TheRassss’s BodyBlog

For the past 3 month I have been busting butt; my routine has been 10 minutes cardio at 80% of max heart rate before and after my chest and back day, on the following day 40 minutes cardio at that rate, next day shoulders and traps with 10 minute cardio pre and post, next day 40 minute cardio, next day biceps, triceps and forearms also 10 minute cardio pre and post.  If at the end of this rotation I feel real tired I rest for a day or two other wise I would start the rotation over the following day.  Oh, and prior to post cardio on weight days I would do 2 stomach exercises 4 sets.  

During the past 5 days I have eliminated the 40 minute cardio day because two of those five days I was out doing heavy yard work (since I am a desk man and old now, an 8 hour physical day wipes me out so, I considered that my cardio); I also rested one of those five days.  I have also been considering talking to my doctor because for the past 7 weeks I have had a sharp pain in my lower back and upper shoulder on the opposite side.  Sometimes I struggle to bend but when I am in the gym, I just push right through, I was hopping to just work it away.  The yard work really made the back pain come to life but with all my years building homes where the reality was; if you don’t work you don’t get paid.   When you got hurt you had to just keep going if you wanted to make your bills; no time for crying there.  With this mentality in the back of my head and knowing that’s why I wanted out of that business adding college to the chaos figuring might as well totally suffer now with the hope it will get better; and it has.  The problem is, now I don’t know when I am being a baby or am I using my caveman philosophies, have I become less of a man now that I am an office worker or a smarter man?  

My uncle told me when I started with him; "as a teen I thought I was invincible and would push hard" he said this was wrong because he injured his shoulder and still has problems with it 20 years later.  I was also always told to work smarter not harder and this was important building homes because you could get seriously injured there.  The thing is this has been difficult for me to balance in body building because I need to push to gain.  My uncle also stated that if your hurt, you can’t lift, how does this help you?  I felt this first hand when I crashed my Buell ridding wheelies and broke my clavicle.   It was 5 months before I was able to get back in the gym (the worst injury I ever had) and I had lost a lot of my strength.  I do not want to be out again and this is why this back pain bothers me, I also read that for exercises that stress the spine a weight belt is beneficial and wonder if this is what happen to my back even though it’s off to the side of my spine.  It is hard to tell if it is a nerve or a muscle pain nor am I sure what to do about it.  Bottom line is, I need to keep training with no lapses, I need to learn which pain needs quick outside attention to remedy and which can be ignored because it will work itself out.  

Yesterday, I got back to my leg workout, I have decided that I will not do the 40 minute cardio regularly plus, I hate running/jogging in any manor, I do it because everywhere I read says it’s good (uncle Bob never does cardio and he’s huge).  I want to get my cardio during my weight training (like Bob says) and I want to work legs.  When I  do all this cardio it’s hard to do legs and I don’t want to over train them (my legs always hurt and are tight,).  I have decided to continue the pre and post cardio to warm up but will drop it down to 65% of my max something mentioned on this site as best practice and then maybe do no less then 20-min here and there on rest days; if I am in the mood.  

This is the first time in weeks I did a full leg routine (wow) am I hurting and cramping.  I can’t even bend without wincing, but I love this pain I know it’s good, I also know this leg pain is not the same as the back pain.  By writing this I’ve decided I am going to keep pushing and hope for the best until I talk with my doctor and then a P/T.  Prior to writing this and reading articles on this site last night I set on starting a one day lifting and one day off regiment and make it a life routine.  Then last night I read that for strength and size I should go heavy 10 sets 3 reps, I like this idea, but was thinking if I do chest and back 5 exercises each at this rate; I’d be in the gym a long time (good thing it’s at home).  Then I have shoulder/Trap day and Biceps, Triceps and Forearm day should I break this down into 6 days and just rest every 3rd day?  Obviously, I can complicate the hell out of the pain thing, finding routine and supplementation (we won’t go there today).  There is just so much different information; what is right for me?  (Whining?)  I just need to pick something and stick with it.  

