Shannon’s BodyBlog

Yesterday was Leg Day for me.  I mentioned to one of my BB buddies that one of the exercises I would NEVER do at the gym was the Donkey Calf Raise.  Call me uptight, but there is no way I could put myself in that position in a public place making the pervs drool with delight.

I’d rather do it at home bent over the kitchen table…….

…….while reading my brand new InStyle magazine and eating a romaine lettuce salad.

So, while I was bent over the kitchen table doing my umpteenth Donkey Calf Raise, my husband walks through the door, home from work.

(Bow chicka bow wow)
"Hey, what’s up?", I ask as I continue with the raises.

"Hey", he says wearily.

"How was work?"

"You know.  Same ol’ thing."

"Oh."

"Do the kids have homework?", he asks as he kicks off his work boots.
Bow chicka bow….fizzle

———————————

With all of the clean eating I’m doing, I get overzealous and buy loads of canned tuna because somehow in my mind I love the stuff.  But in reality, I really don’t love it so much.

So, thank goodness my daughter likes it.

One day she asked me, "Mom, can you make me a tuna sandwich?"

"Sure", I say.

"Can you put man eggs in it?"

"Put WHAT in it?"

"Man eggs.  Mix it with the tuna."

"Oh well, honey, only grownups can have man eggs in their tuna", (I really did NOT say that to her, FYI).

I got all Louis Gossett Jr. on her and over enunciated may o nnaaaaise. (nod to SemiV…and a reminder to him to buy Officer and a Gentleman).

"Oh, I thought it was MAN eggs."

"Noooo.  It’s may o nnaise."

"OK, put some may o nnaise in it", she says, with the same overenunciation that she now uses all the time.

My little Louis Gossett Jr.

Cardio HIIT:  35 minutes,  645 calories

Weight Training:  Back and chest
Breakfast:  1 whole egg, 4 egg whites

whole wheat toast

coffee w/ milk x2

Snack:  apple

Lunch:  Ground turkey w/ diced tomatoes

Snack:  10 almonds

Dinner:   Chicken with beans and salsa…a stewish kind of dish

Snack:  2 whole eggs, 3 egg whites

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by life.  There’s no doubt that I have to deal with heavy duty things day to day.  I start to sink and it’s hard to see the positive in anything around me.  Working out helps, but not without this song playing to get me over feeling sorry for myself:

I have to keep things simple to make me realize what really counts.  Family, health, home, friends, work.  Anything more is just a waste of my time.

Weight Training:  Legs and calves

Breakfast:  1 whole egg, 3 egg whites

whole wheat toast
coffee w/ milk

Snack:  1 cup grapes

Lunch:  Ground turkey and diced tomatoes

Snack: 10 almonds

Dinner:  What I had for lunch

Romaine salad

Snack:  1 whole egg, 4 egg whites

Today should be day 20, but instead I’m making it Day 1 for the 3rd time (technically the fourth if you count the very first day when I immediately blew it by eating the crispy thin crust pizza).

The first 30 days were awesome.  I was really pissed at my lack of motivation to get really healthy and so I got tough with myself and refused to cheat a single time.  I lost 13 pounds during those 30 days (I included cardio as well…so it wasn’t just diet).

Well, I thought I could ease up on myself for the second set of 30 days and I had a few cheat days with some little cheats here and there.

Where had the 19 days gotten me?  NOWHERE.  THAT’S where.  I lost 2 pounds.  That’s about it.

I should be making better progress than that, so I’m starting all over again and getting tough with myself….AGAIN.

No cheats.  Cardio 4 days per week (no less than a 600 calorie burn).  Weight training 6 days per week.

NO SLACKING.  NO EXCUSES.  Just stick with that simple plan.

