TDetroit’s ramblings and nonsense

Time to site the references.

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/imagepages/1075.htm

diagram of the breast

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/imagepages/19263.htm

female reproductive organs

The point to all of this, is that all women are built the same.  The Detroit car makers could not do a better job of building a more homogenous product line.  so if all are the same, then why do some experience pleasure when others claim to experience pain.

 For instance, let’s conduct a scientific test.  In this test, we will stimulate the brests of 10 women.  Now to be scientific, we will need to provide the exact same stimulation to all of the women.  To do that, we will need one man (I vote for me) who will stimulate all 10 women in his own manner.  Since it will always be the same man, providing the same stimulation, then all of the women should react the same way because they are all built the same.  (see above diagram)

However, we already know in advance, that the women will not react the exact same way.  What gives?  I like to say, that all people confuse pleasure with pain and everything in between, but women are more confused than men, because of the bad bill of goods they’ve been sold.  (ask me about the issue of control at a later time)

So 5 women enjoy my stimulation, and 5 find annoyance and even pain.  So let’s ask why.  And to answer the question, let’s call upon my good friend Socrates. 

 "Socrates, why do half the women enjoy my stimulation, and half finding annoying or even painful?"

Socrates says, "Let me ask you a question.  Would it be more logical for women to find sexual stimulation of sexual organs pleasurable, or annoying or painful?"

I reply, "Obviously it would be more logical for women to find the sexual stimulation of sexual organs to be pleasurable."

Socrates says, "Then we can conclude that the women who find it annoying or painful are…?"

 I venture a guess here, "…illogical?"

Socrates says, "CORRECT!" 

That is what we are talking about.  The fact is female orgasms are 70% mental and 30% physical, while male orgasms are a mere 10% mental, and 90% physical.  This is because woman is an illogical creature, due to being taught incorrect reactions to sexual pleasure. (ask me about control later)

All of this points to my original premise….

WOMEN DON’T KNOW JACK ABOUT MIND BLOWING SEX

If they did, they would all own a pair of knee pads.

Well the moment everyone has been waiting for.  Unfortunately this is not what you thought it would be.  This is not the "How To"  section.  I will get to that later.

This is the high Latin version, well the low Latin version, would you believe Italian from a guy who learned it from Idiot’s Guide to Italian (a book I highly recommend, you will be talking sexy by page 126).

Allora,e ora, ascolta e impara!  Le donne e non normale, le fisico donne e complicato.  Primo, che non cervello!  Secondo, che non metodo semplice a comminicare!  Allora, (you are screwed from the get go). 

 Anyway!  There are two areas of concern in female anatomy, the upper and the lower.  To  make this more exciting, we will start with the upper:

 Suffice to say, if men had breasts, we would get nothing done.  How it is that there are some women who do not find their own breasts a distraction, I DO NOT KNOW!  Breasts are simple to understand, there are essentially tow parts to be concerned with: 1. Pectoralis/Breast Tissue, 2. Areola

Now to start with, remember in Lesson 1, that the female orgasm is 70% mental and a mere 30% physical.  This has great ramifications to the breasts.  It is most likely, that a sexual bout will begin with breast touching.  Believe it or not, there are women who have convinced themselves they do not like to be touched on their breast during sex. (the male equivelant of not liking a hand job) 

I say "convinced", because the fact that it is pleasurable is just that: A FACT.  So therefore, the only way a woman could conclude she does not like it is if she has "convinced" herself.  I know there are cases of medical issues etc, obviously those cases do not apply here.  In any event, to believe she does not enjoy it, she must clearly have some sort of mental block to the enjoyment.  I call this the bad bill of goods, likely sold to her by the NOW who call all sex rape.  Point is, it is enjoyable, but some women have learned it is not.  This is a mix up of not knowing what is pleasurable.

 So the Pectoralis/Breast Tissue is the large breast area that we see forming a tent under the shirt.  This is great stuff.  There is a lot of fatty tissue mixed in, so an overweight women will have more enticing breasts (with her shirt on), because of size.  This tissue is also stimulatable.  It is not just fat, it is a functional tissue.  As a man, I caqn say that I do not care what that function is, it is only necessary to know it is more than fat, it is real, and needs to be stimulated to work up to 30% of an orgasm.

