Stryker995’s BodyBlog

Well here we are again another blog another failure. Today I am really down for many reasons. First, it is a holiday and here I sit all alone with no one to share it with. It is hard not having friends or family yet another reason why I can’t wait to move to a place where there is more. Perhaps this will allow me to meet new people that will actually stay in my life. Secondly, my weight is up, up, up. I know that I am holding a lot of water weight but it doesn’t help that I have been eating nothing but junk for the past four days. I am certain that after the water weight I have gained around five pounds or so. What a vicious cycle it is!

I know why I eat the junk, it is out of boredom, and my soda intake it through the roof. I sit here with nothing to do and no one to talk to and I eat. I would go for a walk but we don’t have sidewalks here and the road I live on is not the safest. I am thinking about going and getting a mini stepper that I can use throughout the day. That way when I get hungry, or think I’m hungry, I can jump on and ride it out. I have also been thinking about getting a weighted vest for my workouts to try and keep it fresh. The vest would only be used on the treadmill because I am no where near Plyometrics, but it should help.

On another front I have found a Dietitian whose fees are according to your income I think this will help me greatly. She is registered and is at the clinic every Tuesday to help with your diet. I ran into that information by accident maybe this is fate telling me something. The fact is I don’t know how much I should be consuming and really what I should be eating according to how I workout. I have a general idea but I want to have a meal plan that is tailored to me and not someone else. I am going to call and try to get an appointment very soon so I can get on the right track.

Anyway, these are just a few of the things that I am dealing with right now and thought I would do an update. Of course any and all suggestions are welcomed and I hope that a few of you post so I can hear your thoughts.

Happy Thanksgiving!

With all the stupid ads here on My Space like, “Loose 50 pounds in two weeks” or “I lost half my size in only one month.” Now if you believe those then you are a complete idiot and I hope that you never reproduce. Never, and I repeat never, is anyone going to lose that much in that short period of time- period. I don’t care how hard you workout it just isn’t happening. But these ads have been good for something since it has been making me think of the things that I want to accomplish when I reach a certain weight. My highest weight was 354 and now I am 307 and down 22 inches. Most people would be embarrassed to share those numbers, but those are the facts, and the sooner I take responsibility for those numbers the sooner I can do something about them. Sure I had medical setbacks but not anymore so there are no excuses. With a weight loss of almost 50 pounds I have been thinking of things to do as I lost and here is what I have thus far:

When I reach 299 pounds- Scream to the top of my lungs because it has been so long since I have seen that number. I will also dance around the room of an hour to tunes of New Kids on the Block and 80’s music.

When I reach 250 pounds- I won’t hide behind loose fitting clothes anymore and start to show off all my heard work that I have accomplished. I will also pick up some new fashionable clothing that isn’t strips, polka dot, or your basic V neck. I can’t get too many pieces because I won’t be staying this weight for very long.

When I reach 200 pounds- This is going to be very emotional time for me I know it, so what I do have to be special. I have always wanted to learn how to ski and take a ski trip so that is what I will do. Not only is it great exercise, but it is very addicting and just plain fun.

When I reach 150 pounds- GOAL WEIGHT- OK, those of you who know me will give me the look of death but hear me out. When I reach my goal weight I want to do something that I have never dared to do before. First, I want to buy my first set of high heels. Because of my weight I am not able to wear them and I always have to wear flats, and let’s face it the best part of being a girl is the shoes. Next, I want to be on stage stripping just for one night. Extreme? Absolutely! When you have been my size you are always covering your body and to have lost 200 pounds you are not even the same person. I was thinking that since I have spent all this time covering it up why not completely show it off when I reach goal. This is completely opposite of who I am and would be quite an experience, so I’m gonna do it.

There you have it goals of a fat girl that I WILL accomplish in time of course.

Today I had my measurements taken and I am bummed to say the least. In about six months I have lost around 42 pounds, and an overall body total of 22 inches. Now I guess for someone my size I should be rejoicing and grateful, and I am but it just feels like no progress. I know that losing the weight is great for my overall health, and the inches is going to make me look better in my clothes, but in six months it just seems like I should be in another place. I know, I know it is going to take time and I am off to a good start and that losing it slowly will better ensure me to keep it off for the long haul- I know all this. I guess I just need to work harder so I can see more results. Maybe doing cardio twice a day or going for that hour of cardio instead of that 30-45 minutes will help.

I thought that since it has been awhile I would update my status on my journey to lose all the fat that I have put on over the years. I know that I didn’t put it on overnight, so I’m not going to lose it quickly but the scale has been stuck at 313 for almost 2 months now- which proves to be very frustrating. I have been very stressed lately so I have resorted to eating all the bad stuff that I know is bad, so I guess it is my own fault. I have been eating at Wendy’s each and everyday for the past two weeks. I keep a budget and was amazed at how much money I have spent there; it was so much that I think I could single handily keep Wendy’s afloat if they were having financial difficulty. I was like I craved the stuff- maybe it was the beef or maybe it was the fat either way it had to stop. I wasn’t losing or really gaining I was just hovering and I felt horrible and sick all the time. I have been stressed out over school since I have to put it on hold for six months because of money matters and that makes me feel like a failure.

