That Girl’s Blog

Ate fairly well yesterday and today although will go back to recording everything for a few days to see if I’m on the right track.  Think yesterday I only had about 1000 cals which is definitely too low.  Finally broke down and made gingersnaps, ate some gave rest to neighbor (that was a sacrifice, I hope he appreciates them)!
Now I’ve been dreaming about cherry chocolate frozen yogurt - which is odd because when I didn’t care/wasn’t watching what I was eating this was not one of my choices, or any ice cream for that matter.

Injury seems to be healing up and think I’ll feel up to doing weights and cardio tomorrow.  Could have done upper body workout but had no concentration or motivation.  Was stuck between lazy and busy today so didn’t get a sweat on and yesterday was low intensity again due to broken butt.  Tomorrow new day and back to normal (hopefully) intensity.

Sleeping has been erratic with odd hours and broken sleep.  One day I’m up at 8am and the next at 4am, so not good for my body or brain but I’ve been like this for years so guess I’ll just have to deal with it.

JR is finally home and noticed muscles on thighs, I"m so glad he pointed it out cause I have hard time seeing any change.  Quads still covered in fat but trying to bust out!

Why do we sabotage our efforts? Alright, why do I?  This past week I haven’t entirely failed but I really fell back into my comfort zone as far as "the food" is concerned.  Can’t blaim it on PMS or anything (although Feb is always a sad month for me), some emotion just takes over and I am just this weakling who succumbs to raiding the cupboards, late-night eating and overeating.

For instance, yesterday my friend celebrated his birthday and my contribution towards dinner party was the cake.  I baked it - it was beatiful, delicious and pretty much sinful…why didn’t I just have a couple of mouthfuls….it wasn’t my day to celebrate.  And, can’t forget the wine (which was sooo very nice) which I have denied myself –don’t I wish I’d just had the glass of wine and skipped the cake?  Yes, I wish.

I have been doing my cardio everyday although I injured myself last week, so intensity has been down, and now to top off feelings of lowness I am slightly concerned that I may have to go to the doctor.
If my diet had remained the same (as in: my not-so-great eating habits) for the six weeks but I’ve taken up weight training and running 6-7x/week shouldn’t there be a visual reward?  (Would welcome comments on that last statement).  Oh sure, I feel better cardio-wise but body still looks the same, clothes still fit the same and I swear it’s just like the fat is just moving around, little less here, add some there, etc.  Measurements are up and down, scale weight and body fat measurements have remained the same.  I am still fat.

I’ve started off today as being "The Woman Who Is On Track And Has Goals She Must Meet".  I haven’t gotten any closer to my goals although I have done something towards my fitness and health everyday without fail so I am pleased with that, at least I have one little "yeah" for me there.

Am going to perhaps try carb cycling just have to learn a little more about how it works.  It might be, I think, quite the challenge (at least on low carb days!) but I really want win this battle.  It’s obvious that my January strategy didn’t work (not counting this past week) and now I have to re-work and re-focus on how I’m going to be more successful this next go around.

Ugh, everyday is a new day, right?  Changing diet and sticking to planned healthy life path is a bitch.  There, I said it and I’m not feeling very good about this whole deal.  I am fed-up and do realize I am whining and complaining and going around the bend about food intake and food choices.  Am by far more grouchy over my food habits than I ever was over my smoking habit.  Today I miss smoking and this is pretty much the first time I have craved since I quit in November.
Rant! Rant! Rave!  I have an eating disorder.  Don’t laugh because let me tell you that it is very bothersome and makes me sad.  Up until today I didn’t know it was being classified as a disorder.  I was looking up my symptoms online and found articles titled Nighttime Eating Disorder (and other variances).

I have been doing this nightime eating on and off for I don’t know how many years now, perhaps about 14 years.  It happens when I am stressed or highly bothered over something.  Depression plays into it as does poor sleeping habits.  Most times I am asleep but may wake up in the middle of eating.  Basically it’s sleepwalking and eating combined. I always go for starch carbs like cookies, crackers, chips (the feel good foods).  Sometimes I don’t realize I’ve eaten the night before until I wake up and find a box beside the bed.  Fortunately we rarely have chips in the house and the only cookies are my homemade ones.