The areola, is the center (usually pinkish or brownish) lump in the middle of the breast.  This is a fun thing to play with (more on that in a later lesson), but it has likes and dislikes of it’s own.  It seems the areola likes cold, afterall it perks right up at the first blast of cool air from a freezer, and it really likes to be freed of the padded and insulated bra cup (hey that’s my observation, and I am sticking with it).

The areola is also the Great Communicator (I bet you thought that was Reagan).  The areola will tell you when you are on the right road to a 30% orgasm.  Even if the woman at "hand" tells you that you are going the wrong way, the areola will gladly dispute the fact.

Now to the lower anatomy.  Let’s stick with the important parts here:  vagina, clitoris, cervix, labium (the combined term) and don’t forget the power of the bladder.

Now the hand bone is connected to the arm bone etc.  And the lower female anatomy all works together. 

What is the vagina, it it’s simplest definition, it is a muscular tube.  That’s it, nothing exciting there.

What is the clitoris, it is a tubercle (to simplify the medical terms, let’s just say nerve-like), and as such is very sensitive.  It is not just a nub, it is actually about 4 inches long, running along the upper side of the vagina, and ending just before the cervix.  It is under the skin of the vaginal wall, and is mixed in with the muscle creating the vaginal tube (remember that point, it will came back to haunt you on the test later)

What is the cervix, it is a wall, but not a flat wall, think of a hallway the opens and closes.

What are the labium, lips.

Ok, so what is happening during sexual arousal.  The cervix will flatten (think the hallway gets shorter), and it moves back away from the end of the clitoris.  Now there is a space between the clitoris and the cervix.  So, if the clitoris is 4 inches long, and there is a space behind it, then the vagina is 4 inches long, plus the space vacated by the cervix.  (women who say a man is too big are feeling something else to be discussed in a few moments).  Point is all told, there is a lot of space.

Now, in all the pics I have seen, the clitoris is bigger at the outer end (at the labium), and thinner at the cervix end.  So we will be left to assume that that is the shpe in reality.

There is a spot, halfway down the length of the clitoris, it is called the G-spot, named after Dr Graffenberg.  Dr G found this spot to be more sensitive the the area before ar after it, but not as sensitive as the ends of the clitoris.  This gives us 3 points of stimulation.  Frued says the important one is at the far end, near the cervix.  Many people dispute Frued, but I have advised many a young pup on his techniques, and the results are always the same, she always says (screams) "Oh my God".  Except in a few very rare cases of too much defiance of the orgasm - i.e. the 70% beats out the 30%, and there is no orgasm.

How do you stimulate the far end.  We will discuss one today, and the other when we discuss male anatomy.  The first method is with the finger.  Now, mind you Frued disapproves of this as a adolescent method of stimulation.  However, palm up (toward the breasts) reach in with one finger, get deep in there, and curl the last knuckle up.  Many think it is like gesturing to "come here", but that is actually a G-spot stimulation, just the last knuckle.  What you are doing is  reaching to the end and tickling. 

Now, many women do not like this stimulation, again, that darn NOW.  Great for getting the right to vote, bad for sex.  Stimulation is good.  Yes it is possible to press too hard, but that is more a function of the amount of liquid secretion.  If there is not enough liquid, then things have progressed too quickly, back up a few steps, the man should be more slave like for a time until she is ready.  But to say she doesn’t like stimulation is just wrong.  What she is really saying, is that if she orgasms, she will temporarily lose control of her faculties, and the man will have temporary control, and according to NOW, that is always a bad thing to happen, so therefore, she will defiantly not enjoy sex.  Did you get all that?  Too many women believe that sex is about power.  So they end up not enjoying it.  This is wrong.  If you want sex to be about power, then you should do what men do.  Release the control and enjoy it more.  This is the equivelant of turning your back on a foe to see if he sucker punches you.  You are more of a man for it.   Same thing in sex, you are more of a man or a woman if you turn your back, and let the release of control occur, there is much more of a thrill than fighting it.

Remember the women who say a man is too big?  What they are feeling is stimulation  at the far end of the clitoris.  It would be an extreme coincidence for a man to be too big for a woman.  There is soooo much space to work with.  It would have to be an extraordinarily large man and an extraordinarily small woman, and how often do those two find each other.

