That Girl’s Blog

Ate fairly well yesterday and today although will go back to recording everything for a few days to see if I’m on the right track.  Think yesterday I only had about 1000 cals which is definitely too low.  Finally broke down and made gingersnaps, ate some gave rest to neighbor (that was a sacrifice, I hope he appreciates them)!
Now I’ve been dreaming about cherry chocolate frozen yogurt - which is odd because when I didn’t care/wasn’t watching what I was eating this was not one of my choices, or any ice cream for that matter.

Injury seems to be healing up and think I’ll feel up to doing weights and cardio tomorrow.  Could have done upper body workout but had no concentration or motivation.  Was stuck between lazy and busy today so didn’t get a sweat on and yesterday was low intensity again due to broken butt.  Tomorrow new day and back to normal (hopefully) intensity.

Sleeping has been erratic with odd hours and broken sleep.  One day I’m up at 8am and the next at 4am, so not good for my body or brain but I’ve been like this for years so guess I’ll just have to deal with it.

JR is finally home and noticed muscles on thighs, I"m so glad he pointed it out cause I have hard time seeing any change.  Quads still covered in fat but trying to bust out!

Ugh, everyday is a new day, right?  Changing diet and sticking to planned healthy life path is a bitch.  There, I said it and I’m not feeling very good about this whole deal.  I am fed-up and do realize I am whining and complaining and going around the bend about food intake and food choices.  Am by far more grouchy over my food habits than I ever was over my smoking habit.  Today I miss smoking and this is pretty much the first time I have craved since I quit in November.
Rant! Rant! Rave!  I have an eating disorder.  Don’t laugh because let me tell you that it is very bothersome and makes me sad.  Up until today I didn’t know it was being classified as a disorder.  I was looking up my symptoms online and found articles titled Nighttime Eating Disorder (and other variances).

I have been doing this nightime eating on and off for I don’t know how many years now, perhaps about 14 years.  It happens when I am stressed or highly bothered over something.  Depression plays into it as does poor sleeping habits.  Most times I am asleep but may wake up in the middle of eating.  Basically it’s sleepwalking and eating combined. I always go for starch carbs like cookies, crackers, chips (the feel good foods).  Sometimes I don’t realize I’ve eaten the night before until I wake up and find a box beside the bed.  Fortunately we rarely have chips in the house and the only cookies are my homemade ones.

I’ve now gone three nights sleeping straight through and am so pleased!  This last bought started in October so basically three months of bad midnight eating.  And here I wondered why I’d gained more weight …
Imagine, watching and being careful of what you eat all day long.  This is what I started to do after Christmas  Sure, you have cheats and breakdowns but for the most part you’re all-in-all pretty good.  You don’t do restaurants, never mind fast foods and you live out of town so it’s not like you get to run off to get an ice cream or doughnuts, not ever.  And you’re exercising now, every bloody day except for three times in a month.  So, even if your eating habits did remain virtually the same bad ones you should still be ahead, lose a few pounds here and there, because you’ve added regular exercise, right?   And then you eat practically everynight the things you’ve avoided all day long.  So discouraging and feels so self-defeating, all the work and for what?  Sure, I feel stronger and more fit but I look no different than I did a month ago.
Hopefully now that JR is back from out of town he’ll be able to help me, first of all by taking all the carbs out to his shop.  This past few nights what I’ve been doing is feeding myself some carbs before going to bed and that seems to keep me from getting up to get them.   I’d rather not eat them at all, or at least eat them earlier in the day but this way I can measure them.   Reading the bit about it today at least has helped me some as well.  Wished I’d looked it up years ago…I look up every thing else, wonder why I waited so long for this research?  Ah well, better late than never I suppose!
If anyone read this, well, thank-you, I appreciate it.  I’m done with venting and oddly enough feel much lighter.  Thanks again.

My diet was pretty much dirty on Friday; yesterday not better.  Somewaht disappointed in my choices.  Yesterday I had a three hour xcross country ski so don’t feel as guilty as far as exercise goes.  Had much fun and didn’t sweat so don’t feel like it was work….does it count?  Don’t know.  The other four women I skiied with were tired, some had sore muscles - since I didn’t, could this mean that I’m actually in better shape?  Not necessarily so, I suppose.  I know that that doesn’t matter but I think I’m in better shape than I was last year at this time so that’s encouraging.
Two days off is ridiculous and I hope to not be doing that ever again.  All the effort from days prior seems wasted and Thursdays (progess measurements) I always hope to find some improvement on/in this body of mine.
Thank goodness for new days because although a bit of a cheat is nice I did not enjoy the food and portions near as much as I’d anticipated.  But, I savoured the homemade chocolate-mints that my friend made…I only had two of the smallest.

Today I will hit weights hard and then take dog out for super walk/hike/jog/aerobics/hiit session.

I hope that everyone is having a fabulous Sunday!