SweetNightshade’s BodyBlog

I’ve decided that I need a major check-in with myself. I’m going back to basics and will be keeping a calorie/nutrient content log of every thing I put in my mouth. I’m using the food tracker over at SparkPeople.com, so I probably won’t be posting my logs here anymore, but I’ll still be checking in. I’ve never received more support and positive attention on any health site than I get here at BB; I don’t intend to abandon you guys. (Which, by the way, I’m eternally thankful for.)
I’m also working on getting mini-workouts in throughout the day: weights while I watch TV, invisible jump-rope while I wait for my oatmeal to cook, etc. All of that will go into a Spark log as well.

I think that if I can focus on making small changes and being completely honest with myself, I can start seeing some serious changes again and get past my plateau.

Went for another ride yesteday, and I took my little brother with me. It was a great chance to reconnect to him. I’ll be moving out in August, so that’s real important to me. It’s also a chance for me to help him get in shape. Once my tire pressure was adjusted, it was a little easier for me, but definitely still a challenge, and I had to take some breaks (those hills are killers!). Chris on the other hand, well… kid has to build up his lung strength. We’re both asthmatics, so I think it’s even more important for us to fit in progressively harder cardio.

The best part though, was that it was the first time I’ve really had fun working out since I was a kid. I mean, don’t get me wrong. There’s a singular sort of victory one feels from pumping some major iron. But when I was out on the trail with my brother, I would have loved to continue for hours if I could.

If you aren’t having fun with your workout routine, switch it up! It makes it much easier, I promise.

During my depression I took a good long look at why I was depressed. Truth is, I wasn’t happy with my life. All my focus was going towards school and work and I simply wasn’t feeling fulfilled. So, I had to acknowledge that I have responsibility for my life and change everything that is in my power to control. It only makes sense that the way I approach exercise changes along with my new methods.

When I was little, I would come home from school and explore the military base on my bike for three hours straight, every day. I was a stick. I just took my first bike ride in years, and it lasted 15 minutes. At first, it was a bit of a shock to me. I wondered if the bike chains were sticky. I was checking gauges and tires. Then I slowly started to become aware of everything that is involved in a true bike ride. I can last for an hour, more if I push it, on a stationary bike. But a stationary bike doesn’t require balance. It doesn’t give you wind or hills to work against. It doesn’t need much momentum to get started either. The stationary might make me sweat buckets, but it doesn’t make my lungs whistle.

This put everything into a very real focus for me. I feel that using my exercise time to count calories burned is, right now, a misuse of my energies. I am instead choosing to focus on the big picture - my overall health. If I ride my bike every day, the toned body will come along as a natural side-effect. So, with that said, I am officially changing my end-of-March goal from an inches goal to an endurance goal.

By the end of March, I want to be capable of riding my bike for a full 45 minutes without getting winded.

I want to thank everyone for all the support. I’ve been talking a lot with my father, journaling, and reevaluating my goals. I’m happy to say that I worked out yesterday: 30 minutes on the bike in the morning and a bunch of strength exercises during evening television. I’ve also been switching to eating more whole, healthy foods, but my appetite is still a little off. Nevertheless, it’s progress.

I’ll keep you all updated.

To say that the past month has been stressful in the family department is an understatement. I’ve long known that this lingering, awful cold is from all the stress breaking my immune system down. What I haven’t been facing is where some of the other ’symptoms’ are coming from. I’ve been sleeping an excessive amount. It takes me an hour to get out of bed in the morning. I feel ugly when I look in the mirror. I have no motivation to workout, much less do other things. My appetite ranges from being non-existent for 24 hours, to forming random binge urges (both I’ve which I’ve been keeping under control, thankfully.) Sometimes I just feel like crying for no reason. These things all get better when I’m not secluded at home. I have to face it. I’m lonely. But not just lonely, depressed. And it’s screwing with my training.

I’m going to the college counselors this week, because though I feel like crap right now, I have enough clarity of mind to not let this become a permanent thing. I’ll still reach my goals, this is just a small setback. I’m sure I’ll have weights in my hands again in a week or so. I just have to keep feeding myself as much positive thinking as I can manage.

I’m starting to get really frustrated here. There are certain kinds of sicknesses that you can still workout with. I just happen to have extremely plugged ears. Doing exercise while the room feels like it’s spinning is not only difficult, but just seems a tad dangerous. My appetite has also been kind of wonky. My normally small meals have now been very small meals.

On the upside, I think I’ve finally conquered the compulsive/boredom aspects of my struggle with dieting. I have a better grip on "kind of have the munchies" vs. "I should eat now." And the way I’ve been warding off the munchies feels like a double win. Simply put, I keep myself busy. It keeps me more productive, which is good, since school just started back up. Plus, I have much less "wasted" down time as it’s forced me to allow myself to do fun stuff instead of using stress as an excuse to just stare at the TV. I’ve downed two books in the past two days, for example.

