SweetNightshade’s BodyBlog

I did some arnolds last night before bed and woke up feeling my biceps and pecs. I’ve been reading a lot about mindfulness in my efforts to improve my mood, and physical mindfulness feels just as rewarding. Being aware of my muscles when I stretch at the office, feeling my legs burn when I walk up the stairs to my apartment - it reminds me that I did a good job yesterday; it reminds me that I’m alive.

To keep up the momentum, I’m going on a little fitness shopping spree after work. I need supplements, an exercise ball to replace my desk chair, a yoga dvd for cool-down, and a cute new workout outfit for my progress pics at the end of each month, starting in August. Getting back to recording everything also helps me keep focused. I can see where I need to focus (water, lighter snacks) and where I’m doing well (breakfast, weights). I don’t intend to let myself fall back in a slump again, so I’ve made a promise to myself to post here every day, even if it’s just my log. I need to keep myself surrounded by positive people. If you guys can get ripped, with jobs and families and obligations, so can I!

Exercise: Quick weight regimen, upper-body focus.
Liquid: 3 cups.
B: Steel-cut oats w/honey, cinnamon, and soy milk.
S: PB
L: 2 soy patties w/bbq sauce, carrots.
S: PB
D: Veggie & cheese panini, broccoli slaw, small cupcake.

I’ve decided that I need a major check-in with myself. I’m going back to basics and will be keeping a calorie/nutrient content log of every thing I put in my mouth. I’m using the food tracker over at SparkPeople.com, so I probably won’t be posting my logs here anymore, but I’ll still be checking in. I’ve never received more support and positive attention on any health site than I get here at BB; I don’t intend to abandon you guys. (Which, by the way, I’m eternally thankful for.)
I’m also working on getting mini-workouts in throughout the day: weights while I watch TV, invisible jump-rope while I wait for my oatmeal to cook, etc. All of that will go into a Spark log as well.

I think that if I can focus on making small changes and being completely honest with myself, I can start seeing some serious changes again and get past my plateau.

During my depression I took a good long look at why I was depressed. Truth is, I wasn’t happy with my life. All my focus was going towards school and work and I simply wasn’t feeling fulfilled. So, I had to acknowledge that I have responsibility for my life and change everything that is in my power to control. It only makes sense that the way I approach exercise changes along with my new methods.

When I was little, I would come home from school and explore the military base on my bike for three hours straight, every day. I was a stick. I just took my first bike ride in years, and it lasted 15 minutes. At first, it was a bit of a shock to me. I wondered if the bike chains were sticky. I was checking gauges and tires. Then I slowly started to become aware of everything that is involved in a true bike ride. I can last for an hour, more if I push it, on a stationary bike. But a stationary bike doesn’t require balance. It doesn’t give you wind or hills to work against. It doesn’t need much momentum to get started either. The stationary might make me sweat buckets, but it doesn’t make my lungs whistle.

This put everything into a very real focus for me. I feel that using my exercise time to count calories burned is, right now, a misuse of my energies. I am instead choosing to focus on the big picture - my overall health. If I ride my bike every day, the toned body will come along as a natural side-effect. So, with that said, I am officially changing my end-of-March goal from an inches goal to an endurance goal.

By the end of March, I want to be capable of riding my bike for a full 45 minutes without getting winded.

I want to thank everyone for all the support. I’ve been talking a lot with my father, journaling, and reevaluating my goals. I’m happy to say that I worked out yesterday: 30 minutes on the bike in the morning and a bunch of strength exercises during evening television. I’ve also been switching to eating more whole, healthy foods, but my appetite is still a little off. Nevertheless, it’s progress.

I’ll keep you all updated.

I’m starting to get really frustrated here. There are certain kinds of sicknesses that you can still workout with. I just happen to have extremely plugged ears. Doing exercise while the room feels like it’s spinning is not only difficult, but just seems a tad dangerous. My appetite has also been kind of wonky. My normally small meals have now been very small meals.

On the upside, I think I’ve finally conquered the compulsive/boredom aspects of my struggle with dieting. I have a better grip on "kind of have the munchies" vs. "I should eat now." And the way I’ve been warding off the munchies feels like a double win. Simply put, I keep myself busy. It keeps me more productive, which is good, since school just started back up. Plus, I have much less "wasted" down time as it’s forced me to allow myself to do fun stuff instead of using stress as an excuse to just stare at the TV. I’ve downed two books in the past two days, for example.

Now if I could just get over this cold.

B: Protein Shake
S: Apple w/PB
L: Odowalla Bar
S: Apple w/PB
D: Cereal
S: Apple w/PB
Exercise: None

So, I survived the holidays. I didn’t lose any weight, but I successfully maintained. I have the exact same measurements as my last progress pictures.

I figure I’m at my healthy weight as long as I stay around 140 lbs, +/-2. So for C6 I’m focusing less on lbs and more on inches, mainly my hips. I’ve seen healthy measurements for my size be anywhere from 33.5"-36" and I’m currently at 38.5". I have somewhat larger hip bones, so I don’t expect to get to 33.5", but as long as I end up within that range at the end of C6 I’ll be calling it a success. It’ll be easier to start seeing progress once this cold goes away and stops cutting my workouts short.