As I write this I definitely think I am whining about the back, I’m on course with the doctor; it didn’t work itself out, I gave it 6 weeks and it has yet been enough to stop my workouts so, I keep working out and talk to the doctor; simple.  I am going to break down my body parts into six days and incorporate the 10 set 3 rep heavy weight into all my exercises doing Forearms with traps, keeping Biceps and Triceps together and giving chest, back, shoulders and legs their own days.  I will rest every fourth day of the rotation continuing with the pre and post cardio at 65% max heart rate and do one stomach exercise just before the post cardio every session.

I totally enjoy this blog concept writing this has truly helped me; throwing it out there in the mix keeps me real because now people know what’s going on and if I am truly a man of my word they’ll see the results.  I do not want to be a whiner and need to work these thing out,  because I also don’t want to injure myself and be out of the game for any amount of time.  I do this to enhance my life not to put it on hold.  As I reflect on this I know people other then my uncle who are younger then me and train like crazy for Ironman competitions to the point of needing a replaced knee at 26; for what?  What is gained in working so hard for something that causes permeant damage?  Is a fake body part (other then boobs) better then the original?  Some of my friends would work so hard to be the strongest they had torn muscles, huge scars and now have to compensate for it.   The Kurt Angle article is a good example in regard to his neck injury.  I am sure; I don’t want to live like that, I remember being drunk getting hurt real bad and refusing to get help hanging out bleeding profusely or with broken bones.  Working with infected cuts oozing puss and having co-workers try to squeeze the puss out because I couldn’t get a good grab, we would all laugh at how much came out and the pain on my face as they squeezed it, yelling be a man.

I am eager to find a balance where I can appropriately push my body without being a neanderthal and destroy it, in what I see as meaningless quests.  At least Kurt gets paid a lot of money as a result of his injury the ironman guys reward is accomplishment;  from my view a great expense for such a small reward.  As I got older building homes I realized the money I was making wasn’t worth the damage to it was causing my body (I was so tan people thought I was black).  Eventually, I didn’t let things get infected or wait to seek medical help.  I am worried I am turning into a wimp, I need to push myself in a beneficial way, learning where that is for me is knowing when it’s legitimate and when I am whining.  I also do not want to judge people if they want to push themselves to the brink that’s there gig. thinking of those runners who died this year in the chicago marathon, how did that work out for them and their families.  That was always in my mind later on while I was framing homes I didn’t want it to end there, doing that.  I guess those runners died doing what they love, that’s what I say about my bike but I take safety courses, read and keep the bike in top running condition, who knows; obviously not me.

One of the most difficult things for me to learn in life has always been patience (I’m sure my substance use played a role).   For some reason; I used to think that things should just be right there for me.  When I was a child and tried various sports if I wasn’t good right out of the box, I would quit, I would never practice, work at it never gave it a second glance; if I wasn’t good first  try then I was done (wish I wasn’t good at using).

   Maybe things would have been different for me if someone explained that anything worth having, requires effort and even those who may be naturals still need to work at their kraft if they want to improve. Since no one was there to provide me with this valuable intel I make certain that every chance I get, I provide it.  Later  in life I learned I actually have some athletic attributes (of course this came in sobriety), turns out that if I had just give myself a chance (put in a little effort), I may have surprised myself.  

     Right now in my life this lesson has never been more important to adhere to especially if I am truly commitment to improving my physical presence.  I love this site and as I look at all the members and their physical presence, I am eager to remain patient and stick to my guns.  I was talking to a good friend in sobriety today and they brought up patience and how they notice my struggle.  We talked about how it is not as prevalent as before nor dose it affect as many areas though it is still present.  I have mentioned in previous blogs my desire to take control of my life by remaining firm in the presence of my challenges.  The most important thing for me to focus on is the fact that the less focused and diligent I am in my endeavors what ever they may be; the longer it takes for them to come to fruition and the greater the chance I have of becoming disenchanted and letting those obtainable goals slip through my grasp.