Now if I could just get over this cold.

B: Protein Shake
S: Apple w/PB
L: Odowalla Bar
S: Apple w/PB
D: Cereal
S: Apple w/PB
Exercise: None

So, I survived the holidays. I didn’t lose any weight, but I successfully maintained. I have the exact same measurements as my last progress pictures.

I figure I’m at my healthy weight as long as I stay around 140 lbs, +/-2. So for C6 I’m focusing less on lbs and more on inches, mainly my hips. I’ve seen healthy measurements for my size be anywhere from 33.5"-36" and I’m currently at 38.5". I have somewhat larger hip bones, so I don’t expect to get to 33.5", but as long as I end up within that range at the end of C6 I’ll be calling it a success. It’ll be easier to start seeing progress once this cold goes away and stops cutting my workouts short.

B: Protein Shake
S: Apple w/PB
L: Odowalla Bar, Apple
S: Apple w/PB
D: Mexican Chicken & Beans, Grapes
Exercise: 30min. Power Shred Level 3

B: Protein Shake
S: Apple w/PB
L: Odowalla Bar
S: Apple w/PB
D: Pot Roast & Potato over Rice, Grapes
Exercise: 10min. Power Shred Level 3

Or: WOOHOO CHEMICALS.

The Unisom/5 Hour regimen is going wonderful. I take half the 5 Hour in the morning, and the other half around 2 or 3. It doesn’t make me feel jittery or anything, just very very awake. And it’s amazing how much I’m actually capable of when I’m awake. Not only do I feel more effective in my workouts, but I have the energy to get so much more done creatively. In my spare time on the bus and in-between classes this morning, I got out 3 pages of prose and a solid sense of direction on a new project. I’ve also been able to relax and read more. I’ve always known I’ve had a problem with fatigue, but till now I never knew how much it was holding me back. I don’t want to rely on energy drinks post-finals, so I need to figure out what my body needs to have high energy levels naturally. That’s easier said than done, however, as it’s a problem I’ve had for years. So any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
B: Protein Shake
S: Protein Snack Bar
L: Protein Meal Bar
S: Sugar Free Pudding Cup, Handful of Mini Wheats
D: Chicken, Yam, Carrots
S: Banana w/PB
Liquid: Less than a gallon.
Exercise: 30min. Power Shred 2

But I’m better now.

I had a not-so-minor meltdown over the weekend. I have my last week of classes this week and then finals next week, and you’d think that the homestretch would be comforting, but I couldn’t for the life of me see how I was going to get through it. I’ve been working my butt off at school and, academically, it has been paying off. Yesterday was my induction ceremony into the Golden Key International Honor Society. But I was so effing exhausted that I had trouble mustering up the energy to care. Anytime I was around sweets this weekend - and I was, a lot - I couldn’t help but stuff myself with sugar. There was a lot of coffee involved too. It took me a couple days to realize what was going on: it wasn’t simply a matter of willpower, but a matter of survival. My body was desperately reaching out for anything that would boost it. I broke down crying for half an hour yesterday because my body was teetering on the edge of functionability. After 50 billion M&Ms and a cappuccino last night the zombie-like haze lifted and I could think clear enough to realize all this. So I nixed my earlier plan to take a break from workouts and diets till school was over and decided to become chemically dependent instead - just joking (hopefully). I took an OTC sleeping pill last night, and it gave me some solid rest without waking groggily. For the daytime, I bought a six-pack of 5 Hour Energy so I can slam one around siesta-time each afternoon. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this’ll work.

Time to go workout.

I’ve been learning to judge when I need a rest from my body’s signals. There’s a definite difference between the kick-butt workout sore, and the all-encompassing, pervasive sore. When I start to feel that second one in my muscles, I take a day or two off, which is what I’ve just done. I’d rather rest a day or two then end up with some gnarly injuries.

Going back to the workout tomorrow morning. Planning to flush the fluids all weekend.
B: Protein Shake
S: Protein Snack Bar, Sugar Free Pudding Cup
L: Protein Meal Bar, Milk
S: Apple w/PB
D: BBQ Antelope Sausage, Broccoli & Carrots, Sugar Free Pudding Cup
S: Apple w/PB
Liquid: 1/2 Gallon
Exercise: 30min. Power Shred 2

B: Protein Shake
S: Protein Snack Bar, Sugar Free Pudding Cup
L: Protein Meal Bar
S: Banana w/PB
D: Jerk Chicken, Cauliflower, Yam, Sugar Free Pudding Cup
S: PB
Liquid: 1/2 Gallon
Exercise: Rest Day