Riot_Girl_XXX’s BodyBlog

…I’m way too toxic LOL, it’s hard to work when you feel like you have the flu, and for metabolism sake I’m going to go back to a healthy diet, break the fast, and do another five days next month.

All in all I feel really good, I’m proud of myself and my willpower.  I had a piece of whole wheat bread with peanut butter and a banana and my stomach is making crazy noises lol but no adverse effects so I think we may go out for a meal tonight.

All in all i feel pretty good.  It’s also a heavy period day for me so I’m pretty tired and slow but that’s normal every month for me.  I actually have more energy than I usually do on my heavy day so it’s good.  The fruit drinks have been pretty laxative so have to make sure my water intake is up, I’ve not been making sure I’ve had enough water.  Feel so much ‘lighter’ internally, all bloating is gone, etc. 

I feel great

Finally settled down over the stress of the holidays lol!  But all in all had a great holiday with the kids, it’s so magical to see kids on Christmas!  I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday aswel.

Well, I’m starting my new year with a cleanse, I’m doing a detoxing juice fast.  Everyone has their own opinions, but most of the negative opinions come from those people who have never even tried it, so please don’t leave anything negative about it as I’m trying to stay positive throughout this.  Most of you know I’m a naturalist, I follow naturopathy versus allopathy, although allopathy DOES have a significant place in the world aswel, it’s a balance between the two that’s important.

This is day 2 of my juice fast and all in all I feel pretty good.  I’m a bit tired but I’m also on day two of period, so it’s not shocking to me, I would feel like this anyway.  I’m not looking forward to my cleansing crisis and hopefully won’t go through much of one. 

I am NOT fasting for weight loss, you do lose weight but it’s more of a perk than a reason.  I am also monitoring my lean mass and if I feel that I am losing too much (some people don’t lose much at all), then I will add in protein shakes (mixed with water) and almonds and dates juices into the regime (soaking nuts overnight puts nutrients in the water).

Why am I fasting?  For cleansing and detoxing of years of personal stress, sickness and poor diet, personal spirituality (finding belief within myself, not belief in God, I am not religious), to prove my willpower, dedication and discipline to myself. 

So day 1 is over and it wasn’t too bad.  It was hard being around the family eating but I remembered how bad I would feel if I lost my willpower on day 1, and that pulled me through. 

On day 2 now.  Aiming for 10 days, if I am feeling good, maybe longer, we shall see.

Happy new year and all the best in ‘09 everyone!

x 

I am without internet right now so can’t log daily…complete my first week now though and progress so far is down 5 pounds and .5% bodyfat so can’t complain!

GUILTY!

This is a major challenge for me.  With so much anxiety, sometimes I feel out of control and I start to act like a child in that I can control what goes in and out of me (kids refuse to eat or wet themselves out of defiance etc)…well I’m happy to say I don’t wet myself hahah

Subconciously though, I have a hard time when stressed out, controlling my eating habits.  I’ll eat and crave things I havent craved in years, today it was perogies just because they were there.  Its a hugely stressful time for me and so I made a deal to myself…when I have a negative craving, I’m going to do some cardio, be it 15 minutes, half hour i dont care, dancing, tae bo, bootcamp, whatever…if its close to my other training, pilates, etc then i’ll do that before I give in.  Have a big glass of water and then decide.  Chances are, after working out, I’m not going to feel like a detrimental meal and if I end up sliding here and there, at least Ive done something to burn the calories. 

I came across this passage and it fit me perfectly…

 " when you’re bored, angry, tired, anxious, stressed, depressed or socially pressured. If you do, try these tips:

• Before eating anything, ask yourself if you’re really hungry. If the answer is no, consider having a glass of water. You may find that you’re just thirsty.
• Learn to refuse gracefully when people offer food that doesn’t fit into your menu plan such as treats at coffee breaks.
• Do something to distract yourself from your desire to eat — call a friend or run an errand.
• Direct emotional energy from stress or anger outward. Think about taking a walk, sorting through files, or cleaning out a cluttered drawer or closet. The urge to eat will pass.
• If you find that you absolutely can’t find an alternative strategy, don’t try to restrain yourself too much — that may lead to bingeing. In that case, eat some vegetables or a piece of fruit. You won’t have to feel guilty, and it may satisfy your craving.

Step 2: Change gradually

When you’ve identified an eating habit that you’d like to change, remember that gradual changes work best. Consider this example. Marty works as a customer service manager for a retail department store. Her job is often stressful. She prides herself on meeting the needs of customers and sometimes finds herself juggling the needs of customers with the needs of management. When she feels overwhelmed by stress, she walks to the vending machine for a high-fat, high-calorie snack.