I have been out of my supplements for awhile now so I decided to spend money that I was saving for a laptop and get the things that will help me shed this weight off. Maybe it is a crutch but I got some Lipo 6 and my eating has really decreased I can really tell a difference. After I finish with Lipo I am going to try REDuction and see how that works. I also got some BCAA, Casein Whey, Whey Isolate, and some recovery formula- along with my other pill supplements this should prove helpful to me.

I am now in the gym 6-7 days now depending on how sore I am. I have started lifting 5 days a week heavy and then I will take that down to 5 days on moderate weight. My strength is a little lacking but that could be where I got lazy and have been scrimping on the weights. Strangers in the gym are still coming up to me telling me that they see a difference from when I first started out so I must be losing inches and putting on muscle rather than losing body fat- I know that will come in time. I hope to be below 300 by Christmas which is doable since I weighed this morning and was 314.  My two problem areas are my triceps and my stomach. The skin on the back of my arms has already lost its elasticity, although it will tighten a little with the weights I know that I will have to have surgery to remove the extra skin, the question is will I ever be able to afford it and what about the scarring since I am mixed? I might also have to have a tummy tuck if I, when I, reach my goal weight, but that is a wait and see. So I wonder if it is better to be fat and firm or thin with hanging skin? When I reach my goal weight that will be over 200 pounds lost I know that skin is resilient but after being this weight for so long there is only so much tightening that it can do. If anyone has lost or knows someone who has lost this much weight let me know about the skin because it is a HUGE concern of mine.

There you have it you are now all caught up with me. I think that I have my eating under control now I usually have eggs after my workout 3 whites to 1 yolk. Lunch is 1 slice of high fiber, whole wheat bread with all natural peanut butter and yogurt, and dinner is either fish/chicken and veggies. I am trying to stay as low carb as possible until I break this plateau and only adding brown rice 2-3 days a week if I feel really hungry. I think that I need to be very strict on my eating until I am under 300. If anyone has any feedback for me it is always welcomed and appreciated. With that I will leave you now and wish you all success, love, and muscle mass.

For the past few weeks I have been unmotivated, eating junk, and really just going through the motions with working out. I don’t know if I am burned out or if all the stress that I have been under finally got to me. I still go to the gym, but I only lift and the cardio that I was doing so well with has become non existent. I don’t know how to get out of this funk, and to make things worse my weight is slowly creeping up again. Right now I am just feeling lost and very alone and I think that has a lot to do with why the gym is taking the back burner. I know that I could be losing a lot more than I have been, but I have just gotten lazy. I want to transform myself inside and out, but I am in a hole and I don’t know how to get out of it right now. If anyone has any insight that has worked for them in the past I am all ears- I need all the help I can get.

So I did something that I thought I would never do- I fired my trainer. I felt that since I was planning all the routines, and she really wasn’t doing much of anything why should I pay someone to just stand there. The only thing she really ever did for me was help me on my form, but since I have been going to my gym for so long if someone sees that my form is off they give me a heads up. My trainer even told me that since my routines are so good and I do so much that it makes it hard to train me, so great I can get rid of you because I don’t need you; what I do need however is a nutritionist. eating is 80% of the battle and I still don’t have mine locked down because I am unsure what my body really needs. I have upped my protein and long and behold I have also gained 4 pounds. I am hoping that it is either water or muscle, but overall my weight hasn’t moved. I started back with the interval cardio, so I am hoping that will help rev up the fat loss again. I have also been really sluggish lately, and I have no idea why. Really nothing has changed but I just feel exhausted and have even started to take naps which is something that I never do. I am hoping to get out of this funk soon, but if anyone has any tips or suggestions I am all ears.

These past few weeks I have been doing amazing in fact it scares me a little at how well and how fast the weight is coming off. Today I am starting week nine and I am down just shy of 25 pounds. I went to the gym this morning and just couldn’t workout; I am so stressed that I can’t even think straight. Everytime I get up from sitting or laying down I get dizzy like I am going to faint, and I have been so emotional lately that my life feels like I am on a roller coaster that I can’t get off of. I know why I am so stressed, but it is something that I want badly right now, but I wonder if it is worth all the fustration over. Yesterday I was so on point in the gym, in fact the best workout I have had in awhile, but today I have just crashed. Nothing seems to be going right, and I feel as if I am on overload. I don’t have anyone in my life that I can talk to or hang out with; sure I have people "online", but it isn’t the same as seeing someone close to you. I guess I am just realizing how lonely and dismal my life is and I just can’t seem to catch a break right now, and I hate it that my routine is suffering. Maybe I am just overtraining and I know that my calories are way too low for everything that I am doing (around 870-1,100), but I just can’t eat. Maybe I am just some nutcase and this is why I can’t keep people in my life for longer than 15 minutes. Today is not a good day!

