My New Fat Jeans
It ain’t all roses being single. Sometimes it’s down right tough!
I have two pairs of jeans, both about 3 years old. One’s a 34×34, the other’s a 36×34. I’ve been a little heavy so I’ve been sporting the 36×34’s and last week, they started to rip in the seat~! Crisis! Sunday I had a day off and I went to the mall. Confession here: I don’t care about style / fashion & I don’t know how to shop for clothes. So, armed with my credit card, I went to the mall. My two broken in pairs and warglers which date back to my cowboy days. No more horse, no more bull riding, no more wrangles.
I don’t leave the cave that often but this was a necessity. I spent about 20 minutes walking around in Anchor Blue and looking at jeans. It’s all so confusing… slim fit, lose rise, tapered leg, WTF? They’re weren’t many store attendants there and no one bothered to ask if I needed help. You couldn’t look at me and not think I was out of place.
After that failure I walked around inside Hollister Co. They hand some jeans I really wanted to buy, they were called "Bomber Style" but, the biggest pair they had was a a 34, I started looking around the store anbd realized I was out of place here as well. I left the store. The cute goth girl I have a crush on wasn’t working at Dippin’ Dots that day either, damn!
I made my final attempt at Pac-Sun. Some sweetheart there ended up saving my voyage. I was standing by the jeans looking at the wall when she walked by and greeted me with a, "Hello." I real sweet ‘hello’ too, this girl was a real cutie, which made me feel like even more of a fat-ass! She came back in about 5 minutes and noticed I was standing in the exact same place.
"Can I help you?" She asked.
"I sure hope so," I replied in a humble voice, "I don’t know what the hell I’m looking for." I explained my situation to her and thank god she hooked me up! I left with a new pair of Fat Jeans (36×34, I am heavy but not a 38, thankfully), I would have bought two but they didn’t have the lighter color in the size in, I’ll have to go back in a few weeks. But, by then, I’ll be down 20 pounds and ready for a new pair of skinnet jeans as my 34×34’s are ripping in the seat as well.
What a sweetheart! She noticed I was in dire need of help, found a few pairs for me thr try on, helped me with what looked good and waht didn’t! I think if she’s there I’ll give her a C-Note to say thank you!
I rewarded myself be being open enough to communicate my needs with the sales associate by going to Hot Topic and buying myself a new Superman Shirt, a really nice black one with a red velvet "S" and a Superman beanie.
April 11, 2008 at 3:17 pm
What do you mean you don’t know how to shop for clothes? What about the t-shirt aisle at Wal-Mart? You fibber… *laugh*
April 18, 2008 at 3:22 am
You crack me up.
April 24, 2008 at 5:27 am
I have the same problem, I’m an adult now and have no style. I just buy what’s cheap. I’m cuting now so I’m thinking about buying smaller pants as they have had a tendency to fold over iteself at the waist.
April 27, 2008 at 6:51 am
Hey Ronald! Hope you don’t have to wear those 36’s long bro …
Next time try ROSS. Everything there is mighty inexpensive and generally better quality.
May 24, 2008 at 4:09 pm
I hear ya man. I HATE shopping for clothes. Wear my tennis shoes till they’re fallin off my feet, and my jeans till the holes in the knees are so big the bottoms fall off and they turn into shorts. Love your blog. Stay strong!
June 25, 2008 at 10:23 am
Give her a C-Note? I didn’t know you could sing!
July 30, 2008 at 8:01 pm
Ha, man I hope to find such a helpful sales person. I like too that you have adopted the ‘fat jeans’ parlance common to womenfolk. It shows you are not too insecure in your manhood to use terms like that. Just like I am secure enough to use eyeshadow and a very butch leopard print leotard when I mow the lawn.