That Girl’s Blog

Ugh, everyday is a new day, right?  Changing diet and sticking to planned healthy life path is a bitch.  There, I said it and I’m not feeling very good about this whole deal.  I am fed-up and do realize I am whining and complaining and going around the bend about food intake and food choices.  Am by far more grouchy over my food habits than I ever was over my smoking habit.  Today I miss smoking and this is pretty much the first time I have craved since I quit in November.
Rant! Rant! Rave!  I have an eating disorder.  Don’t laugh because let me tell you that it is very bothersome and makes me sad.  Up until today I didn’t know it was being classified as a disorder.  I was looking up my symptoms online and found articles titled Nighttime Eating Disorder (and other variances).

I have been doing this nightime eating on and off for I don’t know how many years now, perhaps about 14 years.  It happens when I am stressed or highly bothered over something.  Depression plays into it as does poor sleeping habits.  Most times I am asleep but may wake up in the middle of eating.  Basically it’s sleepwalking and eating combined. I always go for starch carbs like cookies, crackers, chips (the feel good foods).  Sometimes I don’t realize I’ve eaten the night before until I wake up and find a box beside the bed.  Fortunately we rarely have chips in the house and the only cookies are my homemade ones.

I’ve now gone three nights sleeping straight through and am so pleased!  This last bought started in October so basically three months of bad midnight eating.  And here I wondered why I’d gained more weight …
Imagine, watching and being careful of what you eat all day long.  This is what I started to do after Christmas  Sure, you have cheats and breakdowns but for the most part you’re all-in-all pretty good.  You don’t do restaurants, never mind fast foods and you live out of town so it’s not like you get to run off to get an ice cream or doughnuts, not ever.  And you’re exercising now, every bloody day except for three times in a month.  So, even if your eating habits did remain virtually the same bad ones you should still be ahead, lose a few pounds here and there, because you’ve added regular exercise, right?   And then you eat practically everynight the things you’ve avoided all day long.  So discouraging and feels so self-defeating, all the work and for what?  Sure, I feel stronger and more fit but I look no different than I did a month ago.
Hopefully now that JR is back from out of town he’ll be able to help me, first of all by taking all the carbs out to his shop.  This past few nights what I’ve been doing is feeding myself some carbs before going to bed and that seems to keep me from getting up to get them.   I’d rather not eat them at all, or at least eat them earlier in the day but this way I can measure them.   Reading the bit about it today at least has helped me some as well.  Wished I’d looked it up years ago…I look up every thing else, wonder why I waited so long for this research?  Ah well, better late than never I suppose!
If anyone read this, well, thank-you, I appreciate it.  I’m done with venting and oddly enough feel much lighter.  Thanks again.

Last night the temperature dropped to –26Celsius / –15Fahrenheit.  Basically cold enough to freeze the ranch’s main waterline and leave us with no water. Fortunately I was somewhat prepared and had enough water for morning coffee and a few bottles of drinking water for the day.

My dilemna is being unable to shower after my workout.  I’ve put it off all day in hopes that things would warm up and the water would get sorted out but so far it hasn’t happened.  Yesterday was my scheduled day off and I refuse to let body have another day off.
Suppose I’ll just have to do some sweatless mini workouts throughout the rest of the day.  Haven’t tried this but have this feeling that it just won’t be the same.

Update: went for cross-country ski and discovered deep layer of slush on lake.  Heart-pounding scary and skis like blocks of ice.  Lot of praying and sweating but definitely not the good adreline rush.

I’m looking for some motivation and am wondering which photos should be pinned up?  Reminder photos that are in the weightroom and kitchen are what I am referring to.
What do people do?  Which is the more successful approach as far as motivational pictures go?

There are the photos from the past, where one believes they looked okay or great or good.  The body that one has had in the past and one knows that absolutely this is an achievable body as far as goals go.
Or, the more current photos that just make one say or rather be & feel depressed.  But one is also hopeful because the goal is to move away from this look into a healthier and more attractive look-feel.

I just saw some photos that were taken around Christmas and to me, well they just don’t look like me.  And I was stuck between being disgusted and ticked off with myself.  That there are even photos like this of me "out there" is despicable . . . Who was that girl?  Would this motivate me (in a positive way)?

And the photos from the past, some only six months in the past and some much further.  But, I look at them and they are me and my body looked basically the same for years and years.  Some years better than others but the same all in all. I looked okay and know that before too long I will look even better.
Now that I’ve put my thoughts down on paper I’ve realized that I think that photos of both sorts are what I’m going to put up.  Eventually I will put up some progress pictures (bf away and has dig camera so won’t be for at least three weeks) or maybe I won’t?

Anyway, thanks for reading.  Do you have photos of yourself up for motivation?  Which type?