Pwisnasky’s BodyBlog

I took a long look in the mirror this morning and thought about how hard i havebeen working and that everyday I am seeing alot of things I need to REALLY CHANGE.  I got realy down and in utterawe at the fact of how bad I have been in denial of denial. See I fifured it out, You get to the point that you are starting to see progress and you start slacking up like i did 6 or more months ago. ppl tell you how awesome you are looking so you get busy with daily life and think you can slack a bit…NOT i was doing damn good and then the hubby thing that some of you already know about ( the whole not approving of me working out so much and makes fun that I want to look like a man) anyway, him always saying how good looking his wife and I do not need to work out so much. Well I was in denial then that I had to keep it up and maybe he was right ….WRONG.I have been working out off and on for years and continue to do the yo you thing but that was before being almost 40 and thinking still got time but..Time catches up quicker than you think and then here we are and thinking we were ok.  who was I kidding , i was in denial forEVER, The pics I updated today are proof  it does not take long to lose it and that if you want it and the body you wish for …You have to make this a lifestyle, everything has to change. i am ridding myself of those who do not support me and I am journaling my food, my excercise and trying to figure how to deal with damn near being a single mom because I see the hubby 1 day a week- with 5 kids a full time job a sister that is like a kid  and I do mean that. two bosses that rarely do anything on their own except shop. all my needy friends who know I am a yes person but never support or help me when time comes.All the people who say I want to workout yet sit on the couch with a dr pepper and eating fast food all the time - yea those friends are no help. I do not eat fast food and have not for well over 6 months but they can real you in,One time burger does hurt some because of " denial " that it wont hurt  or lack of control for the next time they see golden arches ,after weeks of clean eating.  I realized when someone tells you u r looking good , Thank God and say well plan to look better and feel better, even if you just say it to yourself. I am 5 1 and 129 and I mean a big 129 in a size 4/5 and no better than anyone else because I got sloppy and denied it . as long as the jeans looked goood  hey no problem right . Well get this ‘all legs go up and make an ass out of themselves but ………..do I want it to look like i sit on the couch all day….HELL NO. I took my pics today and was rather embarrassed because I have not looked that bad for a while , i could see the cellulite that had crept up while I denied it and the extra handles that I also denied ( knowing the whole damn time they were coming) 

point is i am not the only one there ae several of us who say I am not that bad but let a really fit person come around and you ask who does she think she is???well she is the one with self control and , positive attitude , right frame of mind  and the ability to rrealize it is what it is , we are what we eat.Life a happens & crap happens but there is always a way to recover and Move the hell on. Not only that but Iwant my kids to see anything is possible but you have to work at it nothing good comes easy and hell bring on the sweat , tears & pain because I am tired of denial and ready for damn it get er done!   I have been working really hard the last few weeks; I post my workouts here and try to do better each time and cleaning the junk out of the trunk.I am 39 but not yet dead,think the last few weeks I have finally come back to life and getting the it’s my turn attitude helped andrealizing wake up and see the damn cellulite!    I know there are a few more me’s out there hope you  make the choice to get it together and make it a lifestyle too!

