SweetNightshade’s BodyBlog

I’m impressed with how little time it took for my definition to start returning. About three weeks ago I couldn’t see a single peak, and now I’m starting to get a nice curve in my biceps and calves. It’s nothing like what it used to be, but it’s encouraging to see it coming back.
My strength’s increasing pretty fast, too. My left arm was pretty weak compared to my right, and it’s already catching up.  With all this progress, I’m hoping that by the end of the year I’m back to something I can reasonably call a body builder’s body.
What are your end of the year goals?

On Thursday, my workout partner (an ex-football player standing at 6′9", over 300 lbs.) went to his first yoga class with me. He joked a lot before hand, about the noises he’d make, the number of times he’d fall, but he went and he gave it all he got. At the end, the instructor even told him how surprised she was at his starting flexibility.

He’s a big man. That makes him a great partner to have at the weights. He knows what he’s doing, and by god, he pushes me hard. When I’m reaching a point where I’m not sure I can do another rep, he steps in and helps guide the weight up, encouraging me to make it through to the end. In turn, he lets me take my turn as gym Hitler when we reach the mats. If he’s cramping, he does the yoga poses I tell him to, and the muscles release. He’s even stopped complaining about doing plank pose and told me to up the timer on the hold. And now he’s gone to a full-blown yoga class with me. I was so proud of him. It’s great for his flexibility and balance, which translates to better safety when lifting, and when it was over he said he could totally see the benefits.

Men and women don’t tend to work out together too much, but I think it should be done more. Our bodies are inherently different, and it’s a special kind of cross training to let your partner broaden your routine into something traditionally used by the opposite sex. I’m convinced that we’ll both be in better shape, more wholly cultivated, for it.

How do you take advantage of a partner situation? Do you push each other to try new things, or do you both enjoy the same routine?

I look forward to hearing your answers!

~MJ

I entered feeling totally crabby. I skipped all weekend because I had work to do - which I didn’t get done, because I felt totally crabby. Exercise isn’t just something I do to get sexy, it’s also part of my depression treatment, and it was a stupid idea to skip any of it for any reason. I won’t be doing that again.

The good news is, about ten minutes into the lifting routine, I was feeling pretty damn awesome. Not to mention, I ate clean all day. I’m announcing this the first in a new series of successes.

I’m at 36"-28"-40" right now. My goal is 36"-26"-36". I can totally reach that by my wedding next October. I will be one kick-ass bride. Of course, I wouldn’t complain if I reached it a bit early.

Here’s to momentum!
~MJ

I’m bad. I let H1N1 totally knock me off track, and then I just never got back on. The past three months were spent in a very unhealthy home situation, where I felt of no value to anyone and couldn’t see the point in maintaining a nice body. I wallowed in my worthlessness and gained back a little over ten pounds. I still feel pretty disgusted when I look in the mirror, but it’s time to move on. These things happen.

I still don’t really feel that anyone cares about how I look, but I need to care about how I look. I need to put my opinions first and place worth on myself. And if I want my modeling career to extend past the two photo shoots I’ve already had, then I need to get a grip. There are some very charming plus-sized models, but that’s not what I want to be.

Luckily, I have some local support this time around. My best friend is in a similar situation. He’s been dealing with a crappy home life for quite a while and wants to get back down to his football weight. Plus he has a new girlfriend to impress, which always helps. We’ll be doing lifting together MWF, I’ve got an hour of yoga scheduled on both Sun/Sat, and I need to find something fun and athletic to do on R. T is my rest day, since I have classes from rise to rest.

I know what works for me. I know that I need to track my calories and post in my blog. I know that my biggest obstacle is finding a sense of self-worth. I have amazing things going with my career right now (working on a novel, had a play produced last week, in talks about a short film), but there’s nothing that can make me feel like a failure faster than my body. The scale goes up and I feel like I’m right back in middle school. But I really don’t have a choice. I have to do this. I have to try. Even if I feel it doesn’t make a difference. I need to be able to look at myself straight in the mirror again. I need to be able to love myself.

