It Starts Here!
Right, its been a long while since Ive posted, things have been challenging and Ive been through a lot. Its been 15 months since Ive been able to get in the gym training. I have been ill and constantly in and out of hospital for that time and been through countless drugs and treatments. As a result my physique has crashed to resemble my pre-workout days, its been at least 8 years since Ive looked so bad. I was at my best June 2011. Now, I take on the biggest comeback challenge I have ever set myself, to fight back and beat my previous best!
I have posted some Starting Pics, I cant believe how far Ive fallen. From a high of 73kg @ 5.58% bodyfat, down to 51.8kg at my lowest. But hey, I built that 73kg from 23kg as a young ill teenager, so this should be easy right? I begin this challenge, March 9th 2013 at 56.5kg & 7.74% bodyfat.
Here are my starting stats;
March 2013 Starting Stats
- Height 178cm (70ins or 5’10” )
- Bodyweight 56.5kg (124.3lbs or 8stone12)
- BMI 17.8
- BodyFat 7.74%
- Selected Measurements
- Chest 89cm (35ins)
- Shoulders 114cm (44.8ins)
- Arms Relaxed 30cm (11.8ins)
- Hips 90cm (35.4ins)
- Waist 75cm (29.5ins)
- Thighs 46cm (18.1ins)
This will not happen quickly, but I plan to take pics every two weeks and measurements every eight weeks. I have set myself the goal of 75kg @ 6% bodyfat. This is going to be a huge challenge given my illness is on-going and will still affect me on a daily basis. I will have to fight hard just to make it to the gym, get all my meals in, stay a step ahead. I have never been so determined, I will not fail. I WILL NOT FAIL!!
I want this for me, I want my life back, I want to be me again. I will reclaim what is mine, I will get my life back.
When life knocks you down, DO BURPEES!!
I will also be posting on Instagram, please follow and support - PETERKV
Just shy of my target time. So whatâ€™s going on?
My last blog I shifted the posts. I wanted to be back to 150lbs for the New Year. I was 138 then. Well Im glad to say Iâ€™ve reached it already, so itâ€™s a good thing I moved the posts to 155lbs. Im not sure whether or not Iâ€™ll make it in time, if I do, great! If not, Iâ€™ve come a long way and this is one of the first steps, one of the first, basic goals I have lined up for myself. There are bigger and better, far greater things to come. Im determined.
Iâ€™ve had a great week, Im very driven and finding motivation is something I find easy to do. But what has been happening, well this just blew the lid off it.
There are huge Eastern Europeans in my gym from Poland, Latvia, Lithuania etc. There is one guy who I have been looking to as a rough model of some of the things I would like to be, like to achieve. This guy would fill a barn door, all shoulders! Both being regulars, we would often nod, say hi, just acknowledge each other. Well he approached me during the week, it was arms day (surprise) and I was about 1 hour into the routine so I had a huge pump. I thought he was going to ask me to spot him, he asks â€œwhat do you do to get so ripped, what are you on? Youâ€™ve a huge pumpâ€�. â€“Wow, hang on, heâ€™s asking me? A guy 150lbs in a gym filled with huge bodybuilder types. He's the giant.
He told me of a few supps he had tried to get a better pump and that most of them just blew his head with stimulants. I told him how I eat, he was asking about carbs, do I carb cycle, protein intake, aminos, I eat fish? What fish, how much? How do I cook my rice? What BCAAs do I take? Lean bulk? This was all in the space of 2-3minutes, he didnâ€™t want to hold me up but I couldnâ€™t believe what was happening.
At the end of my routine I was ready to collapse, the same state I usually leave myself in after a good routine. He approached once more to talk a little more about where I buy my food, and a little talk on my training. He then went to try out one of the triceps exercises.
I left there in good form!
There was also a staff meeting one day (Back day for me), they were all called into the room used for the spinning classes. Thereâ€™s a window through to the main weights area and I noticed at one point that all the faces in that room were looking at me, before turning away again. Weird.
