Snarf99’s BodyBlog

I have been so accident prone lately, it’s ridiculous.  
In the last week, I . . .
* got my thumb caught in a hole puncher, causing a blood blister
* burned my finger in the oven while making lasagna
* broke a toenail on my big toe when I dropped down, kung fu style, to look for my cat under the car
* skinned the little toe of the same foot when I tripped on some rocks while chasing my dog in a pair of sandals
* hit my head on the door of the trunk of my car when I went to take the groceries out
* woke up with some shooting pain from my left elbow to my shoulder, that makes me worry that I am lifting incorrectly.

Hey, enough is enough.  I think I’ve been anxious about finding a job, about the election, about planning and preparing my election party. Maybe my sleep schedule has been whacky. But now I want to calm down, get enough sleep, and watch my step.

It’s weird that most of my injuries have been on my left side.  I wonder if that means my right brain has been asleep lately.  Maybe it’s because I’ve been in such a pragmatic state of mind, totally left brained.

Many people have commented on the changes in me.  They say my face and upper body look leaner.  And I’ve noticed it, too.  And besides that, I can lift bigger weights than before. And I can run longer than before.  All this is good, and I don’t want to lose it.  I’m going to slide right back to where I was before if I keep slacking off.  

Today, I went to the grocery store and I got a chicken, some lamb steak tips that I couldn’t resist, salad, vegetables, low fat cheese, soy milk, and high fiber cereal.  I’m going to start recording my food again, so I can get a better handle on keeping it clean.  I was doing really good for a while, and I felt the difference.  Why is eating clean so much harder than it sounds? The results are so quick, you’d think anyone would do it. It’s not like the kind of thing where nothing happens for a year and then you get your reward. It’s pretty much effective right away. So why is it so hard to keep it up?

I haven’t posted any progress pics lately. That’s because I can’t see any progress, and I don’t want to have a bunch of pics that look the same. But today I thought about it, and I realized that it would be good to post one picture every month, even if I can’t see the change, because it’s all part of the process. I don’t like it when people change themselves behind the scenes, and we only get to see the first photo and then one a year later. I always wonder what happened in between.  So I may start posting some very mundane looking pics. Hope you all don’t mind.

It’s Week 7 of my program, and I am really starting to flake.  I missed my wts workout on Sunday, made up for it on Monday but only ran 2 miles (again) instead of 3. Then yesterday I missed a wts workout and didn’t make it up! And today is Wed, and I didn’t run.  Oh-oh.

I have come this far, six full weeks of hard work. I don’t want to squash my efforts now. In terms of food, the situation is equally dire. I stopped recording my food on Saturday and have been eating poorly. Too many really fun sources of carbs and simple sugars and also today I waited way too long to eat, ate too much, and felt really sleepy afterwards. I really dislike that when that happens!

Last night, I hosted a big fun election party, and so I spent most of the day preparing for it. And stayed up late. And of course now we have left over goodies from the party. I even baked a delicious loaf of this sweet bread with a swirl of chocolate, raisins, and walnuts. I mean, how can anyone say no to that?  It was the first time I ever baked something that required me to wait for the dough to rise.   And use a rolling pin!

Then, today, I don’t know . . . I procrastinated most of the day by doing various chores, then finally started working on a project around 5pm and kept working on it until now, midnight. So I didn’t get up in the middle to go running. Bleh.

I need to shape up.

I woke up this morning and found that something is up with my left arm. Every time I picked up my backpack to sling it over my left shoulder, I got this shooting pain at my elbow. It happened several times.

My knees are a little crickety also.  And I have a mosquito bite on my right wrist.  I’m also tired. Slept about 5 hours and then had a big exam in the morning.

After the exam, I did a low-intensity run on the treadmill followed by my usual weights routine with slightly lighter weights. I was careful to notice if anything clicked, clacked, or hurt in any way. It seemed to all be okay.  

Tomorrow is VOTING DAY. Hooray.

All these stupid rocks, I say, what’s your goal?

"This isn’t about getting something done," Denny says. "It’s about the doing, you know, the process."

But what are you going to do with all these rocks?

"I don’t know, dude," Denny says, "I just want the days of my life to add up to something."
The way every day of your life, the way it can just disappear in front of the television, Denny says he wants a rock to show for each day. Something tangible. Just one thing. A little monument to mark the end of each day. "This way, maybe my life will add up to something," he says, "something that will last."

Denny comes and goes, and every day there’s fewer rocks in the house. And if you don’t see somebody every day, you see them change.  Me watching from an upstairs window, Denny comes and goes pushing bigger and bigger rocks in a shopping cart, and every day, Denny looks a little bigger inside his old plaid shirt. His face gets tan, his chest and shoulders get big enough to spread the plaid out so it doesn’t hang in folds. He’s not huge, but he’s bigger, big for Denny.