Marty recognized that this was one eating habit preventing her from reaching a healthy weight. She decided to start dealing with on-the-job stress by taking a brisk, 10-minute walk at break time and by eating fruit for snacks.

Like Marty, you, too, can prevent thoughts and feelings about food from standing in the way of your weight-loss program. Choose one area at a time and be specific about how you’re going to change. When you feel you’ve successfully changed one eating habit, work on another.

Step 3: Plan ahead

Your old eating habits may be so ingrained that you’re not aware of them. Mentally rehearsing healthier habits can help. Imagine this: You’re at a graduation party. The buffet table is packed with all of your favorite treats. Now imagine this: You take a small portion of a few items from the buffet table, leaving space between them on your plate, or you take only fresh fruits and vegetables. Mentally rehearse this plan until you’re more likely to remember it — and do it — the next time you need it most.

Step 4: Think positively

Don’t dwell on what you’re giving up to reach a healthy weight. Concentrate instead on what you’re gaining. Instead of thinking, "I really miss eating a doughnut at breakfast," tell yourself, "I feel a lot better when I eat oatmeal and fresh fruit in the morning."

Step four especially stood out for me…I do this to myself, and I think I cant eat this, I cant do that…and it starts to feel like a negative thing…so I have to counteract that and make it positive and realize what it is I’m working towards

With increased self esteem comes increased willpower and vice versa

x 

I suffer from anxiety due to high amounts of stress in life, being abused by an ex etc.  I left him, but my body became accustomed to the extreme levels of stress, I am now on alert 24/7, I cant relax, its almost like post traumatic stress without the flashbacks, my body and mind are remembering how i felt, and how i felt has now become the norm for me, on edge, still the walking on eggshells feeling. 

I’m going through custody stuff with my ex, he wants full rights, i dont want him having full rights, I want final decision making, its high conflict, he’s still mentally abusive, manipulating, bullying, etc, and i dont want to deal with that in day to day decisions.  So my stress level is high, ive been to the doctor 22 times in the last two years for stress/anxiety related issues.

Ive been tested by an ENT, had blood work to check for diabetes, iron levels, thyroid, etc, etc, etc…anything to figure out why i was feeling physically the way i was.  (i’m a bit better now but its creeping back up again and i’ll say why later)

An average physical day for me when anxious:

Shaky, apprehensive, on edge (almost like im hyper and cant sit still but i have no energy at the same time), want to crawl out of my skin, butterflies in stomach (leading to fears of panic attacks, thats how they start for me, a rush in the stomach and then rushing through my body, this hot chill adrenaline rush), goosebumps, depersonalization, derealization, cant focus on anything, have to reread things, cant concentrate on anything, i get overwhelmed very easy, headaches, stomachaches, IBS type stomach, sore joints, stiff neck and shoulders, stiff hands, aching legs, phantom chest pains, severe head pressure/sinus pressure, ringing ears, pressure and popping in ears, eye strain/pain/dryness (contacts), no appetite to excessive appetite, moodiness, very little patience when i’m really anxious whcih comes out as anger but its actually fear…this is just what i can think of off the top of my head…

on a mental level, i deal with obsessions (OCD) daily, some days better than others, you can watch my videos when I do them about OCD if you want to understand it better, its hell to live with.  Ive also dealt with agoraphobia which is getting better, I was able to go to England last May for a week with no panic attacks, so that was exciting for me.  Anxiety high but it didnt escalate into any panic

now people can kind of understand why exercise has not taken the forefront for a while…its hard to function and excel when feeling like that 24/7. 

Now, any change will trigger anxiety in me.  stress, good or bad, of any kind, will trigger anxiety in me.  This will get better in time once i start implementing proper nutrition, exercise and relaxation techniques (yoga). but for now i have to deal with what i feel. 

i start exercising, or even eating right, i make any little change and my anxiety escalates…so i normally fall off a diet or exercise plan just to avoid the anxiety spikes, and go back to my ‘comfort zone’…so starting this plan and program is like fear factor for me LOL, its using the technique, feel the fear and do it anyway

most people cant understand that, i mean what is so frightening about nutrition and exercise right? well to one person, flying isnt frightening, but to another its terrifying, just depends on the person.  and me, any changes in my life, my mind and body react.  but ill just push through and make this my new comfort zone, i cant live behind the mask of anxiety forever.