Last for today, the bladder.  If it is full, it is too much of a distraction to be used as a sexual organ, too empty, and there is no stimulation, but if you can get it just right, and if in the right position, it will lightly press down on the length of the clitoris and provide a stimulation.  there is fatty tissue and fascia tissue to deal with too, so it will be like a teddy bear is pressing down on the clitoris.

Tomorrow (or when I get to it)  Lesson 4: Male Anatomy: The Goods

Today is sunday, and I was planning lesson 3 for today, however, something came up.

I went to Oscoda to meet with a client.  Since it was going to be a day trip, I brought the old lady and 2 of the youngin’s with me.  After the meeting, we went to the pier in Tawas, and then went shopping in town.  

As I was walking through the stores, I kept looking up from the shelves and racks and seeing this pretty lady, and then "Oh, she’s with me".  that’s right, my old lady (who, BTW, reads my blogs)  She is not with us here on bodyspace, but she has undergone a transformation.  I won’t give you her numbers and measurements, but suffice to say, she’s almost there… just a few lbs to go.

I was at Sam’s Club the other day, and walking back to the register, I saw a red top on a rack, I thought that looks sexy.   Went over to it, it is not exactly quality, well, actually it cannot be expected to go beyond 12 washes, but it was $12.  So I grabbed a medium and brought it home.  

Let me say, it makes the old lady real hot.  That’s what she was wearing yeasterday, with black jeans and of course the wrong shoes for walking on the beach (she always has the wrong shoes for walking on the beach or hiking), but she’s hot, so it’s forgivable.

So, who’s that pretty lady?  It’s my wife, keep your hands off, I carry a gun!

I just got home and decided to check my e-mail.  while on Yahoo, I speid this article:

How to make you partner better in bed.

By Dr. Laura Berman

I can’t believe what a collassal idiot this woman is.  Here is an exerpt:

• Sizzle, don’t fizzle: The first step is to discover why you and your partner aren’t meshing in the bedroom. Does he skimp on foreplay? Is she passive and bored during the act? These are delicate topics, but rest assured, they can be addressed. Do so with respect and delicacy. Try couching your complaint inside a compliment, such as “I have been thinking about us making love all day. Let’s enjoy foreplay before we rush into it.” Or, “I love when you are vocal about your pleasure during sex. It really turns me on.” Most couples want to please each other in the bedroom, so once they hear what really turns you on, you won’t need to tell them twice!
• Bring your “A” game: Unfortunately, when people feel as though their partner is disinterested or disengaged from sex, they too will begin to disengage and lose interest. However, once this occurs, the sex life is doomed to failure! If you want your partner to be a pro in the bedroom, you need to become a pro too. Initiate a new position, confess a fantasy, and indulge in a little erotica together. If you want to turn up the temperature in your sex life, you need to be the one who brings the heat!
• Let go of perfection: Most of us have received our sexual expectations from the media. Whether it is Cosmopolitan, romantic comedies, or adult flicks, we all have certain expectations about what “should” happen in the bedroom. Unfortunately, the media is rarely realistic when it comes to sex. Sex can’t always involve hours of foreplay, champagne, and silk sheets. Sometimes it has to happen first thing in the morning while the kids are still in bed, sometimes it has to happen when the house is messy and your legs aren’t shaved, etc. Whatever the case, it is time to ditch the perfect image of what we believe sex “should” be. Once you lose the shackles of expectations, you can begin creating your own version of your perfect sex life!

Check out the last paragraph.  Actually check out the first 2 paragraphs.  There isn’t even any real advice.  Paragraph 1, don’t complain, beat around the bush.  Duh!  That’s exaclty what I want to do - BEAT around the BUSH.  Paragraph 2, if your partner is not going to be good at sex, at least you should be.  what an idiot!  If you partner is not going to be good at sex, my advice, hump and dump.  Get one last one and the hit the highway with a, "Thanks for nothin’ glad you wasted my time."

Now check out paragraph 3.  Simply lower your expectations.  Yeah that’s good advice.  "Honey, it’s ok if you are the most boring lover ever, why don’t we just not have sex?  Tomorrow I’ll go find someone who is good at it, and you can just fade away."  Duh!