After work, I go visit Denny on the empty block where he’s laid out his rocks, where he’s pasting row on top of row with mortar until he’s already got a wall, and I say, "Hey." And Denny says, "Dude."  With the bottom of his shirt, Denny wipes the sweat off his face. You can see his abs are rippled armor.

Denny, his arms flicker with shadows where his muscles flex. Denny, now his arms stretch the sleeves of his sour T-shirt. His skinny arms look big around. His pinched shoulders spread wide. With every row, he’s having to lift the stones a little higher. With every row, he’s having to be stronger. Denny says, "You want to stay for Chinese food?" He says, "You look a little wasted." I ask, is he living with this Beth girl now? And Denny lugging a big gray rock with both hands at his waist, he shrugs. A month ago, this was a rock the two of us could hardly lift together.

The excerpt is from Choke by Chuck Palahniuk, who is best know for writing Fight Club.
The story is about these two sex addicts, the narrator and his roommate Denny. At this point in the story, Denny is transforming himself. He’s replaced his sex addiction with a new passion (or compulsion) for collecting rocks, something tangible that he feels gives his life meaning. As he’s carrying these rocks up to the apartment and then out to the field, his body begins to change. He becomes strong and tanned, his abs become rippled armor, and his shoulders grow wider. It’s interesting to me that as Denny finds meaning and leaves his addiction behind, his transformation is manifested physically in his becoming more muscular and healthier looking.  In the meantime, his friend the narrator, a static character, continues his old behaviors. He becomes sick after two spheres from an anal probing device get lost in his colon. In this excerpt he is so sick that Denny notices and tells him he looks "a little wasted." In this existential novel, life is absurd and devoid of meaning, and purposelessness is the human malaise. But at any time, a person can make a decision to create meaning, even in an absurd pile of rocks, and he can thus transform himself to wholeness and health. I wonder if for some of us on this blog, lifting weights, is our pile of rocks?

"The more I run, the more certain I am that I am heading for my real goal: to become the person I am." George Sheehan, M.D.

I found this quote in some motivational literature that was left at my gym. This quote really struck me, because it’s how I feel about my running. Obviously, I am not the fastest or the best or the strongest runner. I never was and never will be. Some people (my mom) may even wonder why I put so much time and energy into a pursuit in which I will never excel. But for me, running is not about competition with others. It is always a metaphor for pushing beyond limits, challenging myself, and bettering myself.  Even though I may be running in a loop, never really getting any farther than the point where I started, running gives me a tremendous sense of accomplishment and more importantly, a sense of purpose. When I look back at the best times of my life, they are the same years during which I was regularly going out on runs and competing. Those are the years I felt strong, attractive, youthful, not because I was younger, but because I was active.  

The fact that it gives me a sense of purpose is what surprises me the most.  It would seem like a human being would need something more meaningful to accomplish than covering a distance of say, 13.1 miles, to make life feel meaningful. But as it turns out, 13.1 miles is all I need.  Just having a goal in mind. Just deciding on that simple long-term goal and working towards fills me up with such a sense of purpose and belonging in the world. It’s strange, but it really does help me feel connected. My feet hit the ground, I feel the impact throughout my body, I become aware of my physical being, an organism in the world, a part of something bigger. Everything real becomes more vital, like air and water and food.  Like shade and rain and a light breeze and a good night’s sleep.  Hot showers.  All exercise increases body awareness, decreases anxiety, and acts as the body’s natural anti-depressant.  All that and a sense of existential satisfaction.  Beat that.

I’ll start with the highlight of the week, which was a 5.5 mile run on the canal.  J and her friend were out of town. E was visiting a friend in Denver.  That left me alone to run my 5 miles by myself.  Add to that a little toe injury I sustained by breaking a section of my toe nail when I was looking for my cat under the car on Friday morning, . . . and you can see why I was not especially motivated to run.  The toe nail thing hurt pretty bad. It hurt to walk. It hurt every time the toe touched the top of my shoe.  I wasn’t sure I’d be able to run.  But I DID!
I slept in, got to the canal around 8am. It was warm outside, but not too bad. There was drinking water on the canal, so I wasn’t too worried about the heat.  I started off just walking for the first half mile. It was only because I saw other runners run past me, huffing and puffing, that I got guilted into attempting a slow jog.  Eventually, I found a pace I liked, and I kept going.  I ended up running 5.5 miles instead of 5.  I was very happy.  The whole workout, including the part I walked, 6 miles in total, took me 70 minutes.

Sunday - lifted weights
Monday - ran 3 miles
Tuesday - lifted weights
Wed - ran only 2 miles
Friday - lifted weights

Thurs I had acupuncture and I did not run.  I started to slack off this week.

I am going to evaluate my week as being successful overall, even though I am feeling the beginnings of slipping off track.

Errgh, today was a blah day.  I so didn’t want to go running tonight.  I was supposed to run 3 miles.  I totally didn’t feel like it, so I made a deal with myself. I agreed to run 2 miles instead of 3.  So I walked the dog for a mile, ran 2, then walked the dog a little more. I am so glad I did it.  And actually, by the time I finished, I didn’t feel blah anymore. I felt more alert and happier.

