TheNormalMan’s BodyBlog

On May 18, I weighed in at 300.0 pounds.

On August 20, I now weigh in at 255.3 pounds.

45 pounds down in 3 months yet I feel strangely unsatisfied.

I can’t control my eating like I was able to a couple months ago.  I’m always eating crap.

I’m still posting losses every week but I don’t feel like I’m in control of myself.  It annoys me that I feel like I’m compelled to act a certain way yet I can’t seem to find an equilibrium that will give my life peace.

The only thing saving me now is the 2+ hours I spend in the gym everyday.

How does one find balance in their life when all they know is black and white?  Everyone tells me change small steps yet I’ve tried that time and time again and it doesn’t work.  It’s driving me nuts yet I don’t know what to do.  I can’t crash and burn again.

Already done that twice.  Three strikes and I’m out.  Literally and figuratively.

Here’s to the next 60 years of willpower.

Where’s the drive come from?  I’m trying to figure this one out.  They say your friends and family love you for who you are, but I don’t see it.  I got no one and nothing in my life worth fighting for, so why do I keep fighting?  Maybe it’s because I like the pain.  At least the pain lets you know who you are and where you stand.

It’s the only thing that keeps me sane.  Once the pain leaves though, I feel empty.  A shell without a purpose.  It leaves me no choice except to continue fighting.  Maybe the defining moment in my future will come.  Until then, I’ll continue to wade through the darkness since the darkness is the only thing that gives my life light.

The only thing that matters is the countdown until the next workout.  Work, sleep, eating, friends, family, they don’t mean much to me anymore.  Just motions I complete each day since none of it matters.  Sleep is the one thing I don’t mind since it actually kills eight hours of the day faster than anything else does.

I don’t care anymore.  Simple as that.  Pain is the only thing keeping me sane and I’ll be damned if I deny myself that much of my existence.  Nothing else matters.  Time to go to sleep and let a new countdown begin until I can suffer.

This is my life.  This is who I am.  This is what I do.  I don’t care anymore.

Every day brings me one day closer to victory.  I travel on the road less traveled and reap the rewards of the few who have the perseverance to stick out the journey until the end.  Even though I’ve traveled this road before just two years ago, I feel like the journey this time has been that much more fulfilling than before.  This time, I will complete the journey instead of turning around right before the end.

Just a few more months and victory shall be mine.  Watch out world, there’s no holding me back anymore.  The time for the final countdown has begun…..

After 144 days of busting my ass, I have finally hit the 50 pound weight loss marker.  I still have quite a ways to go but the end is finally in sight again and just a few more months and I’ll finally be where I want to be.

Consistency is king.  Never forget that.

When I look back on the last 4.5 months, I haven’t missed a single workout due to laziness.  I took one day off when I wasn’t sure how I was feeling and a week off a few weeks ago to rest but that’s it.  No missed days due to laziness.  I’m quite proud of myself.

44 Pounds Down, 41 more to go!

I’ve finally hit that moment where everything I do is just clicking.  My mind is screwed on straight, my diet is awesome, and my workouts are brutal.  It’s like everything has come together and I’m where I want to be.  Even though I have at least another 40 pounds to lose, I feel like nothing can stand in my way right now.  I feel invincible and nothing will stop me.  This is happening and I will make my dreams reality.  I’m going to lose at least 10-12 pounds this month.  Nothing is stopping me now.

"THE TRUE MEASURE OF CHAMPIONS IS HOW HARD THEY WORK WHEN NO ONE IS WATCHING"

This is one of the questions that I find first and foremost on my mind much of the day.  A lot of the time, I can usually go farther and harder than my mind thinks I can.  It’s all about how hard you’re willing to push and how much you’re willing to resist temptation.  The month of February was a complete waste dietwise.  My workouts still kicked ass but I made no progress because I couldn’t control what I ate.  March is going to be a different story and I’m going to do my usual hard routine in March plus some extra to make up for the lost time in February.  I’m sick of being only mediocre and only getting mediocre results.  I want to be one of the great ones that inspires everyone around them just by being in this presence.  It’s going to take awhilee for me to reach this level of personal excellence, but it has to start one day and I’m making that day today and each day after this one.  It’s time to go above and beyond the average and keep striving for more each and everyday.

It’s never too late to begin anew or reassess where you happen to stand.  That’s the crossroads I find myself at now with both my attitude and the daily choices I make in my life.  The choices we make are not always simply black and white but shaded with many levels of gray in between.  Unfortunately, I tend to have a black and white mentality with how I view my problems and how I approach most of the events in my life.  It’s time for a new beginning and a new understanding.  The battle shall continue.

I can’t change the past.  I can’t undo things I regret.  It’s a new day and a new chance to move forward.  It’s not easy, it’s never easy, it’s not supposed to be easy.  If it were easy, everyone would be doing it and then it wouldn’t mean anything.  I’m tired of making poor choices in all aspects of my life, but especially in the fitness portion.  I need to re-evaluate where I’m at and bring a new game plan to the table.  It seems what I was using before isn’t working like it used to anymore.  I have the knowledge and the desire, it’s simply making it happen now.  I know how to make the results happen and now it’s just a matter of me vs. the flow of time right now.  I’m tired of living in the past and dwelling on what might have been.  I don’t worry about the future because I can’t control what will happen tomorrow.  All I can do is focus on the here and now and make sure that each decision I make, each action keeps me moving down the correct course of action.  This is all I can do and all that I desire to do.  It’s time to make my lifestyle be positive again and not let the weight of the past drag me down anymore.

Lost in the dark recesses of mind, I blindly stumble along.  I move without feeling, without emotion.  This is another day in the life.  The food is tasteless, the pain is intense, forever cutting.  My soul rips from my body.  I scream and keep moving.  Today I go on like I always do.  Everyday is another test of wills.  Mine against the world.  No shortcuts around the pain.  All I can do is embrace it.  This is what I do and how I live my life.  The pain of the gym calls me.  I must answer the call….

Another day.  Another chapter in my life that I’ll never get back.  That’s what each day is.  The choices of today define the person we’ll become tomorrow.  There is no past, present future.  The entire chain blends together into one great blur.  I see without seeing.  My vision is blurred in the dim light but at the same time, never before have I been able to see more clearly.  Throughout our lives, there are many roads that we must pick.  Each one we pick impacts our life in a different way.  We often don’t know we are on the right or wrong path until it’s too late.  With age comes wisdom.  I’ve been told my many people that I possess a wisdom not beguiling my age.  Perhaps when you’ve driven alone and been driven by hate for so many years, you learn to hear your inner monologue more clearly than other people around you.  No matter what we do in life, nothing is predetermined.  We will all die, we will all break hearts, we will all have our hearts broken, we will all lose someone close to us.  This is human nature and nothing can change this.  Yet in the meantime, all we can do is push on to the best of our ability.  One day, my life will have meaning, but for now, my life is but a void of anything substantial.  Besides the pain of my training 5 hours a week, my life is but a void on the edge of the universe.  All fleeting, nothing meaningful.  The days tick by, I grow older, and I change as a person.  Every day is a new battle.  I’m sick of the easy road.  It’s led my life for far too long.  All I have is the challenge of the darker road.  One day, my life will brighten.  One day.  But for now, the darkness will be my guide, and as Robert Frost so eloquently wrote:
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.