the trash (it was so great, but not well received). For seven years while there I was half measuring it everywhere else in my life because 8 hours a day was spent somewhere I didn’t want to be with people who didn’t care about there health or the health of others, just so I could collect a healthy pay-check and benefits.
I love my profession and I love fitness and body-building and if I am going to work it needs to involve both of those things or it just won’t work and there can and will be no compromise. I would rather be poor and in the gym then have a job and not in the gym or half in the gym. I understand that in today’s world with travel to and from work and all the other stuff that goes on it’s hard to have a life and seriously commit to the gym and any other discipline. In my profession I need to read and study and I just will not sacrifice my time in the gym or time with my wife or my time reading about the profession I love for some a pay-check. I am writing this because I need to figure out how to make money and do all the things I love without having to short change any of the priorities. I have no problem with working and doing all those other things in fact not working is eating at me because I am a doer. I know this to shall pass and before I know it I will be back to work the thing is for once in my life I want to look forward to work, I want to be happy when I pull up to the work place not dreading it from the time I go to bed to the moment I pull in the parking lot watching the clock the entire time I’m there just waiting to get home. Those feelings just ruin every other good thing in my life, it’s why I used to smoke weed and drink to feel better about having to go to school, my entire life I have just wanted to do my own thing, I can’t conform, I’m not a worker bee although I am a worker. Am I the only one who feels this way? Thank God for the steel plates, bars and pulleys and educational literature or I would be lost…