When they were done one of the trainers came over to me, I had to ask, â€œwhat was that about?â€� He said the manager just happened to see me and asked who was responsible for â€˜that young lads recent progressâ€™. Nobody was able to claim me as theirs. Apparently he was very impressed. Something similar happened before, a long while back before I got ill again â€“ Any chance of a job???
Iâ€™ve been getting more and more people asking me for tips, training, eating, planning ahead, setting goals, keeping the momentum going. I know Iâ€™ve been pulling out all the stops but itâ€™s just so great to see that others are seeing it too.
All this has been going on while in the background, Iâ€™ve been in and out of the hospital to see my specialist/have scans, I had meds changed/added - again. Been sick now and again every few days, so if I can do it, come on, demand more from yourself, lets reach those goals together.
Have a great Christmas, enjoy the holidays, Iâ€™ll have new pics up in the New Year.
This really is it. A big one, a goal Iâ€™ve set before and come so close to achieving only to miss the mark due to illness taking hold. Well not this time.
I was low lastweek, I was struggling because of the constant deadweight pulling me back one step for every two forward. But hey, wasnâ€™t I starting to make more ground, then there was ground lost? I did just say that, one step back for every two in my favour, at last. It was two or three back for every one forward at one point. So what am I going to do?
Stand clear of the fridge and drop those weights, â€˜coz here I come, Iâ€™ll be needing them. I have everything I need now at my disposal. So the goal once more, but with everything lined up and set to reach it . . . you know what? Lets push it out a little more, it was 150?
Main Focus, Main Goal: Bodyweight 70kg (Iâ€™ll round up to 155lbs) before New Years 2011.
- This doesnâ€™t sound much, but to you who know me and of my constant struggle, you know what this is. That gives me a little over 7 weeks, my current weight has dropped again to 138lbs. 17lbs, 7 weeks. So how will I get there?
Tracking my progress daily. Exercises, weight, reps, sets, resting periods, cardio. Meal planning, meal times, nutritional foods! No ****e! Tracking everything, calories, carbs, proteins, fats, amino acids, iron (important for me on a medical side) and from the right food sources! I cant stress that enough! Consistency, intensity and discipline. Three things I do well. Moring weigh-in before meals or training begin for true bodyweight reading, evening weigh-in for daily progress records. Making time for one hour of restful sleep after one of my solid meals including complex carbohydrates, during the day to aid in muscle recovery. And finally, by having you here on bb.com watching, that will keep the skids on. Iâ€™m doing this for me, Iâ€™m doing this because I can.
Watch out, thereâ€™s a killer shark in the waters.
2010 as some of you know has been wildly up and down for me so far. I'm not going to cover it all, again!
But this past week I had two very bad days where I probably should have gone to hospital and would have before, but I know my body all too well at this point. I dropped 148lbs to 137lbs in two days, but I refused to go to the hospital, I knew I would see it off myself. I knew the feelings, the organs and areas which were struggling.
I took my jabs, I worked hard to keep hydrated, only thing I managed to eat was soup and a single slice of bread. Mouth and throat were inflamed and stomach was being attacked. Still, I knew what I was at. I drank fluids, replaced salts and slept as much as I could, put pressure on certain parts of my stomach which I have found to relieve some pain and discomfort and slept sitting upright which relieves pressure on my throat and chest, giving me longer resting periods. After the two days I started eating again and other than being warn out and a few lbs lighter, I was fine.
I was in the gym yesterday, first day back. Weighed 63.5kg (140lbs) on the scales. How amazed was I with what happened next.
