I’m Liberated
Its like a second breath at the end of a race, it’s like being able to dig deep in the forth quarter. It’s like sunshine on a rainy day. My wife is gone and I now find my life full of possibilities and I have more motivation than ever. Yesterday I woke up and for the first time since being engaged over a year and a half ago I felt alive. I didn’t have this overbearing weight hanging over me distracting me from my goals. I hit the weight room like a beast . I had so much energy just being high on life. I guess my lesson that I learned from my marriage was not to let someone get me down. To be true to myself, to not feel guilty of being who I am and what I am trying to achieve. I realize that we are only given one body, one soul, one chance at life and it’s way too short to be wasted arguing with another human being. I do not believe in marriage consoling or that things no matter what should just be worked out. I believe being human means we can make mistakes. No one seems to think that marriage can be a mistake because it’s sacred, but what if it was a mistake. The point of marriage is to spend your life with the person that will help you succeed, love you, support you, care for you, understand you, and know that you are who you are. But in today’s world of always on the go sometime we rush into things that we feel are right without scratching beneath the surface. I feel a divorce is the same as breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, except that you have a deeper knowledge of what you want in a relationship, but just like dating and breaking up its because your still searching for what you want. So with every failed marriage you should take something from it, and I don’t mean the house and the kids and you ladies taking the poor dog, lol. But lessons, which is what life is about and that how we find happiness, though life’s lessons. I mean everything that propels us towards our goals we get closer by learning, either going to school, apprenticeships, listening to your elders or someone that went to school. Relationships are no different because their are no courses to teach you want you need and want in a relationship. So when we start it’s like trial and error, someone may go through hundreds of relationships before getting it right. But even if they feel it’s right nothing is perfect. It’s at that point when you have to evaluate the situation and see if you can be with this person and still be who are and accomplish what you need to do. I got married to try to fix my relationship with this girl but it was only a small patch on a huge leaking ship that was bound to sink, and it did. But as the final moments grew near like the captain of a ship I stayed on the ship. I tried to do my part but when the ship finally sunk I saw a life line that was thrown to me. It was my dreams and hopes in the form of letting go of that ship. To let it sink and let it be. Because when I grabbed that life line, my prospective changed. I had an enlightening of the heart, I had no hatred towards what was lost for hating her would only make me bitter. So I held my head up high and when that ship tried to salvage itself I took it upon myself to put it out of its misery. Today I feel like a new man, but its the same man that had such a drive that no one could stop him. A man who didn’t yell or get angry at the small things. A man with a vision and the tenacity and determination that could overcome any obstacle . I’m me. I feel as if this opportunity that has been presented to me is my calling to focus and get my pro card come September 27th. For my second wind is what is going to separate me from all those who doubt me.
July 4, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Really sorry to hear you have to go through this. The good news is that you’re SO young. You’ve got a long, full life ahead of you! This will be just a speed bump in the long run.
July 4, 2008 at 7:07 pm
It is good you have realized what you needed, and what you had to do. I stayed married to a man way too long he always held me back.
Best wishes to you for a bright future.