B: Protein Shake
S: Apple w/PB
L: Odowalla Bar, Apple
S: Apple w/PB
D: Mexican Chicken & Beans, Grapes
Exercise: 30min. Power Shred Level 3

B: Protein Shake
S: Apple w/PB
L: Odowalla Bar
S: Apple w/PB
D: Pot Roast & Potato over Rice, Grapes
Exercise: 10min. Power Shred Level 3

Or: WOOHOO CHEMICALS.

The Unisom/5 Hour regimen is going wonderful. I take half the 5 Hour in the morning, and the other half around 2 or 3. It doesn’t make me feel jittery or anything, just very very awake. And it’s amazing how much I’m actually capable of when I’m awake. Not only do I feel more effective in my workouts, but I have the energy to get so much more done creatively. In my spare time on the bus and in-between classes this morning, I got out 3 pages of prose and a solid sense of direction on a new project. I’ve also been able to relax and read more. I’ve always known I’ve had a problem with fatigue, but till now I never knew how much it was holding me back. I don’t want to rely on energy drinks post-finals, so I need to figure out what my body needs to have high energy levels naturally. That’s easier said than done, however, as it’s a problem I’ve had for years. So any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
B: Protein Shake
S: Protein Snack Bar
L: Protein Meal Bar
S: Sugar Free Pudding Cup, Handful of Mini Wheats
D: Chicken, Yam, Carrots
S: Banana w/PB
Liquid: Less than a gallon.
Exercise: 30min. Power Shred 2

But I’m better now.

I had a not-so-minor meltdown over the weekend. I have my last week of classes this week and then finals next week, and you’d think that the homestretch would be comforting, but I couldn’t for the life of me see how I was going to get through it. I’ve been working my butt off at school and, academically, it has been paying off. Yesterday was my induction ceremony into the Golden Key International Honor Society. But I was so effing exhausted that I had trouble mustering up the energy to care. Anytime I was around sweets this weekend - and I was, a lot - I couldn’t help but stuff myself with sugar. There was a lot of coffee involved too. It took me a couple days to realize what was going on: it wasn’t simply a matter of willpower, but a matter of survival. My body was desperately reaching out for anything that would boost it. I broke down crying for half an hour yesterday because my body was teetering on the edge of functionability. After 50 billion M&Ms and a cappuccino last night the zombie-like haze lifted and I could think clear enough to realize all this. So I nixed my earlier plan to take a break from workouts and diets till school was over and decided to become chemically dependent instead - just joking (hopefully). I took an OTC sleeping pill last night, and it gave me some solid rest without waking groggily. For the daytime, I bought a six-pack of 5 Hour Energy so I can slam one around siesta-time each afternoon. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this’ll work.

Time to go workout.

I’ve been learning to judge when I need a rest from my body’s signals. There’s a definite difference between the kick-butt workout sore, and the all-encompassing, pervasive sore. When I start to feel that second one in my muscles, I take a day or two off, which is what I’ve just done. I’d rather rest a day or two then end up with some gnarly injuries.

Going back to the workout tomorrow morning. Planning to flush the fluids all weekend.
B: Protein Shake
S: Protein Snack Bar, Sugar Free Pudding Cup
L: Protein Meal Bar, Milk
S: Apple w/PB
D: BBQ Antelope Sausage, Broccoli & Carrots, Sugar Free Pudding Cup
S: Apple w/PB
Liquid: 1/2 Gallon
Exercise: 30min. Power Shred 2

B: Protein Shake
S: Protein Snack Bar, Sugar Free Pudding Cup
L: Protein Meal Bar
S: Banana w/PB
D: Jerk Chicken, Cauliflower, Yam, Sugar Free Pudding Cup
S: PB
Liquid: 1/2 Gallon
Exercise: Rest Day

As my last class ended yesterday I was exhausted. I told myself that I had to get some energy or else I wouldn’t be able to workout. I thought of coffee - then I thought of my budget. I told myself I’d wait to see how I felt when I got home. The whole ride home I was thinking of excuses, like, maybe my brother won’t want to give the tv up. I asked him anyways, and he said to give him a few minutes. I was pretty famished, so I had a snack, telling myself the whole time that I’m supposed to workout on an empty stomach. Then more people got home, and the living room was pretty packed. I had just about as many excuses to skip the workout as I could’ve wanted.

But I did it anyways.

And then I had an asthma attack. But that’s besides the point.

Ian watched my whole routine and told me how impressed he was, and said my workout is pretty hardcore. I was beaming. I also got to try out a new healthy recipe: Chicken Chowder. I loved it, because it tasted so much like my mom’s cheesy potato and ham soup, but much better for me. I felt like, despite yesterday’s setbacks, the day was a great victory for my willpower.
B: Protein Shake
S: Protein Snack Bar
L: Protein Meal Bar, Apple
S: Banana w/PB
D: Chicken Chowder, Wheat Bread Slice, Apple
S: Sugar Free Pudding
Liquid: 1/2 Gallon
Exercise: 30min. Power Shred 2