I also told myself that after the run I’d get to write a blog post. That was my reward. I get to write about how I went running when I really didn’t want to.  Hey, that’s a major accomplishment. In the past, I would have said the hell with it.

So yesterday I was doing my usual Tuesday routine, one arm rows, pullovers, arm side raises, tricep extensions, and bicep curls . . . and I felt like adding something. I added some upright rows and some back hyperextensions. And MAN, am I sore today!  It’s amazing, the parts of me that already know the old routine, they’re fine. Even when I increase the weights, I only get a little sore. But the parts of me that felt the new exercises were in for a major surprise apparently. My back muscles are SORE. I can tell exactly which muscle groups those two movements targeted.  So that’s neat.

I have to figure out what "traps" are. (Because I suspect that’s one of the things that’s sore). I’m going to google it right now.

It could be my imagination, but I think I saw a faint ripple of definition on my shoulder today that I had never noticed before.  How Awesome!

And the other day in the shower, I noticed some muscle near my arm pit that I had never felt before.  Whoa!

Today has been a good day so far.  I managed to cook up a large acorn squash that I bought last night. I wasn’t sure how to cook it, but I did what my mom told me. I put it in the microwave for about 15 minutes. Half way, I took it out and cut it in half so it wouldn’t explode. As it cooks, it softens, and then it’s easy to cut it.  I wouldn’t want to hack at a fresh squash with a knife like I have done in the past. This is much easier.  When it seemed to be fully cooked, I scooped its contents out and put them in a plastic container. Ready for the next several meals.  I will eat it with meat or some other source of protein.

By tomorrow, I will figure out how to cook sweet potatoes.

While I’m on the topic of food, I am going to share some meals that have been working really well for me lately.

green apple and almonds

green apple and low-fat muenster cheese

cottage cheese along with a sugarless apple cake that I made out of lots of cubed fresh apples and cake batter (flour, butter, 2 eggs, baking powder).

sauteed yellow squash with romano cheese and small sourdough roll

slow-cooker beef with cooked vegetables (I give the broth to my dog. She loves it!)

fresh baked salmon and salad

Quiche made of cottage cheese, mozarella, and eggs with mushroom inside and red onions on top and fresh challah bread.

turkey burgers and fresh squash or sweet potatoes

roast beef in a sandwich with a green bell pepper or a cucumber or tomatoes or all of the above

quiche with rice and cooked zucchini

large tomato stuffed with rice and zucchini

vegetable soup

cheese lasagna (moderate amount) with salad and garlic bread

everything bagel with a slice of provolone, a slice of American, cucumbers, tomatoes, sprouts, and red onions

7-grain oatmeal cereal with flax seed oil and half a piece of fruit or an orange

seafood with brocolli in a nice sauce that comes in the package with the frozen brocolli. I don’t know how to make the sauce and I wouldn’t eat this kind of meal too often, because god knows what is in that sauce.

protein shake

lean beef burgers in half the bread with fresh tomato, ketchup, and relish and mushrooms on the side.

What do you think of these meal ideas?  Am I on the right track?  If you have any meal ideas to share, I would love the input!

I have been learning so much lately.  I am becoming aware of some myths I had been holding onto. For example, I had this funny idea that I could plan for a weekend of working out, where I would do obstacle courses, run, swim, rockclimb, all in one day.  Now I realize how quickly I become fatigued when I work out, and how unrealistic this exercise spa fantasy really is. It actually takes a lot of work just to get in shape enough to work out adequately.

It’s not like I can wake up one morning after years of moderately sedentary behavior and just start working out vigorously. Apparently, it requires some building up.  The same goes for running. I had this fantasy once, when I was out of shape. I told myself that anytime I wanted to I could just start running 10 miles every day and then I’d be in shape.  How funny that I even thought this. Seriously, the things we tell ourselves! It’s taken me over a month to get in shape enough to run five miles slowly.

I look forward to a time when I am strong enough to work out more intensely and run faster for longer. I especially look forward to a time when running feels good, like flying. And I can’t wait for lifting to feel invigorating. I have gained some strength in the last 5 weeks, and lifting is more enjoyable than it was initially. But I’m not there yet.  

I am so impatient. I check my muscles for growth every few hours. I know I should not expect much after only 5 weeks.  I need to settle in for the long haul.  I still have a hard time believing that I can keep this up, and that’s part of the reason that I want results Right Now, because who knows how much longer I will stay consistent.  Okay, gotta stay positive.

My eating is changing. I am gravitating toward six small, high protein, low carb meals a day. And I’m staying away from high sugar and caffeine, mostly because I’m aware of how bad they make me feel.  This is so weird.  I’ve never eaten this clean before. Wonder how long that will last.  I WANT it to last, but it never has before, and I’m afraid once I get busier, this is the first thing that will go.