Cardio 35 minutes:  620 calories

Weights:  Shoulders, Bi’s, and Tri’s
Breakfast:  Oatmeal

10 almonds (mixed in with oatmeal)

coffee w/ milk

Snack:  Apple

Lunch:  Can o’ tuna mixed with red pepper hummus (YES!  Hummus has made a comeback)

Several asparagus spears

Snack:  11 almonds

Dinner:  1 cup lean ground turkey and diced tomatoes

1 cup mixed vegetables

Snack:  2 whole eggs, 3 egg whites

First you’ve got to know the state of health of my family, and then I’ll let you in on the things they’ve said while visiting for my daughter’s birthday (make note of it and who said what):

Dad:  Probably 50 lbs. overweight

Stepmother:  Well over 100 lbs overweight

Mom:  30 lbs. overweight and my daughter insists on knowing when the baby is due.

Brother:  20-30 lbs overweight.

Sis-in-law:  Leaving her out of this because she never said anything.

Father-in-law:  73 going on 43.

Husband:  Better watch it because he’s on his way to complaining he can’t button his pants.

_____________________

Brother:  So what crack diet are you on?

Me:  The crack WHORE diet.  The whoring is what speeds things up.

______________________

Father-in-law:  Shannon, let me take a picture of you for Rita to show how skinny you are now. (Rita is his longtime girlfriend).

I like you.  You’re cool.
Me:  OK.  Let me suck in my stomach, here.

_______________________

Brother:  So, what do you eat for breakfast?  Oatmeal?

Me:  Well, I only eat oatmeal a few days a week with eggs.  And then the other 3 days it’s just eggs.

Stepmother (sarcastically, as her hand is holding a forkful of cake midair on its way to her mouth):  She  eats eggs…..eggs…..eggs…..and MORE eggs.  (and finishes off the statement by taking the bite of cake with a flourish of the hand).

__________________________

Dad (looking at my BB profile):  Oh, is this the thing you do online?

Me:  Yup.  That’s my profile and it has progress pictures that you can see.

Dad (closes the window and opens a new one so he can Google an author of a book he’s reading).

_____________________________

Brother (to my husband):  How does it feel to have a wife who’s in shape?

Husband:  She goes through a lot of eggs.  A LOT of eggs.  And I think she’s eating TOO much protein overall.

Me:  I’m eating JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT of protein.  And I’m replacing some of the eggs with something else now.  So get off my back about it.

Husband (shoots me a look and brings garbage to the garage).

_______________________________
OK.  Now, let me just clarify something about my brother.  We tease each other all the time and he thinks I look great.  So, I’m fine with the "cracks" he was throwing my way.

I’m over the fact that I’m not getting compliments or anything.  I’ve thrown the need for receiving acknowledgement out of the window.  Because I know I’m not going to get anything like that.

But, what I find interesting is everyone’s reactions to my weight loss compared to that of my husband’s when he started losing 90 pounds two years ago.  And don’t misunderstand and think I’m resentful of the difference.  It’s just an observation I’m about to make.
After he lost the first 20 pounds, everyone plus more of his family, came to visit for one of the kids’ birthdays and when they saw him, they were astonished at how he looked.  It was apparent he had lost some weight.  They looked at him like he was back from being lost at sea for decades.  They hugged him, congratulated him on his weight loss, told him how great he looked, questioned him all day long about what he was eating…what his workout regimine was.  And he deservedly basked in the glory.  It helped to further motivate him.

Me, on the otherhand, get the non-acknowledgement, the criticsm over what I’m eating.  There was a lot of conversation I left out of this post.  I think I sense skepticsm over what I’m doing for diet and working out.  Like they know better and that I could be doing something different than what I’m already doing.  I get that more from my husband though:  I’m eating too much protein…..my workouts are a lot of work…..look at how many reps you’re doing for everything, etc.

On the bright side, my mom mentioned that I look thinner around….the waist (I can’t believe she never mentioned how my ass looks, like she usually does).  And she wants me to email her my diet.  So we’ll see how that goes for her.

How people have reacted to my progress is all why a person should workout, eat clean, and live a generally healthy lifestyle to please THEMSELVES and no one else.  If I relied on my family for motivation, I’d be shit out of anything to propel me toward the progress I’ve made.

And I just have to thank EVERYONE here on BB who has contact with me.  This is the only place where I find complete support in everything I’ve been doing.  Thanks, guys

A chicken walks into a bar.  The bartender says "We don’t serve poultry!"  The chicken says "That’s OK I just want a drink."