I’ve now gone three nights sleeping straight through and am so pleased!  This last bought started in October so basically three months of bad midnight eating.  And here I wondered why I’d gained more weight …
Imagine, watching and being careful of what you eat all day long.  This is what I started to do after Christmas  Sure, you have cheats and breakdowns but for the most part you’re all-in-all pretty good.  You don’t do restaurants, never mind fast foods and you live out of town so it’s not like you get to run off to get an ice cream or doughnuts, not ever.  And you’re exercising now, every bloody day except for three times in a month.  So, even if your eating habits did remain virtually the same bad ones you should still be ahead, lose a few pounds here and there, because you’ve added regular exercise, right?   And then you eat practically everynight the things you’ve avoided all day long.  So discouraging and feels so self-defeating, all the work and for what?  Sure, I feel stronger and more fit but I look no different than I did a month ago.
Hopefully now that JR is back from out of town he’ll be able to help me, first of all by taking all the carbs out to his shop.  This past few nights what I’ve been doing is feeding myself some carbs before going to bed and that seems to keep me from getting up to get them.   I’d rather not eat them at all, or at least eat them earlier in the day but this way I can measure them.   Reading the bit about it today at least has helped me some as well.  Wished I’d looked it up years ago…I look up every thing else, wonder why I waited so long for this research?  Ah well, better late than never I suppose!
If anyone read this, well, thank-you, I appreciate it.  I’m done with venting and oddly enough feel much lighter.  Thanks again.

My diet was pretty much dirty on Friday; yesterday not better.  Somewaht disappointed in my choices.  Yesterday I had a three hour xcross country ski so don’t feel as guilty as far as exercise goes.  Had much fun and didn’t sweat so don’t feel like it was work….does it count?  Don’t know.  The other four women I skiied with were tired, some had sore muscles - since I didn’t, could this mean that I’m actually in better shape?  Not necessarily so, I suppose.  I know that that doesn’t matter but I think I’m in better shape than I was last year at this time so that’s encouraging.
Two days off is ridiculous and I hope to not be doing that ever again.  All the effort from days prior seems wasted and Thursdays (progess measurements) I always hope to find some improvement on/in this body of mine.
Thank goodness for new days because although a bit of a cheat is nice I did not enjoy the food and portions near as much as I’d anticipated.  But, I savoured the homemade chocolate-mints that my friend made…I only had two of the smallest.

Today I will hit weights hard and then take dog out for super walk/hike/jog/aerobics/hiit session.

I hope that everyone is having a fabulous Sunday!

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is
more important than facts.  It is more important than the past, than education, than
money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think
or say or do.  It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.  It will make or
break a company…a church…a home.  The remarkable thing is we have a choice every
day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.  We cannot change our past…we
cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.  We cannot change the
inevitable.  The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our
attitude.  I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to
it.  And so it is with you…we are in charge of our Attitudes."   by Charles Swindoll

I came across this morning as I was clearing up some office clutter.  It’s great, isn’t it.  Wish I’d written it!  All day I’ve thought about my attitude and choices towards things, people and life in general.  And my attitude towards myself.  Some days, well goodness I feel like a Saint, I"m just so shiny and nothing will get me down.  Other days, well truth be told - my attitude is lacking lustre and I’m downright down & pessimistic.  If I can just keep this out and in the forefront of my brain …

Well, that was embarrassing.  I keep trying but all I can manage is 2x and then I’m just sacked.  I can’t take plates off (26lbs on each) until I find a wrench - The latches (allan keys?  I don’t know what to even call them lol) are set to tight and BF is away.  Justification to purchase my own set by the time he gets back.