 Ladies, I am begging you, obey TDetroits first rule of better sex.  Never take advice from a woman on how to have better sex.  What a wast eo f time. 

Sheeesh, I am in the wrong business.  I can’t believe this Barbie Doll got paid for that.

My calendar is book for the day.  I’ll have to update you on female anatomy tomorrow.

In the mean time enjoy the muzack of Zeppelin, and remember, if it isn’t Zeppelin,

IT’S CRAP

So until next time,  like Chuck Berry says, "Get your own dingaling!"

Continuation of our lessons!

 Today is female anatomy: general.

 General means today is not the discussion of female sexual organs, but the body in general, and how it differs from the male body when it comes to mind blowing sex.  If you recall, the way to turn on a woman and get her in the mood is through a ritual of male slavery culminating in satifactory sex (due to the fact that women don’t know jack about mind blowing sex), and the way to turn on a man is for a woman to wear knee pads.

Today we will discuss the actual preferential differences between men and women.  To start with, women are tender and they know it.  Women like caressing, stroking of the hair and other tender attentions.  Public displays of affection are a turn on for a woman, although women are disgusted by couples who play tonsil hockey in public.  Women want a man who is willing to say "I love you" right in front of other prospective women (for him), women who are their competition.  So, holding hands, arm around shoulder, arm around waste, hand in her back pocket or under her belt line (one of my favs), things like that.  Simple gentle touches that say this man is taken by this woman.

These tender touches are best if the man is quiet.  It is embarrassing for a woman to have her man speak in public.  Social scientists have found that 85% of women believe they are smarter than men.  This came from a test where they were observing conversations for other signals.  They found that men nod their head up and down to agree, but women nod their head up and down before the conversation even starts.  They said WTF.  So they asked some light probing questions and tried to gain an understanding of this phenomenon.  After-all, what are they agreeing to before the conversation even starts.  As they asked the questions of the participants, a trend started to show up, so they asked some more pointed questions.  Finally came the answer.  When women talk to men, they begin the converstion by nodding approval of the conversation, they are giving the men permission to talk.

Now we know the way to win someone over is to stroke their ego. Taking into to account the above information, it is clear that the way turn on a woman is to submit to her superiority.

Oh, if the women only knew the truth.

Now to contrast.  Men do not under any circumstances like light touching.  If you are going to put a hand on us, put it ON us.  No light stroking.  The only rubbing you should do should be with intent to stimulate roughly.  We like massages (yes Puddin’ massages - good career choice on your part), we like your hand on our leg (just there, no light stroking, if you wish to move it up, by all means do so, just do it with intent). 

 When men get goose bumps, we ball up our fist and get ready, so ladies, it would be preferable to not give us goose bumps.  Men are to be grabbed and groped, not feather touched (unless we are tied up, then the urge to fight and not being able to is sheer torture, I hear some of you ladies like to torture us men, that’s how you do it).

So to sum up.  Females are tender and should be touched gently.  Males are lumpy mounds of flesh, and should be touched with full contact.

Next time on Mind Blowing Sex, we wil discuss Female Anatomy: The Goods

T

Oreo and Fudge Cheesecake

Enough said!

Continued from last nights rant.

Today we will be learning about the psychological differences between men and women.  Clearly we do not think alike.  Men are logical and directional, women are…. well, let’s just say that my greatest fear is that one day I will understand women.

Let’s begin with the finale, the orgasm.  For women, orgasms are 70% mental, and 30% physical.  For men, orgasm are 5% mental, 90% physical, and 5% related to being awake (not always a requirement, but helpful)

Given the circumstances, it is easy to understand why men find it so easy to have sex.  To get a woman in the mood, a man has to submit to slavery for an entire day.  He must begin by making breakfast in bed, thenlay out her towel for her shower, etc. right up to the candlelit bedroom and massage for even trying to make a move on her.

Where it all breaks down, is when women think men get in the mood by the same process.  Can you imagine a man getting in the mood because a woman lit a bunch of nasty smelling candles.
Bwahahahahahahahahahaha,  Bwahahahahahahahahahaha,  Bwahahahahahahahahahaha,  Bwahahahahahahahahahaha, Bwahahahahahahahahahaha,  Bwahahahahahahahahahaha,  Bwahahahahahahahahahaha,  Bwahahahahahahahahahaha.