My 20th reunion is coming up next year.  In the meantime, a bunch of people I went to highschool with are meeting up in New Jersey at Champs in the Menlo Park Mall, tonight.  A fight is supposed to break out, so if you happen to be in that particular bar tonight, let me know if it happens.  Thanks.  I’m just curious like that.
I spoke to an old friend of mine who I haven’t spoken to in years although we send each other Christmas cards and baby announcements.  She was giving me the scoop about everyone since she still lives in town.  After hearing all about everyone and this fight that’s supposed to happen I realized:

Oh yeah, NOW I remember the reason why I haven’t spoken to anyone in 20 years.

You know how people will get themselves into shape to show off how well they’ve aged and that they’ve "still got it" after all those years?  Well, I don’t really give a sh*t.

I had a core group of friends, including the one I spoke to on the phone, who I’d love to see, but that’s about it.

Otherwise, everyone else can continue living in the past.  I think I’ll stick with getting older and more mature (hahahahaha…sort of).

This weekend (starting tonight) I’m having family visit for my daughter’s 7th birthday.  Two of those people are going to be my hugely overweight stepmother and my recovering from triple bypass surgery father (he’s going through rehab now).  They’ll be arriving tonight and THEY will get a good dose of HEALTHY.
My family members will eat nothing but CLEAN FOOD.   Not squeaky clean, but clean enough.  In fact, everyone who is coming to visit is going to eat clean food.  I’ll resort to Tosca Reno’s cookbook for ideas on what to make.

I won’t subject them to my diet by making them eat a shitload of eggs and plain chicken breast.  Or maybe I should…..  Every last member of my family could use a good dose of eating clean and working out.

Oh, we’ll be playing birthday games alright.

Instead of Pin The Tail On The Donkey, I’ll make them play Pin Your Fat Ass On The Floor And Do Crunches (take a breather, but you’re not quitting until it’s done).

Instead of hitting a piñata, I’m going to make them hit the floor running with some calisthenics.

They’re gonna eat clean…..they’re gonna workout and they’re gonna LIKE it, even if it kills them.

Sounds like fun, right?

Keeping it real…not worth anything, but here it is:

Meal 1:  1 whole egg

5 oz. ground beef (to make up for lack of eggs)

Meal 2:  chicken breast

15 almonds

Meal 3:  5 oz. ground beef

romaine salad with oil and vinegar

Meal 4:  1 1/2 slices pizza (you read it right)

I’m not perfect.  I ate a leftover hotdog yesterday (so far no food poisoning…it was old).  BUT I felt BAAD about eating it.  So it doesn’t count, right?  And then I ate a couple of bites and a sliver of pizza, BUT, I felt sooo GUILTY about eating that too.  I get credit for feeling guilty, right?

NO!

Dammit, this week sucks.  I want to say that what I’ve eaten are small ticket items that don’t really count calorie-wise because I really didn’t take in a lot of calories, but I’m not going to allow me to grant myself that rationale because the whole point of me eating clean is to maintain discipline….to control my impulses…..to not let emotions control what I eat.

I’ve got to get grip again.  One of my favorite movie scenes is in the Untouchables when Sean Connery and Kevin Costner are scheming on how to bring Capone down:

You wanna know how you do it? Here’s how, they pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That’s the Chicago way, and that’s how you get Capone! Now do you want to do that? Are you ready to do that?

This morning I’m chugging away on the elliptical hating every minute of it PRAYING that my iPod doesn’t die on me (’cuz the battery was down to the red zone) and I looked at my stats and thought:  400 calories is a repsectable burn.  But I’m going to burn 500 instead.  So I stayed on for another 100 calorie burn.  503.

Dammit, and when I want to reach for a Fig Newton, I’m going to reach for a spinach salad instead.  When I want to do 2 sets of my strength exercises today, I’m going to do 4.

A little side story:  Last night my daughter was going through the little projects they worked on in her 1st grade class.  She made a hand puppet out of a paper bag with the picture of a man glued on to it and said "This is Johnny Columbus."

"WHO?", I asked?

We all busted out laughing and my son told her "That’s CHRISTOPHER Columbus."