So, after the withdrawal period, I was healthy as a horse about a week. I was experimenting with veganism (been vegetarian since Februrary) and working out every day. Even got my endurance so I high that I walked to the bookstore 2.3 miles away, and back, in the middle of the day. My tolerance for heat, and my asthmatic lungs normally aren’t too happy about something like that. But I used to be super athletic and outdoorsy as a kid, and being able to do that made me feel amazing, like I’m making real progress. And then I went back to school. And now I think I have the flu. Now, I got a flu shot, my symptoms include stomach issues, H1N1 is going around campus, and yesterday a girl in class was coughing like crazy - right next to me. So my guess is it’s H1N1, which sucks. Not to mention, it’s Friday, so the doctor’s office is now closed and I’ll have to wait till Monday to get checked out. I’m sure you understand that I’m about ready to pull my hair out with all the health issues and set-backs. At least I’m steadily making progress in the endurance area, but all the interuptions are leaving me with little progress in the toning or weight-loss departments. It’s especially difficult for me not to feel inadequate when I have friends who work in warehouses and get beautiful bodies just by going to work. I’m not giving up, and I’m trying to focus on all the health benefits I’m reaping, but I want so much to be ripped. On the upside, at least my writing can be done from the bed. My first column hit the university paper today. I should be thrilled. I am thrilled. It’s just hard not to let so much sickness get me down. But that’s why I’m posting to you guys. I’m keeping myself accountable, even through all these issues. The moment I stop reporting to you guys, stop saying "one day soon, I’ll be able to hit the gym again," then I’ve given up. I might not be there now, but I’ll have my BB body some day.

Life just keeps throwing ‘em, but I’m still here.

I had a very severe and very rare reaction to the anti-depressants called "tardive dystonia." Physically, it’s like having seizures except you are conscious the entire time. Needless to say, I’ve started weaning myself off the meds. Now I’m dealing with withdrawal symptoms - nausea, lightheadedness, etc. - but hopefully they won’t last way too long. It’s been next to impossible for me to workout while going through this, but I’m refusing to let myself be beat by anything anymore. I’m just going to weather the storm, and then get right back to my routine when it’s over.

How do you guys make the most of sick time?

So, I kind of got sucked into the weekend. I was barely home, but I did my best to stay on track with nutrition. Working out was harder, though I did get to play some laser tag. I’ll be out of town again this weekend, and it would have been real easy for me to not post for quite some time, but I didn’t want to get that far off track again. Staying accountable to you guys keeps me going.

Exercise: Moving boxes, hanging heavy pictures
Liquid: 4 cups
B: Oat bran w/cinnamon, honey, soy milk
S: Peaches, PB
L: 2 soy patties w/BBQ sauce
S: Apples, PB
D: Pancake, soy & egg hash

And every muscle in my body was sore when I woke up. It’s good though; it means that I’m pushing myself for my body to change itself. Had to take a major dose of Advil to do it again today, but I’m sure that’ll change with time. Just need to keep up with it and give my body time to adapt. Also went to a party last night. Everyone was drunk and there was a lot of free alcohol. I didn’t have any though. I just kept thinking, "How would that affect my muscle development and my ability to workout tomorrow?" My body is so much more important than booze.
Exercise: Power Shred Lvl. 1
Liquid: 5 cups
B: Oat bran w/cinnamon, honey, soy milk
S: PB
L: BBQ veggies & couscous
S: Skinny cow
D: Soy patty w/bbq sauce & couscous
S: PB & honey sandwhich

As I’m sure you can tell from my food log, yesterday was grocery shopping day. It was also the first rest day I’ve had in a while. I was actually itching to workout, but the soreness in my muscles hasn’t eased up and I figure I need to ease back into my routine. If I pull a muscle, I’ll be resting much longer than one day. It feels good to be craving it again, though.
Exercise: Rest day
Liquid: 5 cups
B: Raisin Bran
S: PB
L: Raisin Bran
S: Raisin Bran
D: 2 soy patties & BBQ sauce
S: Skinny cow

Those of you who’ve been reading my blog for a while know that report deadlines and I don’t get along. I usually end up staying up late jacked up on coffee, eating horribly all night and the next day, not to mention skipping workouts to get my work done. I’m happy to report that that was not the case last night! I was up semi-late, but not ridiculously so, and I snacked on fruits and veggies when I got hungry. Plus, I got my workout in, even though it was 1:30am when I finished working. Now that my internship is over, I can set my own schedule (I work from home) and can start upping my workouts. I’m feeling pumped.

Exercise: Abs
Liquid: 5 cups
B: Raisin Bran
S: PB
L: Steel-cut oats w/honey, cinnamon, soy milk
S: Smart pop
D: Alfredo pasta, cake
S: Fruits, veggies