Sparklinpunk379’s BodyBlog

There are days when you wake up and the negativity just begins pouring out of you and the "I wish my butt was smaller, or my boobs were bigger, or my arms more defined, or my abs would pop" starts replaying in the back of your mind.  Regardless of who you are, we all want something that we cant have- its time to GET OVER IT!  Everyone has baggage- that **** that holds you down and slows you up- leave it at the door when you go to the gym!  I will be 100% honest and say that I have grown up with an abusive, alcoholic father, my family hasnt always had a lot of money and I have been on welfare before, I have been had lovers cheat on me and friends stab me in the back, and I have had people close to me pass away.  That is me and it has helped shape me into the beautiful woman that I am today.  It may not all be pretty, but it is real, and I dealt with it.  When you are sitting at the end of someone’s death bed and you see them slowly slip away, you have no choice but to understand that life is a precious gift!  We all have the cards that we have been dealt- but you can choose to play the game and go on living!  Picking up the weights and getting on a machine and doing some serius work provides a sense of empowerment- you are greater than the negative things in your life and you can overcome anything!  Women are naturally caretakers, but you have to take care of yourself first- and your health is the ultimate gift that you can give yourself!  Dont let your days slip away one by one!  Get out there and live the dream- whether its losing a certain number of pounds, getting a killer set of delts, stepping on stage at a competition, or just eating clean.  Live It- Love It- Rock It!  Get out there and do it!  You are beautiful!

 I am always here to listen and look forward to hearing from you-

Steph

About a year ago, i accepted a challenge well known to most people that are a part of my life: to compete in a bodybuilding contest for the first time ever.  My year so far has involved daring.  The very idea of putting my body on display for others to see once seemed preposterous for me, who would rather not be in front of a camera, let alone an entire audience in little more than a swimsuit.  Rather than laughing at the idea, I found myself accepting of the experiment, not because i longed to perform, but because i wanted to be something that i wasnt- self assured.  I knew women who seemed to have it all, never worrying if they were wearing the right clothes or saying the right thing, but I cudnt identify w them; i only admired them from afar.  Walking into a room seemed like torture for me in most cases.  I did not enter into a room, so much as slide into one, working hard not to get noticed.  So far, i have taken a bite out of the contest dare because i wanted to discover what those other women had and i wanted an awakening!  Where did they get such poise? such posture? and such fearlessness? 

 Becoming your best self n loving urself breeds confidence- u need to know who u r and b comfortable with that.  Pitting myself against weights has helped me discover whole chunks of me that had become lost.  Discovering that i am strong n can lift heavier n heavier weights has taught me about my own abilities to be disciplined, committed, and focus.  No gym is ever a place for punishment.  Rather, it is a source of empowerment if you let urself believe it.  The stronger I get, the more courageous i become and the more confident I feel.  Getting ‘there’ requires that you do the homework and be involved in the process of gettin to know what makes u ur best- becoming ur best needs training n only the best nutrition.  When it comes to training, i know how hard i have to push myself now in order to see results.  This process of getting to know me as I am has given birth to confidence, something that i previously had in short supply. 

 I also know that becoming confident means having to face our fears.  Gaining confidence can be a messy business because u have to sweat, cry, fall, and get back up again.  Anyone who has struggled to transform themselves has made mistakes, faultered, and even lost ground.  I had to learn to leave my ego at the door n make myself vulnerable.  I cant do this alone.  With confidence in abundant supply, u can tackle life with purpose.  Secure in the knowledge that u have done ur homework, struggled n won over food addictions, overcome laziness and lack of focus and have now arrived at a new place in ur life where u r happy to be, u r ready for the next step - empowerment!  That newly found sense of purpose drives you to feel mobilized to undertake tests that you may have never considered before- like competing in a bodybuilding competition!  Confidence does not come from a big voice that runs on n on, filling an entire room.  Instead of being about dramatics, confidence is about being certain of your intentions- make a stand for what you believe in and commit to those intentions calmly and purposefully. 

I have found my purpose…so what is yours?

The day before I left for my last vacation I almost felt like I was about to have a nervous breakdown.  With a variety of clothes, bathing suits and makeup thrown all over my room, it was hard enough packing as it is without even thinking about what I was going to eat.  I realized that this vacation was going to be the hardest one that I have ever had to take, simply because planning to stay clean and exercise while I was away is not the easiest task when it comes to this whole figure training stuff!  I called my trainer to ask her how possible it was to actually carry a cooler full of chicken breasts to the airport… I decided against it and opted for a lovely assortment of flavored tuna packets!  Who knew that tuna could be found in sweet and sour, hickory smoke, and herb and garlic!  Actually taking these to restaurants with me later to top of my salads was another story all together.  Its funny to see people’s reactions to someone who actually wants to live optimally and in a way that makes them feel great.  One waitress was so put off she didnt know what to say when she came back and saw me ripping apart my tuna pouch!  Everywhere I went, I was asked "so what are you going to eat here?" and "why do you tell everyone that you are alelrgic to dairy?"  When ordering my lean protein, I always insist that I am allergic to dairy so that they will cook my food completely plain, rather than basting it in a buttery blend that is going to clog my arteries and add useless calories to my meals.  One waiter came back about three times after that request to tell me that he personally told the chef how to prepare my food…I didnt think it was that big of a deal!  I guess the point is, I realized that a lot of people are starting to think that I am weird or unusual for making such requests when it comes to my food.  Even though I could be embarassed I suppose, its extremely empowering to be such an example for other people at the same time.  Vacations are supposed to be a time when you take and break and relax from your every day routine.  Working out and eating clean has become a way of life for me.  The confidence that I have gained through this process continues to amaze me every day.  With every 530AM workout, protein shake at the airport, rice cake carried in my purse, and every batch of cookies that I make for someone without having any…figure training has become an essential part of me.  Someone told me that you have to be a little crazy to be a figure trainer and I guess they are right!