"Ohh.  Christopher, whatever.", she says to him.

I said it sounded like a mob name.

Meal 1:  2 whole eggs, 5 egg whites

Coffee w/ skim

Meal 2:  chicken breast

broccoli

15 almonds

Meal 3:  protein shake with peanut butter

Meal 4:  1 whole egg, 6 egg whites

Meal 5:  6 oz. ground beef

I call my oldest son the safety monitor.

"Mom!  Did you put your seatbelt on?" he asks as I start pulling out of the garage.  "WAIT!!!  I don’t think everyone has their seatbelt on!"
"You can’t ride your bike without your helmet!", he yells to his little sister as she rides her bike in the yard….on grass.

And on and on he goes informing everyone of what they need to do to remain safe.

Well, with all my talk about eating clean, my son is now on the lookout for anything he deems to be DIRTY.

"Mom!  You’re eating dirty!" (It was just a little Tootsie Roll midge).
"Mooom.  Is that dirty food?"  (No, shrimp is not dirty).
"Mom, you’re going to order a salad, right?  ‘Cuz salads aren’t dirty."

Granted, my diet hasn’t been perfect this goaround, but it’s a lot better than it could be if I didn’t have ol’ eagle eyes scoping out my meals and reminding me to eat CLEAN.

Well, Cathy was really a man.  I saw him chatting up some other woman when I entered the gym yesterday and moved on to do my 10 minute warmup on the treadmill.

When I went down to the machines, he was still chatting her up.

After I finished doing my 30 pushups, he was still chatting her up.

Then I moved over to do my chest presses and the woman he was talking to finished what she started on the machine where she was sitting while he was chatting her up and got up and left the gym.

I’m doing my thing, had to get up and switch dumbbells and I notice him watching me as I walk past him to get a lighter set (nevermind that).  He smiles and nods, I give a quick half smile and ignore him.

As I’m resting in between sets of chest presses, he comes over to do something else and jokes sarcastically about the weather that was being shown on TV.  I politely joke back and continue doing my thang.

I move over to do straight arm pulldowns and he moves to the other side of the machine to do seated cable rows.

So there we are, side by side.

And he starts chatting me up.  Somehow he starts out with how his father-in-law is old school and demands dinner on the table every night, but he doesn’t expect that.  He’s not old school like that.

And then HANNA MONTANA is being piped through the speakers!!  That’s not allowed in the gym.

Well, this gets the guy on the subject of his 3 yr old daughter and how he has 4 brothers and he and the rest of them will play bad cop, bad cop, bad cop, and Oh Yeah, he’ll play bad cop too when she brings boys home to meet him.

I assume they’re all really cops because of his haircut.
This is all while I’m counting my sets and it sort of reminds me of when I’m at home and my 5 yr old is chatting me up about the dog shitting in the backyard and I have to tell him that mommy is counting and I lose my count.

But this time, I’m able to think and listen at the same time!  Me so smart.

I break from a set and say "My husband cooks only one thing and it’s chicken parmesan.  If I need a break from cooking, that is what he makes."

"My wife makes dinner every night and APOLOGIZES to me because she says she knows it’s not what I want.  I tell her I was a Marine and I’d eat dirt off the ground if I had to."

Wow, you just impressed the hell out of me….NOT.

"Hey, uh, tell your husband to expect someone for dinner.  HAHA, I’ll bet he’d love to see you bring home a strange man for dinner."

"HAHA.  Hey, I have an idea!  How about if I bring you home and cook you up a nice hot plate of shut the f*ck up."

And then he left and I finished my workout.

Today’s diet was CRAP….Don’t follow this one:

 Meal 1:  1 whole egg, 4 egg whites

1/2 cup dry oatmeal made with water

Meal 2:  5 oz. chicken

1 cup asparagus

steamed spinach

Meal 3:  5 oz. chicken

1 cup broccoli

Meal SHIT:  1 Fig Newton

1/2 cup Fruity Cheerios

A couple of bites of Fiber One Caramel Delight cereal

1 pretzel chip (it’s small)

Meal 4:  6 oz. of tilapia