On another note, I took care of the rest of the almonds.  It is pure danger buying in bulk, expecially nuts. At this juncture of my journey all temptations must be removed.  100 sit-ups as reward for eating said almonds.  Probably need to do five times as many.
Moderation … not extreme or excessive … that’s the ticket.  I applaud all of you who can stop at six almonds.

Last night the temperature dropped to –26Celsius / –15Fahrenheit.  Basically cold enough to freeze the ranch’s main waterline and leave us with no water. Fortunately I was somewhat prepared and had enough water for morning coffee and a few bottles of drinking water for the day.

My dilemna is being unable to shower after my workout.  I’ve put it off all day in hopes that things would warm up and the water would get sorted out but so far it hasn’t happened.  Yesterday was my scheduled day off and I refuse to let body have another day off.
Suppose I’ll just have to do some sweatless mini workouts throughout the rest of the day.  Haven’t tried this but have this feeling that it just won’t be the same.

Update: went for cross-country ski and discovered deep layer of slush on lake.  Heart-pounding scary and skis like blocks of ice.  Lot of praying and sweating but definitely not the good adreline rush.

I’m looking for some motivation and am wondering which photos should be pinned up?  Reminder photos that are in the weightroom and kitchen are what I am referring to.
What do people do?  Which is the more successful approach as far as motivational pictures go?

There are the photos from the past, where one believes they looked okay or great or good.  The body that one has had in the past and one knows that absolutely this is an achievable body as far as goals go.
Or, the more current photos that just make one say or rather be & feel depressed.  But one is also hopeful because the goal is to move away from this look into a healthier and more attractive look-feel.

I just saw some photos that were taken around Christmas and to me, well they just don’t look like me.  And I was stuck between being disgusted and ticked off with myself.  That there are even photos like this of me "out there" is despicable . . . Who was that girl?  Would this motivate me (in a positive way)?

And the photos from the past, some only six months in the past and some much further.  But, I look at them and they are me and my body looked basically the same for years and years.  Some years better than others but the same all in all. I looked okay and know that before too long I will look even better.
Now that I’ve put my thoughts down on paper I’ve realized that I think that photos of both sorts are what I’m going to put up.  Eventually I will put up some progress pictures (bf away and has dig camera so won’t be for at least three weeks) or maybe I won’t?

Anyway, thanks for reading.  Do you have photos of yourself up for motivation?  Which type?

Today is bad craving day.  It’s a good thing I don’t live in town or I’d have a bunch of junk in my fridge/freezer/cupboards/belly by now. A good part of the day was spent forcing  myself not to bake anything.  Craving cookies.  Particularly nice would be really, chewy ginger cookies with a cup of tea.  Or any type of cookie so long as it’s homemade.  Able to avoid that temptation but for how long?

Wish I had slowly weaned myself off the baking.  Have had one small slice of apple pie and one shitty store bought cookie since Christmas.  Stopped smoking end of November and sweets I’ve denied myself since right after Christmas … I miss my baking, yet barely think about smoking.  If I were still a smoker I think I would’ve smoked a whole lot today. Hmrph.  Tough day.  Good night.

Upped my water intake about a week ago and am now drinking about 80oz/day.   Some might say "not enough" but considering I used to only drink one in the morning and mostly none all day I’d say that this is pretty good.   Have to figure out how to be done well ahead of bedtime though — find myself having to get up a few times a night now,  and I’m already a lousy sleeper as it is.
Anyway, question:  What is your personal opinion on water intake?

Reason I ask is that I’ve recently read two articles claiming that ‘driinking a gallon a day’ (or more, or less, depending on the source, calculations, etc.) is not necessarily good for you.  One writer is Tony Robbins, and the other is Dr. Mauro Di Pasquale who contributes articles to BodyBuilding.com.  You can read Dr. Pasquale water article  at http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/md63.htm.

Both of these writers claim that we should just listen to our bodies, if we’re thirsty, hydrate it and basically …. minimum quantities be damned.

Opinions?

I’m sticking with the majority and will continue to drown myself.