I grabbed the 30kg Dumbbells - what I usually start with after my warm up, and began my flat bench press, it felt easier than I expected after missing a few days. I then went for a pair of 35kg Dumbbells. Two young lads (very unusual in this gym, but they were non-regulars) laughed and one actually pointed, I had my ipod on and wouldn't have known it only I saw in the angled mirror. Ignoring it completely I propped the weights on my knees. Up, 10reps - easy. Then I decided not to continue my Dumbbell sets, but to move onto Barbell Bench Press for the remaining sets. Both arms help eachother so, already warmed up, threw 80kg on the bar (bar included in all of these!). No problems with it. 90kg, 6 solid reps. That was my 1RM a few weeks back. Final set 97kg, up, one, two, three, four, C'MON! FIVE, SIX! YES!! - I felt great, at this point I suddenly realised the two lads were watching me again, handsÂ by their sides with their water bottles and sweat towels hanging, almost with thier jaws hanging too.
I moved on and did other various exercises for chest on lighter weight, then came Lever Wide Chest Presses. Only 3 working sets here. Ok, I should be able to load more weight on here because I've the plates loaded on a machine I physically cannot get crushed under.
90kg, 10reps. 100kg, 6reps. Last set, one more, last set, come on P. 110kg (242lbs). I weigh 140lbs right now remember. UP! One, two, three, breath, come on! Four, C'MON! Five, SIX! . . . . . . .
I set the weight down, tilted my head back and took a few long breaths. I then picked up my workout planner/tracker diary. Wrote in the stats of my final set, looked back over the whole workout, smiled to myself, wiped the sweat from my forehead, picked up my water and straps. A regular, a face I know well, gave 'the nod' and an approving smile as I packed up and went upstairs to steep in the steamroom.
Illness stops you from achieving what? Huh? . . . . .
That's what I thought. Do the work, keep the drive, always believe and push yourself for more. I can do it, anyone can. Nothing can stop me, what can stop you?
Happy Gyming my friends.
It has been a month since I posted my last bodyblog.
In it I spoke of how things kept tearing me down and how I kept fighting in an attempt to overcome the struggle and make my story a success. I spoke of how I kept mentally strong and held on to my goals even in times of poor health and a deteriorating body. I kept quiet, I didn't post again until today. Working, training, eating, living one day at a time, meal by meal, rep by rep. So, what have I managed to achieve so far?
How about if I say I have been a member on bb.com a year tomorrow and I started at 150lbs and 10% body fat. Doesn't sound like I've done much. I'm only 146lbs, that means I'm smaller, but haven't I just said I have been working? So whats been going on?
Well lets look at some other details, like the fact that due to illness, I have lost 62lbs collectively over this past year, but that would mean that I have gained back 58lbs.
I could bench 224lbs at my best, Now I can manage 198lbs. When I say that again, due to being ill that fell to 143, that changes too.
Biceps were 16ins, now 15.5ins. A loss? But they had fallen to 14ins.
Ok, I haven't made any progress from this time last year, but I've made some phenominal comebacks despite having a chronic illness which has run riot in 2010.
I managed to fight back every step, I fought back every time, I never gave up, I never lowered the expectations I had of myself, I never stopped trying! The past year I've been hospitalised several times and had a few procedures done, I've been changed from one treatment to another trying to find one that would work, so no, I've not had an ideal year. A far cry infact.
"Overall, I have been ill for 7 of the last 12 months"
What made the difference was I worked with what I had and I made the best of it. I kept my head, I stayed strong. I will NEVER give up, I will ALWAYS fight. NOTHING will change that, and I will always give EVERYTHING I've got.
I posted new pics yesterday showing changes over the last 8 weeks, 19lb gain total from the lowest point of 127lbs, body fat still below 8%. Waist still 29ins. This is what I call progress. Right?
This is only the beginning, if I am lucky enough to keep illness under control for the next few months I will be well ahead of last year. I will storm ahead. In my head I can see a scenario where I have a full year free of medical complications, imagine. Then those 58lbs really make a difference. I have worked so hard this year, but this is just part one. I have so much more I want to achieve, I want this to be a success story. The foundations have gone in, so it's back to work. If this doesn't motivate you, if this doesn't make you think and re-evaluate your own situation, I don't know what will, get stuck in!
