Stryker995’s BodyBlog

For the past few weeks I have been unmotivated, eating junk, and really just going through the motions with working out. I don’t know if I am burned out or if all the stress that I have been under finally got to me. I still go to the gym, but I only lift and the cardio that I was doing so well with has become non existent. I don’t know how to get out of this funk, and to make things worse my weight is slowly creeping up again. Right now I am just feeling lost and very alone and I think that has a lot to do with why the gym is taking the back burner. I know that I could be losing a lot more than I have been, but I have just gotten lazy. I want to transform myself inside and out, but I am in a hole and I don’t know how to get out of it right now. If anyone has any insight that has worked for them in the past I am all ears- I need all the help I can get.

So I did something that I thought I would never do- I fired my trainer. I felt that since I was planning all the routines, and she really wasn’t doing much of anything why should I pay someone to just stand there. The only thing she really ever did for me was help me on my form, but since I have been going to my gym for so long if someone sees that my form is off they give me a heads up. My trainer even told me that since my routines are so good and I do so much that it makes it hard to train me, so great I can get rid of you because I don’t need you; what I do need however is a nutritionist. eating is 80% of the battle and I still don’t have mine locked down because I am unsure what my body really needs. I have upped my protein and long and behold I have also gained 4 pounds. I am hoping that it is either water or muscle, but overall my weight hasn’t moved. I started back with the interval cardio, so I am hoping that will help rev up the fat loss again. I have also been really sluggish lately, and I have no idea why. Really nothing has changed but I just feel exhausted and have even started to take naps which is something that I never do. I am hoping to get out of this funk soon, but if anyone has any tips or suggestions I am all ears.

These past few weeks I have been doing amazing in fact it scares me a little at how well and how fast the weight is coming off. Today I am starting week nine and I am down just shy of 25 pounds. I went to the gym this morning and just couldn’t workout; I am so stressed that I can’t even think straight. Everytime I get up from sitting or laying down I get dizzy like I am going to faint, and I have been so emotional lately that my life feels like I am on a roller coaster that I can’t get off of. I know why I am so stressed, but it is something that I want badly right now, but I wonder if it is worth all the fustration over. Yesterday I was so on point in the gym, in fact the best workout I have had in awhile, but today I have just crashed. Nothing seems to be going right, and I feel as if I am on overload. I don’t have anyone in my life that I can talk to or hang out with; sure I have people "online", but it isn’t the same as seeing someone close to you. I guess I am just realizing how lonely and dismal my life is and I just can’t seem to catch a break right now, and I hate it that my routine is suffering. Maybe I am just overtraining and I know that my calories are way too low for everything that I am doing (around 870-1,100), but I just can’t eat. Maybe I am just some nutcase and this is why I can’t keep people in my life for longer than 15 minutes. Today is not a good day!

The saga continues with the gym and I; some days we are best friends other times we are mortal enemies. I have been hitting it really hard, and now I think I am crashing. Friday is my normal day off because I have so many errands that need to be done on this day that it just works out for me, but today is Sunday and I had to take today off as well. I woke up and I was just exhausted, like I couldn’t go, so I took that as a hint that my body was tired and needed another day to rest. Tomorrow I start my HIIT training with Christina and I know that is going to be my 60 minutes of hell so I am sure that today’s rest is desperately needed. The only thing that I hate is when I don’t go into the gym I tend to eat, sure it is a small piece here and there, but it adds up. Today I made Turkey and I am a sucker for that, so let’s just say that tomorrow is a low calorie day.

There are some days that I am full of motivation and hope that I am just in the zone and getting the best workout of my life. Then the next I am frustrated and feel like a failure because I have gotten so fat. I know that six years of steroids and a bum Thyroid will do that to a person, but the scale, along with the inches, just isn’t moving lately. What frustrates me more than anything is that I will never have that chiseled physique that I so desperately want. I want to be able to see the shape of my muscles like a true athlete, but that is never going to happen my body is just not made that way. I am an endomorph/hourglass and no matter what I do I will slim down but I will always have curves. Some celebs who are the same as me are: Queen Latifah, Catherine Zeta Jones, Roseanne Barr, and Kim Kardashian. I guess curves are ok, I mean they look great on a lot of people, but I would rather be muscular and that isn’t the way that I am built (sigh.)

To make the day even worse when I am feeling low I start looking at the other people in the gym, and I just can’t compete. I know they are all watching me thinking, “Look at the fat girl thinking she is over there doing something” I have had things said to me before, so this just isn’t in my head. I want to wear those little outfits too, but I guess I haven’t earned that right yet.

I thought that I would finally post a blog about what has been going on with my training so far, but before I continue I must rant first. I went to my gym this morning, a little earlier than my normal time, and saw a lot of people I normally don’t see everyday. Today was a lifting day for me so I jumped on the treadmill to warm up for ten minutes and then it was all about lifting. So I am just finishing up my Triceps Pushdowns and I am going to go do Seated Dips when I pass two women talking, and one of them said, “Well it is good to see someone who is fat finally getting off their ass and doing something about it.” Now I will be the first one to admit that I am fat there is no disputing that, but I didn’t get it from eating junk food or being inactive. No matter what your opinion I don’t expect to be disrespected by someone I know let alone someone that I don’t. I am not one for confrontation, so I just stopped and looked at her shaking my head. I was not under any circumstance going to stoop to her level, and take a chance on it escalating and getting kicked out of my gym; besides I’m not a teenager I am an adult.

On to my routine……….

I have been doing my cardio just about seven days a week now, and taking a break about every fourteen days. Lifting is every other day doing a total body workout, so I am there for three hours at a time. I find that when I break it up I get lazy so I am just following what works for me. With that being said my weight is holding still which is frustrating the hell out of me. I have lost about seven pounds now, and the amount of effort that I am putting in for someone my size I should be losing more. Now I am now milking the workouts I am changing the intensity throughout I will start out at 3.0mph and then I will be at 6.0, then to 3.5, then to 8.0 all while increasing the incline. I do the same thing on rowing, bike, and the stair master. My calories are around 1,200-1,600 a day and according to my trainer my diet is excellent. Although these past few days all I want is greasy, fried food this could be because my cycle is in the next few days, so I have to get that under control.

I have noticed that since I started lifting that my legs have gotten amazingly stronger while my upper body not so much. I started out with 3 sets or 15 reps, but now that I have increased the weight I am doing 3 sets 8-10 reps. Here is where I am up to as of today:

Leg Press: 220lbs

Single Calf Raises: 60 lbs

Hip Abductor/ Hip Adductor: 125lbs

Bicep Curl: 45lbs

Tricep Pushdown: 55lbs

Dead Lifts: 120lbs

Lat Pull down: 70lbs

Cable Row: 70lbs

Chest Press: 50 lbs

I do a lot more but that is a taste of what I am doing as of now. As you see I am like an infant on my upper body, and the lower a bit stronger. I know that we all have one or the other stronger, but this just seems insane am I wrong? The Meltdown supplement seems to be working out well for me I am more focused during my workout. I am going to change my protein drink because I don’t like the fat that is in the one that I am on now I found a better one that will hopefully do the job.

I am taking tomorrow off because I am feeling a bit burned out, and I am sure that my muscles and body needs a day to regenerate, but on Sunday it is cardio and Monday lifting and cardio. If anyone has any suggestions to my program or any tweaks please let me know I am always looking to improve. Right now it is mostly about fat loss, that is the main objective, but you can’t leave out strength.

Be well everyone!

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