What ive learned is, everyone with anxiety needs to figure out the reason they hang onto it.  most say, why would i hang onto it?  i hate it, its ruined my life.  yes, but you do hang onto it.  i didnt want to admit it myself but its true.  ive hidden behind anxiety because of lack of self esteem and a fear of failure.  i could use anxiety as my excuse to not try new things,  it protected me…i didnt have to meet new people, i wsa anxious, therefore no one could hate me or judge me (which they do anyway lol), i didnt have to change jobs, take new bigger steps in life…it was a security blanket for me, and now its going to be tough to change that, its always tough for a baby to give a security blanket, we all know, this is the same thing

but more than doing it for me, i want to do it for my kids, i want them to know the world is not a fearful place like i was taught it was…i was raised to feel guilt, shame and fear, although my mom did love me, this was her message and not her fault either.  i dont blame her, im not a perfect parent either, but i hope to learn from those mistakes and not pass them on.  because me being aware of them and doing them anyway, would make it my fault if i passed it on.  my duaghter has anxious tendencies and she has done amazing in raising her confidence, she is now 6 and trying new things and ive taught her to tell herself, i can handle it, no matter what she is afraid of, she says, i can handle it, try again, etc…

shes gone from this shy little girl, afraid to even climb a bunk bed just over a year ago, to riding her bike with no training wheels, not shy at all, trying rock climbing at the ‘Y’, go carting, always taking chances and trusting us that we wont take her anywhere she will get hurt, its such a night and day in her, its so awesome!

x

In my Day 2: Nutrition post, i posted my nutrition plan, diet plan for the next four weeks

I should add, I intend to follow only that plan for four weeks, not only to lose weight but to detoxify my body, and cut an addictions to processed foods/sugar that I may have.

After four weeks, I will begin adding in a cheat meal once a week (one meal not one day lol)

After eight weeks I will start cycling calories so my body doesnt get used to everything, I will alternate between high calorie and low calorie days, adding back in foods I’ve eliminated, in moderation (cheese etc, and chocolate milk after training), to spike calories on leg days especially as I will be lifting heavier by then

x

I tweaked my diet plan…

Five days a week for the first four weeks, I’ll be getting 1274.5 calories a day, it looks like this

1274.5 calories

121.7 protein

164.8 carbs

17.9 fat

it ends up being approximately 35%/55%/10%  (P/C/F) my fat is a little low but i also take EFA’s

on leg days (2x week) i boost my calories up to 1333 just for a little extra protein

the diet looks like this…

Five days a week:

1/3 cp oatmeal

1 scoop protein powder

1/2 grapefruit with stevia

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1 cp strawberries

1/4 cp almonds

1/2 cp cucumber

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1 cp cottage cheese

1 cp grapes

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1 cp cottage cheese

1 cp strawberries

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salad with spinach, peppers, celery, tomato

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Protein powder (1 scoop)

water

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1/2 cp brown rice

broccoli

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1274.5 calories

121.7 protein

164.8 carbs

17.9 fat

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Leg Days, the same as above but add in 1/2 cp egg whites

1333 calories

134.7 protein

165.8 carbs

17.9 fat

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MY BMR, WHAT I NEED TO MAINTAIN MY WEIGHT BEING SEDENTARY IS 1926 CALS APPROXIMATELY A DAY…

SO I BURN APPROXIMATELY 13,237 CALORIES A WEEK

THIS MEAL PLANS GIVES ME AN INTAKE OF 9038.5 CALORIES A WEEK

ADD IN MY EXERCISE SIX DAYS A WEEK I BURN AN EXTRA 6642 CALORIES A WEEK

ADD IN MY EXERCISE ON SUNDAYS (1 CARDIO, YOGA, PILATES) AND I BURN AN EXTRA 600 CALORIES A WEEK

WHICH MAKES MY CALORIE DEFICIT A WEEK, 11,440.5 CALORIES A WEEK, WHICH TO BURN FAT (3500 CALS PER POUND), WOULD BURN 3.26 PDS A WEEK

AT THE END OF FOUR WEEKS, I SHOULD HAVE LOST 13 POUNDS, MATHEMATICALLY SPEAKING

X

Had made a diet plan, then tweaked it by the end of the day.

Yesterday my diet consisted of:

1/3 cp oatmeal, 1 cp protein powder, 3 tbsp hemp seeds

1 grapefruit with stevia

1 cp grapes, 1 cp strawberries, 1/4 cp almonds

1 cp cottage cheese, 1 cp grapes

tried mixed beans and broccoli, i cant stomach beans at all

had a severe craving for quizno’s bbq chicken flatbread last night lol but since im going back vegetarian and its not healthy, i settled for toast with peanut butter

drank only water and chamomile tea with stevia

 my total caloric intake was around 1600, a bit higher than i wanted, wasnt counting on that late night carb craving, but one day at a time

much healthier than the junk i usually eat

I didnt do any training yesterday (day one), being Sunday, just eased into my new diet plan.