TDetroit’s ramblings and nonsense

Usually I call the kids nasty, stinky, filthy rats.  They smell, refuse to bathe, make the most disgusting messes wherever they go, and are generally repulsive.  That’s when they are behaving.

now that I have a workout room, I am rethinking the rats concept.  Whenever I go to the basement to workout, I have to step over the "gifts" the kids leave there in front of the door.  It reminds me of when the cats brings me a mouse and drops it on my kitchen floor.  "See, there was a mouse in the house.  And you said I am good for nothing.  Well, I got this one."

My kids like to bring a toy to my workout room door and leave it there for me to see it.  Why?  I am not interested in the messiness my kids make.  I want it gone - about as much as I want the cat gone (dog person, does anyone want my cat?)

So, are they rats or cats.

Especially to all my brothers in single fatherhood.

Today, I had bread and jelly, a jell-o mixed fruit cup, and water.  Plus a lillie in a cup of water to look at while I had my Mudda’s Day breakfast in bed.

The dog laid there the whole time I was eating with a look of jealousy.  What was I supposed to do?  Dogs don’t eat pineapple, and they are not allowed to eat grape jelly (assuming it has grapes in it).

It is a bright sunny Michigan Day, and the field of dandelions I call my yard is bright yellow with green grass.  I think I’ll go mow it down.  lol

Happy Mudda’s Day to all the Mudda’s.

T

I was such a perfect child…ok, would you believe a please to raise…would you believe I never got into real trouble….would you believe I never got caught…

anyway.  I used to drive my mom nuts with my hygeine.  I washed my hands everytime I entered the house, before and after every meal, in the morning first thing when I woke up, last thing before bed.  Showers, I never had to be told to get squeaky clean.

So here I am, the father of four - 4 who do not believe in washing hands, brushing teeth, combing hair, taking showers… hell, my biggest problem is getting the food "in" the mouths and not "on" the mouths. 

One has breath that you can smell at three feet away, and when you ask if he brushed his teeth WITH LISTERINE he lies.  He doesn’t believe water whould ever touch him.  Aaaaaagh!  Clearly my wife cheated on me, he’s not my kid!

Where did I go wrong?  OMG!  I sound like my mom.  Where did I put my hand gun?  I need to shoot myself.

I was looking at my cereal boxes on top of the fridge.  You know when you are staring at something and not thinking - well women don’t know what I mean, they are always thinking.  But guys, you know when you are not thinking?

Anyway, a thought popped into my head.  When I was weak and could barely lift any respectable weights, I knew that I had smarts, and I could at least figure out the diet thing.  breakfast used to be a protein shake and 1 cup of cereal with 1/2 cup of whole milk.  I was putting on weight - muscle not fat - and getting stronger and more muscular. 

I got away from the cereal to try and lose the fat around the mid section.

so, here I am, eating junk food daily to preserve my precious pounds.  2 protein shakes per day.  some sort of meat once per day and lot’s of carbs - and barely holding that line at 169/170.

A thought occurred to me, why am I not eating the cereal.  Raisin Bran.  It’s good for you, it has vitamins and minerals, the raisins are super good for you, bran (what can you say, especially with all the drugs I am hopped up on), milk - and most importantly, calories in the morning.

Always, at the worst time in my life, I would say, "go back to the beginning."  Meaning go back to before it got bad.  Then fix it.  well, I can’t fix this that’s for damn sure.   but I can go back to the body beginning.  I need to stay healthy for just 15-18 years.  by then the youngest one will be settled in her life and on her own with all the instruction I can ever give her and the other 3 kids.  

Then who cares, I don’t want to be here after that.  I want to be there, you know the place where there is no pain, and love grows on trees.   Bells ring and angels get their wings.  don’t worry, I know the rules - If I force the issue, I have to go to the other place.  I am stuck here until I get my precious ticket.  the most wonderful thing a person can ever get.  it is not a time of sadness for the one leaving, look where they get to go.  It is only sad for those of us who didn’t get a ticket.  It is not envy, it is disappointment at not being chosen.  Why not me?  I promise to be good.  Just let me in. 

Not for me, I am here for the long haul.  confused as hell.  scared of my own shadow.  hopped on drugs so that I won’t be a danger to the kids.   But here, until I get called. 

So, I eat cereal and stay healthy.  that’s my job for today.  tomorrow I will be a better mom - boy did I nearly f it up today.  It was a close one.  I hope no one calls social serices because I am so bad at this.  I needed scissors to be able to comb her hair, and I was watching for the bus at the same time while making her scream everytime I accidently yanked a tangle.  oops.  Better planning next time - that would be tomorrow.