Ok I know I already posted tonight but after cooling down from a phone call from the damn truck driver, 12 ounce lifting, husband of mine I am thouroughly pissed!   I thought it would be an ok conversation because we rarely talk while he is on the road. So he asked how my day was and I felt like I had a good day in the gym and this Mo********ER has to put a damn damper on everything and think all men are like him. First I  complained because my supposedwork out buddy bailed on me yet again  and as previously stated all she does is talk about losing weight and getting in shape ,- blah, blah, blah!   She works at the gym but is rarely found when it is time for a workout, nor will she answer the phone when she knows  I am calling to see if shes going.  Anyway, all these times I have blogged about not having spotters  and or workout partner to push me, not being able to reach full potential because of  not being able to go the extra with a spotter to help me with adding weight and so on ,blah blah blah. Well I move on to teell him how Rogetr has been in the gym and he has won a fwew competitions here  and he is always there helping somebody out and alot of people look to him for help. He came over and talked to me and My B friends son was going to try and spot me  and he rarely works out either but has alot of heart and he is trying to get in and be motivated now. He was trying to help me but was trying to be cool arounfd his friends too. anyway Roger asked what I was trying to do so I precededto tell him and instantly he helped me and made sure I was doing it correctly  as I was not quite on Q so he told me what to do and to add 10 if I got thru the first set and then 10 if I could get another  and so on. I did it with amazement , thought I could not before  because one I was intimidated by all the big guys there.  Anyway then he led me to another  area to do incline bench press with 20 lb dumbells and I all this time was using  10- 15 and never ventured further because of my recent shoulder injury I let the weakness in my left side fool me . So Roger said cmon you have bigger arms then some of these guys and damn better than most of the women in here , just do it .   I put my fear aside and managed to do 4 sets and the last one was tough but I damn did it . I felt great, finally I was doing better and secondly, my previous fears went away . About the guys making fun of me and making me feel like I do not belong.  Roger came over and told me great job and  so did a few of his friends that were working with him. Well I told my hubby about it and of course it  was well I am sure the only reason he did it is because you r a female and probably has ulterior motives this coming from the sameman who always bitches becasue he thinks I am going to look like a man…..I told him I have known roger for some time and  funny thing he knows him too and he himself asked Roger about some help a few times . 1 of the 5 times he has ever been I might damn add!  now ask him about lifting 12 ounce cans and he has no problems there! and then he knows every damn thing. Moving on ——- I told him that I was tired of hearing about the shit about getting big and so on and that this was one thing I have always liked and he has never supported one damn thing. he is very insecure if I take updated pics and hates that Ilovethis site but I have finally figured out he is I-N-S-E-C-U-R-E.   Hehas had alot of affairs and now   he is thinking ok she is going to pursue  this and now look guys are helping her . Does he really think ppl do not looko at me   I mean damn I am not dead !!!!! Not the best either but I am confident in who I am and finally rid of the ugly duckling syndrome I went through in his school with nick names such as scar face, pizza ace and so on from years of bad acne , what a damn jerk and who the f*** does he think he is??????????? talk about someone wanting to hold you back I mean damn.   I think next time he derinks 12 ounces Iwill say here’s a toast to me *******!  What happened to  having a damn support team, kids don’t either because it is when they cant have me there  doing everything for them and they are damn teenagers or they cant  keep up with my every damn move go figure lol ………..I need a support team HERE!!!!!!!!  His last words were , well thats on you if youwant to run around looking lik a f****** man what ever , needless to say i said thanks for your support and hung the hell up.