"Only you can make it happen but believe me YOU CAN!"
You can make those things you desire become reality, all it takes is work. Pay day will come in theÂ form of a physique you can be proud of, and knowing it's the result of your own work? That has to put a smile on your face. Apply yourself, you will get there, I know I will.
Happy Gyming my friends.
Thatâ€™s all I need to do now, keep creeping forwards.Â
2010 wasnâ€™t meant to play out this way. A comment from a bodyspace member got me thinking and as a result, Iâ€™ve stepped back and looked through my profile from an outsiders point of view. Itâ€™s a sad story.Â
The blogs, I didnâ€™t realise just how much of a current Iâ€™m constantly swimming against, I suppose itâ€™s because I take it day by day, meal by meal.Â
The pictures, of a young man fighting and despite his best efforts being no more than a few paces from his original starting point.Â
The personal info, the short history outlining how and why things began, which brought me into this bodybuilding lifestyle.Â
The forum threads, the posts made about staying strong, holding on to a belief and refusing to back down, when others would.Â
This has been my life for such a long time now, and all the information I share here only just begins to scratch the surface. Believe me, Iâ€™ve written pages upon pages on what has gone on in my medical past, even when I shortened it to make it more appealing and readable, it still runs through pages. I put it together for a few reasons, I wanted to have a copy available to the parents of sick children in the hospital I spent so many years in so that they could see another kid, who went through what their child is going through and came out the other end ok. I also did it for myself, slightly altered, slightly more real, afterall I want to encourage the parents. I wanted to recap what I have overcome, seeing how strong I have become as a result and that charges me up to keep up the fight and give it hell. In order for this story to be of any use, to me, to those parents, to the children, to anyone, I need a positive outcome. It needs a happy ending, it needs for its little warrior to slay the beast.Â
I will make this story the success it deserves to be. I will keep creeping on those goals, those ideals, those dreams. Even at times when I am unable to train my body, I continue to train my mind. So long as this heart keeps beating, this mind keeps strong, I will do everything I need to do to be the success I now need to be, I long to be, I dream of being. One day, I will have crept up on it, I will have finally made it. Until then, I will keep moving, I will remain as strong, focused and positive as I have ever been. I will live my dream.Â
A big thank you to all my friends here on bodyspace who have taken an interest and shared their support.Â
Hold Strong, Happy Gyming my friends.
So, this is how it is. 12 years ago you shatter my world and tear me apart from the inside. You rob me of everything I had physically, you beat me down and continued your abuse to the point where you managed to pull me down to 52lbs, dying on a strange bed. You showed a small child just how cruel this world can be. You stole away most of my teenage years and all the experiences that go with it. You took from me my football, rugby, swimming, everything I had. You made food an enemy. You thought this would leave me shaken? It made me stronger!!
Remember this, I fought back every step of the way, I dug in my heels, gritted my teeth, roared back in your face and pushed back, clawed my way, shoved you back, stared you down and you were in some serious trouble once I gathered momentum. I know you know how it felt to fall, I know you will always remember when I took over and took hold over my own body once more. You were nothing more than a shadow, fallen to the ground shielding your face.
I donâ€™t know how you managed to creep up on me so fast all over again, I donâ€™t know how it got to this point, maybe you are stronger than I thought, maybe you were waiting for something, maybe you wonâ€™t die.
In that case, get ready to be made a misery of, be ready to live out your days with me kicking you down and giving you nothing, nothing! You want a war? Iâ€™ll give you your WAR!!
You have once again robbed me, this time of bodybuilding, MMA, boxing, swimming and more importantly, you have put my family, friends and girlfriend in a world of worry. You think youâ€™re on top, you think you can sink me down, hold me there and drown me. Well hereâ€™s something for you to think over. The damage you did before was far more than what youâ€™ve managed to pull off this time, and I was a 12 year old kid. I beat you then. I now know how you work, I know all your tell-tale signs, and Iâ€™m far stronger than you give me credit for.