I know that I am not going to meet my goal in a week, so I will need to remain focused and patient and that is true for all my present goals and those in my future.  This is also one aspect I know will just become easier with dedication and as with everything else at some point will just be the way it is.

It is amusing to me that in order or me to commit to something I have to reach some sort of bottom or be fed up to the point that I can’t take it anymore.  It seems that instead of just doing what needs to be done from the start, I just talk about what I want to do, but never actually do it.  Of course this must be taken in context since despite my self induced hardships I still managed to learn the trade of carpentry so, I can build castles with some assistance.  I also made the Dean’s list numerous times as an undergraduate and received an Advanced Standing placement for my Master’s; but why is it sporadic and not consistent?  

     What I would like to do, is figure out why it takes me so long to actually commit to positive life fulfilling endeavors.  I framed homes for 16 years and hated it for the majority of that time, I would literally wish the week and days away because I didn’t want to be there.  Then once in college it took me six years to make that my absolute goal after obtaining an A.A. degree.  Of course due to dropping out in the sixth grade I had to pass 3 semesters of non matriculated classes to prove I was able to actually capable of succeeding in a matriculated class.   Although this was a very humbling experience, I enjoyed the challenge, I’m sure the substance abuse was a major part of the problem, which leads back to the question.  I always knew my use was a problem, but for some reason just never had the willingness to make the necessary changes.  

   I am to old to be wasting time, I need to incorporate this ability to make drastic changes immediately when required, no more dilly dallying.  I am hopeful i will be able to have two children in the very near future.  I want to show them not tell them, the way I learned; by seeing people do what they were saying.   The most important thing in the world to me is my word and if I say something you can rest assure I’ll be doing it.   I also feel the ability to be humble when helping others is extremely important; to give without the need for praise or reward.  I would like to commit on the spot from now on, if I learn something is going to help me and those around me have a better life.

     I want to be right on top of it, exploring and developing the methods to bring whatever it is to fruition.  Life is to short and I have wasted enough time goofing off and hesitating to do what needs to be done.  My body is my temple and I need to be committed to its maintenance and development.  I don’t know how long I’ll be here but from this point on, I want to make every moment count; to that I am committed.  

    The greatest high in the world for me is the rep and the change created with it.  All I want to do is more reps, but there is more to the rep then the rep itself.   Commitment means I fulfill all aspects of the rep, through proper rest and diet to ensure every rep meets its maximum potential.  Why in the world have I settled for anything else prior to this moment is beyond me, but I now know it all stemmed from my lack of commitment.

I have been reading some of our fellow members post mostly those of us who are literally chiseled humans.  It is obvious to me that to begin such an endeavor takes the utmost determination.  Being a male when I see the women on this site especially Chicken Tuna (who in my opinion is a goddess) and I read the information on her website I wish I had someone like that in my life to travel the path with.  In relation to being clean and sober I am on a mission with absolutely no variations from this path at all, there isn’t room for even a marginal deviation.  The thing is in this aspect of my life I have absolutely no desire to deviate from the path at all (it is clear cut).  I hear Chicken tuna when she says she would like to eat junk but chooses not to the thing is I don’t want to use at all.  My point is; I have the ability to make the necessary changes in my life without hesitation, remorse, or desire for the poisons distributed by our society.  My problem is I also need my partner to be on my path without always having to fight about it.  The fact is if she won’t put it together I will need to separate in order to follow my path and I am saddened that most of my journeys require me to spend a considerable amount of time alone to reach my goals.  As with early recovery I had to separate myself from all family and friends and surround myself with those people who had exactly what I wanted and listen to everything they told me to do; trusting in them and following without question or hesitation.  I would assume that there are those out there that can live in the chaos and remain diligent from the start I know that I have difficulty performing in this manor.  It is a fact that I will apply the determination that I had to get sober to this endeavor and once I do then its over; it appears I just need to be fed up enough to say f#*k everything and care only about me.  Either you want it or you don’t; its your choice but I choose to do what ever it takes to reach my goal and sacrifice all during the journey.