The saga continues with the gym and I; some days we are best friends other times we are mortal enemies. I have been hitting it really hard, and now I think I am crashing. Friday is my normal day off because I have so many errands that need to be done on this day that it just works out for me, but today is Sunday and I had to take today off as well. I woke up and I was just exhausted, like I couldn’t go, so I took that as a hint that my body was tired and needed another day to rest. Tomorrow I start my HIIT training with Christina and I know that is going to be my 60 minutes of hell so I am sure that today’s rest is desperately needed. The only thing that I hate is when I don’t go into the gym I tend to eat, sure it is a small piece here and there, but it adds up. Today I made Turkey and I am a sucker for that, so let’s just say that tomorrow is a low calorie day.

There are some days that I am full of motivation and hope that I am just in the zone and getting the best workout of my life. Then the next I am frustrated and feel like a failure because I have gotten so fat. I know that six years of steroids and a bum Thyroid will do that to a person, but the scale, along with the inches, just isn’t moving lately. What frustrates me more than anything is that I will never have that chiseled physique that I so desperately want. I want to be able to see the shape of my muscles like a true athlete, but that is never going to happen my body is just not made that way. I am an endomorph/hourglass and no matter what I do I will slim down but I will always have curves. Some celebs who are the same as me are: Queen Latifah, Catherine Zeta Jones, Roseanne Barr, and Kim Kardashian. I guess curves are ok, I mean they look great on a lot of people, but I would rather be muscular and that isn’t the way that I am built (sigh.)

To make the day even worse when I am feeling low I start looking at the other people in the gym, and I just can’t compete. I know they are all watching me thinking, “Look at the fat girl thinking she is over there doing something” I have had things said to me before, so this just isn’t in my head. I want to wear those little outfits too, but I guess I haven’t earned that right yet.

I thought that I would finally post a blog about what has been going on with my training so far, but before I continue I must rant first. I went to my gym this morning, a little earlier than my normal time, and saw a lot of people I normally don’t see everyday. Today was a lifting day for me so I jumped on the treadmill to warm up for ten minutes and then it was all about lifting. So I am just finishing up my Triceps Pushdowns and I am going to go do Seated Dips when I pass two women talking, and one of them said, “Well it is good to see someone who is fat finally getting off their ass and doing something about it.” Now I will be the first one to admit that I am fat there is no disputing that, but I didn’t get it from eating junk food or being inactive. No matter what your opinion I don’t expect to be disrespected by someone I know let alone someone that I don’t. I am not one for confrontation, so I just stopped and looked at her shaking my head. I was not under any circumstance going to stoop to her level, and take a chance on it escalating and getting kicked out of my gym; besides I’m not a teenager I am an adult.

On to my routine……….

I have been doing my cardio just about seven days a week now, and taking a break about every fourteen days. Lifting is every other day doing a total body workout, so I am there for three hours at a time. I find that when I break it up I get lazy so I am just following what works for me. With that being said my weight is holding still which is frustrating the hell out of me. I have lost about seven pounds now, and the amount of effort that I am putting in for someone my size I should be losing more. Now I am now milking the workouts I am changing the intensity throughout I will start out at 3.0mph and then I will be at 6.0, then to 3.5, then to 8.0 all while increasing the incline. I do the same thing on rowing, bike, and the stair master. My calories are around 1,200-1,600 a day and according to my trainer my diet is excellent. Although these past few days all I want is greasy, fried food this could be because my cycle is in the next few days, so I have to get that under control.

I have noticed that since I started lifting that my legs have gotten amazingly stronger while my upper body not so much. I started out with 3 sets or 15 reps, but now that I have increased the weight I am doing 3 sets 8-10 reps. Here is where I am up to as of today:

Leg Press: 220lbs

Single Calf Raises: 60 lbs

Hip Abductor/ Hip Adductor: 125lbs

Bicep Curl: 45lbs

Tricep Pushdown: 55lbs

Dead Lifts: 120lbs

Lat Pull down: 70lbs

Cable Row: 70lbs

Chest Press: 50 lbs

I do a lot more but that is a taste of what I am doing as of now. As you see I am like an infant on my upper body, and the lower a bit stronger. I know that we all have one or the other stronger, but this just seems insane am I wrong? The Meltdown supplement seems to be working out well for me I am more focused during my workout. I am going to change my protein drink because I don’t like the fat that is in the one that I am on now I found a better one that will hopefully do the job.

I am taking tomorrow off because I am feeling a bit burned out, and I am sure that my muscles and body needs a day to regenerate, but on Sunday it is cardio and Monday lifting and cardio. If anyone has any suggestions to my program or any tweaks please let me know I am always looking to improve. Right now it is mostly about fat loss, that is the main objective, but you can’t leave out strength.

Be well everyone!

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