Respect My Authoritah!
There’s a real character at the gym who I haven’t mentioned before. I’ve seen him around and he acts like he owns the place….telling the employees what to do, telling gym members how to perform certain moves.
He’s a white haired, white mustached gentleman….portly….and wears Tivas with Army fatigue pants and a sweatshirt. This is his uniform.
I had yet to deal with him until yesterday when he asked, "Are you open to suggestion?"
Well go-o-o-lly! I sure am!
DAMMIT, I’m too nice 
So he went on to tell me what I was doing wrong and how I should be doing it instead.
OK…thanks. Now scram, buddy.
When I started on another exercise, he approached me again and asked, "Remember that first move you did at the very beginning when you first came in?"
I thought to myself, ‘He’s been watching me this entire time??????’ UGH.
I said, "You mean the side laterals?"
He said, "Yes. You should raise your arms more so that they are 30 degrees….whaht whaht whaht whaht whahtwhaht whaht whaht."
It was so funny how he started to sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher.
Later, when I got up to my last couple of exercises, a woman caught my eye and smiled at me and said hello.
WOW! I never had a woman acknowledge my presence before. If you think men are bad about ignoring women who are working out in the big boy’s section, women are just as guilty.
She approached me and asked if he was giving me advice. Then she went on to say that he started giving her advice and that everytime he saw her, he thought it was appropriate to keep giving her advice whether she wanted it or not.
Apparently, he was a trainer in the military, so he thinks he’s the authoritah on weight training.
So basically I had opened the floodgates with this guy. She said I’d have to be mean to him and really put my foot down if he approached me again. He doesn’t know when to quit.
When she had once asked him if he corrected any of the men, he said he didn’t because he never saw them do anything wrong.
Well, not only is he a Tiva wearing know-it-all, but he’s a male chauvinist as well!
Oh GAWD, how could I have forgotten this part? It must be because I blocked it out of my mind the way an abused child blocks out large chunks of their lives because it’s too traumatizing to remember:
OK, I have a part of my routine where I have to do a Giant Set of 3 chest exercises. I set up the incline bench, the decline bench and the flat bench next to each other so I could just do one set after the next without staggering around the gym looking for what I needed.
As I was about to get set to do the decline press, Mr. MC Tiva came over to the flat bench….RIGHT NEXT TO ME…..and sat on it,
spread his legs so that the soles of his feet met up,
and started grunting as he tried to stretch
His fat belly nearly touched the bench.
It was THE most repulsive sight to behold.
I didn’t use that bench after he was through. I kept adjusting the incline bench to make it flat everytime I needed it.
I couldn’t bring myself to use the same bench where he planted his ass-crotch-belly.
Do you think he was trying to seduce me?
Weight Training: Back, biceps, abs
Breakfast: 2 whole eggs, 4 egg whites (24g prot)
oatmeal (5g prot)
milk (8g prot)
Snack: protein shake (24g prot)
banana
Lunch: chicken (45g prot)
pasta (7g prot)
celery
Dinner: Ham and cheese sandwich (20g prot??)
yogurt covered raisins
Ritz cheese cracker sandwiches
July 6, 2009 at 6:07 am
hilarious… if it was a seduction act, must have been cribed out straight from caveman 101: how to attract the female.. oopsie in his case it maybe be how to DEtract the female
July 6, 2009 at 6:41 am
I think Mr. McTivas and PantyHoseLady from my gym need to hook up.
July 6, 2009 at 6:41 am
Next time he wants to offer any advice. Just ask him, what exercises he can show you, to get abs like his.
July 6, 2009 at 6:45 am
LMAO. Funny you say that because I told the woman who I was talking to that I should’ve asked him for advice on how to get abs like his.
I think pantyhose worn with Tivas is a hot look. With that logic, they should totally hook up.
July 6, 2009 at 7:07 am
Looooossser. I hate the know-it-all’s at the gym. UGH. Keep the ipod on at all times, and let him know you don’t have time to chat b/c you need to pick up your kids. It "sometimes" works.
July 6, 2009 at 7:13 am
Ditto w/ janthony. Anybody who gives me advice BETTER look the part. That’s a real peeve of mine about the young PT’s my gym. Most are in average shape, not very muscular & some w/ a little pudge. Shouldn’t a 20-something PT be in at least a good a shape as me, a 47 yr old just trying to stay in shape?
You should tell him come back when ihe’s got a lean & mean hardbody……otherwise shut up. In a nice way of course.
July 6, 2009 at 7:37 am
OMG! This is too funny and also disturbing at the same time…think you dealt with it well though haha
July 6, 2009 at 7:54 am
yes he definately wants you. You should offer to spot him on the bp and then walk away as if to take care of something as soon as he begins to struggle…idiot!
July 6, 2009 at 8:01 am
What a dip **** :S.
July 6, 2009 at 10:08 am
This blog made me laugh loud enough that my coworkers wanted to know what I was looking at.
July 6, 2009 at 10:39 am
I swear you need your own reality show. I can see him now. Hilarious… Please tell me he puts on the mirrored aviator shades on the way out the door. I must go watch that clip from southpark again. LMAO!!!!
July 6, 2009 at 10:46 am
All I can say is EWWWWWWWWWW and double EWWWWWWWW!!!
July 6, 2009 at 11:11 am
Sounds to me like he was putting the moves on you Shannon. Remember even fat bellied obnoxious guys need love too. Next time just ofer him some advice on his belly. Maybe he will get the point
July 6, 2009 at 4:22 pm
I love reading stories like this because everytime I do it comfirms my decision to always work out at home and avioid commercial gyms like the plauge! Thank you Shan!!!
July 7, 2009 at 3:35 am
It is why I go to a women only gym. Thank you very much… Now if you don’t mind I shall behugging the toilet bowl. Yuk!
July 7, 2009 at 11:50 am
RE: "If you think men are bad about ignoring women who are working out in the big boy’s section…"
WTF?
Where is it "BAD" if they are into their own workouts and not bothering you?
Don’t you get enough "Hey sexy, nice legs and ‘junk in the trunk’…Etc…Etc." stuff here on BB.com?
You want it 24/7?
JC, I’d think between that and my filthy PM’s you would have had your share of that stuff, but obviously not.
July 7, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Jesus H. Goddamn Christ!
July 7, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Hmm well that must have been a little weird and even slightly disgusting. On the ignoring part I don’t think I ignore women any more than I ignore any other person around me, heh I just ignore everybody and am just focused on my workout LOL, and making sure I am not in someone else way. It’s not a social gathering for me since I am there to just workout.
July 7, 2009 at 3:31 pm
After I threw up I had to LMAO!!! HOLY CHRIST girl…. sick and funny in the same breath! Thank God I take my man candy with me to the gym…. douchbags leave me the F alone!