I need air

OK

Bwahahahahahahahahahaha,  Bwahahahahahahahahahaha,  Bwahahahahahahahahahaha,  Bwahahahahahahahahahaha, Bwahahahahahahahahahaha,  Bwahahahahahahahahahaha,  Bwahahahahahahahahahaha,  Bwahahahahahahahahahaha.

Why would women think this?  It is afterall the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.  We have a name for men who are only turned on by this - women!

All a man needs to get in the mood is a woman wearing knee pads.

Ergo, lesson 1, what women need to know about getting a man in the mood, don’t waste your time, we are always in the mood.

Forget what your magazines are saying ladies.  TDetroit is giving you the straight on this.  Just invest in knee pads.  You can buy them at Home Depot or Lowes in the flooring section.  These are quality pads.  Real leather, adjustable straps, with a good bend around the knee.  Tile men use them for when they are on thier knees setting tile.

Tomorrow’s lesson 2:  Anatomy of a woman, general.

The one where I am expected to bring something home from the grocery store.

 The last time we did this, I was asked to bring home fabric softener that smells good.  so I went to Sam’s Club.  At the aisle with the fabric softener, I so 2 shelving units.  the unit on the right had various fabric softeners priced between $9 and $10.  The unit on the left had various softeners priced between $6 and $7.  So I bought the least expensive softener on the left shelving unit.  Ask any man, that’s the one the smells the best.  Free would smell better.

 Besides, what does fabric softener do?  Afterall, is not the fabric made of fabric?  Then doesn’t it start out soft?  Why soften it more?  I am very confused by this process.

Anyway, I got the call.  Cream cheese.  Now the dilemma.  Philadelphia or Kroger brand.  Intuitively, I know the right choice is Philly, but the Kroger is 20 cents less expensive, and I swear I cannot tell the difference.  To make a long story short, I did not get in trouble this time.

While I was there however, I saw a magazine on the rack near the check out.  One of those woman’s magazines.  Beauty tips, excercise tips, how to cover big butts with the right clothes (because men are stupid and can’t tell that you butt is too big if you wear the right clothes- bwahahahahahaha)…

Article:  How to have mind blowing sex.

 Now men don’t laugh.  My wife has had some of these mags laying around the house before.  I’ve read those articles (out of curiousity), and one thing comes out clear about those articles:

Women

Do

Not

Know

Jack

About

Mind blowing sex.

Hell, women do not know jack about satisfactory sex.

So I have decided, I will fix this.  Look for me to blog the appropriate manner for women to engage in mind blowing sex.  Complete with anatomical facts and descriptions, and including everything we bodybuilders know to be true, but the rest of the world seems to deny.

We will divide the categories into 3:

 Male dominant (missionary and variants)

Anterior (think dogs)

Female dominant (think man is lazy)

That’s enough for today.  The lessons hopefully will begin this week - assuming I have time.  Tell your friends, this is where to get the low down on the low down.  Even Maddi can learn from this lesson.

I knew that these would be more difficult, but I guess I was just not prepared.  The weight is totally shifted.  The tris still get theri workout, the the forearms change.  It used to be the upper forearms, now it is more in the wrists.  I even have some sore spots in the hands.

 I am happy about this, because it means I will grow some mass in my wrists, and my wrists will start to look good.  Something to build upon.  Simply increase the mass, until I get popeye wrists.  Add that to my upper arms, and and you get great arms.  Then I can realy work the chest and back.  When the arms can lift the weight, you can really rip the upper body.

I’ve also been hitting the DBs at home really hard.  Lunges, curls, pleit squats etc.  I like this one too, go into a lunge position, anyone will do, and then do DB rows.  With the legs in that position, you really tear up the total body, because everything is brought to bear to be able to do the excercise.  There is stability issues, the leg lunges, the free weight rows require the core and back and even the chest to get into the action, and finally don’t forget the arms. 

 Last thing.  My howling father’s day present thinks pushup time is play time.  So while I am trying to workout, she is trying to nip my arms and wrestle.  Sometimes she just gets lovey, and tries to nibble on my ears.  NOw try this excercies.  Go into a pushup, but at the top, push a 50 lb dog out of the way and then do one more and at the top repeat.  What a great workout.