You have made a great mistake coming back and jumping me from behind, you have yourself a war, you will be given nothing . . .
This month I have been working to make the same dramatic changes I managed to achieve last month. I was on track, although my bodyweight remained pretty much the same I was stronger, leaner and details on different muscle groups had me feeling I was racing forward.
That was before Friday. I have had another problem caused by my illness, I wont drone on about the specifics. This time stopping meÂ completely from eating. Thursday afternoonÂ was the last time I worked out. 7am Friday was the last time I ate. It is now 6pm Monday Irish time.
My weight, which is my biggest hurdle to overcome it has to be said, has plummeted from 142lbs . . . . to 129lbs in those 3 & 1/2 days. My lowest weight in over 2Â & 1/2Â years. This is my problem, I eat so much just to maintain myself that when a problem arises concerning my health, everything crumbles.
I have been thinking recently and have asked myself, will I ever win? Can I ever win? Can I keep getting up and putting the same amount of effort inÂ with the same drive, same passion and bull-faced determination as I had the time before? Or will my willingness to pursue these goals eventually dwindle? My hopes sidelined and left in the cold to cramp up and become a distant shaddow.
Do I really need to answer that oneÂ for you? I am sick to the teeth with this STUPID ILLNESS!! I will NOT submit, I willÂ NOT let it dictate my life like this.
I will not live with an illness, if this illness is going to stick around its going to have to learn to live with ME! So I will say it once more,
I do it becasue I can, I can because I want to, I want to because you said I couldn't.
I will rip myself apart to overcome this. I will not deviate from my dreams.
Happy gyming my friends.
I have a problem, I didnt expect this to take over the way it has, I didnt know my need for it would become this big, I meant it to be something I could control, do in my spare time, but I have become the addict I was once before. After recovering from illness once again, I have fallen into the same addiction. I admit I had intended on doing it regularly and enjoying using it like before, I was never going to give it up. Getting that feeling and seeing myself differently. I liked it and missed it. But this thing, I cant get it out of my blood, I cant stop, I need more and more all the time. The more I do the more I need. Even when Im not doing it Im thinking about it, about the last time I did it, about the next time I will do it. I need my fix!
There is so much pressure put on all of us these days. We just need something to help release it. For me the best part of the day is walking into that room, turning on the music and kicking ass. This is my gym! The gym is my home from home, the weights become add-ons to my body, my phone is turned off, outside world is cut off, and and all problems and concerns are left to wait at the door in the rain. This is my time, this is my space, my release, my fix.
Â I love the feeling being back in the gym, so much has changed for me recently and in the last month I have seen changes that before, took me over 3 times as long to accomplish. This is a path I have walked before, I know the way, I know where to find the right food, I know theÂ proper lifting techniques. My strict workout plans and properÂ nutrition are now a huge part of my life.
I will be the best I can be because I have the drive, the determination, the confidence, the passion, the will, desire and self belief it takes to see it through. Im starting to ramble so I will finish by saying, I could not be happier to be back in the gym, doing what I love. Watch this space.
2010, for me it has been a struggle, my health deteriorated, weight, muscle, strength, stamina were lost. Now, half way through the year, after all thats gone on, Im BACK!
Im back with a new found love for the gym, the weights, the lifestyle. I have just posted my current workout routine which I have started back on this week. I put this plan together myself in 2008 and itÂ brought me to my best physical condition to date. I hope to achieve it all over again, I have a new diet too and am more driven to build more muscle mass,Â shift more weight, push out more reps, surpass everyones expectations, afterall expectations imply limitations at the end, and I refuse to accept that I may have any.
