SweetNightshade’s BodyBlog

I want to thank everyone for all the support. I’ve been talking a lot with my father, journaling, and reevaluating my goals. I’m happy to say that I worked out yesterday: 30 minutes on the bike in the morning and a bunch of strength exercises during evening television. I’ve also been switching to eating more whole, healthy foods, but my appetite is still a little off. Nevertheless, it’s progress.

I’ll keep you all updated.

To say that the past month has been stressful in the family department is an understatement. I’ve long known that this lingering, awful cold is from all the stress breaking my immune system down. What I haven’t been facing is where some of the other ’symptoms’ are coming from. I’ve been sleeping an excessive amount. It takes me an hour to get out of bed in the morning. I feel ugly when I look in the mirror. I have no motivation to workout, much less do other things. My appetite ranges from being non-existent for 24 hours, to forming random binge urges (both I’ve which I’ve been keeping under control, thankfully.) Sometimes I just feel like crying for no reason. These things all get better when I’m not secluded at home. I have to face it. I’m lonely. But not just lonely, depressed. And it’s screwing with my training.

I’m going to the college counselors this week, because though I feel like crap right now, I have enough clarity of mind to not let this become a permanent thing. I’ll still reach my goals, this is just a small setback. I’m sure I’ll have weights in my hands again in a week or so. I just have to keep feeding myself as much positive thinking as I can manage.

I’m starting to get really frustrated here. There are certain kinds of sicknesses that you can still workout with. I just happen to have extremely plugged ears. Doing exercise while the room feels like it’s spinning is not only difficult, but just seems a tad dangerous. My appetite has also been kind of wonky. My normally small meals have now been very small meals.

On the upside, I think I’ve finally conquered the compulsive/boredom aspects of my struggle with dieting. I have a better grip on "kind of have the munchies" vs. "I should eat now." And the way I’ve been warding off the munchies feels like a double win. Simply put, I keep myself busy. It keeps me more productive, which is good, since school just started back up. Plus, I have much less "wasted" down time as it’s forced me to allow myself to do fun stuff instead of using stress as an excuse to just stare at the TV. I’ve downed two books in the past two days, for example.

Now if I could just get over this cold.

B: Protein Shake
S: Apple w/PB
L: Odowalla Bar
S: Apple w/PB
D: Cereal
S: Apple w/PB
Exercise: None

So, I survived the holidays. I didn’t lose any weight, but I successfully maintained. I have the exact same measurements as my last progress pictures.

I figure I’m at my healthy weight as long as I stay around 140 lbs, +/-2. So for C6 I’m focusing less on lbs and more on inches, mainly my hips. I’ve seen healthy measurements for my size be anywhere from 33.5"-36" and I’m currently at 38.5". I have somewhat larger hip bones, so I don’t expect to get to 33.5", but as long as I end up within that range at the end of C6 I’ll be calling it a success. It’ll be easier to start seeing progress once this cold goes away and stops cutting my workouts short.

B: Protein Shake
S: Apple w/PB
L: Odowalla Bar, Apple
S: Apple w/PB
D: Mexican Chicken & Beans, Grapes
Exercise: 30min. Power Shred Level 3

B: Protein Shake
S: Apple w/PB
L: Odowalla Bar
S: Apple w/PB
D: Pot Roast & Potato over Rice, Grapes
Exercise: 10min. Power Shred Level 3