Working out is the golden opportunity to focus energy your on your body and you-nothing else!  its a good time to be selfish!  Call it working out, maybe even working through the tough times, but whatever you call it is pure indulgence to me!  Right now i am depending on training to keep me emotionally sane because at this time in my life i seem to have more demands on my time than ever before.  The answer for me is always get to the gym, girl!…and that is exactly where i go.  I know what emotional and mental pain can do to ones health; how it can leave you without passion, motivation, or confidence.  This is when i find working out to be most usefull because it reminds me that i can contribute in a constructive way to my own well-being and that i have power over my choices and the outcomes, particularly in the gym.  Breakups or failures tear away chunks of our happiness.  Failure reads like a bad script with a plot suggesting we could somehow not deliver what it took to make things work.  It has taken a lot of leanring and experience to know that life is simply like that.  There are certain things in life that simply cannot be fixed.  This does not mean to give up.  I try to take failure as a jumping off point, instead of a fall.  The gem in it is that you discover a wonderful opportunity to take a look inside yourself, wake up that little voice and build a strong, confident new you.  The gym can aid in rebuilding the new you because when you see yourself in the mirror lifting those weights, or when you have sweat dripping down your face and it is beet red from exhaustion, there is nothing more empowering.  That image is literally a symbol of the strong person you are trying to build- trust me, you will belive it.  Seeing defined curves, lean muscle, and once baggy skin replaced by firmness can make you proud to be who you are, retuning some self-respect and love to your once neglected body.  You will see all of your hard work and effort caused by time not thinking about negative parts of life.  It is a blatant display of your dedication, motivation, and passion to pick up all the messy bits in life and make something beautiful out of it.  Things are only beautiful if you love them. 

So this is the start of week number four…I have really been devoted to goin to the gym, and I actually started liking going!  If i dont go, i feel like poop for the rest of the day.  I am finally starting to see some good definition in my arms and legs.  I started taking measurements and lost inches in a few places.  I am so excited that I lost an inch and a half in my thighs…thats pretty cool.  So training is going well and it makes me so excited!  The diet is going well too…i decided to up my calories because I think i was taking in too few (1200 up to at least 1400-1600 a day) and I do not want to slow down my metabolism.  Things are going well and I am thrilled…going on vacation next and I am destined to stay clean for the weekend in Disney!

Ok, so now Im startin to get a lil frustrated, since I have been very diligent all week long and have gained weight!  I have been eatin everythin that the slim down diet suggets, which is actually lower in calories than my normal plan.  I have also been goin 2 the gym every day to lift!…i am so sore lately its crazy!  My legs r burnin n I did squats three days ago.  Its a nice feelin to know that the exercises that im doin r workin.  However, i really do hope that i start to lose weight and see muscle.  tho im a lil frustrated about gainin, i do feel a lot better about my workouts!

So last night I ate wayyy too much food since I knew I was going to start the eight week slim down today.  Now, I feel extremely disgusting and fat…totally not a good feeling!  I can’t wait to head up to the gym later after work and start lifting weights.  I have never really been serious about lifting weights before, so this should be interesting.  With this site I hope to remain motivated and start seeing some results.

As for the pictures, I cant seem to find my digital camera, and that makes me very sad

Hey guys!  I am totally excited because tomorrow I am going to start the eight week summer slim down diet/work out plan that was listed on the site.  It seems pretty flexible and I can’t wait to start it out!  The plan alternates between high and low carb day, and even allows you with a cheat day every week (including dessert)!  Sounds good to me!  Well, I’ll be staying with my boyfriend next week, so I’m sure he will be laughing at me when I bring over containers of cottage cheese, yogurt, and steaks.  As long as I cook up some of those steaks for him, I’m sure he won’t mind. 

     Well I haven’t placed any pictures up on the site yet to track my progress, but I think that I will be doing that later today or tomorrow.  Maybe that will give me the motivation that I need to get going!  Last night I went to the gym and realized that I didn’t want to be there any more…after only a half hour on the eliptical!  In the back of my head I was thinking what is wrong with me?!?  Usually, I can at least get in a good hour at the gym, but lately it seems all motivation is gone.  I’m looking forward to getting back on track!