6:30 am - nothing better to do.
I am awake and hungry and can’t stand the thought of eating. Laying in bed with the laptop on my knees doing nothing productive.
I did manage to eat some yesterday. I think I manage 1000 calories give or take. It was such an effort to get to 169 lbs in the first place - exactly 21 years. Now I am back to it, down from 184.
Yesterday was supposed to be pull. Back excercises. I did move the DBs out of the way. does that count? I don’t think so. Just a bunch of couch work and some shivering - thermostat must be set too low.
Most of my food is liquid protein, so the waste isn’t all that fun either. I just feel sick. Audrey loved this time of year, it isn’t fair that she couldn’t be here to do her own Christmas.
What’s really amazing is that for the few days that I have actually been left in charge of the kids, no one got hurt. Audrey was the parent, I was just this guy who wandered in in the late evenings and stayed around for weekends. I don’t know jack about this stuff. Over the summer and the beginning of the school year, I really thought my training was coming along. she was letting me handle a lot of this stuff. Training is no where near like the real thing. I can’t just wander into the kitchen when I am hungry, I have to think about meals all day long, and plan the next few days in advance - all while being sick to my stomach with stress.
forgot to take my happy candy yesterday. I am not even a good addict. the candy is highly addictive and I’ve been on it long enough to be hooked, probably will need a 12 step when it’s all said and done, but I forget to take my candy at the time. then when I do take it, it wears of 2 hours early and all I can think about for an hour and a half is my candy. then the last half hour I forget and take it 2 hours late, or like yesterday, 8 hours late. How crappy is that.
Going to get up soon. Today is push day. That means perfect pushups. Hopefully I’ll get a full work out. My go to the basement and get on the machine. It has 2 positions, one for leg work - kind of a cardio/bodyweight leg press, or back work - bodyweight rowing. If I can do a few sets at 3 min in the leg position, maybe my legs will stay in the game until I am out of this hole. (that’s what we in the widow world call it)
Post by: TDetroit