Im glad to be back, Im glad to be healthy. All the best and happy gyming
Feeling human again this week, health is still improving and I have been given the all clear to start light weightsÂ training this week. I have IV therapy treatment again this Friday so I am strictly to keep it light, but Im itching to get back now. I have a lot of ground to make up, a lot of work to do and I am ready for it. I know I will struggle for the first short while again but muscle memory is a great thing, my biceps progress last year after being away for a year proved this theory. Diet plan is back in action too as I can eat again. I love to eat. Pile on the food nowÂ and soon pile on the weights too. Again, Im just itching to get my former self back, and more! Happy Gyming
This was a quiet week, the most quiet Ive had in a long while. The good news is that because I have been listening to my body and taking care of it by resting, doing as the docs say, Im now pain free almost all of the time. Huge change from last weeks post. Ive had an incredible changeÂ since the IV therapy treatment on Friday. My body looks a mess, but inside Im healing.Â Muscles have vanished andÂ bones have appeared to take their placeÂ but I don't care. I have my next dose of this drug in a week or so and the hope is that if these improvements continue, I can start to lift again pretty much immediately afterwards. New pics will be posted around this time as my - new before pics. I cant wait to get back to my weights training, I cant wait for that feeling, I cant wait, but the wait may be nearing an end.
I started a bodygroup over the weekend calledÂ Because You Said I Couldnt. If you are trying to achieve something, anything in any area of your life despite difficult circumstances, please stop by and have a look. Thank you,Â Happy Gyming
I'm just home again from the hospital.Â Drugs were not working as they should (at all) so meds have been changed and I will be getting another more serious drug through an IV over the course of the next few weeks or so. This has changed things for me again, my weight goal will not be reached as a result because I cant eat the required amount of food for the next while, this however doesnt mean I wont eat all I can and wont try to gain a little at a time. Im also living in constant pain which becomes very intense a few times a day, obviously as a result I cant train with weights, in MMA, in boxing or even run, the thought of it even hurts.
I love working out, I love the feeling you get when youve had a great session in the gym, but right now it would be great justÂ to feel well and relaxed. Priority, get well, then befriend the iron once again. I will get there. Happy gyming
Sticking to this diet isnt easy, not only am I forever eating, ImÂ living most of my life in the kitchen betweenÂ preparing, cooking, eating, cleaning and even crashing on the couch. My day has to work around my meal times in order to fit all the required meals in.Â I am doingÂ well though and can see the changes so Im sticking to it as planned. Weight still on the up, health still slowly improving, all is well.
I've set myself a very high bar, a weight goal. I dont even know if I can make it happenÂ in theÂ time Ive allowedÂ but thats the point, if I set a goal I could easily reach, well whats the point? If I set it to be boarder-line possible then Im going to push myself to see if I can make it happen. If you only ever set yourself targets you know you can make happen, youll never achieve anything special. Never stand out, never be what you could be.Â Set targets you dont know you can make happen and youll soon find out what you are capable of. Even if you fail, haveÂ you made moreÂ progress along the way? Did you achieve more than if you hadnt gone for it? Will it make you strive for more next time? Set a target beyond what you think is possible for you, suprise youself when you get there. Push and strive for more, thats all I do. Is my goal unrealistic? You might think so, but Im willing to find out.Â Happy gyming.
7 days, 8lbs!! What?? Me?? I pulled that off??
Im in great form this week, not only am I starting to feel better after weeks of not being well but my weight, after a 4 year low of 131lbs lastweek has bounced and Im not sure its going to stop any time soon! Ive devised a major carbo loading plan for myself and wow is it working. Ive never put on 8lbs or even close to that in a 7 day period. Im going to bulk for at least the next 4-5weeks to see what weight I can achieve on this diet and then I will look to cut to get my definition back. Ive never eaten so much food, over the last 4 days I have had, 6105kcal, 6028kcal, 6015kcal, 6046kcal and Im on track again today. Carbs all around 535g mark daily. Loving this!! Happy Gyming!