My sons were doing their homework at the kitchen table.  so I grabbed the laptop and logged in to powerschool.  this is a cool website, where the teachers post the grades as they are hyappening through out the year.  so you know right away when your kids didn’t do their homework.

so the oldest one is getting straight A’s in the classes that give you an A for having a pulse.  (Jazz band, marching band)  That’s a C+ in Language Arts (his head hurts now from all the waps to the side of it)  he is getting B- in drafting - a class that allows unlimited extra credit.  B+ in geometry - supposedly this is a mathmatics expert we are talking about here.  Apparently doing his homework is veiwed as optional, and he doesn’t feel the need to take notes in class (especially the class where notetaking is graded).  I see lot’s of yard work in his future.

the second one has come to believe that having the answers in the back of the mathbook is quite useful for doing his homework.  of course he has learned nothing and get’s gailing grades on the quizzes.  too bad he enjoys cleaning toilets, or that would be his punishment.  I am sure I will think of something equally cruel.

Looks like I am going to have to rely upon my daughters to help me out during my retirement, because my sons are destined to be homeless ditch diggers. 

I took the kids to the haunted forest at the county park.  yup the county park.  not one of those place where they advertise that you will be scared until you need new underwear, the county park. 

so we wait all day until dusk - so it’s dark - then we get in the car and we pick up one of my son’s friends, and off we go.  at the park, we have to wait in line for few minutes, so we bought the candy bars (which were surprisinly low priced) and waited.

when it was time to go, they told us we had to hold onto a rope and no letting go.  as we are going along, the guide is telling us "ooh, I heard there was a werewolf around here"  and then there wasn’t one.  it was like the people who were supposed to be there to scare us weren’t there.  it was funny.

one of my sons kept saying "boring" whenever something did happen.  and my other son’s friend kept taking the end of the rope and going forward so we weren’t in single file.  all in all, not scary but a good time was had.

at the parking lot, i put the kids in the car, and then a couple of women my age approached me.  )I like the sound of that)  they asked if it was scary, I said no, it was kid friendly.  but I did invite them to my house because I have a chain saw.  they laughed. 

on the way home, the boys were seeing who could scream loudest.  I announced a contest to see who could scream most like a girl.  thankfully, my son’s friend son that (instead of my son - not that screaming like a girl is a bad thing - lol)

that was my trip

we were all rrelazing in the condo unit.  then one or two of them there runts gets a bee under the bonnett going swimming.   well, I had to go to the clubhouse with the laptop anyway (Fantasy draft).  So I said, give me a minute.

I got my stuff ready and wlked out into the living room.  wife says, they left without you.  So I walked over.  they were in the pool already.  I said hi, and went upstairs to set up the laptop.

Oh, did I mention the hurricane.  I belive I did.  It came from Florida up to Tennessee, apparently the ocean needed a vacation and decided to go to the same place as me for a week.

Anyway, so they are swimming for a min.  I go down to talk to the little one to make sure she is ok.  She says she has no towel.  I said why didn’t you bring one.  this goes back and forth until I finally learn that her towel was wet, so she left it behind.  Now, I figured the little would do something that doesn’t make sense, but it get’s better.

Upstairs, check the e-mails, open the draft, etc.  go back down.  Nope, all 3 left their towels behind.  they are sitting int he water waiting for me to come down and get them some towels.  So back up to house keeping to ask if they will restock the towel shelves.

Check the draft.  come back down, they are all standing by the door of the pool room shivering and waiting for me to tell them about the towels.  I said you’ll have to wait for house keeping. 

Now, remember, I have a laptop upstairs unattended.  so I go up for a few minutes.  then my oldest one flags me down from the balcony and says they are going back.  no towel.  wet. cold.  in a hurricane.

someone please tell me.  at what age does the human brain develop into a usable organ?

It is bad enough that the textbooks are filled with lies and deciet, but to tank a childs education out of laziness is downright mean.

My son is an exceptional math student.  Last year near the end of 5th grade I asked if he could take the test to advance to 7th grade math when he goes to middle school (this year).  They told me they no longer do the test, becasue there is a new math program and it is unnecessary to advance.  OK

So we get to this year, 2 of his friends are in 7th grade math - they took the test.  You remember the test don’t you, the one I was told they no longer offer because it is unnecessary.  Plus these 2 friends got loweer grades in math than my son.  Even my son is pissed, and I don’t blame him.

Also, my youngest one is best friends with a girl whose mom is a math tutor.  She confirmed that our elementary is behind the other district elementaries in math.  The others finish 5th grade more advanced in math than our school does.  So it would be unlikely that my son could have passed the exam anyway.  Which brings up the question, how did the other 2 boys pass it.  Remember them, the ones who didn’t have the grades in math that my son did.

Well, we figure they must have obtained a 6th or 7th grade math book, studied it and took the exam.  Funny, I’ve been asking for years to get higher grade math books, but the schools refuse to give me one.  I think it is time for new tactics.

I am a 2nd amendment republican… time to get the things I deserve.  I will no longer ask for what I want, I will from now on tell them what they are going to do for me.  They will give me what I want, when I want it, in the manner I want it, and they will do it with a smile.  Why?  Because my gun is right out in the car and I can go get it if they want. 

No offense to my friend Shanky, but the teaching establishment has got a lot to learn about fairness and work.