Disbelief.
They said it was one of the things I would have to do. I didn’t know it would creep up on me. It took weeks to realize it. At first I wanted to go there, then I promised I wouldn’t ask to go there. Then one day I just asked for her to come back here.
I was going from room to room and not remembering why I went there. Now I know. I am looking for Audrey. She’s not there. I can spend a lot of time walking back and forth from one place to another trying to remember what was so important that I had to get up and walk.
I lose things too. Lost a half hour yesterday looking for my wallet. I never did that before.
It simply occured to me that I do not believe she is not here. I keep expecting her to walk in. When I see a picture of her, I actually have to tell myself, "she’s not here" or, "she’s not coming home". It isn’t a shock like before. It is simply something I have to remind myself. I don’t seem to be getting it the first time I say it.
Well, one phase is down - well almost. at some point a few years from now, I might believe it.
I can’t wait until I see the shrink again. There is so much to report. Ahhhggg! I must be crazy. I am so destined to fall on my face. totally nuts.
Post by: TDetroit
March 13, 2009 at 7:34 pm
You need someone to talk to Mich…..someone that’s not going to charge you $150 an hour (or whatever they charge these days). Must be a support group nearby….give ‘em a chance….then you’ll be able to give yourself a chance.