I’ve been very sad and down in the dumps for the past week. This afternoon my husband and I are taking our dog in to be put to sleep. He made the appt on Tuesday and I’ve been crying everyday since then.
Physically, she’s 11 yrs old with the health of a dog half her age. We made sure to feed her the right food, the right amounts, exercise her. We took good care of her so that she would have an easy time adjusting to old age and still be able to be active. But nothing could’ve helped her brain. Mentally, she’s a mess. She was diagnosed with dementia a month ago and I’ve been crying off and on ever since after reading about what would happen to her over time.
She wasn’t herself for a while, so my husband took her in to be checked out. Once she was diagnosed, her mind when downhill pretty rapidly after that.
She doesn’t know whether to scratch her watch or wind her ass. She walks up to walls and just stares at it until I call her attention. She doesn’t understand commands anymore.
We have to lead her to the water and food bowls at various times of the day and nudge her head toward them so that she drinks and eats.
She was a sharp, sweet dispositioned German Shepard who could understand commands just by looking at her (no joke). She was my shadow. I couldn’t go anywhere without her following me. If I went out shopping or wherever else I had to go, she wouldn’t eat until I got home.
Now, her mind is mush.
She wanders the house and tries to fit into the most impossible spaces between chairs, closets, etc. and has the most awful cry when she tries to make her way through. She doesn’t know enough anymore to back her way out of it. I have to pull her out and this goes on all day long. Not much has been able to be done in this house.
The only time I don’t cry is when I’m at the gym or out running errands. And I’ve been running a lot of errands lately.
Seeing how healthy she LOOKS makes it so hard to bring her in. I feel like she’s got a lot of years ahead of her, but she really only has weeks or months because of her mental condition. If she were suffering from arthritis or some other debilitating condition, it would be easier to think of it as putting her out of her suffering.
This will be a very lonely and quiet house while the kids are at school now.
We had told the kids about her condition back when she was diagnosed, and last night broke the news to them about what would happen to her today. It was hard. This is the first major death they’ll be experiencing in their lives.
My oldest son said, "I feel like Rypley has been around my whole life….wait, she HAS been around my whole life."
My youngest son said, "Now we only have one fish as a pet. My fish died." He was referring to his sister’s fish who is a trooper and has lived longer than we expected. Goldfish do not have much luck in this house, but those Beta fish have gills of steel.
The kids have off from school today for whatever reason, so I’m taking the kids to a fair this morning with friends. Seeing the variety of people walking around will be quite a distraction from what will happen this afternoon.
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