Ok I know I already posted tonight but after cooling down from a phone call from the damn truck driver, 12 ounce lifting, husband of mine I am thouroughly pissed!   I thought it would be an ok conversation because we rarely talk while he is on the road. So he asked how my day was and I felt like I had a good day in the gym and this Mo********ER has to put a damn damper on everything and think all men are like him. First I  complained because my supposedwork out buddy bailed on me yet again  and as previously stated all she does is talk about losing weight and getting in shape ,- blah, blah, blah!   She works at the gym but is rarely found when it is time for a workout, nor will she answer the phone when she knows  I am calling to see if shes going.  Anyway, all these times I have blogged about not having spotters  and or workout partner to push me, not being able to reach full potential because of  not being able to go the extra with a spotter to help me with adding weight and so on ,blah blah blah. Well I move on to teell him how Rogetr has been in the gym and he has won a fwew competitions here  and he is always there helping somebody out and alot of people look to him for help. He came over and talked to me and My B friends son was going to try and spot me  and he rarely works out either but has alot of heart and he is trying to get in and be motivated now. He was trying to help me but was trying to be cool arounfd his friends too. anyway Roger asked what I was trying to do so I precededto tell him and instantly he helped me and made sure I was doing it correctly  as I was not quite on Q so he told me what to do and to add 10 if I got thru the first set and then 10 if I could get another  and so on. I did it with amazement , thought I could not before  because one I was intimidated by all the big guys there.  Anyway then he led me to another  area to do incline bench press with 20 lb dumbells and I all this time was using  10- 15 and never ventured further because of my recent shoulder injury I let the weakness in my left side fool me . So Roger said cmon you have bigger arms then some of these guys and damn better than most of the women in here , just do it .   I put my fear aside and managed to do 4 sets and the last one was tough but I damn did it . I felt great, finally I was doing better and secondly, my previous fears went away . About the guys making fun of me and making me feel like I do not belong.  Roger came over and told me great job and  so did a few of his friends that were working with him. Well I told my hubby about it and of course it  was well I am sure the only reason he did it is because you r a female and probably has ulterior motives this coming from the sameman who always bitches becasue he thinks I am going to look like a man…..I told him I have known roger for some time and  funny thing he knows him too and he himself asked Roger about some help a few times . 1 of the 5 times he has ever been I might damn add!  now ask him about ligting 12 ounce cans and he has no problems there! and then he knows every damn thing. Moving on ——- I told him that I was tired of hearing about the shit about getting big and so on and that this was one thing I have always liked and he has never supported one damn thing. he is very insecure if I take updated pics and hates that Ilovethis site but I have finally figured out he is I-N-S-E-C-U-R-E.   Hehas had alot of affairs and now   he is thinking ok she is going to pursue  this and now look guys are helping her . Does he really think ppl do not looko at me   I mean damn I am not dead !!!!! Not the best either but I am confident in who I am and finally rid of the ugly duckling syndrome I went through in his school with nick names such as scar face, pizza ace and so on from years of bad acne , what a damn jerk and who the f*** does he think he is??????????? talk about someone wanting to hold you back I mean damn.   I think next time he derinks 12 ounces Iwill say here’s a toast to me *******!  What happened to  having a damn support team, kids don’t either becasue it is when they cant have me there  doing everything for them and they are damn teenagers or they cant  keep up with my every damn move go figure lol ………..I need a support team HERE!!!!!!!!  His last words were , well thats on you if youwant to run around looking lik a f****** man what ever , needless to say i said thanks for your support and hung the hell up.

Well I managed to get through the Dreaded Thanksgiving dinner. Yes the Cornbread chicken did me in!  I was a prisoner of the dressing and finally managed to get rid of it.  I did better than most holidays though I ate my dinner and pulled away lol but the dressing was what I ate for the next two days  when I got home but during the day ate pretty good. Not sure I ate enough today though. actually I know I did not . I am nursing a wicked cold in which I can barely breathe - bronchitis and doc says he thinks It is trying to turn into plueresy but will overcome that too now that we are on meds.    None the less I SOOOOOOO did not have it in me to go to the gym but I manged to be able to quit the coughing for a few hours and decided I better go while I could.   I look in the mirror and am so desperate for seeing quick results I guess it helps me get it done.   I finally got past my phobia and asked one of the huge guys  I see there everyday to help me out . He helped  me out on a few chest excercises and funny I thought he would laugh because I was not some power house and he actually said he was rather impresses that I was even doing it because most of the women in that gym will not attempt the weights on that side of the gym and he sees  me  over there often instead of on allthe machines. That helped me alot and I was  ready to go. I tried to get away with two sets on incline but he pushed me and said" oh when it gets tough you just quit’ well that pissed me off and guess what… I went back for the last two sets and could barely get the last one but  damn I did! It was great.  Now, I am ready for more  and will focus better on the form as well. I had a hard time with cardio but pushed it as far as I could and felt good about that too, only got 35 as opposed to 45 but I did it .  Tomorrow will be pushing 45 on Elliptical and then My favorite legs!   I just wish my upper half was as strong as that but we will get there. I weighed in and , scale says I weighed 1 lb less but oh the BF is not going !!!!!    Gotta get more in tune on the diet and get those 4- 5 meals in . some days it is tough just do not feel like eating and definatly have not been drinking enough water but did much better today.  I am not even sure any body reads my blogs but it makes me feel better and perhaps I can go back on bad days and use then to my advantage. I really noticed that the lower half is wear I need to lose the fat …..perhaps because my legs were so good before and lifted alot once upon a time and then    was out for so long , nonetheless I am one day closer to my goals and we will see results soon.JUST WISH ROME WAS BUILT IN A DAY … oh I might mention my gbest friend was there and yes she copped out again!  oh well . maybe once she sees more of my results she will do something