SweetNightshade’s BodyBlog

And every muscle in my body was sore when I woke up. It’s good though; it means that I’m pushing myself for my body to change itself. Had to take a major dose of Advil to do it again today, but I’m sure that’ll change with time. Just need to keep up with it and give my body time to adapt. Also went to a party last night. Everyone was drunk and there was a lot of free alcohol. I didn’t have any though. I just kept thinking, "How would that affect my muscle development and my ability to workout tomorrow?" My body is so much more important than booze.
Exercise: Power Shred Lvl. 1
Liquid: 5 cups
B: Oat bran w/cinnamon, honey, soy milk
S: PB
L: BBQ veggies & couscous
S: Skinny cow
D: Soy patty w/bbq sauce & couscous
S: PB & honey sandwhich

As I’m sure you can tell from my food log, yesterday was grocery shopping day. It was also the first rest day I’ve had in a while. I was actually itching to workout, but the soreness in my muscles hasn’t eased up and I figure I need to ease back into my routine. If I pull a muscle, I’ll be resting much longer than one day. It feels good to be craving it again, though.
Exercise: Rest day
Liquid: 5 cups
B: Raisin Bran
S: PB
L: Raisin Bran
S: Raisin Bran
D: 2 soy patties & BBQ sauce
S: Skinny cow

Those of you who’ve been reading my blog for a while know that report deadlines and I don’t get along. I usually end up staying up late jacked up on coffee, eating horribly all night and the next day, not to mention skipping workouts to get my work done. I’m happy to report that that was not the case last night! I was up semi-late, but not ridiculously so, and I snacked on fruits and veggies when I got hungry. Plus, I got my workout in, even though it was 1:30am when I finished working. Now that my internship is over, I can set my own schedule (I work from home) and can start upping my workouts. I’m feeling pumped.

Exercise: Abs
Liquid: 5 cups
B: Raisin Bran
S: PB
L: Steel-cut oats w/honey, cinnamon, soy milk
S: Smart pop
D: Alfredo pasta, cake
S: Fruits, veggies

So, since I’ve gone back to tracking my food, I’ve noticed how many sweets there are to pull me off track. You wouldn’t know it, but I don’t even buy myself baked goods. It just seems that everywhere I go this summer, someone has cupcakes, brownies, or a whole freakin’ cake. Sometimes it’s for birthdays or barbecues, sometimes it’s for no reason at all. It’s difficult to turn them down when I’m offered them nearly every day. On the other hand, knowing that they’re available pretty much every day, I don’t feel as desperate to take one when it’s offered.

Exercise: Arms
Liquid: 6 cups
B: Steel cut oats w/cinnamon, honey, soy milk
S: PB
L: Pasta & veggies in olive oil
S: Raisin bran
D: Black bean soup, cake

Yesterday was a good day. I went out to eat with a bunch of friends at Red Robin’s. They have endless fries, so if anyone in the group orders fries, they bring out several baskets for the table. I didn’t have a single one. What’s more, I ordered my veggie burger without a bun and without sauce. It was a proud moment; my lifting goals are once more a higher priority than what might be tastiest. 
Exercise: Legs
Liquid: 5 cups
B: Steel-cut oats w/honey, cinnamon, soy milk
S: PB
L: Pasta salad
S: PB
D: Lettuce-wrapped veggie burger, melon, fruit smoothie

Yesterday was a bad day for nutrition and a good day for working out. I went to a barbecue AND a friend’s birthday party. Knowing that I had to report back to you all kept me from the Doritos, pretzels, potato chips, and soda. But I did end up indulging in some sweets. At least you guys kept me behaving better than I might have otherwise. I’m excited about my workout yesterday though, because I had very little free time and yet I squeezed it in anyways, between events nonetheless. What’s more exciting is that I squeezed it in because I WANTED to, not because I felt I had to. I feel like I’m starting to get back on track, even if it is a slow process. Today I’ll be focusing on getting the nutrition back on track and continuing to up my liquid intake.

Exercise: Ab work
Liquid: 7 cups (so close!)
B: Steel-cut oats w/honey, cinnamon, & soy milk
S: Potato
L: 2 soy patties w/BBQ sauce, apple
S: Cookies
D: Pasta & green beans in olive oil, slice of bread
S: Cupcakes

I bought a little black dress yesterday while I was out - size 5. It’s a great reminder of how far I’ve come. When I was in middle school, I was a size 16. Besides, since I’m trying to focus on toning up my limbs, I decided I needed something to show them off when I reach my goal. It’s all about keeping up the motivation.
Exercise: Quick weight set, lower-body focus
Liquid: 4 cups (I’m going to get 8 today!)
B: Steel cut oats w/honey, cinnamon, & soy milk.
S: PB
L: 2 soy patties w/BBQ sauce, bell peppers, & onions.
S: PB
D: Spaghetti
S: PB (up late, needed more food)

I did some arnolds last night before bed and woke up feeling my biceps and pecs. I’ve been reading a lot about mindfulness in my efforts to improve my mood, and physical mindfulness feels just as rewarding. Being aware of my muscles when I stretch at the office, feeling my legs burn when I walk up the stairs to my apartment - it reminds me that I did a good job yesterday; it reminds me that I’m alive.

To keep up the momentum, I’m going on a little fitness shopping spree after work. I need supplements, an exercise ball to replace my desk chair, a yoga dvd for cool-down, and a cute new workout outfit for my progress pics at the end of each month, starting in August. Getting back to recording everything also helps me keep focused. I can see where I need to focus (water, lighter snacks) and where I’m doing well (breakfast, weights). I don’t intend to let myself fall back in a slump again, so I’ve made a promise to myself to post here every day, even if it’s just my log. I need to keep myself surrounded by positive people. If you guys can get ripped, with jobs and families and obligations, so can I!

Exercise: Quick weight regimen, upper-body focus.
Liquid: 3 cups.
B: Steel-cut oats w/honey, cinnamon, and soy milk.
S: PB
L: 2 soy patties w/bbq sauce, carrots.
S: PB
D: Veggie & cheese panini, broccoli slaw, small cupcake.

I know many of you are probably wondering where I went. Shortly after my last post, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. The months since then have been hellish and embarrassing. I feel guilt and shame for being depressed, which in turn makes me more depressed. Working out, something I used to love to do, has become a chore. I am on medication that permeates every day with fatigue. I have finally found a therapist I like and a system I trust (The Depression Cure). The science behind it is comforting, as I’m sure all you supplement-addicts can understand, and it utilizes exercise. I seem to have the tools, but I still feel utterly in the dark.

I’m not ashamed to admit this to you. You have been here for me through plateaus and binges. You have seen me struggle with my greatest weaknesses, known me as a human being, and responded with love. You look up to me, call me inspirational, call me beautiful. You amaze me, and I’m asking for your help yet again.

Any support or advice will be cherished. Tell me how you get pumped, get angry, refuse to let life crush you. Tell me how you laugh at obstacles, lift them over your head rather than go around them like non-lifters. Tell me how you feel passionate and confident again. Tell me how you know you can do it.

I couldn’t possibly name every person on here who has supported me. You all make me smile every time I read a comment from you. You all make an impact on my life. But I’d like to say a special thank you to vmvbwozniak for nominating me as inspirational. You manage to make me feel strong in my weakest moments.

Thank you.